Title: To Ruin Him

Spoilers: Eclipse
P.O.V: Unknown until end
Time: Pre-Twilight


I remember Jasper Whitlock.

Not the Jasper you know. Not the happy man with the golden eyes. Not the proud son, nor the protective uncle. I remember the real Jasper.

The vampire.

The minion.

My minion.

I remember how his blood smelt as a human. I remember how blue his eyes were. They were sharp and intelligent under the mop of heavy blonde hair. He was mounted on a perfectly white horse that day, and basked in the moonlight like a Nighttime god.

I remember how difficult it had been to stop myself from draining his blood. However, I knew I would need him in my ranks; he was a natural leader, I could sense it.

He fell into this role faster than anyone else could. He became one of the most feared vampire in the South. Sometimes, people would whisper behind his back, referring to him as the Scarred Demon. He wouldn't care much for the name, and neither did I.

As long as they referred to him as my Scarred Demon.

I lost Lucy and Nettie soon after he came. I couldn't care less, to be honest; their leadership had been overruled by the warrior named Jasper. He would do even better than they did, and asked for absolutely nothing in return.

Yes, I slept with him. Yes, I slept with most of the males in my army. It is a war tactic; I did so in order to keep them with me, so they wouldn't hold grudges against me. I know, deep down, that I was ruining these boys. Even Jasper, who was as tough as you could ask for, would feel lust. I would keep him satisfied, and in return, he would keep me company for a while.

Once, I had a newborn with an amazing gift. The newborn could sense someone's innermost desire when touching them.

I killed him as soon as I found out.

Of course he knew what I really wanted. It wasn't power I desired; it was freedom. It wasn't cities I wanted, it was an incessant supply of food. It wasn't lust that I craved, it was companionship.

Deep down, I was in love with Jasper. I refused to let these emotions surface, however. I knew that he could sense every feeling I let through, so I would ensure that he would be far away when I'd dig in my deepest desires. I wanted everything that most girls my age did; I wanted safety, security, and love.

My safety came in the form of territories. My security came through my blood source. My love came in the form of Jasper Whitlock.

He was strong, charismatic, handsome, and willing to obey my every order. He was the perfect man.

I soon realized that I was ruining his life. I wasn't unintelligent; I realized that he was suffering. He hated this life, he hurt every single time he fed, and he despised me every time I'd take advantage of him. However, that knowledge gave me nothing. Up to this day, I hate myself for not changing my ways earlier.

It started the night that he left me. No goodbyes, no words for the future, no way to ever reach him again. He left me.

Then, everything went downhill. I had lost the man I was living for. Suddenly, my search for power only became a sick revenge towards the world.

Without Jasper there to tame the newborns, my army soon got out of control. I had no one to calm their bloodlust or to hype them in a state of mass destruction, or even to still the confidence of enemies. This time, even though I was surrounded with my minions, I was completely alone. My attitude went from gleeful to depressed, and I gradually fell from my position of leader.

It barely came as a surprise when they mutinied me, approximately a half decade later. One night, they came through the darkness, torches in their hands. They barely spoke, since they knew that I was intelligent enough to understand what was happening. I had lived it once, before, with Nettie and Lucy; history only repeated itself. However, this time, I didn't fight. I let them leave without me, staying behind in the room that Jasper Whitlock had occupied.

I remember the long months that followed. I didn't move once. I remained curled in Jasper's mattress, an old shirt in my hands, sobbing like a young girl. I hated the lack of tears; I couldn't even mourn the man properly.

Eventually, still in a semi-daze, I got up. Without really comprehending what I was doing, I began to walk.

The more vampires I'd cross, the more information I'd get about Jasper. I eventually made my way to Canada, where the peaceful nature of the nomads somewhat startled me. Did my man really escape to such a peaceful nature?

It was during an overcast day of July that I found myself in northern Ontario. My latest clue had gotten me here, and it was then that I found my goal. I found my Jasper Whitlock.

I found him wearing an expensive-looking fashionable black suit with a clean white shirt. His hair was combed perfectly, the blond curls bright against the dark cloth. He stood with his back to me, saying something quietly to a man with bronze hair. My knees weakened lightly at the sight of him; of his perfect posture, his square jaw and his piercing gaze. At that moment, I didn't even register their colour. All I could see was my perfect man.

Someone began to whisper, and soon glances turned my way. The murmurs reached the front, and Jasper whirled around, meeting my eyes. His face turned hard, as my name left his lips. Even to me, it sounded like he was cursing, as though I was the most disgusting thing on the face of the Earth.

I knew, deep down, that I was doing this for a third time. I was ruining his life, once again. He had found a new life in the army; I had taken it. He had woken up as a vampire, I had forced my lifestyle upon him. Now, the scenery around told me that he was getting married, and I was wrecking his wedding.

I suddenly began walking down the aisle towards him, ignoring the few covens' hateful glares. My dragging feet caused the red carpet to scrunch, making a trail in the perfectly placed rose petals. A big, burly vampire suddenly got to his feet, his face furious as he took a step towards me.

I knew that I wasn't thinking clearly, that the sick pleasure I felt wasn't right. This shouldn't be happening, but it was. And so, I decided to go all the way. With a lunge, I threw myself at Jasper, locking my arms around him desperately as something in me broke. Frantically, I began to weep, tightening my grip around him.

"Jasper," I remember whispering, "you have to come back to me. You don't belong here. Your place is with me..."

Suddenly, the angry murmurs fell dead silent, and I could feel my own emotions being altered lightly. I looked up into his authoritative face to notice the direction in which his eyes were. Then, with infinite slowness, I turned my head to look at what had captured his attention.

Standing still at the other end of the aisle was a tiny girl; I almost mistook her to be a pre-teen at first glance. She flinched when she saw me, instantly adverting her eyes to the ground. A tall blond man stood by her side, also looking my way. However, I studied the girl whom Jasper was about to marry, comparing her to myself. She was thin to the extreme, and even though she was beautiful, she held no drop-dead gorgeous qualities that I possessed. Her hair was short and black, contrasting sharply with her pale skin and even paler dress.

I felt somewhat insulted. How could he trade me for her? Turning back to my soldier, I clung to his shirt and murmured pleadingly, "Jasper, you cannot be serious. Wake up, Major."

He did.

Suddenly, he shoved me away from him, and I stumbled back in shock. Never had he shown any violence towards me. After another disgusted look my way, my Jasper turned his back on me and focussed on the other woman, his eyes softening considerably. He took confident steps until he had reached her, and once he did, he placed a hand carefully under her chin. Lifting up her face, he stared down lovingly towards her – the same look I desired for myself – and murmured, "If I have to, I'll move the entire altar on this side of the aisle. Today, I am marrying you, my Alice. Don't ever think I'd leave you."

Of course, he had felt her fear and was now working to appease them. The light returned in the girl's eyes and she looped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. The embrace felt almost sacred, making my chest sting with pure jealousy.

It was then that I turned and fled. My bitterness never left, however.

Every year, I meet Jasper in the woods for a brief minute. Every year, I tell him he should come back to me.

With time, he seems happier and happier. He's more confident now, and doesn't even hesitate to tell me how Alice is wonderful; how she's perfect for him. How she's everything I'm not.

I know that it's my fault I lost him. I deserve loneliness.

My name is Maria, and this is the story of how I ruined a perfect man...


A/N: Hey hey!

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