Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I was inspired to write this nonsense fic by a short Weird Al song. That and ten tons of caffeine.

Brotherhood Hamsters

The latest disaster to befall the Brotherhood started as they always do. An innocent idea gone terribly wrong. Todd and Fred bounded into the Brotherhood house carrying a box. "What'cha got there?" Tabitha asked them.

"Nothing," Todd smiled. "Come on Freddy, let's go to your room!"

"Wait a minute!" Pietro blocked their way. "What's in the box? What's in the box?"

"None of your business Pietro!" Fred snapped. "Hey!" He held the box higher.

"Lemmieseelemmiesee!" Pietro snapped. "LA-ANCE! They got something and they won't show me what it is!"

"Okay," Lance sighed. "What do you goons have now? Show me!"

Fred sheepishly opened the box. They looked in. Inside were three hamsters. "Can we keep them?" Todd asked quietly.

"We'll take real good care of them Lance honest!" Fred said.

"Why do you guys want hamsters?" Lance asked.

"Because they're little and soft," Fred said. "And they're cute and you can train them to do tricks."

"Like biting one of the X-Geek's toes off!" Todd nodded enthusiastically.

Lance thought about it for a moment. "Yeah okay," He shrugged. "What's a few more rodents around here anyway?"

"Where did you get them in the first place?" Tabitha asked.

"From a pet store," Fred looked at her as if she grew a third head. He whispered to Todd. "She's not very bright is she?"

"Yuck," Tabitha remarked. "I hate rats!"

"They're hamsters not rats!" Fred said.

"I take it you didn't buy them," Lance guessed.

"Well uh…" Todd fidgeted.

"Don't tell me," Lance stopped him. "I'd rather hear about it on the news!"

"Hey I want a hamster too!" Pietro said.

"Here we go again," Lance sighed and shook his head.

"Okay!" Todd nodded. "You can have Cindy! She's the white and brown one!"

"You named them already?" Lance asked.

"Uh huh," Fred nodded happily. "They're names are Marsha, Jan, and Cindy. I have Marsha, she's the pretty gray one and the brown one is Jan."

"Eewww!" Tabitha recoiled. "Gross!"

"They are not!" Todd said.

Pietro smiled wickedly. He picked one up and stuck it in Tabitha's face. "Say hello to Auntie Tabby Cindy!"

"Get it away! Get it away!" She squealed. Pietro laughed and chased her around with it.

"Little Cindy-Windy wants to play with Tabby-Wabby!" Pietro laughed.

"So does Janie Pie!" Todd laughed, picking up his hamster and joining in the fun.

"Marsha-Warsha too!" Fred did the same. Lance held his sides and laughed.

"If you don't get those furballs out of my face you're gonna have fried hamsters!" Tabitha shouted as she ran to her room.

The next day Lance found that Tabitha's disposition towards the hamsters hadn't changed. "Lance tell those lunatics that rats are not allowed at the table!" She shouted.

"Hey we let Toad sit at the table," Pietro said. "Fair is fair."

"He's got a point there," Lance agreed.

Fred was cuddling his hamster. "Who's daddy's little girl? Who's daddy's little girl? Marsha! Marsha!"

"Marsha, Marsha, Marsha," Tabitha groaned. "If I hear any more about those stupid hamsters I am going to be sick!"

"You're just jealous cause they're cuter than you are," Pietro laughed.

"They are not!" Tabitha turned red.

"Somebody's jealous!" Todd laughed. "Somebody doesn't like it when she's not the center of attention!"

"Somebody ought to watch his mouth or else he might find his stupid little furry friend in the microwave!" Tabitha loomed over him.

"Lay off him Tabby," Fred said. "Especially with Jan's condition."

"Condition?" Todd looked worried. "She ain't sick is she?"

"Nah she's just pregnant," Fred told him. "The others are too. Yes daddy's little precious is going to be a mommy! Yes she is!"

"Oh wonderful!" Tabitha groaned. "Just what we need! Wall to wall rodents!"

"How do you know?" Lance asked.

"I have my methods," Fred smiled mysteriously.

"Rodents everywhere!" She shouted. "It's gonna smell! It's gonna smell!"

"Calm down Tabby!" Lance said.

"Yeah we gotta plan!" Pietro said. "Once the babies are born, we'll locate them to a new home!"

"Where?" Lance asked.

"The X-Mansion," Pietro said matter of factly.

The next day at school Todd ran up to Fred and Pietro with a worried look on his face. "Guys! We got a problem! The girls are missing!"

"What girls?" Fred asked.

"Marsha, Jan and Cindy!" Todd hopped up and down in exasperation.

"How do you…?" Pietro began. "Oh no you didn't!"

"Did what?" Fred asked.

"Tell me you didn't!" Pietro yelled at Todd.

"Did what?" Fred asked.

"They kinda snuck out of my back pack during class," Todd cringed.

"You brought our hamsters to school?" Fred yelped.

"I couldn't leave them at home in their condition yo!" Todd protested. "Now I can't find them!"

"TOAD!" Pietro shouted.

"We gotta find them!" Fred said.

"Take it easy," Pietro said. "How hard can it be to find three lost pregnant hamsters?"

Quite a long time later, Todd was wandering the halls looking for the escaped trio.

"Here hamster, hamster," Todd called out. He looked inside a garbage can. "Hello? Hamster? Are you in there?"


Todd jumped up and shrank when he saw Principal Kelly scowling over him.

"What are you doing?" Kelly asked.

"Uh…nothing?" Todd smiled weakly.

"Tolensky why are you looking for a hamster?" Kelly pinched the bridge of his nose as if a tremendous headache was coming on.

"What makes you say that?"

"You were calling for a hamster just ten seconds ago!"

"I was?"

"Yes!" Kelly snapped.

"Have you seen any?"

"Any?" Kelly frowned. "Don't you mean it?"

"No any," Todd said nervously. "Freddy and Peitro lost theirs too. I think somebody stole them."

"Stole a hamster?" Kelly looked at him incredulously.

"Yeah you'd be amazed at what people steal nowadays!" Todd nodded his head rapidly. "First it was dogs, then cats, now hamsters! I think somebody took the goldfish in your aquarium too! Did you get a ransom note?"

"No I did not get a ransom note!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes now come to the Principal's office," Kelly grabbed him by the arm.

"But I gotta find them!" Todd whined. "They were gonna have their babies when they disappeared! And that was two months ago!"

"WHAT?" Kelly stopped and stared at him. "Where exactly did you lose them?"

"Um…I don't know…" Todd fidgeted. "Maybe they ran away?"

"To where?" Kelly growled. Just then a loud squeaking noise was heard.

"Uh…Mexico?" Todd replied weakly.

The noise grew louder. "It's coming from this vent," Kelly bent down and noticed that the opening was loose. "What is that? AGGGGHHH!"

Kelly screamed when a few hamsters started coming out through the vent. "Oh there you are," Todd said. "Where have you guys been? Wow there sure are a lot of you."

Dozens of hamsters raced out of the vent and through the halls. Kelly screamed and ran for his life. Todd just stood there scratching his head. "Boy you'd think he'd never seen a hamster before."