A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the delay, I'm really busy with school and unfortunately I will continue to be busy until my next break so not sure when they next chapter will be available. However, thank you all for reading and reviewing, the reviews is what keeps me going even after months of hiatus. I do intend to finish this fic so hopefully we will see a happy ending for Ga Eul and Yi Jung because this chapter isn't so happy….I did add some flashback Ga Eul/Yi Jung fluff to get you guys through this rather sad chapter. Hope you guys enjoy! And sorry for any grammatical errors. Also, if you guys haven't noticed, all my chapter titles are song titles. Last one was from Justin Bieber lol.
Ji Hoo popped the small coins mechanically into the vending machine, it was late and his eyes were beginning to sting with fatigue. As the quiet and collect member of the group, tonight was a hot mess, even for his standards. The press is going to have a field day tomorrow, and he wouldn't blame them, news outlet lived for drama like this. Yi Jung practically spoon-fed the paparazzi by bringing Sora and making a big entrance, and then add Ga Eul to the whole mix, Yi Jung pretty much asked to be on the front page of every gossip magazine. He could already picture the headlines now, even though he was pretty certain he wasn't going to read any of it. Ignorance really is bliss, Ji Hoo thought to himself. Thankfully, Ji Hoo knew the medical director of the hospital and was able to get the gang a private waiting room. With no small bills in his wallet, the nurse at the front desk was kind enough to spare him some change from her own coin purse. So there he was, Ji Hoo the calm and rational one of the group, filling paper cups with hot liquid from a half functional vending machine and passing the watered down beverage amongst his friends.
With the last cup in hand, Ji Hoo sat down next to Woo Bin. The room was eerily quiet. The waiting room, with its rows of black plastic seats and simple décor was a complete contrast to the extravagance of the F4 vibe. Across from him, Jan Di sat with her headed rested against Joon Pyo's chest; Joon Pyo's arms attentively wrapped around her shoulders. Ji Hoo took a sip of his drink, at the very end of the row sat Yi Jung—disheveled, but handsome as ever. He couldn't imagine what was going on inside his friend's head. And in all honestly, he wasn't really sure what to think of the whole situation. What had transpired tonight definitely complicated things. Yi Jung was his friend, yes, possibly even brother in his books. However, growing up, and even more so now, Ji Hoo and Yi Jung never shared the same relationship like he had with Joon Pyo or in comparison, how Woo Bin and Yi Jung seemed to get along so well. But that was okay, that was just how they functioned as a group. Ji Hoo and Yi Jung were like two sides of the same coin, different and unique by nature, but ultimately forge from the same mold. As much as he tried to understand Yi Jung, he could never figure out why Yi Jung chose to live the life he did. Seemed rather tiring, with all the girls and constant flirting if he asked him. But who was he to judge? They all had their own insecurities and inner demons to deal with. This didn't stop Ji Hoo from being hopeful though, especially with Gal Eul back in Yi Jung's life, he was hoping that things could be different between Yi Jung and Gal Eul, he was hoping, to see a future blossom for his two good friends. As much as Yi Jung denied it, Ji Hoo knows for a fact that Ga Eul and Yi Jung loved each other.
And then there is Woo Bin. Woo Bin, after finishing his drink, crushed the flimsy paper cup in his hand. Time had slowed down to a halt since their arrival. On the wall, the ticking clock irritated him. Woo Bin scratched away at the thin layer of wax covering the now deformed cup. The fact that he was covered in Ga Eul's blood was slightly unnerving. Not that he was afraid of blood or anything. He's been in handful of fights since childhood, his own father, a notorious mob boss, has come home and on countless occasions sat through dinner bleeding profusely has jaded him from such experiences. It was rather the fact, that tonight reminded him of a night he has tried so hard to bury deep down, so deep he's unsure if his friends even know, know what had happened to his older sister all those years ago. His nuna. She was beautiful, but had married young against their parents' wishes. She was much older than him, and if his memories are accurate, he had idolized her for her sweet nature and unconditional love for him. She was kindhearted, and gentle so when she started showing up with bruises on her arms and marks on her necks he was afraid for her life. But she had reassured him and his parents that everything was okay, that her husband was treating her well. And then the next time he saw her, she was in a casket. Her scum bag of a husband had pushed her down the stairs when she found out he was cheating on her, she was 9 months pregnant and her neck snapped on the way down. At 10 years of age, he never knew he wanted to hurt someone so bad to the point where his blood boiled and revenge blurred his vision red. For once in his life, he had no sympathy for Yi Jung. Yi Jung may be his best friend, but right now Woo Bin was glad Yi Jung sat at the very far end, isolated and away from him. Away from her.
