Hidan stared in horror at the object on the desk in front of him. "You've gotta be fucking kidding me." This thing was the center of his worst fears, and haunted his dreams at night. And now, in all its monstrous wretchedness, it was here, not three feet from him.
It was….a swear jar.
"Yup." Kakuzu grinned. "Pay up."
Hidan grumbled as he dug through his pockets, searching for a quarter. Dammit, he should have expected his partner to pull something like this! He dropped the coin into the empty jar. "Happy now?"
"Not yet." Kakuzu stared into the semi-empty jar. "But knowing you, I will be soon."
Hidan 'hmmphed' and sat down on the bed. "May I ask why you're doing this?"
"Simple. Everyone's sick of you swearing like there's no tomorrow, so Pein told me to stop you. I thought about it, and this seemed the best way to do it. Or at least the easiest way to make a quick buck." The banker smirked beneath his mask. "So, you stop swearing, and I make some money. Everybody wins." He frowned. "Well, except you, I guess."
"That fucking sucks!"
Deidara was sitting in the living room, reading a book on massage techniques, when a slight movement caught his attention. He set down his book long enough to look up and see Hidan glancing around nervously. "Hidan?" The Jashinist nearly jumped out of his skin before realizing it was the sculptor. "Oh, it's only you, Deidara."
"Why are you acting so nervous, un?"
Hidan looked around. "Do you know where Kakuzu is?"
"Yeah, he went into town to get some groceries, un."
"Really?!" the Jashinist's eyes lit up. "In that case (he took a deep breath) fuck shit damn hell ass-"
"Why the fuck should I, blondie?!"
"Because Kakuzu set up little microphones all over the base before he left, un!"
Hidan froze, then groaned and sank on the couch. "How many was that, Deidara?"
The blonde quickly tallied them up. "Six, un."
Hidan sighed. "Well, thanks for catching me before it went too far." He gritted his teeth and slammed his fist into the couch. "Dang it, do you have any idea how fu- how freaking annoying it is not to be able to swear?!"
"Nope, un." Deidara couldn't help grinning.
"Oh shut the fu- shut the he- just shut up!" Hidan was getting pissed.
"Calm down. Now, have you tried anything to stop this swear jar thing, un?"
Hidan inhaled deeply and tried to get calm. "No. What do you recommend?"
Deidara cocked his head thoughtfully. "Does Kakuzu have any weaknesses? Besides his money I mean, un."
Hidan thought for a moment. "Just sex with me."
Deidara shook his head. "I've tried that. It doesn't usually work out so well, un. Probably because I'm uke, un."
The immortal was curious. "What do you mean?"
"Well, sometimes Sasori danna and I will get into a fight over something, and I'll say no sex until he changes his mind or fixes the problem. Sometimes danna will listen and do it, un. But most of the time…"
"Danna just poisons me and screws me senseless."
Hidan's mouth fell open. "What, un?"
"THAT'S RAPE, YOU MORON!"
Deidara shrugged. "I don't mind, un. It's kinda nice when danna doesn't restrain himself, un."
"And I thought I was the only masochist around here…" Hidan sighed and stood up. "Thanks, kid, but I'm going to have to figure this out by myself. BEFORE I end up broke." He walked out of the room.
Deidara stood up, intent on following him. "Wait, Hi-OWW!" something had stabbed his neck. Deidara reached up and felt a dart. "Danna!" He collapsed limply, completely paralyzed but still wide awake.
The said red head walked over to him, face emotionless. "Sorry, Deidara, but art is eternal." And without another word he grabbed hold of the sculptor's leg, dragging him in the direction of their room.
Hidan was lying on the bed in his room, glaring at the jar. It was nearly half full, and it had only been here for a week! Really, he had no idea he swore that much (ok, he did, but this was ridiculous!) He sighed, wracking his brain for some solution to this problem. But what could he do? Kakuzu really did have only two weaknesses; his money and his partner. There had to be some way he could use that to his advantage!
Hidan was still thinking an hour later when his partner came in. "What are you doing?"
Hidan blinked and sat up. "Nothing, jerk."
"Uh-huh. Well, I'm about to leave for a solo assignment."
The banker frowned. "Is that all? I'm going to be gone for a few days, you know."
"Alright, alright! Jashin, you're such a baby." He got up and walked over to his partner, pulling down Kakuzu's mask and kissing him on the lips. He felt the banker's arms wrap around him and pull him in for another kiss. Despite this torture, he really loved his partner. "He may be a fucking jerk, but he's my fucking jerk."
Kakuzu pulled away and walked towards the door. He stepped halfway out, before turning to look at his partner. "Hidan."
"If anything happens to that jar while I'm gone, you're paying for the replacement." And with that he was gone.
Hidan flopped back onto the bed, grumbling angrily. There had to be a way around this!
Hidan glared at the digital clock angrily. He'd been awake for the past four hours, trying to come up with a plan.
He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. There must be something obvious he was missing! He groaned, wishing he partner was here so he could at least beat the hell out of him. But no, Kakuzu had taken off with a kiss and a farewell, leaving his partner here to-
Hidan shot up in bed. Of course! He ran to his closet and began rummaging through the crap in the bottom. "Let's see, I had it here somewhere-THERE!" The Jashinist triumphantly pulled out a black marker. He turned to the jar and let out a low, evil chuckle. "Time to fix that thing…"
A few days later Kakuzu returned. He reported to Pein, then immediately headed for his room, eager to see how his partner was doing.
When he arrived, he found Hidan on the bed reading. "How are you?"
The banker grinned. "You gotta pay, Hidan."
The Jashinist smirked. "About that…while you were gone, I made a few modifications to the jar."
Kakuzu's smile fell. "What kind of modifications?"
Hidan shut his book and walked over to the jar, picking it up. "This kind." He handed it to his partner, standing close.
Kakuzu's eye's skimmed the label. SWEAR JAR. But underneath it, something else had been written. He had to squint, the print was small….oh.
Carefully, his partner had written, 'price: one kiss."
He looked down into the immortal's face. Carefully, he set down the jar and slid a hand around his partner's waist. "Pay up."