A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHH. THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER FOR THIS FIC. Such a weird feeling since I've been working on this almost as long as I've been watching GG. For those of you who are still reading this and aren't completely over this fic, I'm so thankful for your support. When I started this, I honestly wasn't even thinking about how far this would go. From here on out, there are two options. This could literally be the end... or maybe not. I have gotten some feedback that some would like this to be continued. If I do continue this, it will be separate since there are like 80 chapters in this. If I continue to season 3, it will be a separate multil fic, and I'm not really thinking about season 4 yet, because I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I don't have season 3 so if this is continued it won't be for awhile. Probably next year (and by next year, I mean in three months.) Even if I do get season 3 that soon I write a lot before I submit. So its going to be awhile. Sorry for the ramble, but that's how it is. Hope you like the last chapter of this fic ever.
Summary: She fell out what she thought was love and into the depths of a searing passionate relationship that love was too weak a word for. She ruined everything for herself. She let him corrupt her. She let herself love him.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. All of this was due to the light of my life, Gossip Girl. I hope you ahd as much fun reading this as I had writing it.
Chuck Bass, I love you. I love you so much, it consumes me. I love you. And I know you love me too.
It hit her like a billion ton weight. One day she wasn't in love with Chuck Bass and the next she was. It wasn't idol worship (please) and it wasn't just infatuation (past that already.) She knew this because they weren't even in bed when it happened. That's how she knew. She wasn't in love with his body or the things it did to hers.
It was his laugh.
She was the only one who had really heard it. He laughed one day and that was when she fell for him. It made her throat go dry and her heart hammer against her ribs. She knew this would be her destruction and she found that she really didn't care.
"What?" he asked, almost uneasy that she was looking at him.
"You laughed," she said blatantly.
"Well, yeah," Serena said with her own tinkling laugh. "He's not completely made of stone."
"What was the joke?" Blair asked distantly, trying to find herself. But her self was with his self and it definitely wasn't coming back.
"What's with you?" Chuck asked bluntly.
"Chuck," Serena reprimanded. They were in public so she couldn't address the fact that Chuck's eyes were burning the side of Blair's face. And the fact that she didn't approve.
"There is no joke," Chuck almost whispered and suddenly Serena was gone. All that remained were his burning eyes and Blair knew she had to get him alone.
"I'm going to the bathroom," Blair announced.
Chuck was obviously on the same page when he followed suit, despite Serena's appalled eyes.
"What are you-"
Before Chuck could finish, Blair had pressed him against the closed door of the party with fervor. She broke away, pleased at his heavy breathing. But that wasn't it. That wasn't what she wanted to know. He was looking at her with adoration and Blair just needed the truth. She knew she was privileged to have that look. She wanted to know more.
"What?" he asked, not able to stop the lusty smirk of his face.
"I want you to take me home with you," she said breathlessly. His face was all the more pleasing to her when he looked at her with surprise. Suddenly his hands were seeking skin under clothes and she was sure her breath had vanished.
"The things you do to me, Waldorf," he murmured heatedly into her hair finally.
"What is it?" she asked, catching him staring at her.
"You've never asked me that before," he said smugly. "I've always chased you."
"I guess the roles are reversed now," she replied, nails digging into his clothing.
"Trust me," he said, pulling her out of the door. "I'm not complaining."
"Do you want me all the time?" she asked, the leather of the limo feeling more than familiar and comfortable.
"I think I'm beginning to want you too much," she confided in him, feeling it pull to a halt.
"I'm blanking on how that's a bad thing," he said, already starting to show signs of his deep arousal.
"I feel like I'm about to burst into flames," she admitted. His eyes deepened with want and for once, she thought maybe it wasn't just lust or chemistry. Maybe they kept coming together repeatedly like this for a reason.
"You'll have to wait until we get inside," Chuck said, pulling her along. He usually didn't have a problem with just taking her in the back of his car like any normal teenager. Tonight felt different. Something had changed and she didn't know what it was. But she was beginning to have an idea.
