We're going to tell Alice that I ran right to the clothes. We're going to tell her I spent hours in there playing dress up. We're going to lie. (Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer, p. 481)
We had made love all throughout the evening, the sky outside our cottage turning from a purplish grey to the color of a deep bruise to pitch black darkness. I shook my head from side to side, trying to clear the confusion of my rapid, bumbling thoughts, trying to process all the different ways I wanted Edward. I wanted him as his wife; I had loved making gentle, endless love with him throughout the evening, knowing it would never have to come to an end. But my body…my body seemed to continue to want him in other ways, ways in which I had not yet experienced him because of his careful restraint with my human body in the past. I lay against his chest, trying to process and understand the various longings that were coursing through my body. The mere thought of him, even after having been joined with his body all night long, drove me to action yet again.
I finally sat up in a flash, eager to run my eyes down the length of his beautiful body. I felt my brows twitch together, confused. He was still obviously excited. "Was that not…did that not…do it for you?" I was disappointed – had our first time together in this new life not been as amazing for him as it had been for me? I couldn't imagine it feeling any better and he had certainly seemed to enjoy himself.
He whipped his head in my direction and looked at me incredulously. "Bella, don't be absurd. That was amazing. Even more amazing than before…on the island…and I didn't believe such a thing was possible."
I continued to stare at his body, lips pursed in frustration. I wanted more than anything to please him, now that neither of us had to hold back, I wanted him to feel as incredible as I did. Why was he lying? "From the looks of things, it doesn't appear that it was that amazing for you." The pout in my voice was obvious.
Edward glanced down at his body himself and chuckled when he finally picked up on my train of thought. "Oh that."
"Yes that! You obviously weren't…satisfied."
Edward rolled over, pressing his body flush against mine, the feel of his arousal against me making me excited all over again. I widened my legs to accommodate the feel of him between them. "Silly Bella," he whispered into my ear. "I was totally satisfied. And then some. But…I can keep this going as long as we want to…no matter how many times both of us are…satisfied."
I shook my head. "It wasn't like that on the island."
Edward cocked his head to the side, not following my lack of understanding. "Bella, on the island…I was still exuding the maximum amount of control every time I was with you. I forced myself to…restrain on many occasions where I would have liked to continue." He pulled me gently into his arms. "No matter how much we "practiced," the thought of hurting you…it was still crippling. I forced myself to calm down, forced myself to focus my thoughts elsewhere. Now that I no longer need to, well…"
"How did you refocus?" I asked, suddenly curious.
He smiled his impossible grin, clearly proud of himself. "Baseball. I thought about baseball. Isn't that what guys do?"
I was done with this conversation. The feel of his body throbbing between my legs was pulling my agile mind swiftly in another direction. "I guess so," I whispered into his ear, running my tongue along the edge. "But you're not a normal guy. And I'm not a normal girl anymore." I slipped my hands down between my legs, gently running my fingertips over the length of him. "So please stop thinking about baseball."
A groan emitted from his throat as he crushed his mouth against mine. He moved to my neck, devouring my skin and causing me to tingle. "Is it possible that you drive me even crazier than you did before?"
I ran my hands through his tousled hair as he teased my entire body from head to toe with his mouth. "Edward," I groaned.
His face was back in front of mine. "Yes love?"
Now it was my turn, and I let my kisses trail down over his shoulder, his chest, along the V of his abdomen until I could run my tongue over his hard length. "I want you to lose control entirely."
He exhaled heavily as I continued to tease him with my mouth. "You're doing a pretty good job of making that happen."
I slid my body up over the length of his so that I was resting on top of him. I stared directly into his eyes. "Take me, Edward," I commanded. "And don't be gentle." I saw a similar heat light behind his eyes, the same heat I knew was emanating from mine. I heard a growl escape from my own throat as the powerful connection between our eyes alone fostered a sexual excitement in the rest of my body. Edward's mouth was on mine then, kissing me with inhuman force, kissing me in a way I could now handle. And again I found I did not have human words to describe the sensations it created, how every cell in my lips responded, overflowed with pleasure at his touch, how his breath comingled with mine in a way that left me heady and dizzy. How his tongue…how his tongue wrestling with mine felt like my entire brain had been short-circuited. I could feel him responding to this new powerful chemistry between us, could feel him letting his perfectly-honed careful demeanor slip, felt him giving in to the creature I had seen hunting today in the forest, driven my instincts alone and eschewing all logical thought.
He had me on my feet before I knew what was happening and my instincts prompted me to turn around and face him, on guard of the attack. But although I was stronger, he was still faster, and he knew how to control my body in this pseudo-battle. He had both my hands clasped within his at once, had me turned around so that I was facing into the wall, and forced my arms over my head, pinned them against the wall with one of his own.
