I didn't know if I could keep doing this. Every day it got harder to pretend everything was alright. Everyday the loneliness grew. Everyday my heart threatened to crumble into dust, and everyday I had to struggle to remember that there were good emotions too. Pleasant emotions. Happy emotions.
It didn't matter any more. I didn't matter any more. The only that kept me going was Alice's request. Be strong for the family. I had to be strong. I had to look after them.
It was all I was good for anymore. I reminded Emmett to like football, I lightened Nessie's mood temporarily by reading to her. I went about my day normally, focusing on keeping my thoughts ordered, safe.
I was a shell, acting and going on. I knew I couldn't fall apart. No one would ever be able to put me back together again.
Inside I was empty. No, I was dying. I ached to be with her again, to see her again. To hear her voice, to stroke her hair, to hold her hand. I couldn't bear this separation. I wasn't a person anymore. Jasper Whitlock, or Jasper Hale, or whoever he was, didn't exist anymore.
Only Alice could make him whole again.
But he would go on, and smile, and joke and laugh and act as if nothing were wrong until then, and he would hide the pain he was in, the agony that increased every day, and the madness that threatened to overtake him, all in hopes that she would be come back before it was too late.
Surely she would. She could not live without him either.
Author's note: Yes, I do realize that the last paragraph or so I switched point of view. Sort of. The point I'm trying to get across is that without her, Jasper isn't whole. That he isn't Jasper. So his own point of view, his own thinking about 'Jasper' the person, becomes distant, vacant. It's still his point of view, but he's distanced from himself.
And yeah, that's the end of it.
Disclaimer: I own not any part of the Twilight Saga whatsoever, nor do I own anything else you may recognize, or not recognize.