"Matsuri-chan! The council is being mean again!" pouted the Kazekage of Suna to his apprentice.
Normally, people would find it weird that such a strong ruler would confide his problems to a girl who was not even his girlfriend rather than the council itself, right?
"What did they do this time, Gaara-sama?" Matsuri was used to this ever since Baki made Gaara find a pet cat to snuggle with when he was sad.
"I wanted a panda, but they said I already had a cat!" Gaara mumbled.
Matsuri sighed, wondering how her beloved former teacher could act like this when he was still a powerful ruler of one of the five nations.
"Gaara-sama, this is a desert. A panda couldn't live here even if it wanted to."
"Please Gaara-sama, I'm just here to give back my mission report, and I'm really tired. Why don't you do something to please the council, something they'd really like? For example, you could um…get a girlfriend? get married? assign more community service? I don't know, something like that."
"Why do two of the three options include getting a female involved?"
"I dunno, but that's what you told me you had to do a few days ago, Gaara-sama."
"Oh…I must find someone now to get my own PANDA-CHAN!!!!"
Thus began the quest of what Gaara would do for a dear panda that has no chance of survival in a desert.
"Council, I present to you…Matsuri!" a very desperate Kazekage exclaimed, holding the girl's arm up.
A cricket is heard and is squashed by Gaara's foot.
"Excuse me, Kazekage-sama, but what is Matsuri-san doing here?" a councilor asked.
"She's here on my behalf to get a PANDA! If you give me a cute, furry panda-chan, Matsuri-chan will go out with me, and you'll get heirs quickly!" the redhead argued.
"No, Kazekage-sama. We cannot allow that because…well…"
"What?! I want a panda bear already, old man! Give me one!"
"Kazekage-sama, Matsuri has been going out with someone for over two years, so you can't end it like that. Sir, that's kinda illegal."
"I don't care! Matsuri is my former apprentice…she pities me!" Gaara pouted.
"That's not fair, Manabu-san. Noboru and I aren't very close anyway, so it'll be an easy break-up. I'm positive it's okay," Matsuri said to stop her headache.
"If you are sure, Matsuri-san. I do not want a big fuss in the Kazekage Tower because of some lovesick man who's jealous of the Kazekage," Manabu, a councilor, warned.
"Yes, yes. We aren't going to have any problems unless Gaara kills this panda like the other ones."
"The other three? Oh right! He got mistakened for a cow so the butcher killed him, right?"
"And the second one wouldn't fit into the door, so he got chopped off into pieces…"
"And…wait, whatever happened to the last one?" Kankuro asked.
"I pushed him off a cliff to see if he could FLY!" Gaara answered joyfully, as if nothing were wrong with pushing a valuable animal off a cliff.
"Fine, but this is the last panda, Gaara-sama. Go break up with your boyfriend, Matsuri."
"Finally, he's here!" Gaara exclaimed. Matsuri stood next to him, sighing.
As Gaara glomped the panda, it turned into a human/snake…
"OROCHIMARU!!!!" the council screamed as the snakeman ran away.
"Waah, I wanted to see if he could stand the sand and heat for a week without food!" Gaara cried on Matsuri's shoulder.
To Suna, this was nothing new. It happened every Wednesday…