James Bond Eat Your Heart Out

disclaimer: I do not own the characters, or the story loosely based on the movie DEBS


So, there's this exam you do in the final year of primary school...wait I'll elaborate god knows how many exams one person takes in their lifetime, looking back at some point they just merge and become this big stressful blur. I mean the exams the teachers make us do that don't really have a point, sure they feed us some BS story about general aptitude or some crap like that. God knows at that age (or any other) we really just don't give a shit, too busy with more important things to worry about, like penis size or hairstyles or some party coming up.

So yeah, these exams, turns out those BS exams aren't all BS. You see there's this exam inside the exam and it doesn't test the normal shite like math or physics or what use to get Shakespeare hard, it tests a student's ability to lie, cheat, fight and kill...god knows how it actually assesses that kinda stuff, definitely not multiple choice I can tell you that, it'd be kind of obvious if it did.

Question 48. You see a known terrorist leader leaving the exit of a large and important building do you:

a. Pull the fire alarm in the building to be safe

b. Follow the terrorist and ring the cops on the way

c. Beat the guy to a pulp until he tells you what he wants to know

d. Sneak up behind him and give him a Columbian necktie

...definitely not.

Those that score well on this exam are accepted and recruited into SSA the Secret Service Academy, we kind of stole the title from the Americans, but the students call it Super Spy Academy. There our teachers are former CIA (Central Intelligence Agency, USA), MI6 (Directorate of Military Intelligence, Section 6 UK), KGB (Komitet Gosudarstvennoi Bezopasnosti, Soviet Union) and ASIS (Australian Security Intelligence Service, obviously Australia). And subjects include subterfuge, stake out, Advanced technology handling and 'how to tell if you're partner is a double agent'.

The Academy is divided up into two campuses SSAB and SSAG (Super Spy Academy for boys and Super Spy Academy for Girls), hormones play too much a role in distracting from our studies. Although like every other school we had mixes, dances and tournaments only instead of rugby or football we had hand to hand combat, save the citizen, skirmish, car racing (through a very dangerous and complicated obstacle course) and the normal sports like fencing, archery and our own version of the ultimate fighting championships were masters in jujutsu, kung fu, taijutsu, kenpo, kickboxing or any other marital arts try to kick everyone elses ass.…okay that last one was a little less than normal.

Now I know what you're all thinking, it sounds crazy right? Like Jack Nicholson in the shinning and cuckoos nest crazy. Well I'm not crazy and this is definitely not a joke. God knows if it was, the joke would be on me. My name's Arthur Pendragon SSAB senior recruit, son of Uther Pendragon director of MI6 who was son of one of Britains most famous spies who went down fighting in World War II; who was son of another great war hero…you get the point my families a bunch of hardcore war mongering over achievers. I'm also the first in the history of the SSAB to score 100% on the secret spy exam. My team is the best in SSA history and I was the poster boy for super spies. And this? This is how it all went to shit.

Arthur stepped out of the limo in his Armani suit, hair perfectly styled and tie perfectly pinned. He checked his watch and walked toward the large and glorious mansion from which music and laughter was emanating from. He walked up the steps and was stopped by a man in a cheap suit with a list.

'Name sir?' the man asked.

'Fleming, Ian Fleming,' Arthur spoke with a smirk on his face.

The man looked down on the list, and then nodded at the doorman. The doorman opened the rather large doors and Arthur entered a very decadent and elaborate ball room. Complete with balconies, chandeliers and a room full of guests whose collective outfits would be woth enough moneyfor 3 generations of people to live on comfortably. Arthur nodded in greeting to several people, charming smile constantly adorned on his face. A formerly dressed waiter approached him with a tray of champagne glasses.

'Champagne sir?' the waiter asked.

Arthur took the glass nearest to him and headed for the stairs. He ascended them with grace, returning glances with innocent smiles. He spotted a young dark skinned man surrounded by ladies, all fawning over him. The ladykiller's eyes moved over him and dismissed him quickly, he was of no consequence here, amongst the rich and famous. Arthur downed the champagne and returned it to a waiter carrying a tray of empty glasses before he opened the door at the top of the stairs to the adjoining corridor and slipped inside. There were a few people there, socializing, he moved past them without notice. He reached the door at the end of the hallway, he pulled out a keycard from his jacket pocket and ran it through the scanner, the little red light turned green and Arthur pushed open the door and found himself in a small room with three other muscle bound men.

'Oi, what are you doin ere?' one asked with a rather distasteful accident.

'Pardon me gents, looking for young woman, pretty little thing with legs to here?' Arthur asked and gestured to his middle.

