Ten drabble songfics about Naomi and Emily.
1. The War- Angels & Airwaves
Every day was a war, is a war. As long as Naomi still battles through her high school years, it is a war. Every day, she walks through the hallways and pretends to like the people- she doesn't really like most of them, even her friends. It's hard to like people when you're at war. But believe that she doesn't want to be at war, because she doesn't. Somewhere, long ago, someone- maybe Effy- told her that it would be that way. Naomi laughed at whoever told her that, thinking she'd never get herself fucked up with all this rubbish, all these kids and their drama.
But she was wrong. So wrong. So damn wrong that she wasn't standing outside of it; she in the fucking middle of it all.
All the kids at her school were casualties- she could see it written on their scarred faces, so bloody perfect on the outside, covered with make-up and smiles and braces and stickers and zits and moles and glasses and piercings. But the inside was a bloody mess, a beautifully torn war zone. Naomi knew, knew because she was a war zone inside and out, just because of one ridiculously stupid little girl.
Emily Fitch wasn't stupid, actually. She was goddamn brilliant, Naomi thought. But Naomi knew that the war within her- not the outside one, that was her mother's fault- but the war within her was one over Emily's heart.
2. All I Want Is You- Barry Polisar (Juno Soundtrack)
"Come on, Emily! You're so slow!" Naomi shouted from the top of a tree. They'd been running, splashing, laughing, playing all day. Now, they were about to jump in the water from the top of the tree. Naomi had reached it first, deftly climbing up it, bringing back cherished childhood memories. But as a child, she'd never had a beautiful girl chasing up after her, so maybe it wasn't quite nostalgic. With Emily there, everything felt a bit different. In a good way, though.
"I'm coming, I'm coming! I'm not a fucking monkey, you know!" Emily made it up the tree slowly, steadily, but she got there eventually.
"Are you ready?" Naomi waited for Emily's little head nod, grasped her hand, and hurled them both into the peaceful lake, feeling nothing but peace and love herself.
3. Where Are You Christmas?- Faith Hill
Emily remembers Christmas being magical: waiting for Santa, getting the presents, not quite knowing where they came from. It was all a mystery. A magical mystery, her mother used to say. Plus, back then, her brother either hadn't been born or wasn't pervy.
But now... her house feels almost dead around Christmas. Sure, there's the trees and the lights and the cookies and the corny music and the mistletoe, but Emily can't believe it's magic. Not anymore when she knows that Santa Claus is about as real as pixie dust and now that she's not magic anymore. No longer innocent, probably no longer sane.
Emily helps put the tinsel up, and she does most of the decorating every year. No one in else in the house feels like bothering with it much anymore. But she does, and every year, she hopes and waits and prays that the magic will return. But the cookies are no longer meant for Santa, the fireplace is no longer his point of entry; they're just sugar pastries that Katie eats and place for fire to burn all their substances when the parents get home.
But then when Naomi comes over to help her with the tree this year, she sees something a little extra in her eyes, in her step, in breath, in her mouth's corners, in her lips. A little spark of something in there; they're no longer just a pair of pensive blue eyes, a pair of worn out red Converse shoes, a light blow of warm air that reminds Emily of Tic-Tacs, a happily crinkled bit of skin, a soft pair of glossy pink, so light and so full, but something else.
4. Brave- Idina Menzel
Emily didn't quite know how to end it. She really, really didn't want to, but she knew she had to. There was someone else better for her, worth more than the end of this relationship.
She'd been wrestling with it for a while now, coming to terms with the bits and pieces that were slowly making her into herself, someone who was not her other. And those bits and pieces all added up to one thing: Katie had to go. Because more than anything else, she needed Naomi to stay.
Already with the tears in her eyes, Emily knocked on the door to Katie's room, praying she wasn't in there for Freddie or maybe Cook or maybe some boy she didn't know.
But thank God, she wasn't. She opened the door, looking rather pissed for reasons beyond Emily's comprehension. A thought wriggled into her mind, telling her not to make Katie more upset. But she absolutely knew she had to do it now. She would never have the resolve again.
"Katie, I have to tell you something."
"Well, get it over with quick, alright? I'm a bit busy."
"None of your fucking business, OK?"
Silence. An awkward pause. A shuffle of feet.
"Just tell me."
"Katie, I'm gay."
"Bull. You think that? Don't lie to yourself, Emily; it's just a phase."
"It's not. I am gay; and I'm in love with Naomi."
Slap. "Snap out of it, Em! You're not gay- you're just not."
"I am, Katie."
"Are you really?"
A tiny nod.
Tears quivering at the corners of angry eyes. "Then fuck off, dyke." A door slam, silent sobs behind it.
But a quiet bravery standing on the other side of it.
5. There's a Fine, Fine, Line- Avenue Q
Twice. Fucking twice, goddammit. Fucking twice that Emily had shared an intimate night with Naomi, and fucking twice that she had left her there alone. The first time, at least Naomi had been decent enough to leave her in a house. Where had she abandoned her the second time? In the fucking woods, that's where. Emily couldn't believe it; twice, she'd shared intimate actions, conversations, touches, laughs, sighs with Naomi and twice she'd fallen in love with her. But obviously Naomi hadn't loved her back. Obviously.
Obvious to everyone but Emily, that is. And where had her trust got her? Stuck in the middle of the fucking woods, after two nights of wasted, borrowed time.
