Silently, Josh followed Nowaki through the dense forest. Rather than wandering aimlessly around, he pressed forward as if he were following some unseen force. What are you doing out here, Josh wondered apprehensively. Ever since Ichirou had mentioned coming to Hiro's hometown, Nowaki had started acting strangely. Normally he would at least attempt to carry on as if the weight of the world weren't crushing his shoulders, but as soon as Ichirou told him where they were going, Nowaki had completely withdrawn from everyone.
This change in Nowaki's character worried Josh. An uncle of his had acted the same way before he himself had wandered off into the woods, and subsequently blew the back of his head off with his prized Colt .357 magnum. Thankfully, he didn't have to worry about that happening. Unbeknownst to Nowaki, Josh had thoroughly searched his belongings and had not found any weapons. Unfortunately, if Nowaki really wanted to kill himself, there were still plenty of other methods.
After approximately thirty minutes, Nowaki shifted slightly to the left and headed toward what appeared to be a clearing. It can't be a clearing though, Josh reasoned. We've been heading back toward the ocean. There must be a small beach up ahead.
Sure enough, there was indeed a small, pristine beach nestled in the midst of this nearly impervious forest. I'll bet no one knows about this place, Josh thought as he marveled at the beauty of his surroundings. This would be the perfect place to… completely disappear! With heightened apprehension, he watched Nowaki closely. If I let anything happen to him, Kobayashi will never forgive me!
Hiro waited until he was sure Ichirou had left before he opened the door and peered cautiously out. Satisfied that the coast was indeed clear, he set off for the Grand Hotel. Of course he was going to Nowaki. How could he not, but he didn't want to give Ichirou the satisfaction of knowing that he was right. He wanted to make that bastard squirm at least for a little while. In truth, he wasn't really all that angry at Ichirou. Yes, what he had done was wrong, but as screwed up as it all was, he'd had Nowaki's best interests at heart.
Inoue was a different matter altogether. From the very start… that little bastard had been manipulating me from the very start! I can't believe I trusted him! Hiro's stomach churned in disgust. I can't believe I let him kiss me, and I… I… Hiro retched involuntarily. How could I have been so stupid?
As he rounded the corner, the Grand Hotel came into sight. Situated on the beach, it was one of the most luxurious hotels in this part of Japan. Naturally, they'd be staying here. Hiro was reminded of the first time he met Nowaki. He'd assumed the magnificent home he'd found himself in that fateful morning had belonged to Nowaki. It wasn't until a couple of days later he learned the truth – that Ichirou was actually the owner. Now he knew the entire truth, but that didn't matter now.
Fear and excitement gripped his heart. It had been his dream for so long – to see Nowaki again – to feel his arms and taste his lips, but for some reason he felt hesitant. What if Kobayashi is wrong about Nowaki? Maybe he'd just been depressed about breaking up with his girlfriend. What if he really doesn't love me?
Walking past the hotel, Hiro went down to the beach. I just need some time to think, that's all. He headed for his secret beach. When he was a child, it had been his secret fort. But as he matured, it became the place he would go to whenever he needed to think or to be alone. Right now both were what he wanted.
At one time, Hiro had managed to make a secret path from the main beach through the dense forest at the edge of the city to his beach. But it had been years since he'd come to this place so naturally his path had long ago been reclaimed by the forest. Although it was difficult to navigate, Hiro pressed on eager to once again experience the beauty and divine isolation of his special place.
Just as he was beginning to wonder if the forest had claimed his beach the way it had consumed his path, he finally emerged from the thicket. At that very moment, Hiro noticed someone standing along the shore. Damn it! Someone's discovered my secret place, he cursed angrily to himself. Wouldn't you know it, the one time I really wanted to be alone! He started to turn back, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the forlorn figure. There was something about him that looked oddly familiar. Just who is this person? Suddenly he swiftly strode into the surf. What the hell! He's not dressed to go swimming. What's he trying to do?
"Oi, that's not a good place to go swimming," Hiro yelled in warning as he sprinted to where the stranger had entered the water.
At the sound of Hiro's voice, the person stopped dead in his tracks. A large wave hit him in the chest and sent him reeling backwards.
Recognizing the person at last, Hiro felt as if his heart would burst through his chest. "N… Nowaki… is that really you?"
