So thank you to everyone that has found me again and started to read my stuff, it means so much that you guys read what I write so you will definitely be hearing a lot more from me I seem to have cracked through the writers block and just can't stop writing. Please leave me your reviews and let me know if you're happy, unhappy indifferent! I love you all!
Thank you x
As things started to settle the girls found a pattern a routine they could both work with, even though Naomi had never been one for routine with Emily it just worked, that horrible heavy feeling in her chest when she didn't know when she would next see the brunette, yes brunette. The once red head had dyed her head a more mellow colour something to do with the fact her hair was "fucked from continuously being coloured and well a change is as good as a rest or whatever" Naomi had stood on her door step wide eyed with her mouth agape when she had revealed her new look it id take very long to get used to, it was very clear that it was very much still her Emily except she would now be threading her fingers through dark brown hair of the head between her thighs, not red.
It was little changes that made her realise they were growing up and although she has always hated that turn of phrase its true, they are growing and she can only hold on and hope they are growing together. They drank tea in bed on a Sunday after she had been out to get the paper and croissants which Emily had become obsessed with since Paris, if she was lucky sometimes Naomi bought her a pain o chocolate but that was only on special occasions. They still went out with the girls and sometimes Cook would gatecrash and even though through the night they would drift away from each other to speak to their own friends ultimately they would come together and Emily would be the only one Naomi would search for in the crowd, once blue met brown all was right with the world. They would leave together hand in hand, sometimes fucking in an alley or secluded area but a lot of the time waiting until the privacy of Naomi's bedroom where they would make love like it was the first time. She had never felt happier then she did when she was with her little brunette girlfriend, the little things she did for her, putting post its on bits of the paper she thinks she would like, or buying the juice she likes when its on special offer in the supermarket so she has more of it than usual, but it's one thing Emily does that reminds Naomi how lucky and in love she is. When they are lying in bed and the lights are off and the house is settling, small creaks and bumps can be heard and Emily settles down ready for sleep she brings her hands up to Naomi's chest and spreads her palm against her heart and taps her index finger along with the beat of her heart. She lies there with the smaller girl curled up against her feeling her heart beat,
"This is us Nomi, both of us. In here." The first time she said it Naomi had stayed awake for the majority of the night trying to understand what she had meant.
"I have your heart" it wasn't as much a question as a statement, waking the smaller girl up with her sudden outburst tired brown eyes look up at her as she leans over, her blonde hair creating a curtain around them, "I have your heart, in here" bringing Emily's hand back to her chest. She feels Emily nod, "you have always had it" she couldn't articulate how she was feeling at that moment and every time she thinks back to it she is overwhelmed by it all over again. That night they had made love like actual love, the kind of sex you read about in sappy romance novels and watch in classic Hollywood movies. It was knowing this small fact that Emily had so willingly given her heart that made everything so difficult, they were constantly being told to look to their future and that the next few months and the decisions they make will impact on their lives forever. She knew this, understood it completely but all she could see when she looked in to the future, a year, 5 years Jesus even 30 years was Emily. Emily.
She knew they had been avoiding the conversation, 'the' conversation, well she had been avoiding it at least. It was one of those things where you want to know but are too afraid to ask. There are too many what ifs but time was getting on and she didn't want to be holding Emily back in any way. Whatever her girlfriend wanted to do she would support her, even if that meant living away from her.
They had been lying in bed for what seemed like days, it had only been a few hours. It was Sunday and they were enjoying a well deserved lay in, Emily was absently running her fingers through Naomi's hair as she read her book, Naomi content to just be close to her.
"Mmmm" she felt like a content cat being petted, all warm and loved
"What do you want? I mean in the future, what do you want to do?" the hand in her hair had stalled and she felt as if all the air had been dragged from her lungs. A surprise attack, she hadn't even seen it coming. "I know you want to go to Uni because it would be ridiculous if someone as intelligent as you didn't go but I mean do you want to go straight in to it or take a gap year and travel or get a job and save?"
her mouth was dry she was pushing her head further in to Emily's hand to try to get her to restart the ministrations on her head to calm her down, it didn't work.
"because whatever you wanted to do you know I would support you and it wouldn't matter to me what you wanted to do because I know I love you and you love me and everything else in between is details and"
Naomi stopped the ramble with a kiss "your rambling baby" placing a gentle kiss on Emily's lips she moved her body slowly up so she was eye level with the brunette, now she could see her eyes she could see how uneasy and completely unconfident she was. Kissing her on the nose she let out a breath she hadn't even known she had been holding.
"Em's calm, please no panic. So we really gonna do this now? This is us having 'the' conversation?" she settled her hand on the back of the smaller girl's neck playing with the baby hairs that lay beneath her fingertips. Looking deep in the brown eyes in front of her, "your brave Emily Fitch, a lot braver than anyone gives you credit for and your kind so kind it makes everyone seem so selfish in comparison, your honest and funny and you get me. You love me, completely and without shame and I love you."
"Is this you trying to soften the blow that you're going to teach Chinese children English in outer Africa a million miles from the internet or telephone?" Naomi couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled up from her chest
"No silly bean, this is me reassuring you that I love you, and anyway why would I be teaching Chinese children in Africa? That makes no sense Em, your panicked logic makes no sense." She let her hand pull the brunette closer to her to emphasise her point, "don't panic, ok. No panic just us talking and growing together. I support you in whatever you decide and I know you will do the same for me, so tell me, what do you want to do?"
