Disclaimer: "NCIS" and its characters do not belong to me they belong to CBS and are being used without permission. Please don't sue because I have no money.
Author's Note: loosely based on the song Changing of the Season by Darling Waste. I thought it fitted Tony. I'm not a Tiva fan, but I thought that the song kind of fitted. Tell me what you think. If you haven't head the song go to Darling Waste Music page on Myspace.
He stands there still as a tree looking out into the park right next to his mustang. One of his hands is on the top of the car and the other was stuffed into his pocket. When did his life turn out the way it did? The day you were born he thought to himself. He was born to a mother that loved him and was taken from him at a tender age. His father never wanted him. He said so on more than one occasion. He also said that he was a failure. He guessed that his father was right. He couldn't do anything right. He was a failure. He was a failure to Jeanine and to Jenny. He lied to Jeanine. Not that it was entirely his fault. Why did he have to be so good at undercover work? He liked it he guessed because then he didn't have to be himself and even when he was himself he wasn't himself. Always talking, always teasing his teammates and always talking about movie references.
He was thinking about leaving, leaving the NCIS team and never coming back. He had thought about it ever since he got back. He had put up a good front of being glad at being back. When he was the agent afloat he thought about Ziva and their friendship and wanted it to be more, but knew that it could never be. Plus there was Gibbs rule. He didn't want to go to leave the only family that he had and he didn't know if he really could do that. Would it matter if Ziva never saw me again? Would she miss me? He would miss Abby what he felt was like a little sister that he never had, Gibbs the father that he wished that he had and Tim the little brother that he never had.
I have lived in darkness and never let anyone know what was really wrong with me. I never let down my guard couldn't do that. Because then they would see the real Anthony DiNozzo and I couldn't have that. Sure the real Tony peeked out now and again, but I reined him in when he came to the surface. Putting on my mask. He wanted to be in the light and not be in the dark anymore, but he didn't deserve that. He was at fault that Jenny was dead and his father blamed him for his mother's death. What could he have done? He thought to himself. He was only ten years old. What could a ten year old done? Maybe his father was right. If he hadn't of been held back at school for a minute maybe he could of made sure that his mother would have lived.
Suddenly he felt a shadow move above him and saw the clouds come in. They were coming in fast and it looked like it might rain. He got in the car, shut the door, started it and headed towards NCIS headquarters. He parked the car. First he looked into the mirror and fixed his hair. He got out smoothed his suit to make sure it wasn't wrinkled and put on his mask. He was ready to face the day.