Was that an explanation for what he did?
"I don't know if you understand me. I had to go. I had to make sure that your future would be a good future, that you will have a life full of happiness. It was almost killing me to go, but waiting till the time you'll go would have definitely killed me." he said.
He looked at me like he waited for an answer. What should I answer? He left me because of my future. I really didn't get it. It wasn't a reason to leave. I thought so.
"Just because of my stupid future. You're back now. Don't you think that now my future is in danger or something. Will you leave me again, now? Did you come just because to explain me the reason you left and now you're going to leave again. Tell me the truth Jacob. I don't get it that can't be the only reason you left." I said. I was furious, I didn't understand him.
He looked to the ground and said nothing. He stood there 5 minutes without saying anything. I became a bit nervous. Why did he say nothing. I came closer to him and tried to look into his eyes, but he looked away.
"There's another reason." I said, this time very calm.
He looked at me, now. He looked so sad.
"There isn't any other reason, not exactly. It's just more." he said.
"Alice.." he began. "She didn't see just a future without you and without me. She saw what will happen to you when you're gone."
I was waiting for him to go on, but he said nothing.
"So? What would have happened?" I asked.
"You would have gone to the Volturi." he said.
The Volturi? I would never do that.
"What should I want from them?" I asked.
"You would have wanted to join them." he said and looked down.
I was confused. "But you said that I would have hated it to live with vampires, that I would have felt like a freak and then I go to the Volturi and feel normal. That doesn't make sense."
"I know, but Alice said you would have felt good there, because you would have liked it that they don't act like they are normal like your family do. You kinda felt home."
"They would have let me join them?" I asked.
"Yes, they would have liked it that you're half-human they would have thought that you would be useful." he said and looked like it was haunting him to tell me that.
"So you didn't want me to join the Volturi?" I asked.
"Kinda.." he said.
"There's more. Right?" I asked.
His nervous expression told me that I was right. I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. That was kinda a sign to show him that he should tell me and I think he understood.
"You would have fell in love with one of them." he said really fast.
"What?" I asked even though I understood what he said.
He looked down.
"I know it's selfish." he mumbled.
I was speechless. There were no words I could say.
"I felt horrible, because I thought so selfish. That was another reason for me to go. I don't wanted to be the jealous wolf by your side who's making your life worse. I'm sorry for everything I did. For leaving you without saying goodbye, for coming back without telling you, for my selfish thoughts, for never being there for you..I love you Nessie, but I just wanted the best for you I would understand if you can't forgive me...and I will go if it makes you happy and I will stay if it makes you happy."
I stood there saying nothing. I didn't know how I should react.
After 10 minutes silence Jake came closer.
"May I ?" he asked.
I nodded and he hugged me. It felt good to have him so close to me, to smell his scent. His slow breaths were calming me. I knew he was sorry and he didn't do that to hurt me, but it didn't feel right. I pushed him away and went a few steps backward. I stared at him.
"I'm sorry." he said.
I shook my head. "Don't be sorry."
He looked confused.
"It doesn't change anything when you're sorry." I said.
I went more steps backward until I barely could see him. "I am sorry." I said and a tear fell down.
I ran at home as fast as I could. I ran upstairs in my room without saying anything to someone. I fell down onto my bed and began to cry. I didn't know the reason why I began to cry, I think it was just a hard day. Today happened too much.
It knocked at the door. I said nothing, but I heard someone coming in.
The person sat down onto my bed.
"Shhh." I heard.
I turned around and looked at my Dad.
I tried to stop sobbing. "He-he's back." I sobbed.
Dad nodded. I stopped crying a bit. Dad was staring at me.
"What shall I do?" I whispered.
"I don't know, you have to decide."
That wasn't what I wanted to hear, but he was right.
"I just wanted to say that you have to learn to forgive, it doesn't matter how hard it seems. I don't mean that you should forgive him, just that to forgive isn't a sign of weakness. Think about it." he smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.
I wanted to think about it, but I was too tired, so I fell asleep.
I was dreaming. I saw the whole day again, but the end when I was standing in the forest with Jacob was different. I forgave him and everything was fine, but then he said he have to go and went away. I was standing alone in the forest, left again. I woke up.
I was just afraid to lose him again.
"You didn't tell me what to do."
I sat up in shock and turned the light on. Jacob was sitting at the edge of the bed. I stared at him.
"I told you I'll go if it makes you happy or I stay if it makes you happy, but you ran away without telling me what's making you happy." he said.
"Stay." I said without thinking.
He began to smile. It's been a long time, since I saw him smile like that.
"But.." I began.
He looked at me and the smile began to fade.
"You have to stay forever." I said.
The smile came back. "Forever? I can definitely live with that." he said.
I noticed a tear rolling down my cheek.
"Don't be sad." he said.
"I'm not. I'm just happy." I said and hugged him. I don't know when I fell asleep. I just knew I fell asleep in his arms. My best friend is back, finally. Forever.
I'm sorry it took a long time for such a short Chapter, but I'm so busy at the moment. I don't know when I will upload the next one, because the next week I will be in London (yaay :P) then the other week I have to work and I think there's no time to write or to think about a new Chapter. Perhaps you could help me. Send me ideas so I don't have to think so much and I can upload sooner haha :P Pleas review. Und ein herzliches Dankeschön für die ganzen Kommentare die ich schon bekommen habe. Ihr seit toll. A bit in german ;D