A/N: This is being reposted from my main account, The Only Pancake. It was beta'd by the wonderful Bellicose.
She was sitting on the couch, looking out the large glass window at Nessie and Bella playing with one another. I was sitting sideways by the window, watching her watch them. I could see the raw jealousy blazing in her bright golden eyes. I didn't need to be Jasper or Edward to know what was wrong with her. I'm her husband. I had been for seventy years. I knew her better then she knew herself sometimes.
Rosalie was being bitter again. She looked slightly less than deadly as her narrowed eyes darted from Bella to our niece and back again. She didn't think it fair that Bella got everything. She had a husband who loved her more than the world, the immortality she wanted so badly, and a daughter for the rest of eternity. I hated seeing Rosalie like this. I hated knowing that I couldn't give her what she wanted most.
I offered, you know. I offered four times actually. I told her I would make her a baby.
I knew I would have to sacrifice an innocent woman, but that didn't bother me. If she didn't die birthing a hybrid child, she would die of old age or disease one day. I even offered to find someone who was on death row, so I wouldn't be wasting a good person. I could very easily plant my DNA inside of her, even if she didn't want me to. I knew it was a horrible idea, but I would do it if I could just see that pain, that longing, in my Rosie's eyes go away forever.
But she was horrified with the idea of it, of sacrificing a human for her own personal desire.
I honestly didn't think she would mind that much, except for the fact that she'd go the rest of eternity knowing the kid wasn't really ours, just mine. That it would never be hers like she'd always wanted.
I'm sure my face, deep in angry thoughts, looked absolutely murderous. I was getting tired of watching Rosalie try to be the best aunt she could. She did it only because it was the closest thing that she'd ever get to being a mother. She didn't much like Bella or Edward, and it wasn't fair for her to use Nessie for her own personal gain.
It wasn't fair for her to do this to me, to make me feel like something less than dirt, forcing me to watch her suffer day after day. She made sure I knew about her woe, yet she never allowed me to do anything to help her.
A low growl bubbled unwillingly out of my throat, making my whole chest rumble. Rosalie's head snapped to the side and her unhappy face melted with innocent curiosity. "What's wrong with you?"
What was wrong with me?
I couldn't hold in my sudden fury, no matter how badly I wanted to. "You don't have a clue, do you?" I snarled. No, she didn't have any idea. I know her, down to her very soul, and she doesn't know a thing about me, does she? "Of course you don't. You're too busy wallowing in self pity and spite to notice anything at all." I looked away, glaring out the window. Bella was staring wide-eyed at us, obviously hearing us with her enhanced ears. Luckily, Nessie was a half-mile away looking for a baseball.
Rosalie came to sit on the arm of the chair, wrapping herself around my neck and resting her head on my shoulder. "What's all of this about, Emmett?"
Under her soft words, I could easily hear a resentful current to her voice. Never once in my existence have I called Rosalie anything that didn't praise her, especially not something like 'spiteful' or 'self-pitying'. My wrath was swirling in my head like a vicious storm. Even when I was clearly upset, she couldn't stop thinking about herself.
I never stop thinking about her. Never.
She was the singularly most important thing in my life, my very reason for being, and she didn't even care.
"Get off of me, Rosalie," I growled quietly. Through the reflection in the window, I saw her recoil in shock. I stood up and shook my head. "Just forget it. Go back to watching Nessie and wishing that you were never changed; that you and that monster Royce had a family together. I know it's what you really want."
It was no secret that she would give up absolutely anything to have that. If she had a family, then she wouldn't mind having a horrible husband.
If she had never been raped, I would have died in that bear attack. Had Royce not hurt her, I would never have met my soul mate. And for that, I was thankful for what Royce had done. It was because of him that we were together, that I had her in my life.
And I'll never be enough for her.
I started to stomp away, and she grabbed my arm, "Hey, wait!" I turned around and curled my fingers tightly around her elbow, tossing her so fiercely that her back hit the wall, leaving an indent. Her eyes stretched wide with terror and she held her breath.
