A/N: Well, this is just a little project I'll be doing on the side during my other stories. Basically, it came to me like this: What if Zim had kept a journal? How would he have described the events that occurred during the series? Well, this is what I think it would be like. Read on!
Disclaimer: Jhonen Vasquez owns Invader Zim and all related characters, and I don't. Doesn't really seem fair, does it?
Journal of an Invader
Oh, this is a GLORIOUS day! I, Invader Zim, have been granted by the Almighty Tallest Red and Purple a top-secret mission of the utmost importance to our mighty Empire's conquest of this galaxy! Therefore, I have decided to keep a journal of this mission, so that one day, all Irkens shall know how I, Zim, carried out the most important part of Operation Impending Doom 2.
But, I suppose I should start at the beginning. I was carrying out my exile on Foodcourtia (and I STILL say the Control Brains were overreacting about the whole "Ruining Operation Impending Doom 1" thing- it's not like I blew up the WHOLE planet), and during my bi-monthly break, I was watching the Intergalactic News when I saw an announcement for the Great Assigning being held on Conventia. Realizing my invitation must have been lost in the mail, I quickly got my Voot Cruiser out of the local impound lot and headed towards Conventia as fast as possible.
I arrived at Conventia a few hours prior to this writing, just as the Assigning was ending. I probably would have gotten there sooner, but the orbital parking was just HORRIBLE. I had to cram my Voot between two Shuvvers in order to get a spot on the docking ring.
Anyway, I arrived in the Main Hall just as the Tallest had assigned Invader Skoodge to planet Blorch, home of the Slaughtering Rat People, who'll probably eat him alive within the first day… eh, better him than me.
Back on topic… I told the Tallest that I was ready to serve again, but they told me that they were still upset about me rampaging across Irk in a Battle Mech during Impending Doom 1. Seriously, one little mistake and they never let you forget it.
But I am nothing if not persistent. I begged and begged them to give me a chance, even when they tried to buy me off with a sandwich (which was delicious, by the way). Finally, after reminding them that Invader's blood runs through my veins, they relented, and even gave me the honor of a special mission to a mysterious planet no one's ever heard off, because those who do know of it, dare not speak it's name- not even the Tallest themselves.
Naturally, I accepted this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And, in addition to the special mission, I was entrusted with a highly advanced SIR unit prototype called GIR. I'm not quite sure what the "G" stands for, but who cares? He's an advanced piece of machinery, and he's mine! Not yours! MINE!
Of course, he seems a little… insane, but I'm sure it's just because he's so advanced his thought processes can't be understood. Right now he's singing what he calls the "Doom Song", which is actually quite catchy. Actually, he hasn't stopped singing since we left Conventia, but I'm sure he'll stop soon.
Well, that pretty much covers everything for right now, so I think I'll catch some recharge. I've got a big day ahead of me tomorrow.
Okay, hit a slight snag with the mission- it occurred to me today that I have NO IDEA where I'm going! I was in such a rush to leave Conventia that I forgot to ask the Tallest for directions to the planet! Gah, this is so EMBARRASSING! And to make matters worse, GIR is STILL singing the Doom Song, and to be totally honest it's starting to get on my nerves.
But I am ZIM! The greatest of all Invaders! I will not be deterred by a lack of direction or an irritating SIR unit. I know the general direction of the planet (more or less), so I'll just keep going that way until I find it. And as for GIR… well, he can't keep it up forever, right?
Anyway, I've also decided that I'll only write entries for this journal when something important happens. That way, I'll save space on this datapad. And besides, it shouldn't be too long before something important does happen.
Well, something important DID happen today- I realized that if I don't find that planet soon, I'm going to go completely INSANE! I've been cramped up in this ship for three months. THREE MONTHS! And the only company I've had is this stupid robot, who has NOT stopped singing the same song for the WHOLE TRIP!
If we don't find someplace to land soon, I am going to rip GIR apart circuit by circuit! I don't care if I am destroying an advanced prototype- there isn't a Control Brain in the Empire that would find me guilty!
Thank the Gods! Another three months of nonstop singing later and I have finally found the planet I've been looking for- which is very fortunate for GIR, because I was about ten seconds away from smashing in his CPU.
But, back to the important part of this entry. As I said, after six months of flying through space, I have FINALLY found the secret planet the Almighty Tallest have sent me to conquer. It is known as "Earth" and is dominated by a race of primates known as "Humans".
I quickly landed on the outskirts of what appears to be an average human city. After designing some INGENIOUS disguises for myself and GIR (me as a human, him as a dog), I quickly and discreetly built a base for myself. The humans never suspected a thing.
After taking these preliminary steps, I searched for the most efficient way of finding further information on this planet. I have found that young humans- whom, due to my unfortunately small stature, I am more easily able to blend in with- attend an educational facility known as "Skool". I have enrolled via my highly superior computer systems, and begin attendance tomorrow.
Through the human's own educational system, I will learn all I need to in order to conquer this planet. And then all shall kneel before ZIM!
Well, the first day of the mission is done, and it has yielded some… interesting developments. At the Skool, I have been placed in a class led by an INCREDIBLY old human female known as Ms. Bitters. At least, I think she's human- she could be some sort of sub-species; I'll have to do more research on that matter.
As I was saying, I quickly assimilated myself into the class. The humans were all completely fooled by my BRILLIANT disguise. All except for ONE, that is…
A particularly big-headed male human child known as Dib somehow saw through my AMAZING disguise and my cover story about having a skin condition. Fortunately, all the other stink-beasts seem to believe that Dib is insane, and no one believed him when he said that I was an alien.
I was beginning to think that these dirt-monkeys would be pushovers, but Dib has shown the potential to be a worthy adversary. After Skool let out for the day, Dib confronted me and told me he plans on capturing me and exposing me so that he can prove to everyone that he is not insane. FOOLISH WORM-BABY! I am ZIM! A mere human cannot defeat me!
HOWEVER, this fact did not stop him from chasing me all over the city in a vain attempt to catch me. I called in GIR to transport me back to the base, but Dib somehow managed to follow us. And in a way, I'm glad he did- I gave the child a taste of SUPERIOR Irken technology when my security drones destroyed the sleep-cuffs he was intending on using to capture me.
After Dib was chased off, I contacted the Almighty Tallest and informed them that the mission is under way and going well. There were so impressed with how well I'm doing so far that they were speechless! And why not? After all, I am ZIM! I do not settle for anything less than perfection when it comes to my work. And soon, all shall praise the name of Invader Zim, greatest of all Invaders, and conqueror of the Earth! For my reign of doom begins!
Right after my spine stops being broken from GIR falling on me after I was done communicating with the Tallest, anyway.
A/N: Well, that covers "The Nightmare Begins", with a little speculation about the six-month period between Part 1 and Part 2.
For those who are wondering, I will base entries around each episode, and do every episode in order of its production code. As for the unproduced episodes… well, I'll worry about those when I get there.
But that'll be a while, as updates on this will be infrequent. It'll only be when I'm not too busy with my other stories or my schoolwork.
Until next time, read and review!