His other hand prodded my legs apart, his fingers running roughly inside me, causing an instantaneous reaction from my body. His low groan was directly in my ear as he felt my body soaking wet with need. Edward's voice was low and hollow. "I love that you still get this wet for me, Bella," he moaned, pushing his hips firmly against my ass, his fingers quickening their pace. "It reminds me of how alive you still are."
I arched my back as I leaned against the wall, grinding against him, my body begging him to take me entirely. But instead he turned me around, one hand still pinning my arms overhead as he lowered his mouth to my breast. "I need to look at you, Bella." He released my arms, hands falling to the curve of my butt, holding my weight against the wall without effort. He came all the way between my legs, finally entering me with one deep thrust. I was powerless to keep the cries from escaping my mouth.
Edward thrust into my body with abandon, going deeper inside me than he had ever been before. His hips crushed against mine, moving our bodies together in a circular rhythm as he pounded into my body. He moved with such speed, such speed and power that even my new quick mind could barely wrap itself around the sensation. My mind flickered over the realization over exactly how painful this would have been before and then flickered back to the more appealing thought, that Edward was showing no such concern at this point. He had snapped past the point of rational thought, and being with him when he was like this, was exhilarating and fascinating and filling me with a different type of satisfaction than I ever knew existed.
There seemed to be no end in sight. Edward showed no signs of tiring as he easily moved our bodies together, low growls escaping his throat, reaching my ear, and causing nerves throughout my entire body to send out pulse waves of pleasure. Out of nowhere they exploded at once, rocking my body with crippling pleasure. My head fell back against the wall, mouth open. "Edward," I cried out. "You are…everything." I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, bringing his body into even closer contact with mine, and gripped him against me with my inhuman strength. His cries echoed mine when he finally found his release.
After letting his body collapse against my chest and resting there for several moments, he finally lowered me onto the floor, taking my hand and leading me toward the bed. At its foot, he turned to me, cupping my chin in his hands and staring into my eyes as if he were trying to grasp something. It was reminiscent of how he used to stare at me when we first met, when he was trying to peer into my mind to find something just beyond his reach.
His voice was soft when he spoke, taking me a million miles away from the place we had both just been minutes earlier, passion turned tender rather than rough. My Edward was back, had returned after leaving his body in recent moments. "Come lay down with me, please," he whispered. "I just need…time. I just need some time." He glanced to the side, collecting his thoughts. "Bella, I know how you have suffered in the past few days. I know you have suffered more than you let on, you can't fool me of that." His eyes swept downward. "And I am somewhat ashamed of myself to even compare my suffering to yours." He tightened his grasp on my face. "But I have, Bella, I have suffered so painfully this last week when you were away from me, being tortured in some place within yourself, some place where I couldn't even begin to give you comfort. And now…I need to touch you…" One hand swept gently over my cheekbone. "I need to hold you. I need to do this so I can be fully convinced that you are okay in this new life, so that my heart can be convinced of what my eyes see and my thoughts know." His eyes scorched into mine. "Please Bella, please come lay down with me."
Following such a heartfelt plea, regardless of what my new body still wanted, still craved without end, I was powerless to resist following him as he pulled us both down upon the bed and wrapped me in his arms.
I obviously hadn't been sleeping, that much I knew, that much was impossible. But I had discovered a space in between being full conscious, acutely conscious of the world around me, of my thoughts, and being lost in sleep. It was a dreamlike state, where the only things I was aware of were the feel of the length of Edward's body intertwined with mine, the absolute stillness of the night air, and the particles of dust dancing in the moonbeams that provided the only sliver of light in the cottage. I lost track of how much time passed as we lay there without speaking.
So it seemed like an awakening when I felt Edward lean onto his elbow, reach for something on the floor, and then trail a silky piece of fabric over my cheek. Even in the dark, my now perfect vision allowed me to recognize it for what it was – the belt from the sapphire blue silk robe that had hung from the back of the bedroom door. He drew it languidly over my face, and was already securing the fabric over my eyes and behind my head before I realized what he was doing. Before I could formulate the question on my lips, his voice was in my ear, a silken whisper in the silent night. "I was thinking," he began slowly, "that you are still probably feeling very…distracted." He lowered his mouth completely, gently pulling my earlobe between his lips. I shivered with desire at once. "So many new sensations…" He let his tongue dart gently into my ear and my hands instantly responded, reaching up to grasp his head closer to mine. "So many new things to experience." His whisper had an amused quality now. "It's been so long for me – I can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel, how very difficult it must be to focus on just one thing, one feeling, at a time." Edward's lips swept down to my neck, sucking lightly at the nape and sending what felt like jolts of electricity through my entire body. I wasn't entirely sure where he was going with this – I was finding it pretty easy to concentrate solely on his mouth at the moment.
