Disclaimer: Ah! My Goddess and all related characters are the property of Kodansha LTD. and ADV Films. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The story and all original characters are the sole property of the author and may not be used or archived without permission.
AH! THE GODDESSES AND THE ROMPING ANGELS
by DARRIN A. COLBOURNE
Eventually, the mini-angels were hovering over their destination, a corrugated metal shed built on the fringes of Nekomi Tech grounds and surrounded by strange vehicles. "You've got to be kidding!" World of Elegance told Noble Scarlet.
"Whaddya mean!?" Scarlet shot back. "It's perfect!"
The angels were gazing down on the headquarters of the Nekomi Institute of Technology Motor Cycle Club, the motoring enthusiasts club in which Keiichi was a member and officer. The place was empty of mortals, this being a Sunday, and its remote location meant little chance of their being discovered by other mortals on the main campus, all of which was Scarlet's definition of "perfect."
Elegance remained unconvinced. "We can't have a club here! It's too small!"
"No it's not!" Scarlet said. "We just have to go in and move some stuff around!"
"Yeah, like a couple of dimensions in time and space..." Gorgeous Rose muttered, noting that the place was little bigger than a small garage.
"I think it will be fine," Holy Bell said. "We don't have to stay here all day, and part of the fun of having our club here will be to try to make the location work. Let's go in and see what it's like."
So the mini-angels flew into the structure and poofed to their full sizes once they were inside. Elegance huffed. "See! It's too small!"
The others thought she made a good point. There was barely enough open space for a mini car or a big motorcycle. The rest of the floor was taken up by large tools, testing equipment and large spare parts. A few mismatched chairs placed haphazardly around the space was the only evidence that the club's mortal members did anything besides fix engines.
Still, Scarlet was undaunted. "I don't see what the big deal is! I think it's great just the way it is!"
"Sure, you would like it, you little gearhead," Elegance said, "but what about the rest of us? How can we spread our wings and fly in a tiny space like this?"
"Well why the heck would you wanna go flying around the clubhouse in the first place?"
Elegance put her hands on her hips and bent low to answer the little angel. "Why? What if we want to start a flying club? What else would we do?"
Scarlet put her hands on her hips and shot back, "We'd fly around outside, ya big doofus!"
Holy Bell stepped in. "Now, now, there's no need to fight. This place will be fine for our club. We should clean it up a little, though..."
Elegance rolled her eyes. "Oh, fine! Naturally I'll be the bigger angel..."
"Watch it...!" Scarlet warned.
"...and take care of cleaning up myself." Elegance stretched out her arms and began chanting silently, then she raised her arms in a swift motion. Then there were a bunch of blurs, and suddenly the floor of the clubhouse was completely clear except for the smattering of chairs, five in all.
"What did you do?" Gorgeous Rose asked.
Elegance smirked and pointed up. The other angels looked up and found everything not mounted to the floor pressed upside down against the ceiling.
"That can't be safe," Spear Mint said.
"Oh, Nonsense," Elegance said. "It's perfectly fine. It's just a little reverse gravity spell. It will wear off when we leave and put everything back, and in the meantime we can start our club in a more civilized space."
"We still don't know what kind of club we're starting," Rose reminded everybody.
"I do! I do!" Scarlet said. "We're starting the Super-Cool Angels Club! It's a club where only the coolest angels in the universe hang out." She was beaming, and after a beat she said, "That means Elegance's membership is a charity case."
"Hey!" Elegance yelled, arms crossed and ready to unleash hell.
Again Bell stopped her. "She didn't mean it, Elegance. Okay, Scarlet. We can start the Super-Cool Angels Club."
"Yahoo!" Scarlet said. "And you can be the club president, Big Sis!"
"Oh, no I can't," Bell said. "Since I'm a teacher I have to be your faculty advisor and can't be a club officer." There were, of course, ways around that particular problem, but Bell was enjoying cosplaying as a teacher. She was still wearing her suit and talking very seriously. "You'll have to nominate club members and have an election for club president."
Suddenly Spear Mint's hand shot up. When she had Bell's attention she lowered her hand and said clearly, "I nominate Gorgeous Rose for Club President!"
"You do?" Rose said, flattered.
"You do?" Scarlet said, shocked.
Spear Mint blushed a little at the reaction, but stood her ground. "Yes. I want Gorgeous Rose to be the president."
