DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me…they are all the creation of the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. All are human.
Make You Believe – A Strawberry for Adult Readers (George says it's a strawberry and not a lemon! LOL)
This is the detailed version of E&B's time together in Reconnecting – Part 2
I always tried to treat Bella with respect and keep the man in me under control, but she really did make it hard some days. She was standing there in the bathroom doorway, with hardly a scrap of clothing on, and a sexy little smirk on her face. The man in me was begging for me to get off the floor and take her, to remind us both that she was mine and I was just barely keeping that side of myself in check.
"Does that mean you like it?" she asked. She had the nerve to laugh—she had no idea just how much danger she was in at the moment. Too much had happened and we'd been apart for too long; if I lost my control now, I wouldn't get it back until everything was said and done. I didn't want our first time to be anything but slow and sweet—that wouldn't happen if I couldn't keep my control. Emmett had warned me I might feel this way, but I'd thought he'd been exaggerating, like usual.
I tried to answer her question, but couldn't manage more than a nod of my head. I couldn't even say with any certainty that I'd heard her question correctly.
"Do you plan to sit there with one pants leg on and one off for the rest of the night?" she asked.
"Just give me a minute," I replied. I'd planned to take a deep breath and get out of these pants, but my control slipped and I found myself trying to rip my way out of the fabric.
"If you stand up, they should fall right down," Bella suggested, her voice full of humor. At least one of us was amused.
I managed to stop my movements and regain my composure. "Bella, I don't think I can do that just yet," I told her. If I stood up right now, I would head straight for her and I didn't want to risk that.
"Are you okay?" she asked, taking a step toward me. She really didn't understand what she was doing to me.
I held up my hand, hoping to stop her before she could get any closer. That primal part of me wanted to let out a growl, pull her down to the floor and ravish her, and I was barely stopping him. "Fine. Just give me a minute."
I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I'd never been this close to breaking before and I was worried I wouldn't be able to control myself. If I ever hurt her…I opened my eyes, hoping that seeing her face would calm me. There was nothing calming about the sexy way she was sitting in the chair and the wicked glint in her brown eyes. She didn't really know what she was doing, but she was definitely enjoying it.
I had no idea how much timed had passed, but I was very surprised by how patient Bella was being. Feeling more in control of myself, I got up from the floor and went over to her. She let me pull her up and twirl her, and the view was absolutely stunning. The deep red of the chemise offset her pale skin perfectly, and the short hemline made her legs seem longer than usual. She was absolutely gorgeous.
I felt my control starting to waver again, so I decided to use one of Emmett's ideas. I wasn't sure if Bella would allow it, but there was certainly no harm in trying.
"While I really do love that particular outfit on you, I think this will work better if you take it off."
Her forehead scrunched up with her confusion and I couldn't help but smile at her. She was the only woman in the world who could be so seductive and innocent at the very same time. "What will work better?" she asked.
"Well, I thought you might like a back massage, like I used to give you the night before you had big tests in college."
"Edward, that's sweet, but I—"
I quickly interrupted whatever argument she had, using one of her favorite words against her. "Please, Bella?" Her lips pulled up into a smile, letting me know she was going to go along with this. I smiled back and pointed toward the hotel bed. "Take it off and lie down on your stomach."
She looked annoyed for just a few seconds before a calculating look filled her eyes. She grabbed the hem of her outfit and made a show of slowly taking it off, nearly killing me in the process. I didn't even dare to breathe, worried that thin layer of control would snap. I wanted Bella so much, but if I hurt her now, she might never forgive me. She wanted this night, this weekend too much.
My heart did actually stop once she tossed her chemise onto the chair and I realized that had been the only thing she'd had on this entire time. As much as I wanted to behave, I couldn't stop my eyes from greedily drinking in her naked body as she made her way to the bed.
I waited for her to get comfortable and then slowly approached her, making sure I was controlled enough to be so close. I knelt so that my legs were on either side of her waist, and grabbed the bottle of massage oil Jasper had given me. He'd said it would feel warm to Bella and would relax her muscles instantly.
The snap of the bottle cap caught her attention and Bella tried to turn over. I managed to put my hand on her shoulder and stop her before she got too far. If she rolled over, I was fairly certain this massage idea would go right out the window.
