Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various and sundry characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney.
I borrowed an image from the review by Thomas Linquist, whose golfing experience mirrors my own.
Game? It's Hard Work!
The next day Duff Killigan stood on a hillock and closed his eyes, he breathed deeply. The burly man smiled at the salt smell of the sea blowing over the links and the promise that a golf club would soon be in his hand. He opened his eyes and tried to scowl at the red haired young woman beside him, but felt too good at the moment. Maybe if she proved as wretched a golfer as he expected he could generate some hatred, but for the moment it felt good to be alive.
"Let's see wha' ye have," he invited. "Tee off and I'll watch ye." He turned to a prison guard who served as caddy, "T'is a short hole, give her the brassie."
"Brassie?" The guard handed her a three-wood. "Brassie?" Kim repeated.
"They ha' names, ye know, before some simpleton refused to bother learning them. If ye wan' me to give lessons ye'll learn to call them by their proper names."
"Brassie equals three wood," Kim repeated in her mind as she addressed the ball nervously under Duff's critical eye, and hit her customary hook.
"So… How long ha' ye been playin'?" Duff asked as she returned the club.
"About a month… Less than six weeks."
"Ye swing like a rusty gate… Bu' for a beginner ye show promise. I'm willin' to take ye on wi' lessons." Duff breathed a sigh of relief, for a beginner she wasn't bad.
Kim smiled slightly as Duff drove the ball onto the green, where it rolled within four feet of the flag. Her guess was that Duff would have been willing to give lessons to a giraffe for the chance to get out on the links. But he disliked her too much to pay any false compliments.
They found Kim's ball without trouble. "I'll take a-" Kim began.
"She'll ta' a mashie," Killigan told the caddy. "When she gets better she'll ta' a spade for this distance."
"Mashie is a five-iron," Kim told herself. "I wonder what a spade is?"
"Keep the head doon," Duff reminded her.
On her third shot she chipped on, and over, the green with a pitcher.
"I was doing better on the back nine, wasn't I?" Kim asked excitedly on the way back.
"Ye ha' a bit more luck… Bu' ye keep at it and it'll turn to skill. How long are ye here?"
"At least three weeks." Kim watched his eyes light up. Killigan was almost drooling at the prospect of getting back on the links.
"Regular practice, aye, that wha' ye need. I don't suppose…"
"I was hoping I might have more lessons… I usually have either morning or evening free. I'll ask the warden if I can get more lessons."
On the drive back to the prison, after Kim left, Killigan ran through options. Offering to wax the warden's car seemed like the best bribe he could think of. The warden settled for a promise of exemplary behavior. He knew it wouldn't last past Kim's mission to Scotland, but given the fights Duff had started even a few weeks of peace would be appreciated.
Although the twins preferred miniature golf to caddying for Eemah their indulgent grandparents were not always available. Playing over at Jason and Jessica's house was more fun than a long walk on the golf course, but Shego could always be persuaded to get them ice cream on the way home.
The sessions with the pro had improved Shego's game considerably; the green woman imagined that her slice was under better control than it actually was. Shego smiled as a putt dropped into the cup. "Good job, Eemah," Kasy complimented her and replaced the flag. Kim was going to be in for a surprise when she got home and discovered how much Shego had improved in her absence. The green woman needed to find some way to profit from her improved skills.
On her last full day in Scotland Kim got in a round with Duff, the warden, and her adopted 'dad'. Kim took too much pride in how much her game had improved, and didn't realize how far she still had to go. She resented the compliments paid to Duff for the job he had done giving her lessons. Duff himself, however, gave her gruff thanks for the chance to play and told her she had a lot of potential if she would keep at the game. Shego was going to be in for a surprise when Kim got home and showed her how much she had improved while away on her mission. The redhead needed to find some way to profit from her improved skills.
Kim's first day home largely consisted of trying to readjust her sleep cycle, with the second day devoted to quality time with the twins and helping Shego prepare Sabbath dinner.
Kim awoke Saturday morning to Shego's hand on her shoulder. "Go away," the redhead mumbled, "Le' me sleep."
