A.N: Hi everyone. I know it's been a while (yell and scream at me, I'm ready for it), but I've been so busy lately. Anyone who has experienced senior year and college applications can surely vouch for me, but yes I'm back, and I'm finally getting a new laptop soon, so hopefully, I will be able to update more often because I don't think once every 8 months is any good.
But before I begin, I want to recommend my beta, BellaEdwardlover1991's story, "Roomates". It's pretty sexy, and if you're into lemony goodness and threesomes, it's all in there. (; Also, if you don't know who CaraNo is, shoot yourself in the foot. She has THE MOST AMAZING drabbles and stories ever. Go find these two awesome ladies and read away! (:
And now, where we left off... enjoy.
I don't know how long I spent on the bathroom floor, but I know it had to have been a while. I didn't want to think or feel anymore. In the past couple of weeks, I went from blissfully happy, to null and void. Shit just didn't make sense anymore and I was too numb to try to think about things anymore.
A soft knock rapped against the door and upon feeling the vibrations through my back, I closed my eyes.
Please, just leave me alone.
The knock sounded again followed by my name being called.
"Let me in please."
In all honestly I wanted nothing more than to move from the spot I was in, but my body wouldn't allow me. I was weak and worn out. The numbness that surged through my body succumbed me into a place that was calming. I wasn't dealing with pain or a broken heart. I held no anger or regrets or even sympathy. No, I just felt… nothing.
And I loved it.
A heavy sigh was released and I soon felt myself slide across the floor. I allowed it because I truthfully didn't care anymore. I had nothing to hide and how would I be if I ignored the people that loved me most?
The soft click of the door shutting echoed through the quiet bathroom and when it did, I suffocated. My throat felt like it was closing and it burned painfully as I began to feel tears sting the corner of my eyes. The numb feeling was now gone and the feeling of vulnerability snuck back on me.
My body had a mind of it's own and even though I had lost control of my actions, I tried my best to keep my body from shaking. And when the first sob erupted, my resolve let out and I just let it all go.
I felt myself being cradled soon after and I just held onto the shirt as if I was holding on for dear life and I just cried.
"You know he loves you, right?"
It was the first set of words said since my breakdown started a half hour ago. And even though I would rather be by myself, it was a little comforting having someone with me.
I nod, responding to the question.
"Yeah, well… my brother, he's just fucking stupid. He should've told you everything from the beginning. He thinks that because he was changed first and has seen more decades than me that he knows everything, but…"
"Shit, I hate seeing you like this Bella."
I look down at my hands as they sit in my lap.
It probably hasn't been easy for them either.
"I'm sorry you've had to see me like this," I sigh, "I know it hasn't been easy for you or the rest of the family hearing me all the time, or hearing me and… him argue. These past couple of days have just been really tough for me."
"I know, I see it," he sighs, "but in all honesty, you need a break."
When I started to protest Emmett was right on it, as if he already knew what I was going to say, "Don't even think about it Swan. I know you would never admit it but being in this house isn't something you need. You're stressing yourself out and you're never going to be able to fully start your full emotional and physical recovery here."
"But where am I supposed to go? I can't go back with Charlie. I absolutely refuse to have him see me like this."
"I knew you would say that, that's why me and the rest of the family, decided that it might be best if you go with Jacob."
I sighed. I hated to admit it, but they were right. I needed to get out of here. I just, I couldn't allow myself to let Jacob see me like this again either. I know how much it hurt him to watch me in pain when Edward left. He hid it well but I knew because I know him. He would have rather prided himself in staying strong for me than to ever let down his guard and show me that he was breaking.
He truly was my best friend because how he stuck with me after all that I put him through still makes no sense to me, but I swear I love him for always being by my side.
"Ok," I said moving myself away from Emmett's chest so he can see me. I wanted him to know that I meant this, "I'll do it."
A small smile spread across his face, "Good."
As I turned to remove from under Emmett's arm, his armed tightened around me. When I looked, he had a troubled look on his face.
"What's wrong, Em?"