"I said to get off of me, Rosalie," I snarled irritably. Our eyes met, mine furious and black, hers scared and butterscotch. I turned and yanked the front door open, stalking past my sister and my niece, who clung to Bella wearily as I passed them. Neither of them dared to talk to me. I was glad. I didn't want to talk.
I made it at far as the tree line when Rosalie's voice echoed into the air, panicked and upset. Worried. That's a first. "Emmett, wait! Come back and talk to me!"
Every instinct of mine screamed for me to turn around and obey her, to do what my mate asked me because it would make her happy. I kicked instinct aside and started running as fast as I could. I didn't even know where I was headed, but I was going there. I blindly ran, and ran, and ran. I ran all the way to the ocean, where I could run no further.
The scents began to swirl around me and, instinctively, terror wormed its way into my heart. I was just about as far into La Push as I could get, and the wolves were getting closer. Their scents were getting stronger.
I knew I should flee, I had broken a treaty that had just been renewed, and the wolves had every right to destroy me for it.
But I didn't run.
Maybe I wanted them to end me. Soul or no soul, wherever I was going to end up, I would be alone. I wouldn't have to spend day after day watching the love of my life sink slower and slower into a depression she refused to try and climb out of.
Maybe my heart was just too exhausted to take it anymore.
Three people, in human and not massive wolf form, carefully started walking towards me. One was little Seth Clearwater, one was his sister Leah, and the third was what's his name, Embry or whatever. I folded my arms and simply watched them.
"Are you looking for Jacob? Has something happened to her?" Leah asked me neutrally. She didn't need to say anything more descriptive, I knew what she meant. She was hoping Nessie wasn't hurt because that would crush her alpha- her friend.
She probably couldn't think of another reason for me being here.
I shook my head and sighed. "Nessie is fine, and I didn't come for Jacob."
She shared a surprised glance with the older boy.
"Then why are you here?" Seth asked curiously.
I felt myself almost choking on my emotions. My sorrow, my hate, and my desperation were taking over quickly. "I don't know," I whispered sadly.
Seth and Embry both looked seriously confused. Leah, a perceptive girl, was not as useless. Her face softened considerably and she took a few steps closer. "Did something happen with that blonde of yours? Rosaline?" she asked quietly.
I smiled a little and corrected her, "It's Rosalie. And yeah, what gave it away?"
She walked the rest of the way and stood right in front of me. Her deep brown eyes displayed wisdom well beyond her twenty years. "I just know."
I didn't know anything about this young woman, but I didn't need to. She clearly had experience in love and angst, a category that I was currently seeking advice in.
"Should I leave? I'm sorry for coming here, I didn't realize where I was." I didn't really want to leave. This was somewhere Rosalie would never come. It was the only place that I was free from her for a moment.
Leah glared at her brother and friend, and they both scurried away. She smiled at me a tiny bit. "We can talk if you want to. What happened?"
I was surprised that she was being so kind to me, a vampire of all people. I don't know why, but I started to let it all come tumbling out. By the time I was finished, it was dark outside, dusk.
Leah had stood patiently and listened to me the entire time. When I was finally finished, she started to speak to me. "I can understand why you're so upset. When Sam told me it was over, when he instantly loved my own cousin much more than he could have ever loved me, I felt hollow. I felt helpless and angry." She sighed heavily and took a few steps towards the water, looking out over the dark ocean.
"But you need to try to understand your mate, Emmett. When I first became a werewolf, I stopped getting my period. I became sterile, in a way, and I still am. I will be until I stop phasing all together and start to age again. When I found that out, I was distraught. I want a family one day, more then I realized until I learned it might not happen." I nodded and she continued, "Your wife, she knows that it can never happen. She can't just stop being a vampire. She will never have the one thing she grew up wanting, something she was preparing herself for and dreaming about for her entire human life. How can you ask her to just stop wanting that?"
I had not looked at it that way. I suddenly felt incredibly guilty. And, oh my lord, I had thrown her into a wall! I had to get back home. I had to see her. I had to apologize to her, hold her, and try to make it all better. If she had to suffer, how could I just leave her to suffer alone? I gazed at Leah, grateful for the conversation we'd had. "Thanks for this, for helping me understand."