"Do you like it when I chase you?" Blair inquired as he kicked the door of his suite shut behind them, shrugging out of his shirt and attacking her skirt.
"You're making it very attractive," Chuck said, concentrating on disrobing her. She stilled his hands with hers and he looked at her.
"Then consume me," she commanded.
"Just what I was hoping for," he said, forcing her into his bed.
That night, she wasn't really sure of those words that came from her mouth. She said things and accomplished things that she never had before. She said things she didn't even know that she was feeling. She performed things that she didn't even know she had the capability of doing.
He enjoyed every minute of it.
It was at moments like those where she entertained preposterous thoughts. It was laying in those tousled sheets with his steady breathing against her skin that made her think things she had no business in thinking. She was thinking that maybe things actually did happen for a reason. Maybe Nate was just a detour because she felt things she hadn't even known were possible when she was with Chuck.
She thought that maybe she could really be happy with him. She thought that maybe she could actually captivate his attention long enough like she seemed to have the ability to do. She didn't know what it was, but when she was with him, she just became a different person. She was starting to think though, that she wasn't a different person at all. When she was with Chuck, she was really herself. She was the self that no one saw. No one was allowed to see or even really could see.
But he saw it. He saw everything. So for those brief moments, she allowed herself to think that she loved him. It was possible in this limbo of perfection where he was better to her and for her than anyone ever had been. It was at those moments where she was sure she was hallucinating.
It was during those times when she was starting to drift of to sleep with the now familiar scent of something indescribable that she heard it. She heard it once, not knowing what it was until it was too late.
I think I'm in love with you, Waldorf.
Chuck Bass was in love with her.
Then again, it was probably just a dream.
But that didn't explain why every time he looked at her, she had the strangest feeling that he loved her as much as she was finding that she loved him.
Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So, her daughter Elizabeth made a vow to never marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you. But you can make them fear you.
In class, when they were reading "Henry VIII", Blair always liked Anne Boleyn. She was a misunderstood person, to be sure. Ambition like that wasn't really appreciated in this modern world. Anne Boleyn used what she had to get what she wanted. Blair could relate. That was probably why. Blair knew what it was like to have your head proverbially cut off for doing the wrong things when it came to sex.
It wasn't like Anne did anything wrong concerning that. Sex was why she was married. It was bearing the female child that introduced her to the ax. It wasn't concerning sex that Blair was dethroned either. That was the problem. One person introduced her to the pleasures and she was crucified for it.
Blair should have just thought of ambition. It would have been easier that way. If she just thought about marrying the Vanderbilt line with Cornelius' ring and Nate's confusion, she would have been fine. She would have been content with feigning love and reigning supreme queen over everyone. That would have been fine.
She got stupid, though. She fell out what she thought was love and into the depths of a searing passionate relationship that love was too weak a word for. She ruined everything for herself. She let him corrupt her. She let herself love him. She should have just kept her ambition in mind. Instead, she was soft and vulnerable underneath the armor that no one else was allowed or able to breach. She thought he loved her, if only for a little while. She hoped he did. Instead, she got her head chopped off. And he did it with the internet.
Blair never really saw Jenny as her successor. Jenny was weak and small minded. She didn't see the big picture. Then again, Blair failed at that as well. To be a stronger queen, you looked at your predecessors and avoided their mistakes. Blair didn't want her to be blamed for the failed monarchy. Jenny would learn. She would learn that the male race was your downfall and that was that. Jenny would learn.
She thought being cruel to Chuck would make it better. He didn't love her. Never had, never would. She wished she could change that. She could never change him but him loving her would be her redemption. But it just wasn't happening. Being cruel to him was second best. She couldn't command his respect. But at least she could command his acknowledgment.
It was the one thing she learned. Being powerful hadn't made him love her anymore. But it caught his attention for awhile.
Now he was gone.
And fear or love wasn't bringing him back.
