The Last A/N and I feel a song coming on, as I thank my readers…

Thank you to everyone who has read this story. I truly appreciated you for reading my little story that turned into a crackfic and just got zanier and zanier. I know this story was much too long for being a simple little comedy that became a crackfic. But…(bowing my head in thought)

at least….

[I pick up a mic.]

"Hit it boys!"

[Orchestra starts up in the background playing, My Way, by Frank Sinatra.]

Link: http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=6E2hYDIFDIU

And now,

the end is near –

I mean… it's here. Really – the fuckin story is over… except for this next really cool Epiloguey part. So read on;

And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

Leah could have ended up with Jacob, but seriously – who wouldn't want that cute little lesbian Alice? Seriously? *wink* (Psst… there's still a chance for Blackwater, read on.)

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and every highway;

But have never been duct-taped to a tree – never. Well, I was once apprehended by a crazy sheriff south of the Mason/Dixon line, but I don't want to go into details.

And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

You bet. ;D

Regrets, I've had a few;

But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

LIKE what really Happened Two Years Later:

Bella ended up alone and writing memoirs in Canada - alone and miserable and living at a trailer park (Do they have trailer parks in Canada? I mean, there are no tornadoes, which kind of defeats the purpose for a trailer park.):

Edward realized how much he loved Jasper and ran off with Jasper and they did the Joystick Samba All Night Long to Yanni and Lional Ritchie songs:

Mike Newton became a vampire and was instantly killed – dying again while dead - by a gang of wolves before he could say, "Oh hey, that's fu……….:

Cedric Diggory took the place as the fifth Volturi Four member, renaming it to the Volturi Five and they instantly became an international sensation with more fans than Robert Pattinson – true story:

Emmett married Rose and they had five kids, adopted three from other countries and joined their names together to form Rosmett and joined Brangelina in various world causes:

Greene and Stew married and divorced, and got married again and then were trampled (don't worry – they lived) by crazed paparazzi mistaking them for thespians, not lesbians – hey, it happens:

Esme and Carlisle finally enjoyed a quiet house empty of foster children, until the quickie repair job they had done on it, caused the roof to cave in. They lived and wrote a best seller, When Bad Things Happen to People Who Aren't Too Smart:

Charlie couldn't take Sue's obsession with Bo Bice and left her for some crazy, fat author. After one too many burgers at a diner in Forks, the author died, leaving Charlie her posthumous works that became best sellers and he lived a wealthy life with Sue Clearwater, because he realized – she was FUCKIN HOT. He then went to a Bo Bice concert and realized why Sue was a Bo Ho. He joined the fan club and they lived happily ever after in their Bo Ho haven:

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,

Okay, I mostly just wrote whatever came to mind. Not one fuckin plan. I winged this whole story. ^^

But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.

I lost most of my readers and reviewers during those times. Each new chapter, less reviews – less reviews – and lesser reviews. Damn, that's a lot of lessiest reviews. Damn. : ( I ended with a little sizzle - like a sizzle, sizzle, poker on the griddle.

But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.

Like a sparkly peen! :D

I faced it all and I stood tall;

Not really. I am five fuckin feet tall. Shit, I'm short. :\

And did it my way.

I've loved,

Anoni Ellipsi…………………. ;) Call me! *starry eyes*

I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

Heh. This was a really fun story to write. It really was, but it was tiring to bring the funny with every chapter. I mean… really tiring.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

Whoever wrote this song was even more stuck up than me. Shiiiiiite.

For what is a man, what has he got?

Do I really have to point that out? Do I? Do I? ;D

If not himself, then he has naught.

Did we really have to bring masturbation into this?

To say the things he truly feels;

And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

He took blows? Kneeling? It sounds like he was way more into BDSM than me.

And now…

The Real Epilogue… Really

Two years later, what really happened:

(Leah's POV)

I loved living in the forests of Canada with Alice. We spoke to each other day in and day out through mind speak. It was like we were one. Seth even came to live with us. He met some little red headed girl named Rennnnnnessiememe in Canada. It was such a fuckin dumb name. We had to throw something at her out of anger for the stupidity of her name. It just made our skin crawl. Alice and I were sure to buy plenty of tomatoes when we went to the market. They just made for easy throwing.

Rennnnnnessiememe would walk in the door, "Hey everyone…"

POW! - A tomato across the face. Alice was a good shot.

She'd walk in the door of the little cabin we shared in the forest, and POW we'd throw random things at her; socks, stale bread, pennies, and then we graduated to fish. We always ate fish: Fish Carbonara; Fish Biscuits; Fishy Crumpets; Fish Sandwiches; Fish on a Stick; Fish off a Stick; Fish dodging a stick that's about to take it down; Fish Bread and Fish Pie.

Alice hated fish – it reminded her of seaweed - and so one day she disappeared. We couldn't find her anywhere. And then I got a phone call from Bella. Alice went to stay with her at a trailer park. Bella loved having the company and asked us to please come visit and pick up Alice because she was cramping her style. Alice was stealing her thunder and all those guys who wanted to come and do things to her – crazy things – things you wish to-heck-your-mom-doesn't-look-up-your-search-history-on-the-computer things – those kinds of things.

