GENERAL WARNING: Contains innuendos not safe for children. Also, Management does not own the National Treasure Franchise, or Riley Poole.
You have just received a new Riley Poole product, complete with the laptop and various additional gadgets that come with your order.
This Owner's Manual will help you keep your order in its pristine shape, and would help you troubleshoot any foreseeable troubles you might have in the future.
Name: Riley Poole
Manufacturer: Disney; Jerry Brukheimer Productions
Year of Manufacturing: 2004
Height: 5'9 (1.75 meters)
Weight: not specified
Length: Data is hidden – product comes with warranty if not satisfied.
Power Output: General Output of any male organic material. Product comes with warranty if not satisfied.
Color: Hair: Dark Brown Eyes: Light blue
General Appearance: In well, working order, slightly singed and beaten from various treasure excursions (more information will be available in troubleshooting)
ACCESSORIES and GADGETS:
Your Riley Poole product comes with products of unimaginable scale. From Ipods to Macbooks to windows vista, your Riley Poole product is equipped with gadgets you would never dream of. Including his Red, brand new Ferrari and his Templar Treasure book. (Management is not responsible to damage the product might make to the car.)
In addition, you would get your very own set of Riley Poole compatible garments, from his trademark Converse shoes to his Batman boxers. Rest assured that product would not flinch when need to be undressed or cleaned (make sure that the "angst abuse" switch is turned off, or your product would run off screaming into the sunset. If such a thing happens, management is not responsible for your product.)
Caution: Please be cautious with the Riley Poole products. You might be subjected to various whines and complaints, a few pranks, and endless stream of fangirls. Rest assured that the copious amount of fangirls could not touch your product and that your product would not be attracted for after a few hours your product would warm up to the customer. Also, caution to customers with boyfriends or spouses – your product is very delicate and should not be subjected to beatings of any sort, or else it might run away. In any case, management is not responsible for such damage.
As your Riley Poole product is a very versatile product, he comes with various abilities that can be activated via voice command.
Computer Specialist: Our Riley Poole products are programmed with various information about computers. Ask the product for more information. (Caution: Product might begin to gloat.)
Writer: Our Riley Poole Products are extremely good writers. Product might feel sad and neglected if you don't read his book, so we encourage our customers to do so.
General Geek: He may not be as historically nerdy as our Ben Gates products, but rest assured our Riley Poole product is intelligent in his own right. May have a slight passion problem towards Star Wars, Star Trek, or various geeky stuff. Could be customized.
Angst switches: Abuse – your product would be subjected to memories of abuse when he was a child, making him more fragile and delicate. Rest assured he could take this, but might need help.
Torture – your product would be subjected to memories of being tortured by the Ian Howe products or Mitch Wilkinson products.
Bad Childhood – your product would be subjected to memories of bad childhood – foster homes, parents leaving, etc.
General Angst – your product would be subjected to extreme mood swings.
Romance switches: Abigail - your product would be subjected to Abigail Chase product attraction sequence.
General Romance - your product would be subjected to female product attraction sequence, normally an Original Character product(custom made, sold separately).
Fluff switches: Ben - your product would be subjected to Ben Gates product friendship sequence.
Abigail - your product would be subjected to Abigail Chase product friendship sequence. Please note the difference from the Romance switch.
Gates - your product would be subjected to Gates' family products (Patrick Gates; Emily Appleton) family sequence.
General Fluff – your product would be subjected to general moods of fluffiness.
Additional switches can be added via custom order.
Your Riley Poole product is compatible with most products that you can avail of. However, there are a few specific product warnings we would like to remind you of:
Ben Gates: Your product's best friend and "brother". Product would be extremely elated upon seeing Ben Gates, and would love the brotherly interaction, especially when the "Fluff Ben" switch is abled. However, if the Ben Gates product goes on a treasure excursion and your product goes with him, the management is not responsible for damage that might be obtained.