I was in Paris but only to get your favorite macaroons from Pierre Herme.
To pick up your favorite Falke stockings.
What are you doing here, then?
You were right. I was a coward running away again. Everywhere I went, you caught up with me. I had to come back.
It was in Germany when he realized he was in trouble. Paris was all right and the brief period he was in other European countries, he could just pretend. Because he liked macaroons too... right?
However, buying stockings was just something he couldn't avoid. There was in no way he was going to wear them himself and like hell he would get them for whatever Amsterdam Red Light District whores were just walking around (because that would be the one place he wasn't going to tell her that he went.)
His mind was already made up. He looked at the fabric that was so familiar to him and he realized who he had been shopping for all along and it wasn't fair.
He knew he was the one who wasn't being fair. Just hearing the syllable Jack made him want to vomit. Vanessa was cringe-worthy as well but including all of the pain he had put her through, he really did wonder what was making her stay.
Because she loved him.
That was the reason and he couldn't ignore it any longer. Before it was easy. He was drunk and she would parade around on his best friend's arm. How could someone love you if that was all they did?
But in instant everything changed, and changed again, and suddenly he was staring at this stupid box like it actually meant anything to him. This wasn't the first time he was losing his mind on this impromptu trip to forget some girl.
No, he was sure he had seen things that he couldn't have possibly seen. Like in Paris and Amsterdam. All of the hookers just seemed to look like her. And while being compared to a hooker may have not seemed wildly romantic, Chuck would have assumed that she would have just got it because she got him like how she got scheming could be wildly romantic when they ended up in the same bed together with his arm thrown across her waist.
In the end, that's all it was. She understood him like no one could, and really like no woman could. So he found himself idling in some Pierre Herme store without any recollection of walking there until he found himself on the street with some box gift wrapped.
He turned to his his reflection in the shop window and he froze when he saw that it wasn't just his own that was staring back at him with a blank look on his face.
Truthfully, that wasn't the first time he had seen Blair's apparition when he knew she was at home thankfully due to impeccable Gossip Girl updates. There would be someone in the male form in the background of those low quality pictures and his heart would thump uncomfortably. Because it wasn't like he wanted her anymore. She slept with his uncle and that was disgusting.
But then he kept coming back to it. He kept coming back to her words. It was just another excuse for them to not be together. And she wasn't doing it anymore. And what was he doing? Having so much fun in Europe that he would have to be quarantined? Not likely. He was sulking, trying to find meaning to what he was doing to find he was just in a trance for a week. And that wasn't working anymore. Because he was starting to hallucinate and that just wasn't right.
He was buying things in a daze until they were all laid out in the hotel's bedspread and he realized who they were really for. He ripped his tie from his neck and threw it in frustration across the room. He looked in the mirror one last time and wanted to laugh at himself.
The last time he thought Blair was in a foreign country when she wasn't was Thailand. But then he was drugged out of his mind and right now... Now he was having the most sobering effect that he had ever felt. It was as though she were telling him to come home to him right now because she wasn't going to be waiting much longer and what did he want to do, walking on her sexing up some guy in a crowded restaurant when it really should be him because she couldn't bear to be without him for three hours?
She was complicated. Even the hallucinations about her were confusing.
And there she was. Staring back at him from the mirror and he almost had a heart attack.
So are you coming home yet or not? she asked in frustration. He was going to cut that off immediately because he was so not getting into his psychotic psyche at the moment. Bitch. The bitch he loved.
God damnit. He was already packed as he called the jet and without even realizing it, he was watching her strut down the Upper East Side in that lime green coat and realized what a sad existence it would be without her in it.
"Why aren't you in Europe?"
Her question was dry and blunt and he knew this was it. He was in love with her and he didn't care about the photos that were taken of them in the middle of the street with people staring.
Why aren't you in Europe?
He was going to spend the better part of eternity proving exactly why.
I had to come back.
And it was going to start with the limo.
Right where it began for them all along.
I love you too.