A/N: This is rated M for a reason. While there's no gratuitous sexual exploits, one commonly known factoid about Hidan is that he swears like a drunken sailor and makes graphic threats of violence. So if that isn't your cup of chai, I recommend that you don't read this. You have been forewarned. It also contains men kissing other men. But if you're reading this, that means that you know who Kakuzu and Hidan are anyway. I also wanted to say a massive I am so sorry to the readers who have been waiting on this to be fixed and finished for four years. I could say that it was because I was finishing high school and then got too busy with adult life, but in reality I just didn't want to get off my lazy butt and finish it. So for anybody still waiting for this fic, this chapter is dedicated to you for being so awesome. It will be finished. It's gonna be a multi chapter beastie that I hope to have finished by Christmas, so buckle up and enjoy the ride.



Some stories might begin with something like "Once upon a time" or "A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away", but this story takes place neither long ago nor far away. And although this world may seem just as strange and bizarre as any alien planet, I can assure you with no degree of uncertainty, that the tales that have yet to unfold may be closer than you would believe. No, these events start simply with an organization. A criminal organization, in fact.

Located somewhere deep within the Village Hidden in the Rain, lies a fortress just as hidden as the village that encloses it. This fortress plays home to a band of renegades, a mismatched group with no homes or families of their own to which they can return. This group is known only as the Akatsuki. However, the pages to follow are not about the entirety of this group. The details chronicled here tell of two men within the organization, two unlikely heroes for an unlikely saga.

These are the tales of Kakuzu and Hidan.

Hidan sighed and swore loudly. He had been sitting and watching his partner turned lover for well over an hour. The lover in question, Kakuzu, rolled his eyes and then directed a glare at him,

"Do you mind shutting your stupid mouth for five seconds? I'm trying to count our funds here and your voice is annoying me." The albino scoffed and crossed his arms,

"You're always counting money, you greedy shit! We never do anything damn it! If I don't find something to do in the next ten minutes, somebody's gonna die." Hidan's rant elicited no comment from the tanned man sitting at the desk. The zealot fumed,

"Are you fucking ignoring me? Hey! Say something bastard!"

Kakuzu grunted noncommittal in response. Hidan sighed louder and dropped unceremoniously back on the bed. He would just ignore Kakuzu if the stoic man cared so little. Unfortunately, Hidan's attention span was akin to that of a flying squirrel jacked up on military grade LSD. He promptly sat up and then grinned as an idea struck him. Being pent-up in the Akatsuki headquarters was making him more than a bit stir crazy.

He snuck up behind Kakuzu, still sporting a wide grin; wrapped his arms around the stitched shinobi's waist, and bit his ear rather roughly. Kakuzu gingerly placed the money on the table with his calculator and files, stood up with all the grace of an irritated ox, and pushed an eager Hidan onto the mattress that the two now shared. The Akatsuki's accountant eyed the man below him like a starving lion might size up its prey.

"You asked for it, you masochistic son of a bitch." Kakuzu kissed Hidan, forcing his tongue into the priest's mouth. Hidan groaned as the greedy brunette memorized every square inch. Kakuzu pressed into the kiss more forcefully and, just as quickly as it had escalated, he pulled away; chuckling inwardly.

Hidan looked up at Kakuzu like a child that had opened a birthday gift early and the stitched immortal bit his silver-haired captive on the neck. He licked up the blood that was congealing around his lips from the bite wound. Hidan moaned at the sharp pain inflicted upon him. A single stray tear left his eye as Kakuzu stood to return to work. A voice much too timid for his liking stopped him in his tracks and made him sit back down,

"Kuzu?" Kakuzu looked back at him,

"What?" Hidan wrapped his arms around Kakuzu's neck,

"When are we going to break this cycle?" Kakuzu shrugged him off and gave a questioning look,

"What the hell are you talking about?" Hidan sighed loudly, "I mean the way we spend time together. It's always just you counting your fucking paper until I get pissed and then we swat spit and only occasionally fuck. Then it starts all over again. You haven't paid attention to me, outside of the goddamn bedroom, in two years! Are you ashamed of being with me, you prick?" Kakuzu shook his head,

"No. I'm not ashamed of you. It's just that wherever the hell we go, you bitch about it. This village is too damp and crowded. The next town over is too dull. I need something to fucking work with here. What kinds of places do you like? You never tell me." Hidan bit his lip guiltily,

"I guess I am a pain in the ass. Wherever is fine. Just as long as it's fun and doesn't have a bunch of fucking homophobes fucking surrounding us." Kakuzu pulled the Jashinist into his arms and kissed him on the forehead, "Alright. How about we go somewhere this afternoon?" Hidan gave a small smile and kissed his boyfriend chastely on the lips.