"Fine," Bella said, sounding a little annoyed. "But can you at least tell me what that sound was?"
"You'll see," I replied as I squirted some of the oil into my hands. If this oil was as warm on her back as it was on my palms, she would really love this.
I put my hands to her shoulders and she immediately reacted, letting out a little mewling sound. "What the heck is that?" she sighed, relaxing beneath my hands.
"Something Jasper and Emmett suggested," I told her. "Actually, I think it was Rose and Alice working through their husbands, but it doesn't matter as long as you like it."
"I love it. It feels wonderful. It's like having a heating pad that covers my whole back and massages. You should really let me do this for you after."
"We'll see. For now, just relax." I didn't want her to make this about me at all. All of my worries were based on being afraid of her hurting her; she was the one who was unsure of her body. I wanted to prove to her how much I loved her and desired her so I would do all I could to keep this about her.
I took my time with her back, shoulders, and neck, working out every knot I could feel beneath her smooth skin. I took pleasure in every little sigh and light moan that escaped her as her body relaxed beneath me, sinking further into the mattress.
I didn't want her to get so relaxed that she fell asleep, so I moved to lie down beside her. Silly woman that she was, she moved and pressed herself against my side, putting her arm and leg over me and once again threatening my control.
She kissed my cheek and when she spoke, her voice sounded light and airy. It was nice to have her so relaxed and content, not worried about anything or anyone. "That was the best massage I've ever had in my whole life," she said.
The smile on her face was so big that I couldn't help but laugh at it. "Good." Her good mood easily affected me, just as it always had. Feeling much more in control, I slid my arm around her and pulled her closer, relishing the feel of her skin on mine. "I love you."
"I love you, too," she whispered. Her finger lazily traced along my cheek and jaw, leaving me wanting so much more. But I wanted this to be about Bella and I would try to let her lead.
"I've missed you so much, Edward," she said softly. "I know you've been right there with me, but it hasn't been the same. It's not the same kind of closeness. I hope I'm explaining this right because I don't want you to think I'm just talking about us having sex. That's not what I miss. I miss the before and the after." Her hand moved down, and her fingers slid across my chest with a feathery touch. "I miss the feel of your hands sliding over me, your breath on my skin, and the way you whisper my name in the dark. I miss how tightly you hold me after and how crazy your heart sounds underneath my ear."
I stopped her hand from going any further, afraid of what might happen. The man in me was as stirred by her touch as my heart was by her words. She'd just explained the exact things I was missing, but didn't know how to convey to her. I should have been able to say those things to her; I should have been able to tell her everything I was thinking…But I wasn't nearly as strong as my wife so I quiet. Behind the walls, it was safe and calm. I didn't have to think about those hours of sitting in the waiting room, desperate for any word about her condition. I didn't have to remember that feeling during those few seconds when I thought Dr. Johnson was telling me Bella had left me behind. And I didn't have to remember how much it hurt me every time I saw her flinch from her pain or cry because she's missed something with the baby.
"I'm sorry," she whispered into my ear. "I didn't mean to upset you. I was just trying to share my feelings with you."
I wanted to tell her she had nothing to be sorry for, that none of this was her fault, but I couldn't get the words past my throat. I settled for holding her as tightly as I dared.
"I love you, Edward. I wish I could have healed so much faster and come back to you sooner. I'm so sorry this has been so hard on you. I hate that you've gotten so worried about me that it's made you put back up those walls of yours. Tell me what I can do to help you take them down again. I'll do anything, I swear."
I mentally kicked myself, knowing this was exactly what I had been trying to avoid. She was always too quick to take blame onto herself.
"Please talk to me, Edward."
"I really don't think you want to hear anything I have to say."
"Not true. I always want to hear. I just wish sometimes that you weren't so upset and worried."
How could she make it sound like it was such a trivial thing? I rolled away from her and went over to one of the chairs, just needing a minute to clear my head. She probably hadn't meant to sound so flippant about it, and it was just my nerves causing me to overreact. God! I was proving Emmett right and acting like a pansy. Why couldn't I be more like him and just forget anything had happened?
Bella appeared before me, her hands on her hips and anger in her brown eyes. "Why is it that I'm supposed to open up and share with you, but you can put up those stupid walls of yours and keep to yourself?"