"Up and at 'em, Pumpkin, picnic, remember?"
"That's this afternoon… Go to synagogue and let me sleep."
"Eight-thirty tee time. Got to show Alice and Sid Bennett that I'm learning to play golf before the picnic."
"You said you'd play with me, remember?"
"No," Kim mumbled as she pushed the covers off her, "but I'll believe you… They're not expecting too much from you, are they? You just started a couple months ago."
"It's a year until Sid retires, I just need to show that I'm not wasting the firm's money. I need you along to make me look good."
Kim grinned, she would be careful not to show Shego up today, but the next time they were out Shego would be beaten badly.
Three of them waited at the car for Kasy to find her shoes and join them for the trip to the country club. As they waited, Shego asked, "So, Princess, want to make a friendly wager on the game today?"
Kim couldn't believe her luck, Shego had asked first. "Oh, I suppose," she replied casually, trying hard not to sound too eager. "What are the stakes?"
"Well, I was thinking that if I beat you, you take a long overdue vacation."
"No buts. Global Justice survived for years without you. It can survive a week or two. I don't know which is worse - your messiah complex or your fear that Will might get some nice assignment instead of you."
Conversation ended for a couple minutes when Kasy arrived. Kim started the old station wagon and returned to the conversation as she turned on to the street. "So, were you thinking about just you and me or we take the girls with us on this vacation you have in your mind?"
"Either way. Just the two of us would be fun, but they're old enough now they want to come with us - and they miss you." The noise from the back seat confirmed the twins wanted to go along, "Now, name your stakes."
"Okay, if I win you have to come to church with me six times."
"You aren't trying to evangelize me, are you?"
"No, but I'm in synagogue with you more than you're in church with me. I'd like you in the pew beside me."
"Six weeks in a row?"
"In a row if you want - but six times in six months. I'd prefer if you came the second Sunday of every month. The children's choir sings and the twins are so cute."
"How come my bet is for you to take a well-earned vacation and relax - and yours is for me to lose the one morning I have to sleep in late?"
"Stakes too high for you?"
"I'm just saying the odds seemed stacked. Heads, you get a nice vacation. Tails, I lose sleep."
"How many days do I eat matzo during Passover?"
"Okay, six Sundays, if-"
"How many days of Passover?"
"Seems to me like you'll be getting off lightly."
"Only if you beat me."
Alice and Sid were waiting at the club house when they arrived.
"Sorry we're late," Shego apologized.
Alice checked her watch, "You're on time. We were early."
"Are you playing?" Kim asked her.
Alice laughed, "Not if we plan to get to the picnic this afternoon. I'm watching for nine holes, then I'm gone."
"Then I'll probably leave after nine holes also," the tall, white-haired man apologized to Shego. "If you really are a beginner there's no point in putting too much pressure on you - it was Alice's idea for me to see you play this early. It takes-"
"It's a game, Sid," Alice butted in. "And she's got great athletic skills - how hard can it be?"
Sid rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly, then gestured towards the door. "Nothing is too hard for the person who doesn't have to do it. Shall we begin?"
Alice headed out with Kim and the twins, but the older man gave a nod to ask Shego to stay for a minute. "Don't let Alice rattle you," he told her. "This is not about being a great golfer. It's about getting out and stroking clients' egos. Hell, I've never been a great golfer. But I look over their files before we play, and make notes after a round about the conversations - if they've got a kid in school or worried about what to get the wife on her birthday. Ask 'em about it next time. Makes 'em feel special. I only want to know one thing - are you having any fun or is the pressure getting to you?"
"Feeling a lot of pressure until about five seconds ago," she confessed.
The old lawyer laughed, "You're going to do fine. Doesn't matter how you play today. You'll get better if you keep at it." He patted her on the shoulder. "Now, let's go out and have some fun."
He told her a couple stories about games with clients as they strolled to the first tee. Shego actually felt at ease as he talked, and began to figure out that the true expectations on her had nothing to do with the score she turned in at the end of the round. When they arrived at the first tee they found Kim speaking an odd language to Sheki, who would be serving as her caddy.
