The Boy Who Lived To Be A Leprechaun!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! Or Mr. Potato Head, or the Jolly Green Giant, or any other product that comes up as I write.
Summary: Harry could never have a cool inheritance, surrounded by Veelas, Vampires, unidentified were creatures, and even one lone Fairy, he got to shrink several feet and protect pots of gold at the end of rainbows. For some reason he is NOT happy about it. You wouldn't be happy either if you woke up green.
A/N I was both incredibly bored and suffering from writer's block on my chaptered stories when this little ditty just popped into my head. I seriously think there is a whole herd of plot bunnies just waiting to jump people in dark alleys.
Rating: T this isn't a very harsh story, but there is minor language, the T rating is playing it very safe.
Warnings: Not much, a bit of language and sarcastic humor, also there might be some slight parody aspects in some places, know that it is all in good fun and I am only spoofing the clichés I have done myself, I am by no means trying to offend any author or degrade any story. This is just for fun and a cure for writer's block. Slight Slashyness may be hinted at but nothing major.
The boy who lived to be a Leprechaun
"Oh come on Harry, it can't be that bad!" Ron yelled through the bathroom door of the sixth year boys' dorm.
"GO AWAY!" Harry yelled back, his voice oddly high and squeaky.
"I am a freaking Veela what's worse than that?" Ron tried to reason with his stubborn friend.
"You have no idea, just go away!" Harry answered, adding yet another layer of locking charms on the door baring the other boys entrance.
You may be wondering why Harry Potter Gryffindor Golden Boy and all around hero has locked himself in the bathroom refusing to be seen by anyone. Well in answer to that we have to flash back to the night before, supper time in the Great Hall to be exact.
Everyone was in the hall chatting while they ate, many were well on their way to finishing off their meal and heading back to their common rooms for homework and then bed. When something only slightly out of the ordinary, even for Hogwarts, happened. Dumbledore rose to his feet and tapped his glass for silence, which he received immediately.
"Students, I have a very important announcement, the ministry had decided that in order to protect the magic all of you possess it is in everyone's best interest to give you access to ALL of your magic." Dumbledore paused there to let the confusion sink in. "Included in every goblet on the table is a potion graciously provided by our own Professor Snape," At Dumbledore's sweeping hand gesture Snape sneered at the students, showing off just how un-graciously the potion was provided.
"This potion will not harm you in any way, all it will do is encourage any extra potential you may possess to activate. If any of your family has creature blood inside of it, or any recessive genetic gift, you will receive it tonight as you sleep. I am here to reassure you the process is perfectly safe and will not hurt. When the exact nature of your changes become known, you will have twenty-four hours to register the changes with the ministry. Good luck to all of you and have a wonderful evening." Dumbledore finished his speech and sat back down.
For some reason no one was really hungry anymore, though there was one student incredibly angry at the whole situation. "Why do we have to do this again! With Voldemort still out there the ministry wants to turn Hogwarts into some kind of a menagerie. I just know this is not going to turn out well." Harry grumbled as he face planted into the Gryffindor table.
"I think its wicked, what do you have to worry about mate, you are Harry Potter you know you're going to have some awesomely powerful transformation." Ron said as he slapped Harry on the shoulder, Harry just whimpered in reply.
'This can't end well! What is Dumbledore thinking letting the ministry do this to us. This is the last thing I need, I bet he planned this the whole time. I knew he had it in for me the moment I met him,' Harry's thoughts continued with him sinking further into angst filled paranoia.
And that is what lead to the current situation of Harry shooting out of his bed that morning and into the bathroom before any of his roommates could blink, still refusing to come out even as it neared noon.
The other boys of the dorm had taken to sitting outside of the door naming off random creatures, trying to guess what he was. The big ones like Veela, vampire, werewolf, demon, angel, and fae were all met with a whimper from the boy behind the door. Apparently he was none of these.
"Did I tell you Harry, that Malfoy is a fairy?" Ron asked, evoking a slightly hysteric giggle from Harry.
"Who else changed?" Harry's high squeaky voice tentatively asked.
"Well Neville is a half-gnome, Ginny is a Banshee, Seamus is a vampire, Dean is a were something, we are not quite sure what, Crabbe and Goyle really are trolls, and Snape was already a vampire so nothing new." Ron would have continued further if Harry hadn't sighed a bit and asked.
"Did anyone change color?"
"What do you mean change color?" Ron was worried now, but a little relieved when he heard Harry begin to strip away the locking charms on the door… fifteen minutes later the door swung open.
"Holy Bloody Merlin!" Ron screamed at the sight, and fainted dead away.
"Ah Harry, did you know you happen to be a lovely shade of green?" Neville, who was much shorter and stockier with just a bit of an elongated skull asked as he revealed slightly pointed teeth.
"Sure I shrink several feet, and the only thing you comment on is the fact my skin is now a walking banner for Slytherin." Harry moaned, and then it hit Neville, not only was Harry green, he was also only about a foot and a half tall. "Nev, I think I am a bloody Leprechaun!"