I thought about her question and decided to try and be completely honest with her, just as my mother had suggested. "You had a reason for how you felt."
My eyes followed her every move as she knelt down, resting her body between my legs and wrapping her small hands around my larger ones. "Edward, you have every right to your feelings," she insisted. "I know that in a lot of ways, this was just as scary for you, if not worse. But how can I help you to work through it, like you did for me, if you won't share? Please be honest. Did you want this weekend?"
I could see in her face that she wanted an honest answer, but I knew her well enough to know honesty was not the best thing for her right now. "Of course I want this weekend," I answered.
"Liar," she immediately shot back.
I remained still; I think I was actually hoping she might forget all about this.
"Why didn't you want to spend a few days alone with me? Is it already too late to fix things between us?"
Her question was just so absurd that I couldn't stop myself from snorting at it. I didn't know exactly how she felt these days, but I knew I wasn't ready to give up on us—I would never be ready for that. "Why do you keep thinking there's something to fix?"
"Because this isn't how our marriage was before the baby. You weren't keeping your feelings a secret from me, we barely ever went a day without being intimate with each other in some way, and even though I didn't understand it, you always made me feel like when you looked at me, you saw the most beautiful thing in the world. How can all of that have changed without something breaking?"
"I'm not keeping secrets. I just don't see the point in bringing up things that are better left alone. And of course our life isn't like it was before the baby; we knew that it would never be the same again."
"Yes, not the same, Edward. But I never dreamed it would be like we were just two friends living together with a baby instead of it being us. It's like you're afraid of me; afraid to touch me, to really look at me—to show me any sign of real affection and want."
"Because I am, Bella," I admitted.
"What do you mean why?" I asked, barely stopping myself from yelling. "Nearly being left alone without you isn't enough of a reason for you?"
"It could be if you explained it to me. It's been four months and I've done all I can to prove to you that I'm better, but nothing works."
Four months…She said that is if it was all the time in the world, as if there could ever be enough time to erase those things from my mind and heart. I leaned forward in the chair, putting my face into my hands and trying to figure out how we'd even gotten started down this road. "You don't understand."
"Help me then," she said, her fingers stroking my hair gently. "Edward, help me to understand. Please."
I'd kept myself together for her for four long months, never once allowing myself to feel anything but happiness around her, and with one word, she was tearing down my carefully built walls. I'd planned on getting up, getting dressed, and going for a walk…Instead, I found myself opening up to her and telling her things I'd sworn I would never reveal. "They made me leave you. They just sent me away and left me to sit for so long, not knowing what was happening to you. And then...He came out and he said he was sorry and it seemed like his next words would be that you were gone. There was this moment where my mind pictured a life without you and it was nothing. It was just black, cold…It was nothing. When he explained that you were okay now, but would never be the same again, I thought I could handle that. I figured having you alive was all that mattered. I wasn't prepared for how different you would be, and I hate myself for being so selfish and wanting all of you back."
"Don't," she whispered as her arms wrapped around my head and back. "Don't hate yourself. There was no way either of us could have been prepared for this, Edward."
"I don't know what to do, Bella. I don't know what's right and what's best for you, and it scares the hell out of me. You're just starting to seem like the happy person I'm used to and I'm so afraid of losing that again. I know that's selfish and makes me a jerk, but I can't help it."
"It does not make you selfish or a jerk," she argued. "We both lost part of me—I lost the physical pieces, and we both lost some emotional ones. I know I haven't been myself. Hell, I threw things at Emmett! I've never gotten that mad at my brother in my whole life. It's scary for me to realize how different I am, so I can only try and imagine what it must be like for you."
How could she be so understanding? Shouldn't she be angry at me for being so selfish with everything she'd been through?
"On the plus side, you have to be enjoying the decline in my stubborn streak," she mentioned, probably trying to cheer me. I'd rather have her completely stubborn and whole than to ever be hurting or feeling like she was missing something in her life.
