Disclaimer: All the characters, and a few quotes, belong to JK Rowling. The song used is Always by Saliva. Used for fun, not for profit!

JUNE 1997

"Ron – Dumbledore's dead," said Ginny.

"No!" Remus cried, looking from Ginny to Harry, in the hopes that the boy might correct her. Realizing this as a futile hope, Remus fell into a chair, covering his face with his hands, feeling as though he was going to vomit.

"And then Snape – and Snape did it. The Avada Kedavra."

Remus felt the blood drain from his face, numbness spreading through him, from inside out. Not anger, as he would have expected, nor hurt, simply numbness, as if he knew it was coming all along.

The anger followed swiftly, with the feeling of personal betrayal that accompanied every terrible act committed by Severus. Then, Remus grew terribly tired, and could hardly process what he was saying, even when Tonks began badgering him about their relationship again.

Only now, thought Remus, when he had broken away from the group and had made his way down to Severus' office, there is no real reason to say no, is there?

I see the blood all over your hands

Remus ran his hands over Severus' abandoned desk, and imagined what would have been going through the other man's mind.

"I don't think he knew they were there before Filius told him, I don't think he knew they were coming."

Does it make you feel more like a man?

Was this Severus' revenge, on Remus, on everyone?

Was it all just a part of your plan?

Was this what he had been waiting for all these years? Since Voldemort came back? Since they were students?

The pistol's shakin' in my hands

Remus had picked up a jar filled with an unpleasant substance, and was squeezing it with all his might, when he heard the door open.

"Professor Lupin?" It was Hermione Granger. "Are you alright?"

And all I hear is the sound

He threw the jar, revelling in the sound of the glass shattering, surprised by the sound of his own laughter as the jar hit the wall.

I love you,


I hate you


I can't get around you

I breathe you, I taste you

And for the rest of Severus' time in school, all he could see, or hear, or live at Hogwarts…

I can't live without you

Was Remus…

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

"We started out sufficiently apart. Our relationship has remained a secret. But this drifting… This separation… I can't accept it."

I guess that I'm out the door

And now I'm done with you

"Goodbye Severus."

I love you, I hate you

I can't live without you

Remus had collapsed onto the floor, while Hermione inched closer, finally resting her hand on his shoulder.

I love you, I hate you

I can't live without you

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

Remus shook his head, and pressed his eyelids closed. Years of memories flitted in front of his eyes…

I pick myself off the floor

And now I'm done with you

He stood up, waved his wand to clean the mess, and left the room, with Hermione in tow.

He would bottle those memories, and hide them, and never look at them again.

Always, always, always


A/N: So this is the first multi-chapter fic that I've actually finished. This last chapter was really difficult, because I didn't want it to seem corny, but I also wanted to convey the depth of emotion involved in this odd sort of relationship. Please let me know what you think, and thanks for reading! :)