10 sure-fire ways to get Uzumaki Naruto into bed.

1 Hot make-up sex

"Dobe, this relationship is not going to work. We're through."

"…Sasuke, we're not dating."

"Ahh, you have a good argument. Alright, we're back together. Now let's have hot make-up sex."


2 Reverse Psychology

"I don't want to have sex with you, dobe."


"No matter how much you beg."

"I'm not-"

"Or how hot you sound when you beg."


"Fine, dobe! You win! We'll have sex!"


3 Pity

"Naruto… am I ugly?"

"Huh? No! You're not ugly!"

"I think I am."

"Well, Sasuke-"

"Pity me."


"Pity me for my insecurities."


"Now give me pity sex."


4 Guilt

"Naruto, do you know what you did last night?"

"Um… slept?"

"No, Naruto… you molested me in your sleep."

"I did what?!"

"Now make it up to me with sex."


5 Tattle

"Kakashi-sensei, Naruto won't have sex with me."

"What the hell, teme?!"

"Naruto, be a good shinobi and share your body with Sasuke."


6 Jump Him


"AAAHHH! Get off!"

"Fuck me!"


7 Sweet Talk Him

"Dobe, have you ever noticed that 'dobe' is one letter off 'dove'?"


"Isn't it sweet? Now let's have sex!"


8 Compromise

"Ok, Naruto, let's make a deal."

"A deal?"

"Yes. I'll top for the first ten years, and then you can have a go. ONE go."


9 Seduction

"Uh, Sasuke, why are you so close?"

"Look into my eyes, dobe."


"Are they smouldering?"

"Um… no they look kinda dark to me."



"Damn it, dobe! Sleep with me!"


And when all else fails…

10 The Truth

"Dobe, I love you and what to screw your brains out. Come back to my place and let's make it happen.







"Sasuke! Sasuke?! Are you ok?! Are you alive?! Help!"