"Please tell me what I can do to help," Bella pleaded. "I really will do anything and I can prove it. Listen closely because this is your big opportunity to be a fell-fledged Cullen without me saying a word. I'm so determined to get my Edward back that if you tell me the only way is to buy you a new, faster car, I'll go out right now and get it. If it's a huge house that's way too big for us, I'll agree to that, too, without a word. I'll even allow—"
She was an absolute angel for trying so hard to make me feel better and my heart swelled with my love for her. I crashed my lips against hers, momentarily forgetting my plan to keep things slow and soft. The second I remembered, I pulled away, letting my head fall to her shoulder.
"I love you," she whispered.
Something in her voice caused me to lift my head and my eyes landed on her slightly swollen lips. I wanted nothing more than to kiss them again, but first I needed to say something. "I love you, too."
I hesitated for only a second, trying to make sure I was in better control this time. She kissed me back eagerly, parting his lips slightly and inviting me to deepen the kiss. My fingers found their way to her back, gliding down her silky skin, stopping just above her waist, and then moving back up. She leaned forward, pressing her lips tighter against mine and I struggled to remember why I wasn't just tossing her on the bed and ripping my shirt from her body.
I pulled away from that thought and the kiss. This was so much like our first time together, warring with myself over my wants and needs versus what was best for Bella.
"I'm nervous, too," Bella announced, shaking me from my thoughts. "I don't know what to expect with my body being so changed. And honestly, I'm not so sure you'll like this new body." She looked down, probably trying to hide the anxiety in her face, but I had already seen it.
No matter how nervous, or afraid, or just plain stupid I might be, I would never allow Bella to think she was anything less than perfect for any amount of time. I tilted her face up to mine, wanting her to see that I was being serious and that it was also her choice. "If you would like, we could find out."
Her head moved the slightest bit and it was all the answer I needed. I lifted her up and carried her to the bed, carefully setting her down before joining her. I would make her believe; I would get rid of every insecurity she had and prove to her that I was still madly in love with her.
Edward barely let any of us weight touch me, keeping as much of it as he could on his arms, locking me beneath his body as he kissed me. If this man thought for a second I had plans to move from this spot, he was highly absurd. I was thinking of doing a lot of things, but they all required me to stay right in this exact spot. From here, I could kiss his lips, trace his abs with my fingertips, or go after that one spot on his neck that always made him react to me. But for the moment, I would just let him alone to do as he pleased.
Those talented lips of his found their way to my neck, kissing and sucking at the skin, making it so very hard for me to keep still beneath him. I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist and feel him against me; only the fear of scaring him off was stopping me.
I'd been so worried that my body wouldn't react the same, but if anything, it was acting worse. My fingers were just itching to touch him and my back wanted to arch up and press us closer. I couldn't ever remember wanting him so much that it physically hurt, but that's exactly what I was experiencing.
"Bella," he whispered. The way his breath hit my neck caused me to shiver from head to toe and I couldn't wait for him to do it again. I also couldn't wait any longer to feel more of him; I wrapped my hands around his upper arms and pulled until he relaxed and rested his weight on me.
His hand passed down my side and slid beneath me, settling at the base of spine and pulling me against him. I couldn't keep myself from moaning at the contact, or wanting more of that amazing friction. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was on red alert, and I wondered if it felt this extreme to Edward.
"Tell me if this hurts," he whispered against my ear, teasingly rubbing himself against me. He had to be teasing—there was just no way that he couldn't feel how much I wanted him, how ready I was for him. "I never want to hurt you, Bella. I love you so much," he murmured against my neck.
"You won't hurt me."
"Promise you'll tell me if I do."
"You won't hurt me," I repeated firmly. "But I promise all the same."
He pulled away as he started kissing my lips again, ignoring my very dissatisfied groan. I knew he needed to do this at his own pace, but did he really have to kill me along the way?
He moved us onto our sides, keeping me pressed against him with one hand and using the other to greedily squeeze and touch every part of me that he could reach. It was amazing how his movements could be so frantic and controlled at the same time, always more soft than forceful. No matter the speed or the length, it was always love-making for Edward and I loved that about him.
His lips and hands eventually started to wander further, giving special attention to my breasts. At least this was one change to my body that I could absolutely be sure that he liked. His touch was that amazing mix of greedy and tender, making my back arch and my body press harder against his hands and lips.
