Pleasing the Audience 4
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to DC or Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos.
Ah, coffee. The ambrosia of the gods.
The author took a sip.
Miss Marvel entered, screaming,
Carol, I'm drinking my coffee. When I am having my coffee, it means I want to be alone.
Miss Marvel was angry,
"This couldn't wait."
The author sighed,
All right, Carol. What is it?
Miss Marvel explained,
"I'm outraged that you're writing me as some sort of dumb blonde! I happen to be pretty smart, you know! I mean, where do you get off describing me as a Barbie doll with super powers? It's all a lie!"
What exactly is the lie here? I see a blonde woman with super powers. And, your figure does make you look like Barbie.
Farrah remarked off camera,
"Yeah, it's all thanks to the surgery. She's got more plastic in her than the real Barbie!"
Miss Marvel pointed,
"You see! Those are the types of comments that make me so angry! You cannot honestly think that I'm some sort of ditzy blonde! Farrah won't stop making jokes about it!"
To be honest, Carol, you're the one that ticks her off.
Miss Marvel was stunned,
"ME? What did I do to Farrah?"
Remember Musical Mayhem?
Miss Marvel shook her head,
"She wrestled that controller away from me, then has the nerve to say I was ruining the music."
Carol, the property value around the Avengers' Mansion dropped 30 percent in one day after you got that Guitar Hero game. And that was before the recession.
Miss Marvel groaned,
"Oh, come on. My singing was not that bad."
People in Fort Wayne, Indiana had to get ear plugs. Not to mention, several bizarre things were happening to the animals. Birds were digging holes and going under ground like gophers, bees were dancing to Michael Jackson music, sea gulls were swimming faster than the fish, and tortoises were jumping buildings. I don't even want to talk about what it did to cats.
The author shuddered at the thought.
Miss Marvel placed her hands on hips,
"You make me sick, Persiana13."
She walked off camera.
Well, that went well. Now, to enjoy my coffee.
The author sipped some more coffee.
Catman entered, defiant,
"Persiana13, I'm staging a protest."
Oh, God, Catman. What is it this time?
"I have been treated unfairly in your stories and I'm demanding some respect around here. I asked nicely if I could be paired up with Persiana and what do you do; sick your insane fans on me, and bash me in your stories. Well, I'm sick of it! I want the respect that is owed to me. You aren't writing any more fictions until I get what I want."
The author blinked and responded,
One moment please.
He pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number.
Yes, it's me. Yes, he is. Good, good. Thank you.
The author hung up and said,
You're absolutely right, Catman. I have treated you unfairly in the past, and I hope to make it up to you right now.
In my office, there is a script of Catastrophe 5. As a friendly gesture, you can go get it and shred it in front of me.
Catman grinned in triumph,
"Hah! I knew you weren't as bad as people made you out to be!"
The author looked at his watch,
Loud crashes could be heard.
Catman was screaming,
"No! What is this? Am I being set up?
He got hit in the head with a blunt object. There were sounds of several men dragging Catman into waiting van. The door slammed shut and tires screeched out of parking lot.
Sucker. Catastrophe 5 is still in my head.
Diablos peaked his head slowly on camera,
"Uh, Persiana13? Could I have a word with you?"
One minute, Lance.
The author downed the rest of coffee in a hurry and threw the cup over his shoulder
Green Arrow cried out, off camera,
"OW! That hurt!"
All done. Now, what's on your mind?
Diablos stepped fully onto set,
"Well, it's about Farrah."
What's the matter, Lance? Not frisky enough for ya?
Diablos shook his head,
"No, it's not that. She's just very…hormonal."
This'll be good.
"She tried to peak on me in the shower."
So? Donna's trying to do the same thing to Farrah.
Farrah yelled off camera,
"Donna! Get out of here!"
"Well, she also comes on pretty strongly. Yesterday, she was naked in my trailer."
Cool, did you two have sex?
"No, but it's getting…awkward. Don't get me wrong. I really do like Farrah, just…she needs to have more dignity than she already has now, which is none!"
Come on, she can't be that bad.
"Here are some letters she wrote to me."
He handed the letters over.
The author read them and exclaimed,
Holy crap! I thought only yoga experts could do something like that!
He read further,
OK, that should not be anatomically possible. Since when do you do THAT? I've never heard of that one.
The author looked up,
Mind if I keep these?
"Go ahead. They're probably too graphic to put up on adult fan fiction websites."
Farrah said off camera,
"Oh, Diablos. Come out, come out, wherever you are!
He's in here, Farrah!
Farrah squealed, still off camera,
"Come on, my handsome mouse! Let's invent some new position in my trailer!"
Diablos rolled his eyes,
"Here we go again! HELP! She's after me!
He ran off camera, the sounds of Farrah laughing in delight following.
Ah, young love. Now, where is that next cup of coffee? I need to be hyper when I write my next chapter!
End of One Shot