"Harry, you can't be a full Leprechaun, they are only six inches tall and are a much brighter shade of green." Dean informed him, looking a lot more muscular and almost feline.
"Oh goody so I am some weird hybrid, whoopee, I am still short and green." Harry hollered as Ron came around.
"Mate, you know when I said it couldn't be worse?" He inquired groggily.
"Yes, Ron," Harry sighed.
"I take it back." He mumbled.
"I know Ron." Harry replied.
"So are we ready to go to lunch, we registered at Breakfast but you still have to." Neville interrupted before Ron could stick his foot even deeper into his mouth.
"Do I have too?" Harry squeaked.
"Yes Harry, you do, at least there is one good thing in this mess." Seamus told Harry with his fangs flashing into view every once and awhile.
"Just what is that?" Harry snapped tapping his little green foot impatiently.
"You can still defeat you-know-who, all he will have to do is look at you like this and he will laugh himself to death!" Seamus informed him the giggles that had been threatening to escape doing just that.
"I hate you, every one of you! If you don't stop picking on me right now, I will get myself resorted into Slytherin with Malfoy as my mate and calling Snape daddy, got it?" Harry threatened seriously.
"Whoa, back up jolly green dwarf, you don't have to go that far," Dean teased and Harry let out a shrill yell and leaped at him.
"Hey Harry when you get angry can I call you Steamed Broccoli?" Neville asked his laughter drowning out some of his words but not quite enough.
"I will murder you Mr. Potato Head," Harry cried before stopping his attack on Dead to pounce on Neville.
"Oh no you don't," Seamus caught him mid-leap using his newly acquired speed and strength.
Harry was unceremoniously flung over Seamus' shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Screaming the whole way out of the dorms, through the common room, in the corridors, and finally they reached the doors of the great hall. Coming through the door Harry was expecting the usual shocked silence and then rapid whispering that usually followed one of his deadlier, or stupider, adventures. What met his eyes was not what he had been expecting at all.
One of the things the Ministry conveniently forgot, and Dumbledore didn't seem to prepare for was that with all the creatures in the room fights over territory and mates were becoming quite spectacular by this point. Everywhere Harry looked there was boys and girls, with varying physical changes, either fighting or having a heated snogging session. The teachers had long given up trying to restrain the students.
Harry breathed a sigh of relief when he realized with everyone so distracted, it would be unlikely anyone would notice the fact he was green until much later on, preferably never. He immediately ceased his high pitched screaming so he didn't attract anyone with advanced hearing to his presence.
The group headed up to the professors table to register Harry under much protest from the wizard turned Leprechaun. Dumbledore took one look at the tiny green boy who lived and instead of laughing a look of anger crossed his face. "This was not supposed to happen!"
"Tell me about it Dumbledore, how am I supposed to fight Voldemort like this!" Harry whined amongst much laughter as Snape caught sight of the Golden boy's predicament.
"You called?" A syllabant voice called from the doors to the Great Hall.
"All hail almighty Snake face, you want me come and get me!" Harry hollered in a very Gryffindorish display of stupidity.
Voldemort turned to look at the source of the annoying voice to find a green skinned, foot-and-a-half tall Boy-Who-Lived and laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more. Finally his potions formed body, and over-seventy year old heart couldn't take it anymore and it burst in his chest, the echoes of his laughter still ringing through the now silent hall.
"Well that answered some questions," Harry mentioned turning to Dumbledore. "I guess the power the Dark Lord knew not was laughter, his body couldn't handle such a ludicrous idea of me turning into a Leprechaun."
"It actually worked?" Seamus asked dumbfounded.
"Yes, Seamus, Voldemort laughed himself to death." Harry agreed proudly, puffing out his miniscule chest in pride.
Dean poked him in his belly and the air came out in a rush, "Now, now, we can't have you getting a big head, everyone will be… green with envy."
"I will carry out my threat you know?" Harry warned quietly.
"Prove it!" Seamus said with a chuckle.
"Accio Sorting Hat!" Harry shouted wand in hand. A few seconds later the tatty old hat was in his hands.
The hat now covered Harry to his hips, the other chuckling at seeing it, but all laughter stopped as the word the hat shouted, "SLYTHERIN!"
Harry took off the hat handed it to a stunned Dumbledore and turned to the resident dungeon bat. "Helloo Daddy nice to see you where is Draco?" He asked batting his green eyelashes.
"What do you want Potter?" Draco's voice was an octave or too higher than Harry's.
"Oh just this," He stated before pouncing on the unsuspecting Fairy, who go figure just matched his shrunken height.
Watching the two of them on the floor the sixth year Gryffindors wore equal expressions of stunned disbelief.
"He really did that didn't he?" Dean questioned nobody in particular.
"Yeah he did," Seamus responded.
"…" Ron let out a whimper and fainted again.