6. I'll Cover You- RENT
"Emily, Emily, stop!" Naomi giggled on top of her bed, Emily on top of her, going over every inch of Naomi's ticklish stomach. A couple of seconds ago, they'd been kissing. Now, they'd taken a dip towards insanity, what with Emily's devil grin. And even though it made her sides hurt and she'd really like to keep kissing the adorable redhead, Naomi couldn't get over how that grin made Emily seem so, well, adorable.
Finally, Naomi managed to wrestle Emily off of her and on to the other side of the bed. When she had Emily's arms pinned at her sides, she whispered smoothly into her ear, "My turn." But instead of tickling her girlfriend senseless, Naomi swept down, sending the sweetest of kisses to Emily's bang-covered forehead.
7. First Time- Lifehouse
Naomi had always wished for happiness. Seriously. It sounded corny and stupid and ridiculous, but most of her life she'd just felt content. And content wasn't happy; it wasn't sad; it was just life. And Naomi had never wanted to live "just life."
So why, when happiness had walked in, had she quickly pushed it out? Emily made her feel things she'd never felt before: happy, in love, like she was actually a good person. And all of that scared the hell out of her. Why would she be scared of the thing she wanted most?
But, she guesses, everyone gets scared when their dreams come true. It's not something they expect to happen, and when it does, they aren't prepared with how to deal with it.
So when Emily finally does forgive her stupidity, the fucked up situations she's put her through and gives her one good kiss, Naomi is ready. But somewhere between the time she spent crying over what she lost and this quiet heaven, she's found the strength to prepare for her dreams to come true.
8. Love Story- Taylor Swift
"What about Katie, Naomi?"
"What about everyone else who thinks it's rubbish and stupid and not real?"
"Fuck them, too."
"How can you just say that?"
"Look, Emily, who's in this relationship?"
"Me and you."
"Then who's opinion matters?"
Emily doesn't have an answer for that, but it's hard to feel like no one else's opinion matters when you have to hide in the woods to have a relationship. She wants to tell everyone, somewhere in her deepest locked secrets, ones that she might not even acknowledge yet, she knows that's what she wants. She wants to scream it from the rooftops, because she can't hold it in anymore. She wants to hold Naomi's hand and kiss her on the cheek whenever she does something silly or needs a bit of help.
But mostly, she wants to dance. She wants to dance with Naomi in some stupid little school dance, all dolled up and made up and flushed because she's with Naomi and they're dancing to some beautiful slow song and no one is screaming at them. It's what she really wants, and she thinks Naomi knows this. Or part of it, anyway.
And Naomi does know it. But it breaks her heart to have to look Emily in the eye each day, knowing that she can never give it to her.
9. When You Believe- Cincinnati Pops Orchestra (instrumental version)
The dark is always darkest before you see the light. Things get worse before they get better. You have to make a mess before you can clean it up.
Naomi's heard "wise" adults quote these things to her a million times before, but they don't help how she's feeling. She just wants to tell those adults to fuck off, though she never does. Why? Because she knows they're right.
Everything in her life has been a mess of mountains and valleys and peaks and troughs, sort of like that business cycle her economics teacher is obsessed with. But Naomi's peaks are never quite that high and her troughs are always so damn low.
Of course, Emily was a peak. A big fucking peak. And then she was a trough. A big fucking trough. And who's fault was it that she turned into a trough? Naomi's and Naomi's alone. Her own big fucking fault.
Never had she screwed up so badly in her life, never had she made things get so bad it seemed like they would never get any better. Her mother told her that silly thing the other day- "The person who makes you happiest is the person you least expect." And crazily enough? She was starting to believe it. Maybe that's all she needed- just to believe a little bit. Maybe believing in herself, believing in Emily, believing in herself and Emily together, maybe then she would be able to fix up the mess she had so horribly created.
So she tried to believe this. Really, really, really tried with all her heart to believe it. And she rang Emily's doorbell one day to pour her heart out, believing that she was capable of saying the right things, of finding a fucking massive peak out of this fucking massive trough.
10. Power of Two- Indigo Girls
"I've got a surprise for you!" They'd been dating for a couple of months, but it still felt brand new. Mostly because of Naomi's surprises. They made it so interesting, and every time they happened, Emily fell in love again. She had a theory that Naomi kept falling all the time while she kept falling, then walking, then falling again. She wasn't sure which way was right or if there even was a right way. But then again, they'd been in love for quite a while, so she guessed that both ways were OK.
"Where are we going?"
"Somewhere fun. We've been there before, but it's better this time."
"Better? Better how?"
"You'll just have to wait and see." Naomi walked away, hurrying to class.
"Fuck," Emily whispered under her breath. She hated waiting.
The waiting ended much too late for her, much, much too late. But finally it was Friday and Naomi had left a little note in her locker- "Emily, meet me in the forest at seven. Don't you dare come early- Naomi." Emily felt her heart leave the carefully planned sidewalk and go down the cliff, slowing starting to fall again.
"Naomi, what is all this?" Emily almost couldn't breathe at first, seeing what Naomi had done for her: little candles on the ground around a lovely blanket in the middle of a clearing deep in the woods with a rather large picnic basket in the center of that.
"It's for you; you like it, don't you?" Naomi's face fell, her eyes drew sharp confusion, her smile tried to stay there, almost dying with Emily's words.
"No, no, of course I do. I'm just... amazed." She faced Naomi, hands placed on pale, bare shoulders. "You're fucking wonderful, Naomi." She kissed her slowly, sweetly, beautifully, tenderly, falling, falling, falling swiftly into the soft body of a wonderful girl.