"What's that?" Shego demanded as she pulled on her golf glove.
"Mommy learned some funny names for the golf clubs," the dark haired girl explained. "She said she'll ask for them by name."
It remained a puzzle to Shego, "Names?"
Sid frowned slightly, "Like cleek and niblick?"
"Yes!" Sheki responded with excitement.
"You speak gibberish?" Shego asked.
"Don't all lawyers?" Sid responded, then laughed at her apparent bewilderment. "Sorry, I've heard some of those words - but I've got no idea what they mean. I don't think anyone uses the terms any more."
Kim blushed and hoped she hadn't revealed too much, "I played a few games in Scotland with someone who insisted on the old names."
Shego's eyes narrowed in suspicion, Kim had probably played more golf than she admitted while on her mission. Shego resolved to not try very hard on the first nine holes. She would take it easy and watch Kim and then, after lulling Kim into a false sense of security, spring her own new skills on the back nine - perhaps raising the stakes first.
Kim relaxed as she addressed the ball for the first hole, a long par four. She had a small wiggle as she adjusted her stance which made Alice, Sid, and Shego all reflect on how very lucky the green woman was. There was no pressure on Kim, in fact she didn't want to do too well and risk making Shego look bad. One of Kim's problems was swinging too hard, and with the need to beat Shego removed Kim drove the ball a hundred and forty yards straight down the fairway.
"Nice," Sid complimented her. Shego looked suspicious and Kim almost felt a need to apologize.
Shego had spent more time on the driving range than Kim and out-drove her, the ex-thief's tendency to slice leaving her towards the right side of the fairway.
The more experienced Sid out drove them, and reached the middle of the green with a six-iron on his second shot. Kim, with more experience in the mid-game than Shego, hit the green on her second shot with a driving iron - and rolled onto the far side. Shego came up up short of the green. Both Kim and Shego stayed on the green with their third shots and everyone two putted, leaving Sid with par and the women with bogies.
Kim let out a whoop on the second hole when she managed her first birdie ever, and Shego felt pleased to get her first par on the difficult fourth hole, a long hole with a dogleg that required accuracy she had never managed.
"How's she doing," Alice whispered to Sid as Shego and Kasy looked over an approach shot the green woman needed to make and Kim and Sheki searched for a drive which had rolled a little way into the rough.
"If she really started after we had the partners' meeting she's going to do fine."
"Didn't I tell you she'd do great."
He sighed, "That's what you said. Do you realize she's not great?"
"She's not? Should we ask someone else?"
"You're as bad as my wife. Neither one of you listen to me. I said she was going to do fine. She won't be a scratch golfer, but she'll have a respectable handicap and keep clients happy."
"But not great?"
He shrugged, "Probably never great. But maybe very good - someday."
Kim and Shego had perceptions of the first nine which were both similar and different. Each of them was working on her best round of golf ever and thought she had reached a whole new level. Kim felt like she was holding herself back to help Shego look good. Shego had taken Sid's advice to relax seriously, and also wanted to keep Kim from seeing how much she had improved. Shego chaffed inwardly as she waited for the first nine to end when Sid and Alice left.
"You took twelve more strokes than Sid," Alice complained at the end of nine holes.
"She's doing fine, Alice." Sid said and took his partner's arm to steer her towards the parking lot. He looked at Shego, "I apologize, she's getting cranky in her old age."
They could hear Alice reminding him, "You're older than me!" as the two left.
"Alice was right, you know." Kim remarked when the two older lawyers were out of earshot.
"What do you mean?"
"Questioning if you were the right person for the job."
"Hey, it's not about golf!"
"Exactly. The job requires a Sid to keep clients happy, and much as I love you - you are an Alice."
"What? I can be very nice if there's money involved."
Kim raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?"
The redhead smirked slightly, "Just how nice can you be?"
Shego took the hint and put her arms around Kim. "For you, a free sample."
The twins gave them almost a minute before reminding them they still needed to play the back nine holes. As the kiss ended Kim breathlessly warned Shego, "You'd better not be giving anyone else free samples like that."