My vision obscured, I felt, rather than saw, him leave me and rise from the bed. I turned in the direction of his now absent body, reaching for him urgently in the most natural of responses. I heard a soft chuckle from that side of the room. "Don't worry, love, I'll be back in just one second," he assured me, making good on that promise before the words even reached my ears. He drew additional pieces of fabric across my arms – the silk made it feel like I was submerging my skin in pools of gentle water. I gasped aloud as I felt Edward kneel over top of me, straddling my body and resting his hips lightly against mine. My hips were inclined to respond, rising into the air to meet his. But he was preoccupied, gently picking up my right wrist. He planted a light kiss at the base of my palm, before pulling my arm into the air and behind me. I could only imagine the half smile on his face, hear it in his voice, as he tied one wrist, then the other, to the slats of the headboard behind me. Then he was over top of me again, and my hands itched to reach out for him. But they couldn't, and again my hips sought the opportunity to join our bodies, writhing against his in demand.
He lowered his body onto mine, and I could feel he was impossibly hard again. It was torture not to be able to touch him, not to be able to reach out and give him the pleasure I so badly wanted to. Placing one hand against my cheek, he gently persuaded the side of my face onto the pillow, and began whispering in my ear again. "Consider all the distractions removed, Bella." He ran his tongue along my jawline and over my lips, teasing me. "Nothing to look at, my love." He allowed his hands to meet mine, lovingly stroking my hands that were bound to the bed. "Nothing to touch. No obligations to me." His voice was low and guttural in my ear. "The only thing left is feeling. Feeling pleasure. All yours." He lowered his mouth to one nipple, running his tongue around it before pulling it into his mouth. I heard myself gasp aloud with pleasure, and again, the electric jolts ran the quick circuit throughout my entire body.
He rested his chin against my chest and spoke my name. "Bella," he began. I heard the now serious undertone in his voice, could imagine perfectly how intensely his eyes were burning as he spoke to me. "I know you believe you have given nothing up, that you have everything you could imagine wanting…" His hands slipped between my knees, gently urging them apart and lightly touching my center, two fingers slipping inside while his thumb ran in circular patterns. My knees turned to rubber and fell apart, providing him full access to my body, and his fingers slipped further inside me. "But you have given things up, you have given up so much to share this life with me…" His voice cracked. "And I know it's absurd to even think that I can even begin to repay that to you with…physical pleasure." His lips were on my inner thigh, planting feather light kisses in their path. Again, I found my hips undulating wildly against his, my body begging him to take this further, to give me what I couldn't reach out and grab. When he spoke again, his breath teased my inner core, causing me to tingle and desire his touch even more. "But that doesn't mean that I won't try."
When Edward's tongue finally touched my body, I nearly tore the bonds right off the bed, probably nearly took the entire headboard off with them. Realizing that I now had the capability of doing a little headboard-destroying myself, I forced myself to calm down, forced myself to channel the sensations so that I didn't destroy our new home. This was a difficult task. He may have just spoken of giving me pleasure, but right now it felt more like torture, the way his mouth was teasing my throbbing body. Moving at an impossibly slow pace, his tongue ran ever so lightly in between the folds of my body, applying the most minimal pressure before darting out again to tease another area that ached for his touch, ached for attention. He continued to slide his fingers lazily in and out of my body, now slick with wanting. And he was right. Without being able to see, without being able to touch him, every sensation was heightened to an impossible degree. My entire being radiated from between my legs, every nerve ending in my body seemed to be hardwired to the spots that Edward was caressing with his tongue. It was so deliriously good I thought I might be dying all over again.
"Edward!" My voice was a wild gasp as I cried out for him. "Edward, please…" I begged, not even sure myself what I was asking for. He responded somewhat to my pleas, increasing the pressure of his tongue against my body, slowly increasing the pace with which he ran over my flesh.
"Does that feel good, love?" His voice sounded broken, and when he pressed his body against my leg, I was reminded of the restraint he was demonstrating to focus his attention solely on my pleasure. I hated that, wanted him to feel as good as he was making me feel, wanted this perfection to be complete. Again I tried to coax his body to join with mine, circling my hips to try to persuade him upward. And again he refused, as I felt his mouth chuckle against my open body. "I don't think so, Bella," he chided me.