Slowly Nowaki climbed out of the water and tentatively made his way to Hiro. This is an illusion. It must be an illusion. Quivering with excitement, he reached up to stroke Hiro's face. Will I really be able to feel his flesh? The warm skin that met his fingers and the delicate pink that tinted Hiro's cheeks sent simultaneous ripples of exhilaration and desire through his once deadened body. "Y… you're alive?"
Hiro looked into Nowaki's pallid face with shock and awe. The feel of his cool, wet fingers confirmed the wonderful reality. He's here! Nowaki is really here!
"Hiro-san!" Nowaki's trembling hands caressed Hiro's face as he gazed into his long, lost lover's dark brown eyes. The eyes he'd been certain he'd never look upon again. Longing and passion radiated from them now and it fanned the smoldering embers within Nowaki's soul until it became a veritable inferno. Slipping one hand around to tenderly cup the back of Hiro's neck, he gently pulled them both together. With a delicious explosion of heat, he tasted the soft, sweet lips he'd craved a thousand times in his dreams. God, if this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up!
Waves upon waves of unbridled desire flowed rampantly through Hiro as he melted into Nowaki's heated body. In a hauntingly familiar gesture, Hiro wrapped his arms around Nowaki's waist and clutched at his shirt. Nowaki's tongue brushed his lips lightly and they willingly parted. Their tongues fell into the same mock struggle for dominance, but as always Hiro acquiesced.
A loud wanton moan escaped Hiro's lips making Nowaki painfully aware of the annoying barriers to the warm, inviting flesh he'd wanted for so long. Groaning impatiently, he reluctantly pulled back and hastily began to unbutton Hiro's shirt. Their clothing fell like sakura petals onto the sandy shore between each urgent, fevered kiss.
In slow motion their naked bodies fell into the soft, warm sand. As the cool surf lapped at their ankles, the lovers reveled in the myriad of emotions and sensations which at every second threatened to drive them mad. With a gentle fluid motion Nowaki pressed into Hiro. His eyes, glazed over and half closed, made him look as if he were enjoying his first taste of a rare, fine wine. Hiro's warmth enveloped and welcomed him.
"I love you Hiro-san," Nowaki whispered tenderly caressing his lover's blushing face.
"Baka," Hiro snapped his rose kissed cheeks turning bright crimson.
For the first time in what had felt like an eternity, Nowaki laughed with unbridled joy. That's definitely my Hiro-san! "Oh god, I've missed you!" Once more he devoured Hiro's lips with a long passionate kiss.
Hiro wanted to say 'I love you,' but he was still too embarrassed to do it. Besides, he would have to pull away from the most incredibly libertine kisses he'd ever experienced, and there was no way in hell he'd ever do that. Instead he wrapped his legs around Nowaki's waist and pressed him in even deeper. If I can't bring myself to say it, I can at least show him how much I love him… how much I want him.
Reluctantly pulling away from Hiro's lips, Nowaki slipped his arms under Hiro's legs, and positioned them on his shoulders. "I wanted to make love to you gently – the way I had the first time, but I can't hold back anymore." He pulled away, almost leaving Hiro's seductive warmth before plunging forcefully back inside.
Hiro had been trying all along to keep his voice silent. He'd never liked showing this side to anyone, but whenever Nowaki hit that sweet spot, it was impossible for him to stop those incredibly embarrassing sounds from escaping his fevered lips.
Longing to hear more of his sexy voice, Nowaki settled into a powerful, fiery rhythm and reveled in Hiro's sweet embrace.
"Ah, yes… there," Hiro cried his toes curling and back arching in ecstasy. So many nights he'd dreamt about this. Now that it was finally happening, he never wanted it to end. It feels so good! "Nowaki… I can't… I can't hold back anymore!"
"Neither… can I…" Nowaki replied breathlessly.
Joy exploded at once within them as they clung tightly to one another until at last they collapsed in exhaustion. Hiro lay gasping for breath with his eyes closed still riding the dwindling wave of his passion. Nowaki's breath brushed across his ear sending tingles down his spine threatening to renew his desire, but a large wave crashed over their legs jarring both of them back into reality.
"Sorry Hiro-san," Nowaki said as he pulled him out of the surf.
"Don't apologize," he retorted irritably in embarrassment. "Help me gather up our clothes before they're washed out to sea."
