Warnings: some minor language and discussion of bodily functions. Enjoy!
Wind of a Different
My husband had been in the windfor over two weeks. I was starting to get lonely. Hopefully this would be his last mission but you never knew with the government. I was sitting in my own little world, dreaming of my Cuban Sex God and the delicious things he could be doing to me, when my phone wrung.
"Stephanie Michelle! This is your Mother speaking." I rolled my eyes. She still hadn't accepted that I had chosen Ric over Morelli; hence the missing last name.
"Hi mom" I sighed and rolled my eyes again for good measure.
"Don't hi mom me Stephanie! Where have you been?! I haven't seen you in well over two months! Two months young lady! Your father is going out of his mind with worry!" I resisted rolling my eyes again, but it was a struggle.
"I rang you three days ago and Daddy answered the phone. And I ran into Grandma last week in Giovanni's and I took her to a viewing last night. You were the one who forbid me to come to the house if, and I quote, I decided to marry that ruthless, untamed man. Did you need something Mom?" I finished in a sickly sweet voice.
I had been happily married to Ranger for almost six months. Sure I had seen her around since then, but this was the first time she had called me since we announced our engagement. The wedding had consisted of Tank and Lula as our only witnesses. It was a nice, plain and simple affair...that just happened to take place on a beach in Spain. God I love Ric.
"Stephanie Michelle! Don't you speak to me like that! I expect you for dinner at six pm. Don't be late" And just like that, she hung up on me. Well, I wonder if that means I've been forgiven.
Mental head slap, did I want to be forgiven?
"Tank!" I called out, leaning out my cubicle door. His head popped out of a cubicle six yards down. I knew I heard his voice.
"Want to come to dinner with me tonight?" I batted my eyelashes and gave him my most adorable smile as he approached me.
"Where?" Tank folded his massive arms across his chest and stared at me.
"Somewhere you've never been before?" I tried. His eyes darkened.
"Time and Location." He grunted.
"Six pm. And it's a surprise" I grinned as he crouched down next to me and placed his arms on my chair.
"The only kind of surprise I like is in the bedroom. Speak woman" I groaned.
"Fine. You wreck all my fun. At my parents' house" I closed my eyes and waited for the negative response.
"Ok Bombshell. But I'm only doing this because of little Ric...and the fact that Ranger would kick my ass for not making you happy. You definitely need backup going into that kind of hostile territory" He stood and rubbed my swollen belly, dropped a kiss on my forehead and stalked off to save Trenton and its citizens from evil. Yep, I The Bombshell Bounty Hunter was pregnant. Five and a half months pregnant and sentenced to minimal desk work and swimming. Oh the joy.
How did this happen, I hear you ask. Well, a gust of Ranger's yummy Bulgari and male scent blew my way at a time when my hormones were in over drive, aka honeymoon hormones, and my birth control pill failed...probably because I was so wrapped up, figuratively and literally, with my husband that I forgot to take it.
Big oops. But Ric was happy and I was happy...but that could just be my pregnancy hormones, they also make me cry randomly.
I went upstairs for my afternoon nap and then got ready for my night of pure hell...uh, I mean my nice family dinner.
Oh SHIT! I hadn't told my mom I was pregnant! How could I have forgotten that?! She's going to kill me; I'll never hear the end of this!
And that's how Tank found me, banging my head against the wardrobe wall.
"Steph!"Tank growled, grabbing my arms.
"What?" I wondered as he spun me around and led me out to the bed to sit down.
"What? You trying to get me killed? You think if you and your baby got brain damage while Ranger's gone he's just gonna let it fly? And why the hell aren't you dressed?" I looked down. Sure enough I was wrapped in a big fluffy white towel. Huh. I hate forgetting stuff.
"Can you help me with my shoes in a minute?" I questioned as I rolled off the bed and back into the wardrobe. After dressing in comfy black yoga pants and a blue flowy baby-doll top I was set.
"Forgetting something Bombshell?" I paused on my way out the door to find Tank holding a pair of flat sandals.
"Thanks Tank" I smiled at him as he bent down to slide them on the right feet.
"No worries. C'mon" He slung his arm around my shoulders, grabbed my handbag and we were on our way.
"Oh my GOD! We're going to be late! Tank floor it!" I shrieked as I glanced at the clock on the dashboard.
"Relax..." I screamed.
"I don't want to relax! I want to get to dinner on time!" Once he had us pointed in the right direction, I manoeuvred my leg around the gear shift so I could stomp on his foot. It was an act of contortion I'm telling you.