Before Shego could answer Kasy reminded them, "Let's finish."
Both women were feeling good as they walked with the twins to the tenth tee. They were both having the best game they had ever played, and were convinced the back nine would go even better when they began to show the other what they had learned.
"So, do our bet today or next time we're out?"
Shego felt ready for a string of birdies, "Oh, today sounds good. Include the scores for the first nine or not? I'm two strokes better than you."
Kim felt vaguely guilty and hesitated. Should she have made the bet without telling Shego how much practice she had in Scotland? She suspected Shego only had a lower score because Kim had taken it easy. She worked out an internal compromise by letting Shego start with a small lead. "Scores for the full eighteen holes." It would feel good to beat Shego while starting out two strokes behind.
Shego felt slightly guilty about not telling Kim how much practice she had gotten in while Kim was away. "I'm doing it for her own good," Shego told herself. "She needs a vacation. I'm not doing it because it will feel good to win."
The tenth hole was Kim's old nemesis, the water hole. She let Sheki tee up her ball as she pulled the driver from her bag. Today she would drive the lake. She would not only drive the arm of the lake, she would smash the ball over the green and show Shego how much her game had improved. This was the hole when Kim announced to the world, or at least to Shego, that her game had gone to a whole new level.
Kim prepared to deliver her mighty blow to the golf ball, but overextended on the backswing. Her head came up and the she topped the ball, sending it rolling some twenty yards to the grass around the edge of the water.
Shego laughed, "At least you didn't put it in the water."
Kim stared glumly at the ball. "I don't suppose I can take a mulligan?"
"A mulligan? Not when we have a bet on. You'll play it where it lies."
Shego drove the arm of the lake, but only barely, and left herself in the mud on the other side.
Kim used her driving iron and managed to clear the water with the second shot. She also rediscovered the hook she thought she had left behind in Scotland and went wide of the green.
Kasy located Shego's ball, almost buried in the mud. It took two swings and a shower of mud to get out. Shego ended up with a bogey on the hole, and Kim a double-bogey. Each woman told herself she was simply nervous, and she would return to the good form she showed on first nine on the next hole. Sadly the tenth was the best hole for both of them on the back nine.
Shego's slice returned to balance Kim's hook on the eleventh hole, and Kim shaved two strokes off Shego's lead when the green woman put two balls into the water.
Kim's game fell apart on the twelfth hole when she tried to get out of the rough rather than taking a penalty stroke and didn't make it to the green until her ninth shot. "I've seen parts of the course I bet the country club doesn't even know about," she announced as she emerged from the brush.
Shego had little time to gloat before her own problems on the fourteenth and fifteenth holes brought her lead down to the earlier two strokes.
Shego still had the two stroke lead as she prepared to tee off on the eighteenth hole. "I don't suppose you'd let me take those two strokes back I let you keep from the first nine," Kim suggested.
"Nope, got a real bet riding on this game. You will be taking a vacation - whether you want one or not."
They were each frustrated and out-of-sorts when they reached the green, and already both two over par. Shego's ball rolled to within two feet of the cup, and Kim's lay a good twenty feet away.
"I believe you're away," Shego smiled. Kim studied the break of the green as Shego began to softly sing, "Aruba, Jamaica, ooo I wan'na take you. Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama. Key Largo, Montego, baby why dont we-"
"Will you knock it off," Kim groused.
"Sorry, Princess. I thought you might like some family time."
"No, I'm sorry, you're right. I need to spend more time with family, but my work is important. I shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm just frustrated."
"Well, let's just finish the hole and go home. I think we both need showers before the picnic."
Kim grinned, "Shower together and save time?"
The green woman chuckled, "I can't recall that we ever saved any time that way."
Kim lined up the putt, and it rolled straight into the cup, her longest putt of the day. The twins joined her in little victory whoop.
Shego began to bend over to pick up her ball, "And I think this is a gimme, I win."
"Don't touch that ball," Kim warned. "You may win, but you have to make the shot."
"We have a bet going, remember?"