'No one ere but us mate, so I suggest you leave before we throw you out,' the man continued and grabbed his arm.

'Of course, my apologies,' Arthur turned to leave and swung his elbow back to collect with the other man's face. He fell down hard and unconscious.

The other two went for their weapons. Arthur reached one before he could pull it out. He delivered a blow to the solar plexus and then another to the face before wrapping his arm around the man's throat and positioning him in front of his body to block any shot from the remaining man conscious and armed. The man hesitated enough for Arthur to push his man into the armed one. Both went down. The one Arthur had attacked stayed down, the other tried to rise but Arthur's fist soon saw the end to that.

Arthur walked over to the mirror and checked his hair and then his watch, before swearing and walking to the other door. Arthur keyed in the pin he had memorized hours before and stepped inside the room with a solitary desk and four state of the art computers all hooked up to each other. Arthur sat himself down in the chair and pulled out the portable hard drive from his other pocket. He plugged it in and immediately started to search through private files belonging to the man whose party he was crashing. Arthur opened one file and found a many number of sub files containing classified information belonging to the British Government.

'Got you,' Arthur smirked and began downloading of files.

'Hey!' Arthur swung around to find a man holding a gun pointed directly at him 'What the hell are you doing here?'

'Would you believe checking my email?' Arthur offered.

Before the man could answer he was hit over the head with a tray made of pure silver. He was out like a light. The waiter who had offered Arthur the champagne revealed himself holding the bludgeoning weapon.

'Have you got it?' the waiter asked.

Arthur turned around to check the computer, download complete.

'Oh I got it,' Arthur grinned.

'Well come on then!' waiter insisted, turned and left.

Arthur disconnected the hard drive and placed it back in his pocket before deleting any trace he had ever been there and hurrying out of the room.

He walked out into the small room, and then into the corridor.

'We've got a problem,' a voice spoke from Arthur's earpiece.

'What is it?' Arthur hissed and hurried to the main hall.

'The silent alarms' been tripped, one of the security detail must have woken up,' the voice continued.

'Well shut it off!' Arthur ordered and headed toward the main ballroom doors.

'I did, but men are still on their way, I wouldn't recommend the front door,' the voice advised.

'Shit,' Arthur cursed and turned back around.

'Where to then?!' Arthur whispered angrily.

'Hacking into blueprints and security camera's now,' the voice informed 'Alright, second door to the right.'

Arthur hurried over, swiped his card and stepped through into another decadently decorate hallway, only in a sort of t intersection.

'Now go straight ahead,' the voice directed 'Ah shit, men coming your way, quick there's a side room coming up on your left.'

Arthur ran and ducked inside closing the door softly behind him. He stayed perfectly still and silent until he heard footsteps rush past him.

'Okay…it's clear go, go,' the voice spoke.

Arthur pulled the door open and ran down the hallway.

'Now up ahead turn into the right corridor,' the voice continued.

Arthur turned and ran.

'Shit two guys headed your way, there's another side room-,' the voice broke off and Arthur broke into a run. The two guys came into view, Arthur jumped into the air and kicked his legs into the first man, the second pulled out his gun, Arthur turned and delivered a swift kick to the guy's legs, swinging them out from under him. Before delivering another kick down onto the guy's face with his heel, so he stayed down.

'Or you could just do that,' the voice spoke in Arthur's ear.

Arthur began running again.

'Okay, exit straight ahead now,'

'How many guards?' Arthur asked as the door became closer and closer.

'Ahhh,' the voice replied.

'How many guards?!' Arthur nearly shouted but busted down the door anyway.

Four men that were sitting around a poker table outside stood, poised and ready as Arthur burst out. They were so trained on him they didn't notice the Ferrari until it hit, sending them and their cards flying.

The car door was pushed open, the dark skinned ladykiller grinned up at him. Arthur returned the grin and sat himself in the front seat. Ladykiller reversed violently and drove toward the east side of the mansion. Waiter was already waiting there. He opened the door and slid himself in.

'So how'd it go?' ladykiller asked as he pulled away and onto a dirt road headed back toward London.

'Mission Accomplished,' Arthur sighed and held up the hard drive 'So much for plausible deniability.'

'Well done Arthur,' the waiter laughed and clapped him on the shoulder.

'Yes, well done, now come pick me, it's freaking freezing here and the rats keep trying to chew on my power cords.' The voice made itself known again.

'Sure thing hold tight,' ladykiller grinned and turned it up to eleven.

A/N: okay, so what do you think? Should i continue with this one?

p.s. Ian Flemming (Arthur's alias at the party) is the man who wrote the James Bond novel