I wake up. Half awake, half asleep. Consciousness hasn't fully developed for me yet. The ringing of pure music enters my ears, soft, steady, even; never escaping. Muse is my musical drug. As much as I love hearing them, they interrupted my dream. My dream of Peter and I.
I groggly reach for my phone on my desk beside me. Allison sent me yet another forward. The ones where you scroll down, make a wish, send to 10 people and that wish will come true in a specific amount of time. I used to send those forwards, make those wishes, hoping they would come true. I would wish for wealth, happiness, friendship, and love. But now I find myself wishing that Corbin would be out my life, wouldn't be able to hurt me anymore, I wouldn't have to look at his face any longer. It never came true. He's still haunting me. He's still trying to kill me, in my dreams and the scars just put the entire story back into my head. "THIS WILL WORK! 100% TRUE!" the text read on the screen. Yeah I only wish.
Now back to Allison. She's my best friend. She's the one person who I tell all of my secrets and all of my problems to. She trusts me with her life as I do with hers. We would honestly do anything for eachother. The night of the accident, she was right there with Peter next to my bedside when I woke up in the hospital. She saw I needed her more than ever. I needed someone to tend to for everything, someone to be there. I saw how much it pained her to see me like that. Helpless, weak, afraid. It almost killed me seeing her, see me like that. I have known her since I was 8 and we have been best friends ever since. Bottom line, she's like my unbiological sister, and I love her to pieces.
As I sit up in bed, I try to think of how this day is going to go. I will just have to play it off. Smile, and say 'Thank you, I'm fine'; and try to make it sound and look believable. If only I knew how.
. . .
"It's not fair though. Everyone else's parents are letting them go. I won't cause or get into any trouble and you know that!" Bobby argued with Mom. Bobby is the annoying, mean, horny, 13 year old brother that everyone wishes for. I was one of the very lucky people in this world to get one, especially one like him.
"I told you that I am not your friend's parents and I don't want you going to that party. You hang out with the wrong crowd of people and I don't want you around them and whatever they will be doing at that party. You are going with me and your sister to your grandparents house this weekend to visit." Mom tried to explain as clearly to Bobby as she could. But we both knew that he wasn't going to let this off lightly.
"You're never fair! You're just like…" Bobby yelled at Mom across the kitchen.
"Bobby! Can you please just shut the hell up for once? Just one minute? Mom's right. You do hang out with the wrong crowd and they are turning you into a little punk ass. Is that in these days? Oh I'm going to act like a complete asshole because it's COOL. Can you just suck it up? It's just one party. We haven't seen Grandma and Grandpa for 3 months and they are finally home. So just shut up!" I didn't know what kind of reaction I would get from either one of them, and the anger of no sleep was taking over my emotions.
Bobby gave me the little brother pissed off glare. "Who pissed in your cereal this morning?" He grabbed his backpack and slams the door making his way to the bus stop. What a good start to the day. I sigh in exasperation and lean against the counter.
Mom stares at the front door and then concentrates on me. "Remind me to have another talk with him once he gets home. No sleep last night?"
"No, not really."
"Yeah, I heard you in the middle of the night. If I could take away those nightmares, I would in a second."
"Yeah but you can't so… I just hate waking up and feeling like he's gong to be there and hurt me again."
"You know that's not going to happen. He's going to be in jail for a very long time. He's nowhere in reach of you, or anyone else he could be of harm to. Maybe we should go talk to Dr. Starr again."
I knew the answer to this immediately. "No. I have to get through this by myself. Talking about it just bring back everything that I have been trying to forget. I can do it. I just need to try harder. Have more time"
"Ashley, it's really no trouble. Maybe she can help. You just needed to given time to recover. You're not even fully recovered yet but she can maybe help speed up the process and make things a little easier. She could make those nightmares go away." She was not planning on giving up.
"Mom, just trust me. It's going to take some time. I understand that, and it's not going to be easy. But I assure you, I can do this on my own." I knew what I wanted. I wanted to forget. I wanted everything to be normal again. Just to be happy and to enjoy life, and to not have to worry about watching my back all day and all night of my life.
Moms eyes were telling me that she's not done with this discussion. She wants me to go through with this. She's concerned and just wants the same things that I do.
"… I will think about it. But for now, one day at a time is the plan. Uh, I need to get to school." I hate these discussions. They only bring the torture back.
I grab my bag and head for the door. "Ashley?" I turn to face in her direction. "… Have a good day. I love you."
"Thanks. Love you too." I walk out watching the trees blow in the breeze. I cautiously take one step at a time. Watching my feet move across the pavement. I reach my car. Mom's words echo in my head as I reach for the car door. "Have a good day." If only I could take her advice on this one.