He shook his head, "Nothing. I just wanted to let you know that things may seem really tough for you right now, but it things will get better."
I felt my forehead scrunch as I just stared at Emmett. I wanted to believe him, but there was no telling how things would be. With Edward, I had loved my life and now that I don't have him, it's kind of hard to see what lies ahead in my future.
"You may not think so, but believe me, I would know that things get better," he paused, "you know that I died when I was 24 right?"
"Even though my past life is fuzzy, I still remember a lot of things. My family for one. I loved them with all my heart. Sometimes when I look at Esme and Carlisle, it's hard not to see my biological parents and wonder how they are now. My mom, she was just like Esme. She's kind, and cares about others, but she's not afraid to put the rule down if she needs too," he chuckled.
"She ran the household, but more importantly, she ran my stomach. Let me tell you, the woman knew how to throw some food together."
I feel myself laugh, and I have to admit… it feels good.
"My dad, he was a businessman. He owned a few Hunting ranges and I would spend most of my time there. I wanted to follow in my dad's footsteps. My plan was to take over the family business, ya know? I was the oldest of five kids and I wanted to set a good example for my brother and sisters. My brother, Ethan, he was born a year after me. He was my best friend and we were always trouble growing up.
"We did everything together: going to dad's hunting range, parties, and we even did a couple double dates together. We were even both part of the varsity football team together.
"Then there's my sister, Jen. Born three years after me. She was just like her two older brothers in the sports category; basketball and lacrosse were her fortes. And don't get me started on football. She loved it. She was probably the biggest enthusiast you would ever meet. She loved to play it too. And she was good. So good that when she was a freshman in high school, she became the varsity football team's punter and field goal kicker."
My mouth dropped open in shock and Emmett laughed at my expression.
"Yeah, she was good. The team didn't like it though. I mean, at the time they already had to deal with two McCartys and now they had three.
"Next was my sister Christie. She was born five years after me. She had a quiet disposure and always kept to herself. Her favorite thing to do was read. I used to make fun of her for it all the time and she used to make comebacks like, 'watch, the minute I become a famous book editor and make all this money, you'll be the one crawling back to me, asking me for help when your football career falls through.'"
A laugh erupted from him chest and when I looked up at him, his eyes were closed contently, as if he could see the memories, clear as day as they played out in front of his eyes.
"And lastly, there was my baby sister, Olivia. She was born seven years after me…. She was autistic. She had a hard childhood. Kids at her school were constantly making fun of her and she never understood why. I remember when she came up to me one day and asked me, 'Em, I'm normal right? I'm just like you and Ethan, Jen and Christie?' And when she said that, I wanted nothing more than to cry, because she was normal. There was nothing wrong with Olivia. She was smart, creative, and she was just beautiful inside and out and to see her in pain and ask me questions like that, I wanted nothing more than to rip the life out of whoever told her the lies."
I felt Emmett's chest heave suddenly and I didn't want to look up, but I did anyways. Anger traced all of his features. It was evident how much he loved his sister. I shared the same view with him because no one should be treated like how his sister was. It's just… wrong. Having disabilities and disorders doesn't make you any less normal than someone born without it.
"No, Bella don't," he interrupted, "don't apologize," he sighed, " I just miss her. I was her protector. I was the one that helped her and after I was changed, it killed me to know that I won't be able to do that for her anymore. The last time I saw her she was seventeen. She grew her hair out. She had my hair color and we both had dimples. She had the purest soul and she had nothing but good intentions… and she was smart. So fucking smart. She was a character too. She said some of the funniest things."
"You remind me of her," he whispered. "Your wit, your intelligence, your soul. When I look at you Bella, sometimes I see her. I think that's why I get so overprotective of you sometimes. Hearing you like you have been over the past few days, it reminds me of Olivia's outbursts and her tantrums. She would yell, and scream, and cry and it just broke me. There would be times where I would lock myself in my room and cry because, shit.. sometimes I thought I wasn't protecting Olivia enough, like I wasn't doing my job.