Grumbling Shego took out her putter and tapped the ball, it rimmed the cup and rolled off at an angle coming to rest about a foot from the hole. "Now that's got to be a gimme!"
"It's not in the hole. If it goes in the hole you win."
Unable to believe Kim wouldn't give it to her Shego tapped the ball, and watched in horror as it came to rest on the lip of the cup.
The scream of anguish could be heard by golfers on every hole at the country club.
"I asked you not to use those words in front of the twins," Kim said sternly.
"Mommy what does-" Sheki began to ask
"Never mind," Kim told her quickly, "you aren't allowed to use words like that."
"I'll tell you later," Kasy whispered to her twin.
"At least we tied," Kim told the disconsolate Shego in an effort to cheer her up as they loaded the car.
"Kim, how much golf did you really play on your mission?"
"I'm not sure… How much did you play here?"
Shego managed a crooked smile, "We deserve each other."
The girl with the pink and purple hair closed her notebook and put down her pen, "I think that's more than I need for the school paper. Did your family ever get the vacation?"
Kasy laughed, "God yes, the vacation from hell. I think they made a movie about it."
"Really. I've got it on chip… Not very accurate though They turned mommy into a man, advertised it as 'based on a true story'."
"And did your other mom make partner in her firm?"
"She still play golf?"
"If you mean with clients, sure. But the whole family still plays. I give Eemah a five stroke handicap and Mom ten, but we have fun."
"Your twin, Sheki, she plays too?"
"Yeah, but strictly for fun. Soccer is her game. I don't think she counts strokes when we golf. She even let's Monkey Queen caddy for her."
"Monkey Queen, Angel from Hell - our fourth grade sister."
"I, uh, wanted to ask about… There's a rumor she's the first baby with two mothers."
Kasy shrugged, "Rumors float around."
"There's even a rumor you and Sheki were first."
The girl reddened, "First kids born to two mothers."
"We're too old."
"I'm just saying…" The girl's voice trailed off, then she asked in a shaky voice, "There's, um, a rumor you, ah, date girls."
Kasy laughed. "No way."
The girl blushed furiously, "Sorry, I-"
"You've got to be new to Middleton."
"That is so not a rumor."
"I date interesting people. I don't care if they are boys are girls. Why limit yourself? Shaz, give me a third option and I'll date that to - as long as it's interesting and kisses good."
Still blushing the girl mumbled something so softly Kasy couldn't hear.
"What was that," Kasy demanded.
Gathering her courage she repeated a little louder. "I've got tickets for a live feed concert at the Orpheum on the sixteenth-"
"Lizards' reunion tour."
"You got tickets!"
"Yeah, I was, uh, wondering if you might… ah…"
"Tickets definitely make you an interesting person, if you're asking me out."
The girl drew a sigh of relief. "Yeah."
"Hey, I forgot your name. I'd better know to tell my moms. Are you a Senior too? I don't have you in any classes."
"No, I'm a Junior, started in January. My name is Elizabeth. My friends call me Leez."
"Better not ask if I can call her Lez yet." "It's a date. You need to know that I don't kiss on the first date."
"That's okay," the girl answered in apparent relief. "I don't-"
"Hey, we're playing Upperton this Thursday. Come out and watch the match. It will help your story for the paper."
"Maybe we can split a pizza afterwards."
"Sounds good, but-"
"You can tell me where you moved from and how you like Middleton High. Would you like that?"
"We can call it our first date."
Elizabeth blinked, "First date?"
"Sure, then we can play games at the concert if you want."
"Yeah, like 'Tease the Boys and Make Them Cry'."
The journalism student seemed confused, "I don't think I know that game."
Kasy patted her softly on the cheek, "Poor child. I don't know where you moved from, but they neglected your education. Don't worry I can help. And, trust me, Tease the Boys is a lot of fun." Kasy stood up, "Oops, got to run. See you Thursday."
Elizabeth stared in wonder as the red-haired girl ran out the door. While there was a rumor that Kasy was the most dangerous girl at Middleton High it appeared that might not be a rumor either. "What am I going to tell Mom and Dad so I can watch the golf meet on Thursday?"