Here's a fun little fun one-shot. Enjoy!

All the usual and applicable disclaimers and warnings apply, such as don't like - don't read; I don't own House or any other characters, or anything or anybody else, blah, blah, blah…



House MD fanfic by NiteJasmine


Dr. House limped into the patient's room, followed closely by Dr. Cameron. The man lying on the bed had two IVs dripping and an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth. He looked up at the tall doctor with the cane, and his eyes went wide with anticipation.

"You're not going to die," House said flippantly. "Although some people might think that's a good thing, I, on the other hand…" the patient interrupted him.

"Are my testicles black?" Mumbled the man urgently.

House stopped and stared at the patient, a look of serious puzzlement on his face.

"I don't know," House answered hesitantly.

"Please, please tell me," the man insisted. "Are my testicles black?!"

House shrugged his shoulders, and turned and looked at Cameron.

"Dr. Cameron, you heard the man, why don't you check?" House asked.

The patient nodded enthusiastically.

Cameron shot him an indignant look, House just smiled smugly back at her.

She put on her best professional face, and lifted the man's hospital gown. She quickly moved his various private parts around, examining carefully. When she was satisfied, she replaced the man's gown.

"Sir," she addressed the patient, "there is nothing wrong with your testicles. Everything is fine."

The man reached up and removed his oxygen mask.

"Thank you young lady," he said. "That was very enjoyable. Now listen to me. What I said was, 'Are-My-Test-Results-Back?'"

Cameron's cheeks blushed a bright red, and she quickly turned and hurriedly left the room.

"She's gonna go check that too," smiled House.