They silently retrieved their wet clothes from the surf and hung them on the bushes to dry. Hiro eyed Nowaki nervously as they washed themselves and rinsed the sand out of their boxers in the ocean. It looked as though something was weighing heavily on his mind.
"Why Hiro-san," Nowaki asked in a small defeated voice. "Why did you abandon me?"
What the hell! "I never abandoned you… you friggin' moron!" Hiro exclaimed heatedly. "You're the one who abandoned me! You left me with nothing but that annoyingly vague note. You were gone for days and never tried to call me… not even once! Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"
"I'm sorry," Nowaki turned away from Hiro nervously. "Ichirou-san arrived suddenly and asked me to go with him. I… wasn't able to contact you…"
"Yeah, I know. Kobayashi-san and I had a nice long talk this afternoon."
"You've… spoken with Ichirou-san," he asked incredulously. "When… how?"
Looking into Nowaki's dark, trusting eyes Hiro carefully contemplated his answer. Nowaki's relationship with Kobayashi – as unorthodox as it is – is the closest thing to a family he's ever had. He had always talked so fondly about Kobayashi. I… can't allow that bond to be broken. It means so much to him.
"I met Kobayashi-san at my father's bookstore," Hiro lied uneasily. "Evidently he was going to ask for my father's permission to visit my grave. He found me instead." Unable to continue his narrative under Nowaki's intense gaze, Hiro turned away and squinted into the bright late afternoon sunlight. "My father had been hospitalized with pneumonia last year and was unable to run the bookstore. That's why I quit my job at K-Publishing and moved here."
For the next half an hour, Hiro related nearly everything that he and Ichirou had discussed earlier. Of course he left out Ichirou's deception. There was no way he would ever add further pain to what Nowaki had already endured. During the conversation, Hiro noticed for the first time just how thin and pale Nowaki had become. Ichirou was right… he had completely shut down as if this past year he'd been trying to…
"How did you find this place," Hiro asked suddenly.
Nowaki picked up a small piece of driftwood and began nervously drawing in the sand. "I went for a walk on the beach and ran across it."
"Bullshit!" Hiro grabbed the driftwood out of Nowaki's hand and threw it into the ocean. "No one casually walking down the beach would ever venture into those woods," he exclaimed motioning in the direction he'd come from earlier. "As far as I know, I'm the only one who has ever come to this place. Now I came here to get away from everyone so I could think. Why in the hell were you here?"
"I came here to get away from everyone too," Nowaki answered in a small guilt ridden voice.
The truth struck Hiro at once with the speed of a viper. The way he was walking into the ocean… he… he was trying to get away from everyone… permanently. "You… you were trying to commit suicide?"
"I'm sorry Hiro-san. I just…" Nowaki's eyes brimming with pain and anguish bore into Hiro's soul. "I just… couldn't live without you anymore."
"YOU FUCKING MORON!" Hiro screamed. Turning abruptly he walked angrily away. "Did you ever stop to think about how that would affect the people who love you?" He stopped suddenly in his tracks. Blushing and instantly embarrassed at what he'd said, he hastened to add, "K… Kobayashi-san for instance… Can you imagine how he would feel?"
"Hiro-san," Nowaki exclaimed as he embraced Hiro from behind. "Does this mean that you love me?"
"What the hell! Let me go you idiot!" Hiro tried to push him away, but Nowaki's arms held him like a vice.
"Please Hiro-san," Nowaki whispered desperately into his ear. "I've always known how difficult it is for you to say such things to me. That's why I've never pushed you for an answer, but now… after everything that's happened. I need to know… no… I really need to hear you say it."
Hiro struggled impotently in Nowaki's strong arms. He'd known all along that he was in love with Nowaki. The problem was he'd never confessed to anyone before, and he just couldn't stand the thought of doing something so incredibly embarrassing. But this is the first time I've ever heard Nowaki sound so vulnerable.
"Hiro-san, please tell me that you love me too…"
Damn it I just can't do it!
"Um… it looks like… the t..tide's starting to come in." Hiro stuttered nervously.
"I… understand," Nowaki whispered in defeat pulling listlessly away. "After all, it's been a year since…"
"Nowaki wait!" Hiro grabbed his arm. Goddamn it! If I don't say it now, I'll lose him for real! "I… … um… … you…"
"What did you say?"