Ever since finishing her drink, Jan Di has kept her eyes closed. It was a slight comfort that she could hear Joon Pyo's heart beating beneath his chest. Right now, all she wanted was for him to hold her close. Today was suppose to be their day, a celebration of their love, but since this morning her thoughts have been consumed by Ga Eul's well being. She has been so worried ever since Ga Eul told her about the pregnancy; it has been a struggle to plan her own wedding. Luckily for her, Joon Pyo has been so helpful with the wedding planning; she was able to dedicate her time to her beloved friend. Even though she felt guilty for not being completely honest with Joon Pyo, she was so glad she had him as her pillar of support. Her thoughts returned to Ga Eul…please be okay she whispered breathlessly.
Well fuck, Joon Pyo thought to himself. Joon Pyo cracked his head toward the direction of Yi Jung. If Yi Jung wasn't so miserable looking right now, he would have some choice words for Mr. Casanova over there. Also, that drink Ji Hoo handed him was disgusting! What the fuck is going on?! He wanted to scream. They had done some idiotic stuff in the past, but this, this was a new record. At the same time, he could see the hurt on everyone's faces, especially Yi Jung and it made him think of the time Jan Di hurt her back because of him and the sacrifices she made that night that resulted in her inability to ever swim again. As much as he hated Yi Jung right now, for ruining their engagement party, he was sorry for his friend. Love makes you do crazy things, and the saddest part was that his friend didn't even know he was so in love; he was single handedly destroying his own happiness. As for Ga Eul, he was fond of her. They weren't particularly close, but he could tell she was a genuine person and a sincere friend. She was the only other person that could make Jan Di's face light up with laughter the way he could, and he was grateful for that.
Yi Jung was very much familiar with the hospital scene. At one point in his life, it became his home considering how often his mother came in for attempted suicide or self-harm. He hated his father for that, for dragging his mother through hell, for every unkempt promise he made that broke her heart and shattered her soul to the point where she could not even bare to look at her own son. He drained her of her life and youth and left in her place an empty shell of a human being lingering between mania and depression. When he was 19, one of the last few times he visited her in the ward, she had placed her cold and clammy hand on his face, for a moment she looked alive and well, and told him, " This face is going to kill her, and she's going to break your heart." She turned away afterward and looked out the window the remainder of his visit.
Yi Jung was numb to his core. Ji Hoo had offered him a hot drink but he politely declined even as he licked his chapped lips. He had done so many wrongs in his life it was second nature to him. But he never intended to hurt her, to hurt him. His father was never a role model; still somehow he managed to become the exact carbon copy. He wanted to start over, he really did. When Ga Eul came back into his life, he was shell-shocked. Could someone so good and pure really love a failure like him? Underneath his charm and charismatic nature, was a lonely and troubled boy who sat crying in the closet when he saw his father bring home another woman all those years ago. When Ga Eul kissed him that night, his heart ached for more, he never fumbled, but with her he struggled to take off his own shirt. The room that was once icy cold now felt like an inferno. A fire lit in the past now rekindled, the embers burning red hot. And there she lay beneath him, lips swollen from his eager kisses, shyness blushing her cheeks. Her presence was intoxicating, but this time they weren't drunk. Vegas seemed like a distant memory. This time, she wanted him and by God he wanted her too, so badly, his memories of her has haunted his dreams since then. Her touch, the way her hips buckled beneath him, how she bit the bottom of her lips when he entered her for the second time. He remembers desperately needing her to relax, he wanted to please her, he needed to and so he gathered her into his arms, whispering endearment into her ears, coaxing her into a shared euphoria. Even the next morning, when she laid naked in his arms fast asleep, his heart wanted to burst at the seams. Happiness, Yi Jung thought, was obtainable. He wanted to wake her with wet kisses, but last night, wow, has left them both breathless. Instead he opted to play with a long strand of her loose hair, grinning ear-to-ear, maybe she'll be up for some festivities later. But then there is a soft knock at the door, and he tries his best not to wake her. The terrible news reaches his ear, but all he can think of at that moment is her. He doesn't want to leave, not like this, not after last night, what type of misunderstand would fill his side of the bed when she wakes up?