He started to move his kisses lower and lower, and the thought of him being near my scar was as good as any ice cold bucket of water. Edward didn't seem to notice my apprehension at all and he made sure to cover every inch of my scar with kisses, slowly rebuilding the fire inside of me.
When he once again allowed me to feel him against me, he came to a complete stop. His hair was hanging down in his face, hiding his eyes just enough for me to be unable to resist the urge to push it away. His green eyes closed and a small smile spread across his lips.
"I love you," I whispered.
He opened his eyes, revealing a mixture of love, fear, and desire—I only wanted him to feel two of those.
"I love you," I said, making it sound like the promise that it was.
I gently pulled his face down to mine and kissed him. He took the lead and deepened it easily, freely, and without hesitation, sliding his tongue past my lips. I could feel that spark we'd always had between us and taste it on his tongue. It made me feel like I was both floating and drowning in his love for me, and I was fairly certain that if he didn't move soon, I would burst into flames.
With whispered words of "I love you", Edward finally moved his hips and entered me. I did all that I could to keep from showing the little bit of discomfort I felt, not wanting to scare him off. He seemed to sense it anyway though and slowed his movements even more.
Once he was all the way inside, completely connected to me, he stopped and just held me. I had the strongest sense of déjà vu, remembering how he'd been so patient and sweet during our very first time together. But unlike that night, there was no stinging sensation and the discomfort I had felt tonight quickly disappeared.
I moved my hips just enough to signal I was okay before relaxing again and allowing Edward to remain in charge. His movements were slow and exact as he pulled out and then slid back in, filling me over and over again. I was actually shocked I was holding on so well with as wired as I felt.
Edward's pretenses of being in control started to fade as he thrusts grew more demanding and I gladly welcomed it. There was no way in hell I was going to last much longer and I did not want to be the only one to feel satisfied.
"Tell me if I'm hurting you," he panted, his breaths fanning over my collarbone as his hair tickled my cheek. He voice sounded as strained as his forearms looked and it took every ounce of self control I had to behave myself and not beg him for more.
I found my voice and assured him that I was fine.
He shook his head in disagreement as a small growl ripped through his chest. "You're perfect," he promised. "I can barely control myself."
"Then let go. You won't hurt me."
He growled again, but I was pretty sure it was out of annoyance this time. He obviously didn't agree with the notion that he was incapable of hurting me.
He moved his hips just a little to the left and I was suddenly the one letting go, screaming for more. I faintly heard my name before losing my hearing and my sight to the intense pleasure that surged through my body.
"I told you," Edward whispered, his voice fierce as his arms tightened around me. "You're perfect."
It wasn't the mad rush Rose had predicted, or the all-night affair Alice had been so sure of—it was better. It was just Edward breathing out while I breathed in and our arms holding us together in a way that promised us we'd never let go, no matter what happened to us.
Warm wet lips sucked at my neck, drawing me away from my sleep and my dreams of last night with Edward. We hadn't done anything all that spectacular, but I had still loved every minute of it; I could sit cuddled up in his lap for days and be perfectly content.
"Wake up, my love."
"What if I want to stay sleeping?" I asked, trying to hide my smile from him. He was pressed against my back, definitely ready and waiting; I couldn't help but feel smug about that.
His fingers skimmed up my thigh before sliding over and finding their target. "You don't want sleep," he said with perfect confidence.
"Then wake me up," I challenged.
I'd expected him to move me onto my back and start up with his normal teasing behaviors, but it seemed my Edward had other ideas. He pulled me tighter against his body with one hand as his other began to draw circles against me. My moan was ridiculously loud and I was happy all over again that I'd begged for a hotel room.
"Edward," I pleaded, wanting him to stop his teasing. The feel of his fingers against me mixed with his hardness against my back was driving me insane. I wanted to feel him inside of me and I didn't want to wait for it—my patience with going slow was long gone and I wasn't even going to pretend I had any left.
Instead of listening to me, he pressed his lips to my neck, kissing and suckling at the skin. That free hand of his found its way to my breasts while his other hand sped up its movements. I was powerless against such amazing sensations and quickly found myself shaking with pleasure in Edward's arms.
"Good morning, Love," he chuckled into my ear.
"Very good morning," I sighed, turning and snuggling against his bare chest. "What made you decide to do that?"