As Nowaki renewed his embrace, Hiro could feel him trembling. Swallowing his pride and blushing profusely he whispered a barely audible; "I love you." Almost as the words left his mouth, Nowaki kissed him with a fervent hunger so intense it made Hiro's head spin. Wrapping his arms around Nowaki's waist, Hiro sighed contentedly. I guess that wasn't so bad, he thought as Nowaki slowly sat down gently pulling him down as well. Hiro's heart began to race. This had been his favorite position to make love in, and the fact that Nowaki had remembered it made him feel inexplicably happy. The warm sun felt good on Hiro's back as he slipped his boxers off and straddled his lover.
Moaning wantonly, Hiro guided Nowaki into him again. Ripples of excitement danced up his spine as Nowaki filled him completely. There was no sensation that could possibly be compared with this. It was absolutely perfect. In fact, for the first time in his life, Hiro actually felt complete.
"I love you Hiro-san," Nowaki exclaimed grasping Hiro's hips and falling easily into a slow, seductive rhythm. "I love you so much!"
"Me too…" Hiro whispered tentatively into Nowaki's ear. "I… love you too!"
Josh strode quickly through the forest. His heart had nearly leapt through his chest when he saw Nowaki walking with grim determination into the ocean, but then Hiro suddenly emerged through the trees at the other side of the beach and stopped him. Smiling warmly, he recalled the look on Nowaki's face as he embraced Hiro. Kobayashi doesn't have to worry about him anymore!
Finally, Josh breathed a sigh of relief. This twelve month long nightmare has ended. Surely everything will finally be resolved one way or another between Nowaki and Kamijou. And now that Kobayashi has accepted Nowaki's relationship, maybe there's a chance that we could get together! With renewed vigor, he emerged from the forest and sprinted across the sand past the startled sunbathers to the hotel.
When he walked into their suite, Josh found a frantic Ichirou pacing anxiously.
"Where the hell have you been," Ichirou demanded looking past Josh into the empty hallway. His face went instantly pale when he realized that Nowaki wasn't there. "Where's Nowaki?"
"Calm down Kobayashi-san," Josh answered soothingly. "He's fine. He's with Kamijou right now, and the way they were going at it, I'd be surprised if he came back tonight at all."
"Thank God," Ichirou sighed in relief. All of the tension that had been building during the long months melted swiftly away. Whatever happens now is completely in Nowaki and Kamijou's hands. Turning away from Josh, he walked out onto the balcony. By now, Nowaki must know about what I've done. I'll probably never see him again. Intense pain replaced his anxiety. This was worse than when his mother had died. After all, he wasn't the one that had driven her to her death. But now, it was just a matter of time before he would have to face Nowaki's inevitable wrath, and he had no one to blame but himself.
Leaning against the railing, he chuckled humorlessly. "Looks like I'll be alone again."
"I told you as long as I'm alive, you'll never be alone," Josh whispered passionately as he wrapped his arms around Ichirou's waist.
"Why do you care so much about someone like me," Ichirou mumbled in shock. Josh's body felt so good. The arms that embraced him felt so right. But this isn't right! This kind of relationship destroyed my mother! How can this possibly be alright?
"I'm sorry Josh," Ichirou said gently pushing him away. "I can't allow this to continue."
"Why," Josh asked trying valiantly to hide the pain in his voice. Gently he pulled Ichirou around to face him. "Why is it okay for Nowaki and Kamijou, but not okay for us?"
Wincing at the pain in Josh's pale, blue eyes, Ichirou hesitantly answered. "It is impossible for the two of us to produce an heir, and I refuse to put another woman through what my mother was forced to endure."
"Why do you have to produce an heir," he demanded. "Why can't you just adopt one?"
"Do you honestly think my family would allow something like that to happen?"
Although Ichirou was arguing against it, Josh sensed that his resistance was weakening. "Since when have you ever worried about your money-grubbing relatives?"
"They're likely to put up one hell of a fight," Ichirou warned. "A couple of them might even hire someone to assassinate me."
"I enjoy a good fight," Josh countered with a devious smile. Once again wrapping his arms around Ichirou's waist he added; "don't worry. I'll always be here to protect you." With that he ended their discussion by kissing Ichirou passionately.
