SG: My first songfic. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon, or "19sai" the song used in this fiction.

Hateful Self

You put on poison on your lips and came to my room, didn't you?

With your kiss, my body and mind feel like they're going to melt

I disliked everything. Everything. It was all worthless, this world. People were so caught up in their own problems, they couldn't see the person sitting next to them was suffering. They were self-absorbed, and greedy – they couldn't be bothering with appreciating their surroundings.

I hate myself, 19 years old

I hate myself, 19 years old

Nature is beautiful. That's why I left the city to travel around the Goddess Islands. It's not like would have amounted to anything. I stayed in a place called Flowerbud Village for awhile, then moved on to Mineral Town, and finally, Forget-me-Not Valley.

That's where I met him.

Your heart is so beautiful it makes me nauseas

Why do you kiss me, somebody who can't do a thing?

He was a player, a smooth-talker, a thief… Naturally, every bachelorette in the Valley became obsessed with him. Not me, though. I may have been an utter failure, but I wasn't an idiot. His name was "Phantom" Skye.

It made me think; made me remember my fear of the dark. I wasn't afraid a monster was gonna get me or anything, but…

I hate these days, 19 years old

I hate this face, 19 years old

When I was three years old, I accidentally knocked over my mother's prized vase, valued at approximately 1,000,000G. As punishment, she shut me in a closet. I was in there for two days, constantly under attack by phrases such as "evil child!" or "hopeless moron. Learn respect for other's possessions."

Since then, darkness has always scared me. Frightened me. Terrified me.

I want to fly with proud wings like the black swallowtail butterfly

Don't say it's lame, I want that kind of life...

Skye has been stealing on a more regular basis now. He always leaves a note, announcing his arrival – the pompous fool. He's been following me. Striking up conversation, complimenting me, in his signature jerk-y way.

I think I'm beginning to like him, crazy as I am.

I went out to the Goddess Pond this morning, and I've been there all day. I know Skye's going to come and talk to me tonight. We see each other on a regular basis. Man, what is with me?

If it's impossible to only take out the soiled soul

Which way should I go to call that as the future?

Skye didn't come. Ah well, he's probably mugging Carter or something.

I feel strange. I thought I would love it if he left me alone, at first anyway. Now, I'm hurt because he's backed off. I don't have any friends here in the Valley. I can't exactly count Ruby and Rock as friends. They're nice, but it's more of a mother-daughter, brother-sister type thing.

Indecisive dreams, 19 years old

Indecisive lies, 19 years old

I want friends, I really do. I don't care that people are slobs and shits, I'm a person too, so why make pretend to be better than the rest?

I want to become a black swallowtail butterfly and be loved by everybody

Even though that's 99% not possible, I want to even for a moment...

The next day, my life flopped freakin' upside down. I walked into the back room of the bar, looking for Griffin.

There, Skye was getting it on with Muffy. Yeah, thanks for the smooth talk and flirting. Because a girl takes really well to being led on.

I hate myself, 19 years old

I hate myself, 19 years old

I can't blame Skye though. Sure, I'm angry as all hell with him, but I can't blame him. In short: I'm a loser. I can't get anything right. I want friends, but they don't want me.

I want to be loved. I want to be needed. I don't want to hate myself.

I want to become a black swallowtail butterfly and be loved by everybody

Even though that's 99% not possible, I want to even for a moment...

A/N: This is my first songfic, so I apoligize if I just killed your eyes with my epic fail of a story.

...The song is "19sai" for those who are wondering, the opening to xxxholic. Also, the song is not in English, I just used a translation of the lyrics.