She smiled. "No problem. Just stay out of La Push from now on. I have to go patrol. Say hi to Nessie for me, okay?" I nodded and she quivered, before exploding into her lithe gray other body. She nudged my arm with her nose. It wasn't an affectionate or friendly gesture, just a peaceful goodbye. Before either of us could leave, there was a snarl filled with absolute fury, and a flash of color whipped into the scene.
Jasper bowled into Leah and knocked her right off her feet. His body was tense and his eyes were wild. I panicked and yanked him off. "Jasper, stop it! We were just talking. Calm down!"
Leah rolled onto her feet and growled irritably at him. He glanced at me with wide eyes. "Just talking?" He glared disbelievingly at Leah.
I frowned, my hand wrapped firmly around his arm. "Yeah. What are you doing here?"
He snorted. "I could ask the same for you!"
Leah flicked her tail and darted towards the woods, nudging Seth, who was also in his wolf form. They quickly disappeared in the other direction of where Jasper had entered.
I ran with Jasper until we were outside of the technical danger zone. As soon as we crossed the line, he grabbed my arm and yanked me sideways, glaring at me with a borderline rage.
"You hurt Rosalie."
I frowned, eyes flickering with regret and fear. "What? I didn't throw her that hard. And I didn't really mean to do it in the first place."
Jasper growled. "Not that, even though none of us can believe you'd do that to her! What the hell? She's your mate, you reject! How could you knock her into a wall like some alcoholic moron?"
His guilt trip was making me feel worse then I had before, which was already miserable. "It was an accident!! I wasn't thinking. I was just..." I shook my head mournfully, "Where is she?"
He softened, my emotions like an open book to the empathy. "We're not sure, actually. She was incredibly upset, and when I tried to make her feel better, she tried to bite me. She went towards the mountains."
I knew where she was instantly.
Turning, I fled through the trees and bounced up the side of a slightly sloped cliff. I took a great leap across a thick ravine and landed hard against t he mountain edge. I gently walked to the left a couple of meters and peeked inside of a shallow cave. Rosalie was sitting on a flat boulder, holding her knees against her chest. Her eyes met mine, and I almost drowned in the sorrow shining back at me. I walked beside her and pulled her into my arms. Before I could apologize, she spoke.
"Emmett, I'm really sorry. For everything. I know that I am more than irritating when I am in… those dark places. But it isn't fair for me to drag you down with me. I just can't help it."
I pressed my nose against her forehead, kissing it gently. She melted against my chest and started trembling in dry sobs.
My still heart began to shatter.
I held her tighter and pet her hair, trying to sooth her quietly. "Don't Rose, please don't. Calm down baby, just relax and lets talk."
Like I should have let us do earlier when you asked...
She took a few deep, uneven, breaths before her body stilled, and her breathing became steady once again.
"I'm sorry, too, about earlier. I should have never done that to you. I can't believe I did. I wasn't thinking. I couldn't at the time. I was too angry."
She kissed my neck and reassuringly said, "It's okay, Emmett."
I shook my head. "No it isn't. It's not okay. How could you say that?" The misery in my voice was thick.
"Because, it's okay. We don't have to think about earlier. We don't have to talk about it."
I frowned, my brows creasing. "But what about later? What if it happens again? Every single day I can see how much you want a family mor-"
She cut me off by pressing her lips against mine. "No, Emmett, you're wrong. Don't even think that I could ever want a baby more than I want you. You are my entire life, teddy, and you always will be." I smiled a little, wanting to gush when she used her affectionate nickname.
"I love you, Rosalie, more than anything." She curled into my lap and pressed her mouth against mine. I was sucked, not unwillingly, into a fierce and very active kiss.
Eventually, she pulled away from me, and my lips burned like fire, wanting her back against them. She gently stroked my cheek, quietly declaring, "And I love you, Emmett. More than you could possibly realize."