I've recently had a couple really nice messages and reviews from people which is what really has pushed me to continue this. I've been frustrated with this chapter and it doesn't feel like it came out the way I anted, but I am going to try continuing anyway. Thanks for all the reviews, they really do mean a lot to me.
Standing still and quiet in Bella's room wasn't as easy as I had thought it would be. Sure it should have been easy because I was a vampire. Standing perfectly still for hours was something that came naturally.
But that was only without listening to Charlie's jubilant thoughts about Jacob and Bella getting together. I could vaugely see some of his memory of Billy's phone call to happily inform him Bella had gone to visit Jacob. He kept hoping I would be gone for good, and he wouldn't have to worry about Bella abruptly leaving him because of me for a third time.
The worst part about his thoughts was, as always, I knew he was right. I couldn't help but to think and dread about the day Bella would suddenly cease to be alive and leave Charlie forever.
There was also my own thoughts. I still felt so mad at myself. I knew very well what jeleosy felt like, but I still couldn't admit that was what I was feeling to myself or Bella. I kept telling myslef I was worried for Bella's safety. Jacob, and all those dogs, were dangerous.
If all that wasn't enough, there was also the fact that Bella's scent was all around me here. Her bed, her clothes, the computer, everything smelled like her. The weakened smell played with my throat, not quite burning it, but toying with my mind. It made me want to just run to Angela's and make Bella come home. But I knew that wouldn't help anything, and it certainly wouldn't help my inwardly directed anger for my selfishness.
So I just waited.
Finally I could hear the roar of her truck pull into the driveway. The engine stopped, headlights were turned off, the door opened then closed, and I heard Bella walk into the house.
"Bella?" Charlie called just before I heard the font door close.
"Hey, dad," she replied. I could hear her footsteps as she approached her father.
"How was your day?" he asked, even though he already knew about most of her day already.
"Good. They didn't need me at work, so I went down to La Push," she almost sounded cautious, or maybe that was my imagination since I knew we would be arguing soon.
"How's Jacob?" Charlie asked, envisioning Bella and Jacob together, with me out of the picture. He forced his voice to be casual, trying not to let Bella guess what he was thinking and wishing to happen.
I felt my fists clench. I noticed I wasn't breathing either. I took a deep breath, trying to relax, inhaling Bella's scent.
"Good," Bella answered. Her voice was like Charlie's, as if she was trying not to let him understand something else she was feeling.
I wondered what she was feeling.
"You get over to the Webers'?" he asked.
She was probably apprehensive. She probably knew I was here waiting to talk to her.
"Yep. We got all her announcements addressed." Her voice was still hiding emotions.
She should feel angry. Angry at me, at what a selfish creature I was. Angry about how I still wasn't ready to let her go.
"That's nice. I'm glad you spent time with your friends today."
I heard her rummaging in the kitchen for a minute, then she sat. I wanted her just to come up here, and at the same time I did not want her to come up. I was still mad, and I didn't think it was fair for me to be mad at her. I knew most of my anger was still at myself.
"I'm going to go study," I heard Bella reluctantly say to her father.
"See you later," he called back.
I could hear her slow footsteps coming up to her room.
I had abandoned my brothers when we were about to have a good time, I had snapped at my sister when she had only offered to help, and now I was about to get mad at Bella. I was not helping myself to calm down.
The door opened and Bella walked in. Immediately the stench of werewolves hit me like a ton of bricks. It took a fair amount of self discipline to not gag or wrinkle my nose at the least. I didn't move though, and I tried to calm myself. The awful smell was not making this easy.
Bella turned to face me. I didn't change my expression or move. She stood at the door looking apprehensively at me. I wondered who would move or talk first. If it was going to me it would take a few minutes for me to get a grip on myself.
"Hi," she said quietly and timidly.
I didn't know what to say. I still didn't move, change my expression or make any change outwardly. Only my thoughts were racing through my mind. I was about to get mad at Bella for giving me so little reason to trust her, and at the same time I wanted to leave until I could calm down, but I also wanted to simply end this discomfort hold Bella in my arms and apologize for being so overprotective and jealous.
"Er . . . so, I'm still alive," she spoke quietly again, bringing me out of my conflicting thoughts.
I felt myself growl. At myself because I was putting Bella in this awkward tough position between myself and Jacob, or because Bella always seemed do ready to believe she was never in any danger, I wasn't sure. I still didn't know why I was so angry. I wasn't thinking straight yet.
"No harm done," she persisted, shrugging her shoulders a little defiantly at my reaction
Her voice stronger this time broke me from my thoughts for a few minutes. I noticed the smell was giving me a headache. I closed my eyes and pinched my nose. I felt a little bit more in control.