Before anyone could process that further, Cool Mint raised both her hands and waved them frantically. When Bell called on her she said defiantly, "Well, I nominate World of Elegance for Club President!"
"You do?" Elegance said, flattered.
"Are you serious?" Scarlet said, flabbergasted.
No hesitation from Cool Mint. "Yes! Absolutely! I want World of Elegance to be the president!"
Scarlet just stared at her, then she turned around and stared some at Spear Mint, then as Spear Mint and Cool Mint turned to stare at each other Scarlet turned to Bell and said, "Yeah...okay... I got nothing..."
"All right then," Bell said, "It's time for the club election. If the club members would please be seated..." She used her powers to arrange the chairs in the room so that three were together facing her and two were on either side of her. The younger angels sat in the three chairs grouped together, with Scarlet in the middle. "Rose," Bell said, "you sit on my left, and Elegance you sit on my right." Once the others were seated she got things started. "Now the candidates will introduce themselves and say why you should vote for them. Rose, since you were nominated first, you may speak first."
"Oh," Rose said, "All right!" She stood up and poofed the girl-prince outfit she was wearing into a rose-colored version of the outfit Jacqueline Kennedy made famous in Dallas in 1963, then cleared her throat and said, "Bon Jour, Super Cool Angel Club members! I am Gorgeous Rose, your humble candidate for President! If you elect me not only will you be selecting a leader with beauty, style, grace and worldliness, but you will be electing the one angel in all of creation that can shower you with ROSES!"
And with that, Gorgeous Rose used her powers to create a tornado of roses inside the clubhouse, making all the other angels squeal and duck. Rose kept the storm up until there was a layer of rosebuds and rose petals two inches deep on the floor.
She had been grinning like a schoolgirl the whole time, and when she was done, she bowed deeply to her audience and said, "Vote for Me, mes amis! Merci!" She sat back down, still grinning and confident that she had dazzled the others.
In fact, reaction was mixed. Cool Mint was staring at her wide-eyed. Holy Bell was staring at the layer of roses at her feet in astonishment. World of Elegance and Noble Scarlet glared at Rose. "Are you crazy?" Scarlet yelled.
Spear Mint gasped...then she shot up and cheered, and grinned, and applauded enthusiastically and for the next minute treated Gorgeous Rose to a one-angel standing ovation. Rose, not one to miss out on vociferous applause, stood up again and bowed several times, prolonging Spear Mint's accolade. Finally Spear Mint and Rose both sat down, both with self-satisfied grins on their faces.
"Um...All right," Bell said, regaining her composure, "now we'll hear from World of Elegance."
Elegance stood up, then looked down and huffed at all the roses on the floor. She used another reverse gravity spell to make them all fly up to the ceiling. This caused Rose and Spear Mint to frown, but Elegance ignored them as she poofed herself into Sarah Palin cosplay - complete with glasses and beehive hairdo - and began. "My Fellow Super-Cool Angels, I am World of Elegance, and I humbly seek your vote for president of the Super-Cool Angels Club. And you should vote for me, because a vote for me is a vote for freedom! And a vote for Liberty! And a vote for angels everywhere! And as your president I will Stay The Course, and go the extra mile, and buckle down, because the buck stops here! Almighty Bless You, and Almighty bless the United Angels of Heaven!"
The reaction to Elegance's speech was mostly uniform. Everybody was utterly bewildered, except for Cool Mint, who stood tall and cheered and grinned and basically gave Elegance the same standing ovation that Spear Mint had offered Rose. Elegance grinned back and nodded and flashed the thumbs-up and victory signs at her biggest fan.
Noble Scarlet, beside herself, turned to Cool Mint and yelled, "But she didn't say anything!"
"But she was sooo beautiful!" Cool Mint said, before she finally stopped clapping and sat back down. Elegance sat down as well, and then turned to Rose and stuck her tongue out at her in triumph. Rose just rolled her eyes.
"Now, does anyone have any questions?" Holy Bell asked. "No? Then it's time to vote. I think we can use a simple show of hands. Who votes for Gorgeous Rose?" Once again, Spear Mint's hand shot up, and it stayed up. "That's one. And who votes for World of Elegance?" Now Cool Mint's hand went up and stayed up.
The twins then turned to each other and dropped their hands. They both looked angry. "You can't vote for World of Elegance!" Spear Mint said.
