Important: Before we begin, I have a bit of explaining to do on the premise of this series. Basically, this is what would happen if I was thrown into any of the fandoms I like/know, and some I dislike/have only heard of. The titles will be the fandom that this particular one-shot is for – this one, for example, is Final Fantasy VII – and none of them are actually connected. So you can just peek through to find the fandoms you are familiar with.
And remember, this is why I SHOULDN'T be writing self-inserts, because this is probably what would happen if I were tossed into these realities... and if I was more fangirly that I already am.
On with the show!
Warnings: Fangirling, parody, game spoilers
Disclaimers: Final Fantasy VII belongs to SquareEnix. I do not own the Self-Insertion idea. However, I like to think I own myself. May or may not be right though.
Featuring: Your ever so wonderful Authoress and the cast of Final Fantasy 7
Final Fantasy VII
I frowned. It had been a week since I landed outside of Corel, and so far I hadn't been able to do... anything. Surely I had read some really stupid fanfic where the main character landed in some random world with cool clothes and instant fighting skills. In fact, there were quite a few out there. Well, either they had instant skills or they somehow got roped into joining the main plot line or... or anything.
But I was still entirely me. Average height, poofy short brown hair, blue eyes, shitty vision, and my clothes weren't even any good. The same thin jeans that I had worn to school that day, the same red t-shirt proclaiming that I was naked (and wasn't that embarrassing to explain to the locals!), black trench coat to mid-calf...
Well, aside from the velcro on my shoes being worth enough gil to buy a drink, nothing really changed. I mean, my shoes didn't have any velcro anymore and the drink – orange juice from concentrate – tasted like shit, but aside from that there wasn't anything different about me.
And gods damn it! I was bored. And hungry. And wondering why the hell I hadn't met Cloud or Yuffie or – dare I say it – Vincent yet. Yuffie and Vincent were always my favorite characters in Final Fantasy VII. The hyperactive ninja chick who I sometimes emulated when on a sugar rush and the anti-social quasi-vampire-demon-assassin? What wasn't there to love about them? And the fanfictions out there about them only made it better!
In a huff, I glared up at the sky. Okay, I was being a little bratty, but it was well deserved! I was missing school – I like my classes, thank you very much – for no reason except to sit in this stupid slummy-mining town and starve to death.
It wasn't until I saw a bit of yellow in my vision that I looked up and almost jumped for joy.
Cloud was entering the town with the full party. Tifa and Barret walked abreast of him, talking about something (but they suck so I didn't pay any attention), while Aeris tried to play peacemaker and Cid swore up a storm about the shitty conditions of this damn slum. Behind him strode Nanaki and Cait Sith, one walking awkwardly and the other with his nose to the ground to sniff out... eh, well, something. In the back of the group, Yuffie was badgering Vincent, and my eyes lit up.
This had to be when they were going to Dio for the Key. Aeris was alive, but they had Cid and Vincent, so there was no other time frame.
"No freaking way," I was completely dumbstruck. I knew this would happen eventually, it had to, but having them in front of me... They looked only a little younger than they had in Advent Children, but less CGI, which was pretty obvious. They didn't even notice me following them onto the trolley to the Golden Saucer.
Well, okay, Nanaki and Vincent did, but they're way cool and probably just thought I wasn't a threat... which I wasn't. But that's beside the point! I stared at them the entire way up, and they did notice me, but they seemed to just think I was a creepy stalker or something.
Ironic? Very much.
The trolley reached the saucer in a matter of minutes, and if I hadn't played the game so many times I would have been surprised at the Golden Saucer, but I wasn't. I got off right behind them, and Cloud showed his expensive pass that would let him in whenever he wanted. It extended to anyone brought with him, so I pretended I was and the door guard didn't look at me twice.
Score one for looking totally average!
However, beyond the entry, everyone turned around and gave me a look. Okay, not everyone, but Barret glared, Vincent didn't really have a facial expression (so cool!), while Nanaki just kinda sniffed at me, also glaring (how could an animal, even one as cool as him, do that?), and Cloud...
Let's just say if looks could kill, his Buster Sword would be long since obsolete.
"Why are you following us?" Cloud's tone was low and even.
"Er... it's just..." my brain was kind of dead. It was like Trigonometry all over again. Or Japanese when I had it in the morning. Or most times when I was called upon for any sort of social interaction. Right, time for some false bravado! "You guys are AVALANCHE!" I paused. "How the hell did my voice go into CAPS LOCK?"
In that instant, however, I had several weapons ready to turn me into ribbons.
"An' how the hell do you know that?" Barret growled. His gun arm was directed at me. I couldn't recall what that particular model was, but since I didn't use him in battle unless I had to, that was a given.
"I know lots of stuff about you guys," I instantly saw my chance and the small confidence boost was the sign I gave myself as to how I should be divulging for the future. "Like Tifa is a hand to hand specialist trained by a Wutaian emigrant who settled in Nibelheim. Nanaki – do you guys call him Nanaki or Red XIII? - is the last of his race from Cosmo Canyon. Cid is an ex-pilot from Rocket Town, and he was supposed to go into space but that rocket won't be flown until Shinra tries to send the Big Materia at Meteor. Vincent is an ex-Turk who was shot in the chest by Hojo and experimented on. He's Sephiroth's dad. Barret is from Corel and is blamed for it being the crappy little shit-hole that it is now. Yuffie is the princess of Wutai and out to steal your materia. Aeris is the last of the Cetra and is going to die at the end of the disc. And Cloud is not an ex-SOLDIER, he's just a nut-job whose memories are blurred with those of Zack Fair."
They stared at me for a moment.
"What the fuck are you smokin' girly, an' where can I get some of that shit?" Cid was laughing now. He probably thought I was insane.
"Reality, and you'll all believe me by disc two," I paused. "Oh, and Cait Sith is really Reeve of Shinra. They have Marlene." At this point I kind of realized I shouldn't have said anything and made to escape, but I wasn't the fastest person out there.
Now I'm enlisted as AVALANCHE's official pack-mule, since I'm not really good for anything else. I knew too much for them to let me fall into Shinra's hands, but they also didn't want to kill me. The fact that I had information on them all that Shinra couldn't lent some credit to me, otherwise they really might have killed me. Well, Vincent might have, the others are more squeamish about killing in cold blood.
Nowadays I usually go look for cool items while they try to get through the story, but having to carry a bazillion extra weapons for everyone is exhausting. And I have to stay close enough that I won't be attacked by monsters, but my "HP" is at about Level Two, or so everyone always tells me. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm not considered level one.
I really wish I hadn't opened my mouth on this one. Though now Aeris has survived through the summoning of Holy, I can't help but wonder how things will change.
Only time will tell. For now, I found a materia earlier, and I'm going to see if I can use it without killing myself.
Author's Note: The idea for this series was spurred from me trying to find fanfiction for Final Fantasy 9 and finding none of it was good. Somehow, that led to me wanting to write a bunch of Self-Insert one-shots. We'll see how it goes.