"I asked first"
"Yes, but I asked nicer" sticking her tongue out at her and kissing the pout from her lips.
"Ok, no panic?"
"No panic Em, just tell me. What do you want?"
"well, I want to travel I mean Paris kind of cemented the idea for me and when we spoke about it and kind of touched on the idea I knew that I wanted to see everything, all of the world. The whole wide world. I know Uni will always be there and yes it may become so expensive I may not be able to go but then so be it. I want to leave Bristol and my mum and not know when I'll be back. To be so free and just living for me and well for you, I want to see it all with you. Wake up on a beach in India and fuck all over Australia and work in diners in America and teach English to children in china save the orang-utans in Borneo and swim with great whites in South Africa and learn to surf in New Zealand. I want to do it all with you, see you fall off of your board when your learning to surf, watch you take pictures in the city of Venice and try to learn every language you would need, carry around more tour books then clothes. Sleep in a hut on the beach and sleep out under the stars. I want you to be holding my hand the first time I see a real lion in the wild or get bitten by a snake or worse a shark. To kiss away your home sickness, to swat away the mosquitoes and be the one to let the whole world that they can look but they can't have you, you Naomi Campbell are mine in this whole world your mine." Emily had become so passionate about her trip she had moved up on to her knees gesturing wildly as she explored the world in her head, Naomi could only lie below her with her mouth wide, her heart beating wildly with excitement the knots forming in her stomach moving like snakes at the mention of every new adventure. Watching the girl become more and more elaborate as she travelled the world, it wasn't until this point when they were discovering gold in Mexico that Naomi hadn't really wanted anything, not really until now. She wanted this, everything Emily was telling her.
"Yes" It was barely a whisper but Emily heard it forcing her to stop mid sentence and sit back on her heels looking down at the blonde who was led below her with an indescribable look on her face, "wha?"
"Yes, Emily Fitch."
"Yes? Yes? You mean?"
"I mean, yes! I want everything you just said, I want it all and so much more I want to see everything do everything and I can only think that you would be the best person to do it with so, yes."
"ARGH! NAOMI!" tackling Naomi to the bed Emily pulled her to her and hugged her as tightly as she could burying her face in her hair and inhaling deeply, "I love you, I love you"
"I love you too, so pirates and treasure in Mexico hey?" raising her eyebrow to look at her they both burst in to giggles, "well I may have got a bit over excited but you know who knows what adventures are out there waiting for us. We just have to find them, me and you against the world Nomi" she reached and entangled her fingers with the blondes. It wasn't a choice a conscious decision but she knew the moment she had agreed it was everything she had wanted.
She felt the girl on top of her shift and lie so that her head was propped up on her chest and then she saw deep brown eyes filled with happiness and love and all those other sappy things she vowed to never be part of, "you're crying?"
"happy tears" the brunette brushed a stray tear away from under her eye "I was just so scared about telling you I wanted to leave and I thought you would want to stay and go to uni and I just didn't know how we would work if I was travelling and you were studying so I worked myself up in to such a panic, Katie found me sat hiding in the bath yesterday and told me to get a grip. We had this big massive sisterly chat which took me by surprise and she told me to get over it and tell you because she was and I quote "100% sure that the labia love couldn't last two seconds without you let alone an indefinite amount of time and with all the 'injustice' in the world for the self righteous pleb to fix it's a win win Em" she meant it in the nicest way possible you have to understand" she was smiling warmly, with her eyes.
"just for the record, I could last without you for two seconds, I just wouldn't want to" the pout formed on her lips almost against her will but was worth it simply for the kiss she received from Emily, it soon deepened and became intense. Both girls enjoying the feel of each other, "are you sure?" it was a whisper against her lips as she felt the hint of a tongue tracing her bottom lip "I want you to want this, I want you to come because you want this as much as I do" she finished her comment with the most intense kissed they had shared, in a long while.
"Em, Emily. Look at me, baby. All I knew about my future was that I wanted you to be in it that was the only thing I really knew that I wanted and that was you. I didn't know if Uni was going to be for me although the idea of it is so attractive the practicalities puts me off and then I got bogged down with thinking about the possibility of you wanting to go to uni somewhere so far away I thought I would just follow you and get a job and we could just be, you know. You know I've always wanted to see the world, we've spoken about what it would be like to travel since before we were together it wasn't until I heard you say all those amazing things that I realised that is exactly what I want. I want to fuck you on every continent, make love to you under the stars and kiss you in a secret waterfall in Fiji, hold your hand at the top of the empire state building or at the entrance to some famous Buddhist temple. I want to discover who I am but I want you to be there, every. Step. Of. The . way." She punctuated each word with a kiss. "I love you Em, everything else is just details"
They both smiled in to the kiss, they spent the rest of the day discussing their plans, where they would start, where they wanted to go and how they wanted to get around, the planning was inevitably interrupted by one make out session getting a little bit too heavy with neither girl wanting to stop, they made love in to the early hours of the morning whispering promises of the future and forever and the truth is, Naomi believed every last word even the details.