Batman was sitting in his room watching Gossip Girl when the phone rang. He quickly ran to the phone and answered it.
"Hello?" he asked, holding the phone with his glove-covered hand. He didn't take off his hero costume because he thought it made him look sexy.
"Hello….Batsy…" said the Joker from the other end. He sounded rather serious (SERIOUS) as he said this.
"Oh hey, babe. What time are you coming home?" Batman asked, twirling the phone cord with his finger.
"Batman…..I can't live like this anymore…..there's….someone else." The Joker replied sadly.
Batman stopped twirling the phone's cord and a slightly confused expression came over his face. "I-I'm sorry? I think I misunderstood you; did you just say that there's….someone else…you've been seeing?" Batman was now sweating; he always did when he was nervous.
"Yes, Batman. I'm sorry, but I-"
"Who have you been seeing?" Batman was now furious.
"None of your business! But Batman, what I've b-"
"It's the Hulk, isn't it? His big, strong, sexy green body is more useful than mine, huh?" Batman then started sobbing and tore off his clothes, revealing a large, hairy belly and two, skinny legs. He was wearing Batman-themed briefs.
"LOOK AT IT!!" Batman cried, pointing to his large belly. "LOOK AT IT THROUGH THE PHONE, YOU DAMN SLUT!!" He then took a razor and started cutting himself while singing 'You are my Sunshine'.
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Joker screamed, he then started panting and exhaled. "I want a divorce."
"What?" Batman dropped the phone, then hastily picked it back up. "A-a divorce?! Honey, we've only been married for two weeks!" Tears started to well up in Batman's eyes, and he wiped them using Chewbacca's ass.
"OOWAGNOFFHAHSDSAHFHFBUTTSECKS!!" Chewbacca replied, then was eaten by a tree.
"I'm sorry, Batman. It's just not working out." The Joker replied with as much sympathy as possible.
"DAMNIT, JOKER! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!" Batman was now holding two children who were sucking on his breasts, and fourteen more were running around the room.
"I'm taking them, Batman. You're an unfit mother. You cannot possibly keep 16 children running around that damn apartment of yours." The Joker replied.
Batman was shocked. He? An unfit mother? Surely everyone else would think the Joker was the unfit one!
"Those poor dears!" The Joker continued, "sucking the poison out of your disgusting tits!" the Joker sounded like he was about to faint from the talk of his dear children being poisoned. "I can't believe I stuck myself into you."
"THE HELL?! NU UH! OH NO!! YOU DID NAWT JUST DUH-DISS ME LIKE DAT! NUH UH GURL, NU UH!" Batman shouted into the receiver, snapping his fingers in a 'Z' formation.
"YOU WANNA GO, BITCH?! YOU WANNA GO?" Joker shouted, then randomly stepped into Batman's apartment.
"LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE, HO!!" Batman shouted, forcibly pushing the Joker.
"WE ALREADY ARE OUTSIDE, DAMNIT!" The Joker replied. They were now outside. It was pouring, and the sky was black. "YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME?? COME AND GET IT!!" The Joker shouted, then started gesturing to Batman and skipping around. "THE RAIN IN SPAIN STAYS MAINLY IN THE PLAIN! THE RAIN IN SPAIN STAYS MAINLY IN THE PLAIN!"
"BRING IT ON, MOTHERFUCKER, BRING IT ON!!" Batman replied, jumping onto the Joker and punching him.
They both started fighting. From a passerby's point of view, it would look like they were having rough, gay sex. Batman and Joker's children randomly appeared and started screaming and shouting and whooping.
"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Shouted some of the children. "JOKER!" "BATMAN!" Shouted some of the others. The rest of the children were screaming, "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"
As the Joker and Batman continued fighting, a man in a brown suit appeared right in front of them. Behind him were cameramen and a guy with a clipboard.
"Hey!" The man in the brown suit shouted. The Joker and Batman stopped fighting and glared at the man.
"Hello! My name is Jim Davis. I am the co-owner of the TLC channel." He shook hands with the Joker and went up to Batman and embraced him with a hug. He continued to hold him tightly until Batman pried him off with a spoon.
"Ahem….anyway. The network has decided to cancel the TV series 'Jon and Kate Plus 8' and replace it with a show all about you two and your family: 'Joker, Batman, Plus 16 and a Can'!" Mr. Davis said, pointing to a random can.
"I'm gonna be….FAMOUS!" The can shouted joyfully. He then started crying tears of joy as people threw flowers at him. "I'M GONNA BE MISS AMERICA! I'M GONNA BE MISS AMERICA!"
The Joker and Batman looked at each other. They held each other's gaze for a moment, but it seemed like hours. Different things were running through their minds: Do they really want to get a divorce? What is more important, the money, or the happiness? They continued to stare at each other until Davis stood right in the middle of the two.
"You're hot then you're cold." Davis began to sing a capella. "You're yes then you're no."
Batman stepped in front of Davis and continued to stare at the Joker. "You're in, then you're out." He sang in a whisper. "You're up, and you're down."
Then the Joker began to sing, "You're wrong when it's right!" The Joker smiled, then linked his arm to Batman's as music came on.
"You're black when it's white!" Batman sang as a big smile swept across his face.
"We fight, we break up! We kiss, we make up!" They both sang in unison, then took each other's faces and brutally made out.
Mr. Davis smiled and nodded as he watched the two going at it. The cameramen videotaped it, and the clipboard guy just stared in shock.
All of the Joker's and Batman's kids screamed and ran away, vomiting and shooting themselves and each other with guns.
In the end, everyone lived happily ever after!
"Joker, Batman, Plus 16 and a Can" will never be appearing on TLC. So go get drunk.
LMAO! EAT MORE CHICKEN! STAY IN SCHOOL! SELL YOUR PARENTS!
SEE YA! ;D
Disc.: I don't own no Batsman, no TLC or no Jon and Kate Plus 8.
I don't know who Jim Davis is. I don't even know who the co-owner of TLC. Or should it have been co-producer? OH WELL! :D