"I can so!" Cool Mint shot back. "I can vote for whichever candidate I want!"
"But if you vote for World of Elegance then Gorgeous Rose won't be president!" Spear Mint complained.
"That's good," Cool Mint said, "because I want World of Elegance to be president!"
"But Gorgeous Rose is gorgeous! And she showers us with roses!"
"But World of Elegance is cool! And she says fancy stuff that makes you happy!"
"World of Elegance!"
"World! Of! Elegance!"
Noble Scarlet ducked out of the line of fire between the twins and snuck over to Holy Bell. "What the heck's wrong with those two?" She asked.
Bell thought about it for a moment, then smiled when it hit her. "I think they've developed angel crushes!"
"Angel crushes?" Scarlet said. "What do you mean?"
"Well, sometimes when younger angels meet older angels that they find attractive and fascinating, they develop crushes on those angels."
Scarlet's face scrunched up. "That's silly! I would never have an angel crush on anybody!"
"Of course you wouldn't, dear," Bell said, then she bent down and kissed the top of Scarlet's head...whereupon Scarlet immediately went weak-in-the-knees and swooned.
Meanwhile, Cool Mint and Spear Mint were still arguing. "Besides," Spear Mint was saying, "you can't vote for World of Elegance because I said you can't! I'm the older sister, and the younger sister has to do what the older sister says!"
"That's not true!" Cool Mint hit back. "We were born from the same angel egg and we're identical twins, so neither one of us is the older sister!"
Spear Mint put her fists on her hips. "You're forgetting that part of an angel's birth cycle is revelation and naming, and since you were revealed and named after I was, that means you were born after me, which means I'm the oldest! So there!"
Hearing that made Elegance think. "Actually, Spear Mint kinda makes sense..." She thought out loud.
Holy Bell sidled up to her and whispered, "She certainly does, little sister." Elegance blushed while Bell giggled.
Cool Mint crossed her arms and pouted. "Well, I don't care! I'm not going to vote for Gorgeous Rose no matter what you say, and you can't make me!"
Spear Mint rolled up imaginary sleeves and growled, "I'll show you what I can make you do!" Then she pounced, and Cool Mint squealed and began laughing hysterically as Spear Mint engaged in energetic tickle torturing. "There! Now I've got you, my rebellious little sister! And I'm going to keep on tormenting you until you say you'll vote for Gorgeous Rose!"
"Never!" Cool Mint cried out between helpless giggles.
Suddenly World of Elegance stood tall and stuck a finger in the air. "I must come to the aid of my loyal constituency!" She declared before throwing herself at the twins. Spear Mint screamed when she saw Elegance flying toward her, then she was rendered helpless with laughter as Elegance got down to business. Cool Mint took a moment to recover, then started tickling Spear Mint as well, teaming up with her candidate.
Now Gorgeous Rose stood up and stuck a finger in the air. "I must...oh, what Elegance said!" Then she was flying toward the pile-up. She tackled World of Elegance and began tickling her with extreme prejudice, causing the devilish angel to howl with laughter. Then Cool Mint pounced on Rose. Then Spear Mint pounced on Elegance.
Holy Bell and Noble Scarlet just watched this bizzare political battle for a moment or two, then they looked at each other, shrugged and dove into the pile-up.
And thus began the Second Greatest Angel Tickle war in Angel History.
Oblivious to the angel smackdown going on inside, the seniors Tamiya and Otaki were marching up to the entrance to the MCC clubhouse. "We gotta get ready for da big meetin' tomorrow, Dai!" Tamiya said.
"That's right, Den!" Otaki said. "We're gonna whip those second-year members into shape!"
"It's gonna be tough!" Tamiya said. "Some of doze underclassmen are serious wimps!"
"Well, we'll just have to man 'em up like we did with Morisato!" Otaki said enthusiastically.
They marched unerringly to the front door of the clubhouse, where Tamiya unlocked the padlock securing it. He flung the door open with great purpose and he and Otaki took a step inside...
...where they were confronted by the sight of six angels - three of them wearing suits - piled up on the floor and tickling each other. They looked like they were all laughing hysterically, but the only sound that could be heard was a chorus of strange harmonies. This continued for about a minute until one of the blond angels noticed them. She immediately stopped tickling and stared in shock. A moment later all the angels stopped tickling each other and turned to see what the first one had seen. They all looked shocked as well.