"I wanted to start your Sunday morning off properly."
"Mission accomplished," I said as I placed light kisses against his chest.
"I'm not done. That really was just the start," he replied. His voice was dripping with want and desire and it made me shiver from head to toe all over again.
His finger tilted my chin and face up and his lips descended onto mine, kissing me with a fervor that had been missing for so long. He rolled us so that I was above him, and I gave him a quizzical look; I was so used to him being the one in charge.
"I want to see you," was his simple response as he helped me to lower myself onto him. "You feel so amazing, Love," he moaned, clenching his eyes shut. "I feel like a teenager when I'm with you. Uncontrolled and ready to burst at any moment."
It was so refreshing to see him letting go this way and I couldn't stop from teasing him. "I thought you wanted to look at me."
His eyelids fluttered open, revealing the love and desire he held for me in his emerald eyes. "You're perfect," he whispered as his hands ghosted over my stomach before firmly cupping my breasts.
"You don't mind the scar?" I asked, unable to stop myself. I'd been curious about it all night long with the way he had been rubbing my stomach while we watched the movie, and I just couldn't stand not knowing any longer.
His fingers moved to my scar, tracing the line from one end to the other. "This is my proof that you're really here with me, and that you loved me enough to fight to stay with me. It's one hundred percent beautiful and I love it just as much as I love that one freckle on your right shoulder."
"The one you swear looks like a tiny 'E'?" I chuckled.
"The same," he agreed, smiling at me. He sat up just long enough to wrap his arms around me before me pulling me down and into a searing kiss. Those talented lips of his wasted no time in making me forget all about anything but Edward and the feel of him moving with me.
I reluctantly pulled my lips away from his, needing to breathe and determined to make sure he enjoyed his Sunday morning. I set my hands against his broad chest and used his body to help me lift up and then sink back down. Edward let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a hiss, and I took that as my cue to continue my movements.
Those green eyes I loved so much roamed up and down my body as Edward and I moved together. His look turned from one of love to one of pure lust and before I could even get a sound out, he'd moved me beneath him. He took my nipple into his mouth at the same time he pushed himself completely inside of me, ripping a cry of pure pleasure from my throat. I could swear I felt his lips smirking around my skin, but all coherent thought left me when one of his hands found its way between us, his fingers toying with that same bundle of nerves that had sent my body spinning earlier.
I tried to tell him I couldn't take this much at once, that it was more torture than pleasure—even if it was such a sweet torture—but all I managed to do was stutter and sound like an idiot.
His lips grazed my ear as he whispered into it. "Come for me, Bella." He had very rarely ever talked to me that way and that sexy, husky pitch of his voice was all the push I needed to jump right off that cliff and land in a haze of pleasure. Edward followed not long after, somehow managing to take me with him and send me spinning for a record third time.
"That was the best morning ever," I said as soon as I could remember how to speak.
Edward chuckled and kissed my collarbone. "Yes, it was. If we had more time, I would love a repeat."
"So would I! And I'd also like to know where the new moves came from, Cullen. Not that I've ever considered our sex life boring or anything, but wow."
The smirk on his face was such a manly thing and I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or swat him. "I know lots of things. I'm not sure of how much of my knowledge you would be okay with since you're normally too shy to come right and say things."
"I can't help it that Renee made me self-conscience with her lion and lamb sex talk, and my face heats up every time I even think about sex."
"But red is such a lovely shade on you," he teased, rubbing the tip of his nose against mine.
"Why don't we compromise? You share your knowledge with me and then I'll be sure to tell you what I like and don't like. And I definitely liked everything you did this morning."
"Oh, I know," he chuckled, smirking once again. "And so do the other guests on this floor. We'll definitely have to save this for times when we're completely alone."
I swatted his arm as I rolled my eyes at his teasing. "And here I was thinking I had the one true gentleman."
"You do," he assured me. "There's just a little extra emphasis on the man part this morning."
I grabbed a pillow and smacked him in the head with it while we both laughed. This was by far my favorite Sunday morning ever, and it was clear that my husband and I were enjoying being reconnected. Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck loudly, making me laugh again. I sighed in contentment, hoping the rest of our day would be this perfect and blissful.
I hoped you guys liked your strawberry.