Disclainer: I don't own Resident Evil.

Author's Notes: This was inspired after watching one of the cut scenes in Resident Evil 5. No real spoilers but it would make more sense if you actually saw the cutscene. Its from the start of Chapter 3-1 and I'm sure you can find it on youtube sonewhere! Crackfic mainly, just something my friends and I just couldn't stop laughing about!



Chris and Jill stormed into the mansion's foyer, both of them scanning the area for any potential threats. And that's when Chris spotted him, standing head to toe in black leather and trademark shades hiding his once blue eyes, looking out the window at the storm darkened sky.


The former S.T.A.R.S. captain turned to stare at him and Chris could feel ice cold fear tear through him as those mutant eyes stared at him from behind blackened lenses. A slow smile spread across the B.O.W.'s lips as he regarded the S.T.A.R.S. members.

Gunshots rang throughout the mansion as Jill opened fire. Chris soon followed suit. Taking his time and trying to get a clear shot. Wesker's smirk seemed to grow as Chris and Jill shot at him. None of their shots his though as Wesker seemed to disappear from his place by the window, only to reappear several feet away.

Chris tried to track Wesker's movements a the former S.T.A.R.S. captain jumped from place to place. He tried to study his movements and try to predict where he'd move to next but as he followed Wesker's movements around the mansion's foyer, the way Wesker kept vanishing and appearing sparked a sort of realization within Chris' mind. It was so obvious that he chastised himself for not seeing it sooner.

Chris lowered his gun and just as Wesker was about to swoop in and attack Jill, he exclaimed, "He POOFS!"

All motion stopped. Silence fell over the room and nothing could be heard besides Chris' barely contained laughter. Jill turned to stare at Chris with something akin to horror in her eyes.

"He fucking poofs! Can you believe that? The great and mighty, tremble-at-my-feet-oh-lowly-mortal Wesker POOFS!"

Jill stood there frozen, Chris was laughing his ass off, and Wesker twitched angrily.

"I'll show you who poofs!!" Wesker snarled before 'poofing' right in front of Chris and taking great pride in ripping the marksman apart while cackling madly.

Jill blinked dumbly, not quite believing what she was seeing and carefully backed out of the mansion. There was no way in hell she was dealing with this.