Ichirou froze his eyes widening in shock. He'd never been kissed by a man before. The intensity and urgency of it made his blood boil. Never had he felt so much yearning, so much love. Out of all the women he'd dated in his lifetime, none of them had ever made him feel like this. Slowly, tentatively he wrapped his arms around Josh's neck. As he ran his fingers through Josh's soft blonde hair, Ichirou returned his kiss just as much passion.
Oh, god I'm dreaming… I must be dreaming, Josh thought blissfully and before his addled brain could stop him, he pulled away from Ichirou and breathlessly uttered; "I love you Kobayashi-san!"
Shit! Did I just say that out loud? Anxiously, Josh waited for Ichirou to push him away in disgust.
"Call me Ichirou," he said as he took Josh by the hand.
"Huh?" Looking into Ichirou's beautiful, dark eyes, Josh was completely awestruck. Did he just say what I thought he said?
"I expect my lover to address me more intimately, especially when he's calling out my name in bed!" With an amused expression on his face, he led an obviously stunned Josh into his bedroom.
Ichirou rested his head on Josh's shoulder in exhaustion. The sun's early morning rays were just beginning to peek through the window. Josh was right, he pondered sleepily. Nowaki was out all night. Suddenly he heard someone unlocking the door to their suite.
"Oi Ichirou-san," Nowaki called out excitedly.
"SHIT!" Ichirou and Josh whispered in unison as they jumped out of bed and began to simultaneously fumble through the clothing that had been hastily tossed on the floor. They both had barely managed to put their boxers on when Nowaki burst impatiently into the room.
Nowaki looked at the two of them half-naked, frozen in mid-dress with guilty expressions on their faces. "It's about time the two of you got together," he exclaimed smiling genuinely. "Hiro-san and I are starved. Do you want to have breakfast with us?"
"Sure," Ichirou answered tentatively. He looked questioningly at Hiro, who had just appeared in the doorway behind Nowaki.
"Why don't you take a quick shower in your bathroom Nowaki," Josh interceded smoothly; "while Kobayashi-san orders our breakfast from room service."
"That sounds good," Nowaki said too deliriously happy to notice their subtle, nervous glances. "You can have the shower when I'm finished Hiro-san. I want the biggest breakfast available Ichirou-san," he called over his shoulder as he headed toward his room.
As soon as they heard Nowaki's door shut, Josh cleared his throat nervously. "I think I'll take a shower as well. Just order me some toast and coffee Kobayashi-san," he said as he headed for Ichirou's shower.
"I told you to call me Ichirou you idiot," he replied awkwardly.
With an encouraging smile, Josh winked at him mischievously and disappeared behind the door.
"Why didn't you tell Nowaki what I'd done," Ichirou questioned in suspicious bewilderment. A sickening thought crept into his head. Is he planning to blackmail me?
"I thought about telling him," Hiro admitted readily. "But in the end, I just couldn't do it. As screwed up as you are, you're the only 'family' that Nowaki has. I wouldn't have felt right knowing I drove a wedge between you two."
"Thanks Kamijou-san," he said sighing in relief. "I owe you one!"
"Save your gratitude," Hiro spat irritably. "I didn't do it for you!"
You really are adorable when you're angry, Ichirou thought suppressing a grin. Just you wait Kamijou, he vowed silently. Someday soon, I'll definitely return the favor!
Inoue rushed impatiently toward Hiro's apartment. He couldn't wait to see his lover again. My lover, he thought blissfully. Finally after all this time, Kamijou is mine!
Time had gone by excruciatingly slow this past week, and for some reason he'd been extraordinarily busy. He hadn't even had a chance to call Hiro once. Not that they'd ever had the kind of relationship in which constant communication was necessary, but he would have liked to have heard his lover's voice.
As he rounded the corner, he noticed a large moving van parked in front of Hiro's apartment building. I wonder who's moving…
"Inoue Takeshita," asked an authoritative man in a dark suit.
"Yes, what do you want," he asked apprehensively. This person looks like an undercover cop!
"Please wait here for a moment. My client would like to speak with you." Stepping aside, he pulled out a cell phone and hastily made a call. "It's Kimura… yes he's with me right now… very good sir."
"What's going on," Inoue demanded as he struggled to control his mounting fear.
"Just relax; my client will be here soon."