A few minutes passed as mortals and angels just stared at each other and blinked. Finally, the first blond angel smiled sheepishly and waved, then all the other angels followed suit. Confronted with the sight of six smiling and waving angels, Tamiya and Otaki backed out of the clubhouse and slowly closed the door.
They couldn't speak for a beat, then they looked at each other and Tamiya said, "Dai, you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
It took a beat, but Otaki grinned and said, "Ticklish Angel cosplay at the next Club Festival!"
Tamiya slammed his fist into his palm. "Dat's right! Dey's gonna be da best costumes we ever come up with!"
"We can rig up a harness and wires and swoop down on the first-years and recruit their butts off!"
"And den we'll have more raw material to whip into manly shape like us! Dis is a great idea! I'm glad I thought of it!"
"You're a genius, Den!"
The seniors marched off jauntily, making their plans as they went.
Spear Mint was watching them through a crack in the door. "They're leaving!" She said.
"Thank goodness!" Gorgeous Rose said. "We might have been in terrible danger!"
"From those two?" World of Elegance huffed. "Mistress Urd has belts with more brainpower!"
"Well, whatever, I just want to get this club nonsense over with!"
"Now that I agree with!"
"But we haven't even chosen the President yet!" Scarlet whined.
"That's up to you, Scarlet dear," Bell said. "You have the deciding vote."
Scarlet blinked as she realized that was the case, and suddenly all of the other angels were staring at her and waiting for an answer. She thought about it a little. "I vote..." She thought about it some more. "I vote for..." Big Grin. "ME!"
Face-palms and groans all around. "Really, Scarlet?" Elegance said. "You made us go through all of this just to stage a coup!?"
"Well I wanted to vote for Big Sis, but she said she couldn't be president, and I don't want you or the other doofus to be president, so that leaves me!" To Scarlet it made perfect sense.
"Well, can we have three presidents?" Gorgeous Rose asked.
"It depends on what the bylaws say," Holy Bell said, "but we don't have any bylaws yet."
"We can't have any bylaws until we have a club leadership!" Spear Mint complained.
"But we can't have a club leadership if we can't even pick just one president!" Cool Mint also complained.
"And that should be Gorgeous Rose!" Spear Mint yelled at her sister.
"WORLD! OF! ELEGANCE!" Cool Mint shouted back.
"Oh, enough!" Elegance said. "I hereby proclaim this experiment in angel clubbing hopelessly screwed up!"
"Hear hear!" Rose said.
Then Elegance put on a big grin and raised her hand and waved it. "Oh, Big Sister! Big Sis-ter! Call on me, Big Sister!"
Bell rolled her eyes. "Yes, Elegance..."
Elegance lowered her hand and asked sweetly, "May we please stop all this play-schooling and go do something grown-up angels might enjoy?"
"Yes, Elegance," Bell sighed, "we can do something else." Then she bent so she could whisper to Scarlet: "But it was so much fun while we were doing it!" This made both angels giggle.
"Well, fine," Elegance said, "but now let's go find some new fun. First we'll get rid of this cosplay..." She poofed herself back to her normal appearance, and Bell and Rose followed suit. "And now...we're going back to the city!" After that momentous announcement, she marched to the front door.
"What's wrong with you?" Rose said. "We can't just go back there! How will we get there without being noticed? And how will we avoid being mobbed by the mortals? We have to plan!"
"I already have a plan for getting around the city unnoticed," Elegance said, "and as for getting there..." She shrugged. "we'll just do what Spear Mint said and fly really high in the air." And before Rose could respond, she said, "And if you say one word about spaceships...!"
"Fine," Rose muttered. "When they come to abduct us I'll offer them you in exchange for the rest of us..."
With those points settled, Elegance opened the door and peeked out. There were no mortals in sight, so she floated outside and motioned the others to follow. Soon the angels were soaring into the clouds.
Bell and Elegance were flying side-by-side when Bell noticed the pensive look on her sister's face. "What's wrong?"
"I feel like I'm forgetting something..." Elegance said. She thought about it a little bit, then decided, "Ah, well. If it's really important it will come to me in a minute."
And exactly one minute later, back at the Nekomi Tech Motorcycle Club clubhouse, Elegance's reverse-gravity spells wore off, letting everything they were holding up crash loudly and messily to the floor...