Anyway, it had the desired effect. We zoomed out of the garage and turned the corner with such velocitywe skidded into the next lane and fishtailed before Tank got the SUV back under control.
"Are you out of your fucking mind?!" Tank shouted. Of course that instantly triggered the water works.
"You hate me! You think I'm stupid! Pull over Tank and I'll walk to dinner myself!" I blubbered.
"Christ" He mumbled, running a hand over his face.
"I'm sorry Steph. I don't hate you or think you're stupid. You're beautiful and smart and Ranger loves you" He tried to sooth me.
"But Ranger isn't here! He's going to die and then my child will only have one parent and I'll be a widow!" I wailed.
"Shhhhh Steph. Of course he's not going to die. How about we buy some Ben and Jerry's after dinner? Does that sound ok?" My tears instantly stopped.
"Really?" I smiled and started bouncing in my seat.
"Really Bomber. Now wait there and I'll help you down" Help me down? Oh, we'd already arrived.
Tank walked around the front of the car and lifted me out and down. I caught my mother already crossing herself and she hadn't even seen a good glimpse of me yet.
"Probably something I need to mention Tank" I started as he closed the door and placed a hand on my back.
"What's that?" He muttered, hard eyes focused on my mother and grandmother.
"I haven't told her I'm pregnant" He stumbled and shot his glare at me.
"Fuck" Yep that pretty much summed it up. And I had been sticking WAY clear of the burg if I was in tight clothing. Everyone had seen me in Ranger's baggy t-shirts, so the rumour was I was putting on the pounds. Little did they know...I had only told my Dad the truth.
"STEPHANIE! YOU GET INSIDE THIS HOUSE IMMEDIATLEY. YOU'RE LATE, YOUNG LADY!" I leaned heavily into Tank's side and cringed.
"Hi Baby girl. Well hello there big guy, aren't you impressive" My grandmother greeted me and Tank's crotch.
"Mrs Mazur, Mrs Plum" Tank nodded at each of them.
"Hi Mom, Grandma. This is Tank" Tank guided us inside and my Mother and Grandma followed.
"Good lord, my child is cavorting around with a man named Tank!" I didn't need to turn around to know she was crossing herself and mouthing why me?
"Hey Pumpkin! Tank!" Daddy greeted me with a hug as he slapped Tank on the back. Thank God my dad liked Ranger and the Merry Men. "Let's get you sitting down Steph. How's my grandchild doing?" My dad helped Tank ease me into a chair. They were fussing way too much.
"GRANDCHILD! YOU'RE PREGNANT?!" Crash! My mom landed on the floor in a dead faint. Well now the whole burg knew. Thanks a lot mom.
"I'm fine Daddy. What's for dinner?" I asked as Tank lifted and deposited my mom on a couch. She was starting to come around.
"Don't know. Ellen, what's for dinner?" My dad demanded as he tucked a pillow behind my back. Damn, and if it wasn't in the perfect spot.
"I love you" I smiled, closing my eyes and easing back.
"A baby" My mother muttered as sat up and stared at my stomach. "How far are you along?" She enquired.
"Five and a half months"
"And who is the father?" She continued. Tank snarled at her as my Dad growled.
"Really Ellen! Her husband is the father. Ranger, remember him? The guy who gave our daughter his last name?" Daddy rolled his eyes so good it would make any burg girl proud.
"Dinner's ready!" Grandma hollered from the kitchen. Ah, so that's where she slunk off too.
Tank helped me up and directed me to the table. As I slid down into my seat, I accidently farted. Loudly.
"It goes in like a lion; it goes out like a lamb." Grandma winked at me.
"I know she's been eating like a lion but man, that's some deadly lamb! Damn Bombshell...huh, you're nickname just took on a whole other meaning" Tank chuckled as he sat to my left.
I flushed, it wasn't my fault the baby was creating some unwanted pressure. I glanced down at my plate. Roast Lamb with all the trimmings was served. Yummy! My first bite was a second away from my mouth when I felt it.
The tingle. It raced down my spine and hit me with a force.
"Ric!" I squealed, turning my head and finding him leaning in the doorway.
"Hey Babe. Tank, you're dismissed" Ranger nodded at him with a small smirk.
"Praise the Lord!" Tank raced out of the house as Ric took his seat.
"Babe, what's that smell?" Ric wondered, scrunching up his nose.
"The answer my friend is blowing in the wind." Grandma smiled as my cheeks flushed once again.
Have I mentioned I hate being pregnant?