"I don't suppose you'd care to tell me what this is all about," Inoue questioned hopefully. Kimura merely glared at him. He was so preoccupied with the menacing person standing next to him; he didn't notice Ichirou and Josh's approach.
"Thank you Kimura-san, you may go now," Ichirou dismissed him politely.
Kimura looked briefly at Josh and in that moment a short nonverbal conversation took place. It went something like:
Kimura – 'You sure you got this?'
Josh – 'Yeah, I've got it covered.'
"K…Kobayashi-sama," Inoue stuttered in shock. "W…what are you doing here?"
"It's time you gave up on Kamijou-san," Ichirou stated casually.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he countered defensively.
"Don't play dumb with me! You've been coming here every weekend."
Inoue's face began to flush in anger. "So what if I have? What I do in my own time is none of your business!"
"Yes that's true," Ichirou conceded. "But when it threatens my precious little brother's happiness, it becomes my business."
"I… didn't know you had a little brother," Inoue faltered.
"His name is Kusama Nowaki, and he's Kamijou-san's lover."
"You mean he was Kamijou's lover," Inoue exclaimed his face turning an even deeper shade of red. "I'm his lover now!"
"He's your lover," Ichirou looked up and gave Josh a knowing grin. "Well at this moment, your 'lover' is moving into his childhood home with Nowaki."
Inoue looked across the street in time to see Hiro and Nowaki loading his sofa into the van. "What about Kamijou's parents," he asked in a small defeated voice.
"I've set them up in a nice country home," Ichirou announced proudly.
"Kamijou's not going to like that," Inoue muttered dully.
"Oh, he was mad as hell, but his parents were so happy about it in the end, he had to accept it. Besides, there was no way he and Nowaki could live together in that tiny apartment of his."
"What if I refuse to give Kamijou up," Inoue asked defiantly.
"That wouldn't be a very wise thing to do," Ichirou warned ominously.
"If you're threatening to fire me, I can always get another job."
Ichirou looked at Josh and the both of them laughed at Inoue's naiveté. "Your job is the last thing you should be worrying about. You honestly have no idea who you're dealing with, do you?" He leaned closer to Inoue looking very much like a cat preparing to pounce on a mouse. "If I wanted, I could make you disappear!"
"You're… threatening to kill me," Inoue exclaimed incredulously.
"If necessary…" Ichirou stated calmly.
"I… get the picture." Inoue looked forlornly across the street just in time to see Hiro and Nowaki emerge from the van. Even from this distance, it was painfully obvious just how much in love the two of them were. In stunned silence, he turned away from them all and walked out of their lives forever.
For the first time in his life, Hiro felt blissfully happy. His parents were thriving in the home Ichirou had bought them. He'd hired Midori, Nowaki's former maid, to work in his bookstore giving him the time he'd needed to complete his first novel which had just been placed on the bestseller's list. But living with Nowaki was by far the best thing that had ever happened to him.
He paused for a moment at the front door of his childhood home. At first it had felt strange, living there without his parents, but now once again it was his home – our home, he whispered to himself. Closing his eyes, he could picture Nowaki at the stove cooking their evening meal. The mere thought of his lover sent warm tingles through his entire body.
He walked through the door and kicked off his shoes. It smelled like Nowaki was fixing something delicious. Pausing in the kitchen doorway, he smiled at the sight of Nowaki standing at the stove wearing the frilly, pink apron Ichirou had given him as a gag gift. There was a time when such a sight would have sent him into a panic, but now it simply warmed his heart.
"I'm home," he called out cheerfully.
"Welcome back," Nowaki replied as he turned off the stove. He tenderly embraced Hiro and gave him a sweet, little peck on the lips before turning to retrieve their dishes from the cupboard.
Yes, Hiro thought dreamily as he watched Nowaki setting the table. At last my life is absolutely perfect!
Wow, that is one of the longest chapters I've ever written! I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you for reviewing my story so faithfully. Your kind words of encouragement and helpful advice really kept me going! I have a couple of other projects that have been simmering nicely on the back burner. Now that I've finished this story, I can concentrate more fully on them. Hopefully you'll enjoy them as much as you seem to have enjoyed this story! Thanks again everyone!
Long live Hiroki and Nowaki! May they live in yaoi bliss forever!!!