Okay, this is totally meant to be a joke. No one should be offended. (I have enjoyed all the fics I have read!) I was reading Criminal Minds fic and I have noticed how we love to torture poor Reid. (Myself included.) There were so many various things that happened to him it got me thinking. The poor guy has no right to want to stay in the FBI. This just popped in my head and wouldn't leave. I hope you find it as funny as I do. Enjoy!

PS- This was written around the start of season three before Gideon left for good.

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to inform you that I have decided to leave the FBI effective immediately. It's not that I do not enjoy my job; in fact I have delighted in being able to help put a wide variety of seriously disturbed people behind bars.

However, I have decided that my job is just too damn dangerous and weird. For some inexplicable reason I have been subjected to a rather over abundance of injuries recently.

I understand that there is an element of danger involved in being a federal agent and I accepted that fact when I joined the bureau. However, in the rather short span of the past year I have been stalked, kidnapped, bound, gagged, beaten, slapped, punched, tackled, kicked, poisoned, bruised, manhandled, burned, drugged, cut, stabbed, shot, hit by a car, held hostage, tortured, crippled, scarred, thrown off a building, hit with a bat, broken several bones, damaged almost every organ in my body and used as a human shield more than once.

Oh yeah, I have also died more than once but have somehow been fortunate enough to have been revived each time.

I have spent more time in the hospital than in the office and have often been unconscious, in a coma or on life support. I'm really surprised our heath insurance carrier hasn't gone bankrupt.

In addition to the physical injuries, some very bizarre things have also been happening to me. I have been placed under protective custody on more than one occasion, received multiple death threats, been dragged to various places around the country by psychopaths several times, had a gun held to my head so many times that I've lost count, been stuffed in the trunk of a car, been lost in the woods more than once and for some really odd reason, people keep thinking I have a thing for Gideon! What the hell?? I think I am going to go truly insane if all this keeps up!

Therefore, I must tender my resignation for the sake of my physical and mental well being. Please tell my team mates not to worry, they will now be out of harms way and will no longer have to spend most of their time trying to get me out of any number of strange situations.

I don't know where I'm going, but I'm sure it will be a hell of a lot safer than this place. Tell whoever takes my place good luck!


Dr. Spencer Reid