Abigail Chase: Your product's best friend's girlfriend/fiancée/wife (relationship may vary with the current switch on the Abigail Chase product). There would be certain pranks and snippy comebacks and sisterly interactions involved, but otherwise you product would be extremely elated upon seeing Abigail Chase, especially when the "Fluff Abigail" switch is abled. However, if the Abigail Chase product goes on a treasure excursion with Ben Gates and your product goes with them, the management is not responsible for damage that might be obtained. Please refer to the "romance switches" if you're fond of another kind of interaction.
Patrick Gates: Your product's adopted father (yes, adopted father). Product would be elated and feel a little awkward at first, but would eventually warm up to the Patrick Gates product, especially when the "Fluff Gates" switch is abled. There would be a family relationship between said products after some time. However, your product might feel squished by the endless boundaries that might be placed by the Patrick Gates product.
Emily Appleton: Your product might be confused at first as to who she is, but would find out eventually that she is Ben Gates' mother, and his adopted mother (yes, adopted mother). There would be a family relationship between said products after some time, especially when the "Fluff Gates" switch is abled. However, your product might feel squished by the endless boundaries that might be placed by the Emily Appleton product, coupled by the Patrick Gates product.
Peter Sadusky: Your product's FBI man. No known aversions towards this product, maybe even a bit of fondness because of Peter Sadusky's book-reading action. However, management is not responsible if your Riley Poole product gets caught by the Peter Sadusky product when he hacks into government files, intentional or unintentional.
Ian Howe and Mitch Wilkinson: Your product's nemeses. Please keep away from your product at all times, for it will bring him (or the Howe and Wilkinson product) great harm. Seriously, keep them away.
The following grooming routines should be followed on a daily basis. It will keep your product spotless and in tiptop shape, and will provide endless amusement and fun for everyone involved.
Shower, or a nice bubble bath.
After cleaning, dry your Riley Poole by rubbing him briskly with a large towel. Do not tumble dry. Do not hang him on the washing line, unless you want him to die of embarrassment (or people to stare).
Please be assured that your Riley Poole would enjoy such cleaning procedures, especially after a long day. Please be advised not to over-clean your product, for he might spontaneously combust.
FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions):
Q: Are they huggable?
A: Very much so. Our products are very fond of hugs, nice hugs, sweet hugs, and various kinds of hugs you might want to experiment with.
Q: My Riley Poole keeps on crashing his car when accidentally put in reverse. Is there anything I can do?
A: Keep him away from the Ferrari, or provide him with constant reminders, maybe even driving lessons. This might cause extreme injured pride and irritability to your product, so be advised otherwise.
Q: My Riley Poole does not want to get rid of his Converse shoes. Help?
A: Sorry, but rest assured getting rid of his chucks is not possible. Management is not responsible for your product's stubbornness, as it is hard-wired into his system.
Q: I. Can't. Get. Rid. Of. His. Fangirls.
A: Although that is not a question… our management suggest you put up an electric chain-linked fence with barbed wire around your house. We can do nothing about the fangirls, and for that we are extremely sorry.
Q: Is it safe for me to drag him to a treasure hunting excursion?
A: You don't even have to drag him – he'll volunteer! As long as a Ben Gates product is around, you will have the great adventure of your lifetime.
Problem: Your Riley Poole is not motivated.
Solution: Feed him with chocolate.
Problem: Your Riley Poole keeps on babbling about different "myths".
Solution: Read his book so you can join his banter. Or better yet, research on the stuff and join him in a heated debate. Although this might lead to your product being irritable and annoyed, he will have a great time.
Problem: Your Riley Poole is moaning loudly about the world in general.
Solution: Hit him with something heavy on the head. That would make him pass out and reboot, and would give you a chance to stare at him until he wakes up.
Problem: Your Riley Poole suddenly disappears without spontaneous combustion – just disappears.
Solution: We're sorry, but we seem to have given you a Justin Bartha product, and he's off either called by his agent on another project or with an Ashley Olsen product. Please send back your receipt so your product might be properly sent to you.
Please be assured your Riley Poole product would provide endless satisfaction and fun that would last a lifetime, just take a few precautions. For additional questions, please contact our management. Thank you for availing of our Riley Poole Product!
This Manual is inspired by OBI WAN KENOBI Owner's Guide and Manual by lalaithien.