"Bella," I began in a whisper," Do you have any idea how close I came to crossing the line today? To breaking the treaty and coming after you? Do you know what that would have meant?"
This was not what I had wanted to say to her. These were things I wanted somebody to yell at me for.
I heard her gasp, making my eyes fly open automatically.
"You can't!" she said. Then she lowered her voice, even though I didn't hear any change in Charlie's thoughts. "Edward, they'd use any excuse for a fight. They'd love that. You can't ever break the rules!"
I knew she was right, but the thought of starting a fight with Jacob right now was consuming my thoughts.
"Maybe they aren't the only ones who would enjoy fight," I said, still powered by my agitation.
"Don't you start," she shot back. "You made the treaty, you stick to it."
I was glad Bella was sticking up for herself. This was what I needed, Jacob always was best at getting me worked up. I still wasn't ready to relax yet.
"If he'd hurt you . . ."
"Enough," she said sharply. "There's nothing to worry about. Jacob is not dangerous."
"Bella." I couldn't help but to roll my eyes. Bella would tell anyone I wasn't dangerous, even though I obviously was. She had spent the entire time I knew her not recognizing danger if it leered in her face. "You aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous," I reminded her.
"I know I don't have to worry about Jake. And neither do you," she insisted.
I ground my teeth, tightened every muscle in my body, balled my fists. There was always some amount of physical danger for Bella. There was also the danger of Jacob taking Bella away from me.
She sighed and crossed the room. I ignored her as I felt her warm arms lightly wrap around my waist. I ignored her, still wishing Jacob were here so I could relieve some of my anger on him.
"I'm sorry I made you anxious," she mumbled.
If Jacob was the best living creature to get me worked up, Bella had to be the best at calming me down. I sighed, finally ready to relax. Bella's warm soft arms cut into my anger. I put my arms around her too.
"Anxious is a bit of an understatement," I muttered calmly now. "It as a very long day."
"You weren't supposed to know about it. I thought you'd be hunting longer," she said looking up at me. I looked into her deep chocolate eyes.
I was about to tell her I would have been away longer if I had actually hunted. But she frowned in understanding at the color of my eyes. I knew I didn't have to tell her that. I didn't need to inform her that I didn't catch one animal. Instead she needed an explanation why I hadn't hunted.
"When Alice saw you disappear, I came back," I said calmly.
"You shouldn't have done that. Now you'll have to go away again," she disapproved.
I knew she was right. My brothers were not going to be happy with me, they would make me come for another try. I couldn't deny I owed them that. But I wasn't going to say it had to be right away.
"I can wait," I said stubbornly. I was very thirsty, but for Bella and her safety I could go a very very long time without hunting.
"That s ridiculous. I mean, I know she couldn't see me with Jacob, but you should have known."
I was getting frustrated again, and I couldn't stop myself from restarting the argument with her. "But I didn't," I interrupted her. "And you can t expect me to let you _"
"Oh, yes, I can," she cut me off. "That s exactly what I expect"
"This won t happen again."
"That s right! Because you re not going to overreact next time."
"Because there isn't going to be a next time."
"I understand when you have to leave, even if I don t like it."
"That s not the same thing. I m not risking my life."
"Neither am I."
"Werewolves constitute a risk."
This arguing was getting us no place. "I'm not negotiating this, Bella," I said, just wishing to end the argument now, and be able to enjoy my time with Bella again. "I really didn't want to argue anymore."
"Neither do I," she agreed. She seemed to be thinking about something from earlier. "Is this really just about my safety?" she asked suddenly.
"What do you mean?"
"You aren't," she hesitated. "I mean, you know better than to be jealous, right?"
That caught me off guard. Somehow she had guessed right on the mark. I was not even ready to admit the jealous feelings I had been feeling to myself, let alone express them to Bella. "Do I?" I asked.
"Be serious," she said
"Easily, there's nothing remotely humorous about this."
She looked directly into my eyes again, "Or is this something else altogether? Some vampires-and-werewolves-are-always-enemies nonsense? Is this just a testosterone-fueled-"
"This is only about you. All I care is that you re safe." I said harshly. I stared back into her, making myself believe that statement as much as I wanted her to.
"Okay," she sighed. "I believe that. But I want you to know something when it comes to all this enemies nonsense, I m out. I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don t care who's a werewolf and who s a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too."
I continued to look into her determined stubborn eyes eyes, and I felt the last of my anger dissipate. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say next.
"Switzerland," she repeated.
I realized I no longer felt angry at all. "Bella," I started. I could hardly stand this wet dog smell much longer. It was still giving me a bit of a headache.
"What now?" she said cautiously.
I smiled slightly, "Well don't be offended, but you smell like a dog."