Starzilla Presents: Van Helsing Goes to Candy Mountain
AN: I've read a spoof of the popular YouTube vid (Blossom Goes to Candy Mountain), and I decided to do a Van Helsing version. I own neither Charlie the Unicorn nor Van Helsing. Enjoy!
It was the first day of Van Helsing's much anticipated vacation, and he wanted to sleep it out.
Unfortunately, that was only a thought.
"Hey! Gabriel!" Dracula's voice said. "Hey Gabriel, wake up!"
"Yeah, Gabriel," Anna's voice added. "You silly sleepyhead! Wake up!"
Van Helsing reluctantly opened his eyes. "Man, you guys," he said groggily. "This better be pretty important. Is the Vatican on fire?"
"No, Gabriel," Dracula answered with a goofy grin. "Anna and I found the map to Candy Mountain!"
"Yay! Candy Mountain!" Anna cheered. "We're going to Candy Mountain! It'll be an adventure!"
"Yeah, we're going on an adventure, Gabriel!"
The monster hunter gave the two an incredulous look. "Yeah, Candy Mountain, right. I'll just, you know, go back to sleep now."
"NOOOO!" Dracula jumped on top of Van Helsing. "You've got to come with us!" He began bouncing on the poor monster hunter's ribs.
"How can you say no to Candy Mountain?!" Anna asked. "It's full of joy and sweetness…and joyness."
"Ow! Quit bouncing on me, you big ugly bat!" Van Helsing growled as Dracula continued to bounce on him.
"Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain!" Anna and Dracula chanted.
Finally Van Helsing had had enough. "ALRIGHT FINE! I'LL GO WITH YOU TO CANDY MOUNTAIN! JUST SHUT UP!"
Fifteen minutes later…
"Lalalalalalalalalalalalala," Dracula and Anna sang as they skipped through the forest. Van Helsing walked behind them with a sour look.
"Enough with the singing already!" Van Helsing yelled when the duo's singing grew extremely annoying.
"We're almost to our first stop, Gabriel!" Dracula announced.
The trio stopped to a Chibi-Frankenstein's monster sitting on a frilly chair.
Van Helsing whipped out his tojo blades at the sight of the harmless (not to mention really adorable) creature. "What in the blazes is that?!"
"It's a liopleurodon, Gabriel!" Anna said.
"A magical liopleurodon! It'll show us the way to Candy Mountain!" Dracula added.
Van Helsing was still skeptical. "You know that there's no actual Candy Mountain."
Anna and Dracula stared at Van Helsing with these twisted looks.
"Shun the non-believer!" Dracula hissed.
"Shuuun!" Anna said.
Van Helsing just said, "Yeah."
The Chibi-Frankenstein's monster suddenly raised his arms and made cute little giggles. After a few seconds, he stopped.
Dracula and Anna grinned.
"He has spoken!" Anna exclaimed with her arms in the air.
"He has shown us the way!" Dracula cheered as he and Anna walked past the Chibi-Frankenstein's monster.
"He didn't say anything!" Van Helsing screamed. Are they wrong in the head today?!
Another fifteen minutes later…
The trio walked over a rickety bridge that was swayed to and fro by the breeze.
"This bridge will lead us to Candy Mountain!" Anna said in her goofy voice. "The bridge of wonder and excitement!"
His face green, Van Helsing gripped on the ropes. "Uh, who likes to get covered with splinters? Not to mention getting seasick? I don't think we're even supposed to be on this thing!"
"Gabriel!" Dracula said. "Gabrriiielll!! Gaaaaaaaabrrrriiieellll! Gab—"
"I'm right here!" the monster hunter shouted. "Whaddya want?!"
"We're on a bridge, Gabriel!" Dracula answered stupidly.
Yet another fifteen minutes later…
"We're here!" Anna announced when the trio arrived at a humungous pile of candy with an opening. Above the opening was a banner that read, "Candy Mountain."
Van Helsing seemed impressed. "Well, looky here. There actually is a Candy Mountain."
"Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain!" Dracula said in a sing-song voice as he got all hyper at the sight of Candy Mountain. "Filled with sweet, sugary goodness!"
"You gotta go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Gabriel!" Anna said. "And see the wonders that behold when you enter!"
But Van Helsing shook his head. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll just stay out here."
"But you've got to go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Gabriel!" Dracula protested.
Suddenly, Carl the friar and Dracula's brides popped out of the cave and broke into song. Dracula and Anna began to dance to the song while Van Helsing just stood there with a what-the-heck look.
Carl: Oh when you're down and looking down for some cheering up
Then just head right up to the Candy Mountain cave!
Aleera: When you get inside, you'll find yourself in a cheery land
Such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land!
Verona: They've got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things
Oh, so many things that will brighten up your day!
Marishka: It's impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town
It's the Mecca of love, the Candy Mountain Cave!
All 4: They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats
Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets!
Ride the candy train to town and see the candy band
Candy bells, it's a treat as they march across the land!
Cherry ribbons stream from the sky into the ground
Turn around, it astounds, it's a dancing candy tree!
In the candy cave imagination runs so free
So now, Gabriel, will you please go into the cave?!
AN: I don't know the words, so I had to rely on Blossom Goes to Candy Mountain for the lyrics.
Carl and the brides disappeared in an explosion of smoke.
The pressure was too much for Van Helsing. "Alright fine! I'll go into the freakin' cave! This had better be good."
"Yay!" Dracula and Anna cheered as Van Helsing stomped into the cave opening.
"Goodbye, Gabriel!" Dracula said.
"Goodbye!" Anna repeated.
"Goodbye?! What?" Van Helsing began to protest, but the cave opening was blocked. Now everything was pitch black.
"What's going on here? Hello?"
Van Helsing heard footsteps nearing him. "Who's that?" A punch was thrown at him, knocking him out.
Who knows how many minutes later…
Van Helsing opened his eyes into a squint. "What happened?" he groaned.
The monster hunter placed a hand to his head, then his eyes widened when he realized something.
"THEY TOOK MY FREAKIN HAT…AND HAIR!!"