Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil!

Author's Notes: Inspired by Wesker's attire in RE 5. No spoilers for the game. Another crackfic about something my friends and I were joking about the other day after playing some RE.


How to distract Wesker

Chris burst heroically into the room. He did a quick check of his surroundings to make sure that it was clear. He was just about to radio Sheva to tell her to meet him at his position when a cold chill swept down his spine. He looked around the room, trying to spot any potential threats but nothing made a move to attack.

"Christopher…" An eerily familiar voice drawled from behind the BSAA operative.

Chris spun around to face the B.O.W. and watched as his former captain materialized out of the shadows. Golden, mutant eyes watched him from behind darkened lenses. Chris watched him closely, looking for any sign that Wesker was about to pounce and rip him limb from limb. It was at this time that the BSAA operative got a chance to take in Wesker's appearance.

Wesker was wrapped tightly from head to toe in black leather and his trench coat billowed in the slight breeze coming in from a nearby crack in the wall. His bright, sunny blonde hair was immaculately slicked back and his black signature square sunglasses obscured his cold and calculating eyes.

"Uh, Wesker, Neo called and he wants his look back."

Wesker looked down at his attire, completely confused by what Chris had just said. When he looked back up, to tell Chris some snide comment about the younger man's intelligence, he came nose to nose with a smirking Chris Redfield. Before Wesker could even blink, Chris' fist collided with his face and the force of the blow forced him back into a wall – hard.

Chris danced away then, laughing like a loon as he raced from the room. "Sheva! It totally worked. I told you that making a crack about his wardrobe would distract him enough for me to be able to land a hit! You so owe me that twenty!"

Wesker scowled darkly as he listened to the disbelieving "Nuh-uh" that rang out from somewhere nearby. Oh, his revenge would be sweet and bloody!