That's how I felt when I saw you that night. You were just so, broken Bella and I felt like I didn't do my job in protecting you because I thought that Edward would do it right… I trusted that he would do it right. And he didn't. So just like I feel like I failed my sister, I felt like I failed you too."
I immediately turned to face him, and put both of my hands on either side of his face.
"You didn't fail me Emmett."
"No. Don't even say it. You didn't fail me. No one knew what Edward was going to do, so don't you dare think that you're putting the blame on yourself."
I looked deep into his topaz eyes, making sure he understood that he was not at fault. No one here was at fault, but me. I did this to myself.
"It's not your fault your brother did all this shit and it's not your fault that I didn't see things as they were. I should've been smarter and maybe did something different in my approach. You did what you had to do. You protected me as best as you could, just like you did with your sister. Just like I have some things to understand, you need to understand that you, Emmett, can't control everything. Some things are bound to happen. That's life, but just because one bad thing happened doesn't make you any less of a kick ass protector," I smiled.
He furrowed his brow and looked down briefly before catching my eyes again.
"You really think I'm kick ass?" A smile started to spread across his boyish features.
"You're a total BAMF, Emmett," I chuckled.
"Wait, what's a BAMF?" Awe, he was so adorable.
"Em, you're cute, you know that? BAMF stands for "badass mofo."
Wait for it…
It started out small, but soon enough his boisterous laugh filled the bathroom as it echoed all around me.
"Dude, that is so great! I have to tell Rose, Jazz, and Alice!"
I rolled my eyes. Of course Emmett would be the one to let that get to his head, but I'm glad he understands that he's not to blame.
"Alright you big goof, get up. I'm going to go get ready, and then you're going to take me to Jake's house right?"
"Yes ma'am," he winked.
These damn Cullen boys, I swear.
After an hour and a half I see the worn out red house I've known since my childhood. And on the porch steps stood my best friend of seventeen years pacing as he anxiously waited for me to get out of the car.
"You ready?" Alice asked and I turned to face her.
I nodded and then scooted across the back seat to give her a hug.
I didn't know when the next time I would see her was.
"Thank you so much Ali," I whispered as I retracted back from our hug, a soft smile, playing on my mouth.
Looking at the passenger seat, I see Rose. She's facing me and even though she's controlling her features flawlessly, I know she's sad to see me leave as well.
I reach forward, placing my hand gently on her shoulder.
"I'm gonna miss you Rose."
And it was true. We may have had our ups and downs, but she played a big part of my life just like all the other Cullens did.
Her eyes never drifted as she kept looking forward out the windshield, but she nodded in acknowledgement.
Finally, I looked towards Emmett, who stood by my door, his one hand on my bags, his other hang out waiting for me to take it.
Smiling, I complied and placed my hand in his huge one and stepped out.
He quickly pulled me into a hug as he shut the car door.
"I'm gonna miss you Bells."
"Me too, Em, but like you said, it has to be done right?"
He nodded, his brow furrowed.
"You'll see me soon," I assured and he hesitantly smiled.
Taking my bags from him, I pulled him into another hug and kissed his cheek.
"See ya around, big brother," I winked.
His smile grew huge as he nodded and then turned to climb back into the car.
I watched as the jeep reversed onto the road and it wasn't until they sped off that I looked at what was in front of me.
God, how I missed you, Jake.
Jake wasn't pacing the porch, but he watched me, his brow furrowed, his eyes questioning.
I felt the traitorous tears prick at the corners of my eyes. Before I knew it, I had dropped my bag and I sprinted towards him. He did the same.
When I got to him, I instinctively jumped into his form and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck.
"Fuck, Jake I've missed you."
"Me too, Bells. Like you wouldn't imagine."
He put me down before taking one look at me, slightly grimacing when he saw the bandages covering my face. But when he saw my smile, the one that spread across his face was one that I wish I could see more often.
We have so much to talk about and he knows it too, but as for right now, I'm going to stay in this moment because it feels too good to mess up.
Slinging me into a one-shoulder hug, Jake picked up my bag and led me towards the front.
Fuck, it feels good to have my best friend back.