I've held a lot of titles in my lifetime.
Ronniekins. Little Brother. Family Git. Weasel.
However, there is one name I prayed that I would never be called in my life, and I've only been around for seventeen years.
I had betrayed and abandoned my friends to certain death all alone in the English wilderness over a stupid locket that allowed my stubborn side to win out, and I walked out and left my friends, and I don't have a damn clue on how to get back to them.
I can't sleep, so I roll over and check the clock, which reads eleven thirty. I'd been asleep approximately thirty minutes.
Damn. I haven't slept in days since I left. I can't sleep. I won't sleep. How can I sit here in Shell Cottage while my two best mates are getting by in a makeshift tent with supplies running dangerously low, and a snowball's chance in hell of going someplace warmer or getting supplies without being caught by the Death Eaters or Snatchers that are roaming around?
Bloody hell, I really am a first class wanker alright. After acting like a first class arse and dropping in hysterical on Bill and Fleur's doortstep, it wouldn't have even crossed my mind they'd take me in. Hell, I dropped outta sight after the wedding, and show up months later scared, freezing, and starving. But like true family, they took me in, fed me, and Bill is constantly demanding that I report straight to mum and dad.
I can't. Not just yet. You see, in that respect I'm a total coward. I never thought that I'd call myself that. But then again, I never figured I'd be in the position I'm in now either. After Dumbldore died, I'd told Harry I'd go with him to help him complete his mission.
I promised I wouldn't be afraid, that I would stand strong for him. I promised. And I fully, completely intended to keep that promise. But now, I'm not sure I can. Add also to the fact that I'm bloody scared! I'm so afraid of losing them, that my heart feels like its about to burst.
God help me…. If anything happens to them out there…. It'll be all my fault!
I've never been the most talented in my family, nor the most popular. Everything I try to do has been done already by my brothers. The only thing I can do now is protect my little sister, and protect my friends until this damn war ends. I thought I had gotten over my fear. But when the nightmares visit, I fall down to it once again. I look at the clock again, and its about one in the morning. I reach for the sleeping draught Fleur left me.
Before I nod off, I have one more thing to say. Harry, Hermione, I love you. I'm praying that you're safe, and that I'll see you soon.
Sweet dreams, good night, and Merry Christmas.