We couldn't say no. I needed my Alice poo. No – hah…. (I will kill anyone who repeats I said that.)

So instantly Seth and I changed into wolves and ran to Bella's. When I arrived, Jacob was sitting on the couch sucking on a chili dog from the Tastee Freeze. I said, "Oh yeah, life goes on. Long after the thrill of livin is gone. Oh yeah…."

He instantly leapt up from the couch. "LEE!" He wrapped his arms around me and then said, "I missed you so much. I realized I LOVE YOU LEE! Please… please come back to me, and … Oh wow, you're nakednyah, nyah, nyah."

"You just noticed?"

"My pants did." And then he smiled.

Jacob - gotta love those big sparkly teeth and that little brain. He still had teeth that sparkly sparkled, even after suckin on a chili dog from the Tastee Freeze. I didn't even know they had Tastee Freeze's in Canada – like trailer parks.

Once I felt Jacob holding my naked self it was too much and we had to make out. Instantly he started banging my head against the wall behind the couch. I forgot that part of our great sex. I was pretty sure by the end of our wall banging session I'd forget this too.

Jacob - gotta wuv those big spargawawagahhhh neeneenee chugga choo choo.

I didn't even know they had Tastee Freeze's in Canada.

I think I'd just made love to Jacob, but I kind of forgot where I was.

Once I shook out the cobwebs and with my wolfy insta-healing, recovered from the concussion and amnesia I realized I loved Jacob. I also loved Alice. But I also loved Jacob. But, I loved Alice. But, Jacob had one hell of a schlong and Alice just didn't have the equipment. Plus, it was contractual that all Blackwater fans write them together any time they touch, especially peen to pussy contact. (That's what this author told me.) So we made out… and forgot the condom. We were definitely doing nine months later on this one.

And then we saw Bella and Alice making out and it made us totally want to make out again.

And then we saw Bella and Alice making out and it made us totally want to make out again.

Wow, that wall banging really did a number on my head.

We came to a conclusion: Let Bellice be.

We Let Bellice Be, Let them be…, Let them be…, Ohhhh we Let Bellice be. We whispered words of wisdom, and let Bellice be.

We really just concluded to fuck all night long and let Bellice make out and then Bella would never go back to men, and Jacob would be safe from her and her nympho ways. And we were right. Once you had an Alice in your pocket you never went back and kept the change. Alice always had a thing for Bella anyway. One of those things I would never understand. That and what I wrote about four paragraphs up made no fuckin sense.

Fuck, I hit my head way too many times. Where was I? Oh fuck, I was in Canada living in a trailer park. Seriously, does anyone know if there are trailer parks in Canada! Anyone? Damn, my head hurt.

ah fuck.

Two Years and Nine Months Later:

(Still Leah's POV)

Oh wow, I was about to have Jacob's baby and Alice and Bella, Seth and Rennnnnnessiememe were the godparents. I made Rennnnnessiememe legally change her name or I'd not allow her to be a godparent. I didn't want to scar my child with a godparent who had a gosh-awful stupid, stupider name than anyone else in the world. She changed it to Ren, and then I allowed her to look at the baby; but not hold it. She had this weird reaction when she saw tomatoes, and subsequently round things like bald baby heads, so she wasn't allowed to hold my kid.

I also named our baby a wonderful name: Waffles… Waffles Clearwater-Black.

So, I ended up with Jake. Seth ran back to Rennnnnnnnessiememe, who was now named Ren. Of course, in a pinch Jake and I didn't mind going to visit Bella and Alice for a nice little quadrangle of sexy goodness. Bella was a well-trained nympho, and Alice was the cutest gosh darn little lesbian that was ever in fanfiction or fiction. She was just the girl everyone wanted to do it with. (I believe they did a survey.)

And so we had our happily ever after and taught Ren and Bella how to make meatballs for us all, even my lovely, little Waffles. Life was good. Life was good for a wolf family living in a trailer park in Canada. : )

A/N Please, play The Logical Song, by Supertramp and REVIEW!


I want to thank ALL the people who reviewed my story, "Leah's Last Stop," whether you gave it 1 or 27 reviews. I appreciate the review. I appreciate and thank those in the future who come upon my story and review it too. Thank you. I appreciate if you took the time to read my stuff. I write a bloody lot.

Thank you: : )



Tianna M.V.A.

Reluisant Saphir Loup

Melissa Brooks


Anoni Ellipsi a.k.a. … (The person I'm in fic love with. *mwah* Thanks bb. *wink*)






X5 - 452







sailor alpha tomboy









Maddy Miss

Jocelyn Torrent


Scarlet Moon At Midnight


And to those who placed "Leah's Last Stop," on their Favorite Story List a special thank you. : )

The lyrics to The Logical Song, by Supertramp:

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
Joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
Logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
Clinical, intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the worlds asleep,
The questions run too deep
For such a simple (wo)man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.

Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
Liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
Acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable!

At night, when all the worlds asleep,
The questions run so deep
For such a simple (wo)man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.

And I leave this story with my daughter's favorite quote:

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." --- E. E. Cummings