Even though air was unnecessary, I found myself inhaling deep lungfuls, trying to regulate my body's response to his touch. "Stop teasing me, Edward," I begged. "More…please." He responded to this by sliding one hand across my belly, pushing down on my lower abdomen, and engaging the most sensitive part of my body from the outside. The combination of the pressure from his fingers, inside and out, and his tongue teasingly lapping at my clit with increased pressure…I thought I was going to combust. I groaned loudly, grasping onto the wooden slats to which I was attached with all my might, hoping they didn't become unhinged in my clutches. More than anything I wanted to tear my hands free, grab onto his head, and force his mouth down upon my body until he gave me my release. But he was in control of that right now, and I had to beg. "Edward…that feels…oh my God…I can't…please…"
His voice was amused and coaxing at the same time. "Try to control it," he encouraged. "It will be different now…let it keep building love…" I urged him with my knees, and sensing my need, he returned his mouth to my body, continuing to press along my hips and abdomen with one hand as the other stimulated me from inside. I couldn't imagine the waves of pleasure currently coursing through my body becoming any more powerful without climaxing, but of course Edward was right, and the sensations just continued to build with no release as his hands manipulated my body. I cried out regularly now, the pulsations rocking my body so similar to memories of pain that I could barely understand why he would want to torture me this way.
"Ed…ward," I could barely formulate his name at this point. My mind was lost, detached from my body, lost to the sea of sensations rocking my core. "Please," I begged in a whisper. "Please."
Finally persuaded that I had had enough, he placed the heel of his hand firmly against my pubic bone, and with that intensity of pressure also increased the pressure and speed with which his tongue darted in and out of my body. He seemed to know exactly what spots to hit to bring the sensation to a breaking point, tantalizing every nerve ending in the area as he slid his tongue inside and out. I was crying out, almost terrified of where the feeling was going to go from here, and barely heard his voice when he finally encouraged me to let go. "Come for me now, Bella," he commanded. "Please. Come in my mouth." And I did, my body exploding so intensely that I swore it was breaking apart. He didn't retreat, continued to tease me through my orgasm, pressing and licking and rounding out the sensation.
I waited, anticipating the collapse that I was sure to follow as my body came down from its high. But I was startled to find it didn't, that the shock waves running through my body continued to do so with no signs of slowing or decreasing. The orgasm continued to rock my body, pulsing out to the very tips of my fingers and toes. I cried out in rhythm with the waves of pleasure, unable to wrap my mind around what was happening.
I was so wet from Edward's mouth and my body's response to his mouth that it happened with swift ease when Edward, apparently satisfied with my level of pleasure, finally sheathed his body in mine in one swift moment. I still had no power, eyes still covered, hands still bound, and was unable to do what I wanted to do most, grab onto his hips and pull his body as far inside mine as possible. The feel of him filling me, hard as a rock, added a new level to the feelings coursing my body, and I found myself begging again. "Edward, please," I cried. "Please. I want to touch you."
"Focus, love," he encouraged me in a whisper, his hand sweeping over my cheek before he lowered his mouth to mine. "Just focus on what you're feeling and let me take care of this." I tried to do that, tried to enjoy what I was feeling, but he was teasing me again, grinding his hips so slowly and purposefully against mine, retreating from my body at the slowest of paces and then thrusting his body determinedly into mine again and again, it was absolute torture to not be able to reach out to him. One hand reached down and circled my nipple as the other one intertwined with my bound right hand for support as he drove his body into mine. He laughed again lightly. "Why the hurry?" he asked, slowing his pace even further and infuriating my eager body. "You will learn to slow down, Bella, I promise."
Feeling taunted, I felt the careful control I'd been exuding all day slip away. My body had no more patience for his lessons, and wanted what it wanted. With a final frustrated groan, my hands took on a life of their own, and before I knew what had happened had torn the silk to shreds at the same time the slats of the headboard snapped like twigs between my fingers. Edward didn't seem to notice, now that my hands were free to claim his body and went straight to his lower back, clenching his writhing muscles in determination to keep him close and as deep inside me as possible. Now in control of the situation again, my body responded accordingly, nerve endings again firing at fever pitch as the physical excitement within me rose. Just when I was about to go over the cliff for the second time in less than twenty minutes, I thought enough to reach up and tear the blindfold from my eyes. I was rewarded with the instantaneous meeting up with his eyes, burning and golden and smoldering right into mine from underneath thick, dark lashes. Startled by the depths of them, I came at once, crying out his name and digging my nails into his smooth, solid back. He soon followed.
Moments later, Edward flipped onto his back. Reaching behind our heads, he grabbed something and chuckled.
"What's funny?" I asked, clearing my throat, still adjusting to the new musical quality of my voice.
Raising one eyebrow and giving me a half smile, Edward jiggled the broken piece of wood in front of my face. "Nothing's funny, love. I'm just collecting evidence." He planted a soft kiss on my forehead. "And I think this will shut Emmett up for awhile."