~*~ Author's Note ~*~
Before anyone has the urge to say "Bless you" or "Gesundheit" to the title of the fanfic, here are a few definitions for ya:
Syzygy (astronomical): the alignment of three or more celestial bodies in the same gravitational system along a straight line, such as a New Moon.
Syzygy (psychological): the conjunction of two organisms without the loss of identity.
This is my first serious fanfiction that is not affiliated with my past parodies, so be gentle! This fanfic is a reworking of sorts of what would have happened if Bella had let a little bit of her emotion out instead of keeping it bottled up after Edward left. It starts off after the first time Bella "hears" Edward's voice. I have an outline for quite many a chapter, so it'll be a long fanfic as long as everyone wants me to keep going.
This is overall a canon couple EdwardxBella story.
As a heads up, there will be no JacobxBella, Edward will come back eventually, we will see more of the Denali clan, Victoria and Laurent, and the Volturi, and very slight MikexBella (I know, but trust me, I have my reasons). I'm going to try to keep it T… although restraining my dirty mouth is going to be a tough one, lol. I guess Bella would be considered OOC, and just as a warning, the general plot is going to deviate from the books.
And for this chapter, I imagined Edward being a Death Cab fan… so I pictured the song that triggered Bella as being "I Will Follow You into the Dark". But feel free to insert what you like.
I don't own Twilight, and I have the unpaid bills to prove it.* Exposed Jugulars and Moving Dressers *
"You are so odd, Bella Swan. I feel like I don't know who you are."
"Sorry." I didn't know what else to say to that.
I scraped the excess salt off of a french fry I was about to stick in my mouth. I fidgeted nervously with the little grains peppering my container. I began to grow uncomfortably aware of the silence encompassing Jessica and me.
"So these fries, huh? I heard they switched the oil that they use…"
I tapered off my rambling as she stared at me as if I had an extra head protruding out of my neck. I quickly shoved the topic of failed conversation into my mouth and felt as it hit the back of my throat and settled uncomfortably into my empty stomach. I decided that the damage had been done for the night.
Jessica slammed her tray against the entrance to the trashcan, bringing it clattering over the top of the can as she pulled the door open. I hurried to catch up with her, grabbing my own tray and heading out into the bitter Port Angeles air. I was nearly running to catch up with her as she bolted to the parking lot where her car sat.
She was already buckled in and had the engine running, and my hand caught the door handle before she could drive away without me. She clicked her fingernails on the wheel impatiently as I sidled into the seat next to her, trying to shut the door as quietly as I could. I felt like the smallest motion would cause her to lash out at me.
I laid my head against the cool glass of Jessica's Jetta as she turned up the station to full blast. The night's events swam through my mind and I tried to sift through the emotions that were hitting my previously numb body with full force. The heart wrenching pierce of hope and greed at hearing his voice again, the fear of actually hearing voices that weren't there at all, the guilt and worry of not being able to even get through one night with another peer without falling apart.
Jessica's hands turned the steering wheel sharply as her tires hit the gravel of the driveway. She let out a low breath as the final rifts faded from the song pulsing from the radio. As I caught the last few lines, my heart plunged into the bottom of my right foot.
My memory went into a sensory overload as I was transported back to the parking lot of Forks High, sitting with him in his Volvo, marveling at his ranging taste in music. I felt the cold leather seat against my skin and the tentative tapping of his fingers on the dashboard, me humming monstrously along, hitting a plethora of flat notes along the way. I saw the right side of his mouth curl up as a small chuckle bubbled out of his chest.
As abruptly as I was thrown into the past, I was pulled straight back out as Jessica slammed down the button on the console, throwing the car into a blanket of silence.
She stared at the button as if she wanted to pulverize it. I had never thought of her as the type of person to like alternative music. Then again, I realized, I had never spent enough time with her to ask. My voice caught in my throat as I choked out,
"Thanks for going out with me, Jess."
"Sure," she stated tersely. Her forefinger and thumb pulled nervously on her sweatshirt string.
"I'm sorry about…" What was I sorry for? Feigning sick because I was so far gone I couldn't stand to see a happy couple anywhere near me? Leaving her alone on the side of the road while I chased after a person my own imagination had placed in front of me, unreachable? Barely being able to keep up a conversation because the thought of him was enough to turn my insides as stone cold as his own hands?
"everything. All of it. I'm so sorry." And before I knew it, I was breaking down. Breaking down and cracking up in the last place I ever thought I would… the passenger seat of Jessica Stanley's car. Raw and vulnerable. Perfect. I had just offered up my jugular on a silver platter for her to attack.
"Bella," she turned a little more to face me, still fidgeting with her shirt, "I've gotta go. But call me tomorrow, 'kay? We'll… talk."
My head jerked up to look at her. And I saw it in her eyes, slightly hidden around her scrunched up nose. Pity.
I flicked away the tears that had welled up past my eyelids and nodded my head a little as I grasped for the car handle and stumbled blearily across my front lawn. I cracked open the front door and attempted to walk as silently as possible up to my bedroom. I made it to the second step when my sneaker caught, and the sound of my hand on the wall made a slight smacking sound, causing Charlie's head to twist away from the television.
"Bella, where have you been?"
I attempted to eek out a response without breaking the dam that I had built to keep in the flood of tears I knew were on the verge of spilling over.
"Movie with Jessica. Really tired. Night dad."
And before I could wait for a response from him, I resumed my trek up the stairs and into my bedroom. I pressed my back tightly to the door, as my breathing sped up in deep gasps. And all of the emotions that had been lying dormant in me for all of these months combined into one, spilling out into a hot torrent of anger.
"It will be as though I never existed!?!" I allowed myself to scream, not really caring whether Charlie came in to check on me or not.
"As though I never existed!?!" I shrilled again, my voice oscillating between a bark and a laugh. I was furious. Enraged. I had never felt this much fury in my whole life: Not when Renee decided to marry Phil. Not when I made the decision to move to Forks. Not when he looked at me with those piercing eyes the first day I met him.
And then everything came crashing down. I was angry at the fact that Renee had taken to Phil, because it put him in the same position I was in now. She had left someone she had loved before, and she could do it again. I was angry that I had convinced myself to move away from the warmth and comfort of the home I had known for years to benefit the so-called adults in my life.
I was angry that I had sat down next to him. Angry that he had saved me from Tyler's van. Angry that he saved me again in Port Angeles. Angry that he took James' venom from my veins. Angry that he could mold to my life, claim it as his own, and then break away so easily.
My face burned with a new, unfamiliar blush of temper as I rearranged everything in my room, cursing under my breath, laboring out each burst of anger with a pull on a dresser or a shove on a desk. Sweating and out of air, I sank onto my bed, staring in triumph and sadness at the dresser that now covered the lone window in my room.
My hand grasped the light switch as I moved it down, flinging the covers off of my bed and tucking myself back into them. I didn't bother to change out of my clothing. Then they hit; a furious torrent of smells and sights and touches. He was all over my body, all over my mind. And snippets of our conversations would pop out, shouting at me. I sighed, squinting my eyes, and taking in each blow as the past flogged me.
"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all."
"I won't leave you."
The dagger in my stomach twisted ever so slightly as I began to take in every word he had said to me wondering if he had known the ultimate ending of our relationship. Maybe he had known all along. Alice must have seen it.
And although each of my thoughts were wrapped up in him, in vivid memories flying across my eyes, my mind kept repeating what Jessica had shouted at me earlier,
"I feel like I don't know who you are."
One up on you, Jessica. I haven't a clue, either.