The warehouse is burnt to the ground when he arrives. An investigation ensues, and the information they discover is shocking. Ga Eul's ex boyfriend appears more of a threat than he ought to be. Except this isn't just about a messy break up, the warehouse was targeted for an unknown reason his intelligences tell him.
Yi Jung does the unthinkable and distances himself from her, to protect her….but it is so hard because she makes him feel alive, even when all his life he's been caught underneath the undertow, struggle to breath, struggling to be true to himself and to those around him. She, the moon in his night sky, pulling the tides in and out with every memorable touch, soft kiss, he has yearn for since their last night together has left raw and vulnerable. And now that the tides are gone, and his moon has disappeared into the uncharted night, the waves have come crashing down—he's ruined everything.
When Yi Jung is seated face to face with the physician, a sense of hesitancy and guilt bubbles at the base of his stomach. Yes, he was technically Ga Eul's husband, but did he really have the rights to be considered her immediate family? Should he really be trusted with such important information concerning her health while her true friends like Jan Di were forced to remain in the waiting room. Even when the doctor asked for the presence of immediate family in his private office, everyone seemed reluctant to let him go. But there he was, seated across from the doctor that took care of Ga Eul. He watched as the attending shuffled through some papers.
"I'm sorry to inform you sir, but your wife has miscarried." The news hit him like a 100-ton truck. He is full of emotions. Love, pain, anger, and sorrow: pierce at his heart. He wants to cry out. The physician continues to speak but he doesn't retain much. All he can think of is Ga Eul and the pain he has caused her. How he, through his immaturity had harmed their child, their hope. The physician leaves him in the room alone to grieve. A man like him does not deserve forgiveness, Yi Jung tells himself.
Yi Jung knocks on the private hospital room door and enters. Ga Eul turns to him briefly, and he can see the hollowness in her eyes.
Ga Eul speaks; " So you know" comes out more as a statement then a question. She turns away.
She stares at the ceiling because she knows if she looks at him there would be no way to stop her from crying. She feels pathetic as it is, she doesn't want to look the part either. Ga Eul bites the inside of her lips, to a point where she can taste her own blood, the metallic aftertaste collecting at the back of her throat. Gal Eul is stubborn, she continues to bite at her flesh rather then let him see her trembling lips. She can hear his quiet steps, inching closer; she can hear the sound of the chair being pulled to the side of her bed. Ga Eul continues to gaze at the white ceiling. The whiteness reminds her of a blank sheet of paper; she wants to erase everything. Any thoughts she ever had of them being together, and lingering hope that he could love just her and only her vanishes. The thought of her not being good enough for him makes her feel horrible and she has the urge to vomit.
"Ga Eul…" Yi Jung's voice is strained and weak.
She refuses to look at him. Ga Eul can hear her own voice, it comes out stronger than she expected it to, "Did you know at 8 weeks, our child was the size of a kidney bean, had already developed its heart and it was beating stronger each day," she says to the ceiling.
Ga Eul blinks back the tears, she has to continue, "At 10 weeks, our baby would have started to develop its sex," Ga Eul takes a brief pause, "I was slightly bias, and had hoped the baby would have turned out to be a little princess, a little girl you could have loved regardless of everything that has happened between us." If Yi Jung was in pain before then this must be pure agony. Ga Eul continues to not make eye contact with him, but he can sense all the hurt and disappointment in her voice. They had gotten tickets to the same roller coaster of emotions his mother used to have for his father. It played out exactly liked he remembered it to be, but much worst.
"I guess everything happens for a reason," Gal Eul turns to him, their eyes locking and it takes all of Yi Jung's will power to not get up and embrace her. He wanted so badly to cry into her shoulder, hold her in his arms. Ga Eul looks at him, she tries really hard to see the good person she knows he is, but the emptiness inside her consumes her.
"But its better this way," she says almost as a reassurance to him. "The baby—I wouldn't want to tie you down." Ga Eul gives a faint smile before leaning back and closing her eyes.
"I'm tired," she says wearily. Ga Eul was shutting him out.
As much as Yi Jung doesn't want to, he gets up. If he was a better man he would have asked for forgiveness, but he's not and he knows it. He deserves this, all the pain and sorrow, this was his hell and as punishment, she will never forgive him, she would never love him again.
"I'll let you rest," is Yi Jung's only response. When he shuts the door behind him, his heartaches, and it takes all his might to not break down.
And just like that, Ga Eul, crushed his heart.