Disclaimer: I don't own the CSI franchise.
Warnings: Same sex pairings, mature themes, implied sexual content.
Author's Note: I have no excuse for this story, and I apologize. I hope you at least get a laugh out of the stupidity. XD
I also do not mean any offense with anything in this. So please forgive me if I offended you.
I should also probably mention that this story was lightly inspired by "Up Yours" a hilarious story by the wonderful embracing-shadows. If you're looking for actually good CSI fics, she's the one to hit up. ;)
Nick wasn't really sure how these kinds of conversations got started. He suspected this one had something to do with Warrick trying to subtly hit on Catherine, of course, during down time at the lab, anything was remotely possible.
"C'mon Sara! Just tell us! Have you ever been with a woman?" Warrick whined, Sara glanced at him and rolled her eyes
"You haven't answered whether you've ever been with a man, why should I answer the question?" She snapped, Catherine paused
"She's right, I think I'm the only one that's even answered the question." She stated, frowning. Warrick grinned
"And oh what an answer it was." He stated, Nick laughed quietly and returned to his magazine. Sara's eyes fell on him
"You ever been with a man, Nick?" She asked sweetly, he paused and looked up
"No." He stated simply, giving a casual smile. Warrick rolled his eyes
"Sara! Stop avoiding the question." He snapped, she scowled and went back to her lunch as Catherine tossed a crumpled napkin at Warrick, hitting him in the forehead
"You haven't answered the question, either, Warrick." She reminded, he paused and looked around the table at the three pairs of accusing, curious eyes.
"What question?" Greg asked, wandering in the room with a small paper bag and sitting down in between Nick and Sara. The attention drifted off of Warrick and onto the blonde haired new comer, who was completely unaware of the unusual conversation he'd just walked into as he rooted in the paper bag in front of him. Sara glanced at her friends and smirked, while Warrick jumped at the opportunity to avoid the question
"Greg, have you ever been with a man?" He asked, the blonde glanced up and perked an eyebrow
"Why, are you offering?" He asked slowly, Warrick flushed and muttered something as Sara let out an amused laugh
"He's asking everyone, but he won't answer himself." She stated, Catherine glanced over
"Out of all fairness, you haven't answered either." She replied, Sara scowled and Greg smirked, pulling out a Styrofoam container.
"I see." He stated, flipping the top open and grabbing a French fry, Sara frowned
"Answer the question, Greg." She ordered, he paused in chewing and gave a thoughtful look
"Alright...do Transvestites count?" He asked slowly, Sara paused and looked at her friends, before looking back to the blonde
"Yes." She stated, he nodded a little and popped another fry in his mouth,
"Okay. What about threesomes?" He inquired, Sara scowled and nodded
"And what about transsexuals?" He questioned, Warrick's eye twitched a little and Sara sighed
"Yes." She ground out, Greg smiled a little
"Then yes to all of the above. Now, who has the salt?" He asked, looking around the table questioningly. Catherine smirked a little and slid the jar to him as Sara blushed and Warrick's eyes widened
"You...You're--?" He stuttered, Greg shook some salt onto his fries and glanced up, looking at the speechless man and quirking an eyebrow
"Gay?" He supplied, slipping another fry into his mouth. Warrick nodded speechlessly and Greg smirked and gave a little shrug
"I suppose. Why? Are you looking for someone to pop your man-cherry?" He asked with a grin. Warrick made a strangled noise and shook his head. Greg pouted a little
"Aww, are you sure? I'll be gentle! Just ask Nick!" He stated, Nick's eyes widened and he looked at Greg accusingly, a blush running across his cheeks. Warrick squeaked and looked at Nick, as Sara and Catherine blinked
"Nick, you said you hadn't been with a man." She stated, Nick paused and gave a nervous smile.
"I...Uh..." He stuttered, Greg paused and glanced at him, perking an eyebrow
"You haven't? I guess I shouldn't come over tonight, then." He stated, Nick blinked and Warrick made an odd noise, before slumping to the ground. Greg smirked to himself and stood, grabbing his fries and pecking Nick on the cheek, before starting towards the door
"Oh, by the way, Sara's been with several women." He stated, before walking out of the room. Sara blushed deeply and Catherine smirked, sipping her water
"Well, now that that's cleared up."
I. Do. Not. Know. What. Just. Happened.
I wrote this with a fever, that is the closest thing to an excuse I have. :]