Love Me, I Hate Myself

Chapter 17: Conclusions

The humiliation was terrible.

"Maybe you should come home? Follow me home to England. See Ron and-"

"-Ron is pissed with me," Harry muttered.

"Well, who can blame him? You left your wife."

"And now she's pregnant..." Harry mumbled, wide eyed.

"You're going to be a father Harry! Aren't you glad? Gives you a really good reason to sort this all out, huh?" Hermione said and gave Harry an encouragingly pat on his thigh.

"No, no... I am not. I can't be."

"Uhm, Harry?" Hermione said and looked at him as if he were going nuts.

"The thing is Hermione, if she didn't cast some kind of spell I cannot be the father, because then I guess it would show a lot more. It was a real while ago since we did it... intercourse wise."

Hermione's eyes widened. "Oh!" she gasped.

Harry suddenly stood up. He didn't need to explain himself to Hermione. "I hate myself," he mumbled and locked himself in the bathroom once more.

"Oh, not again," Hermione muttered after him.

Harry put his cheek against the cold bathroom floor and began singing. It was calming. He knew Hermione could hear his – quite breathtakingly beautiful singing, if he could say himself – but he didn't care what she thought.

"I hate myself and I want to die," he sang, "I lay on my bathroom floor to cry."

"Why is he singing?" Alice asked Hermione. Harry didn't know what Hermione answered – and he didn't care either for that matter.

Alice began banging on the door though. "Harry! Come out of there now!"

The next moment the door banged opened and he was in Alice's arms, flying down the stairs and into Edward's arms.

"Here, take him. We don't want him," Alice said to Edward, talking about her and Hermione.

"Okay, I think I know what to do," Edward said, with the emotionally destroyed Harry in his arms.

"Let's go shopping, Hermione," Alice said and took Hermione's hand.

Hermione stared at Edward, not seeming aware of Alice almost dragging her out of the house. Harry thought that was kind of odd, even in his – for the moment – dull mind.

When they were alone Edward carefully carried Harry up the stairs.

"I love you Harry," he whispered again and again in his ears. "I won't ever let anything come between us again. Not when it hurts you so much."

Harry must have fallen asleep cause suddenly he felt being lay on something soft, most likely his bed.

The next thing he knew was Edward stroking his cheek.

"You've slept for thirteen hours, honey," Edward whispered.

"Blimey," Harry yawned.

"I've got some time to ponder all this and you know what, Harry? I think you should start doing magic again."

"What, why?"

"Because when I first met you, you were a strong wizard, and now-"

"-I'm pathetic," Harry interrupted sadly.

"No, you're not. But you're out of balance," Edward said. "And for restoring that balance, I think there's something else you need. Something I need too for that matter. Even though I'm scared, I know I can't go on living life being scared all the time, and neither can you. We have to face our fears and that's exactly what I'm going to do right now," Edward said, his voice quivering a bit.

"Right. Good for you," Harry said, trying to sound supportive, even though he didn't understand at all.

Edward kissed him. More passionate than before and lay himself on top of Harry.

"Wha-" Harry began but Edward hushed him with another kiss.

"I'm going to make you forget all your troubles Harry," Edward whispered, and brushed his lips over Harry's neck, collarbones, shoulders... Moving down to his nipples. Harry shivered pleasantly all the way through.

Edward was so beautiful. He couldn't believe he got to love and be loved by this perfect creature.

"I love you, Edward," Harry cried out when they fulfilled their first time of love-making.

"Did I hurt you?" Edward asked, alarmed.

"No, no, no! Do it again!" Harry assured him.

They made love like angry bees, Harry thought. He had never experienced anything like this with Ginny.

When they were finished and had washed up a bit they sat outside. It was a beautiful, sunny day, which Harry thought was a sign from nature that everything was about to change now.

"You know, if we act nicely around Ginny we could share custody over the baby," Edward proposed.

"No way, it's not my baby and I've decided I don't want anything to do with her." Harry asked him.

Edward smiled up at the sun, his skin sparkled like diamonds.

"Would you like to move to England with me?"

"You'd move to England with me?" Harry repeated in a gasp. "But your family...?"

"Oh, they'd be fine with it!" Edward said, dragging Harry closer to him.

Suddenly life didn't seem so bad anymore. In this moment, it was perfect.

England, a couple of weeks later...

"Okay... That was good... I never thought I'd lose my balance again," Edward muttered, clutching the wall inside Hermione and Ron's house.

They had used apparition to get there, and Edward wasn't feeling so well after the journey.

A clapper of shoes against the floor alerted them that someone was coming.

"Hi! How are you? Did the journey go well?" Hermione asked, and then turned her eyes to check out Edward's rear end.

After Hermione Ron came, he was almost dragging his feet against the floor.

"Hi Harry, Edward," he muttered.

"Seriously Ron? Are you going to stay mad at me forever?" Harry asked him, stepping a bit closer to his old friend.

Suddenly Ron threw his arms around Harry's neck and hugged him tightly.

"No, I've missed you so much!" he cried out against Harry's shoulder, his voice breaking a bit.

Then Ron abruptly let go of him and his ears turned brightly red of embarrasment. An awkward silence followed.

"Where's Ginny?" Ron asked, breaking the silence.

"She stayed in Forks with her dog," Harry said with the bitterness sipping through his facade of happiness.

"She fell in love with a werewolf," Hermione gently clarified.

Ron disappeared with a loud pop.

"Oh my...," Hermione whispered with her hand on her chest.

"Maybe he'll talk some sense to her," Edward said.

"Or perhaps not," Harry added. "So... What's for supper?"