Title: Life Imprisonment
Summary: Wataru was guilty of the crime of loving Kazuki too much.
Beta: Mighty Maeve
Rating: 16+. Kind of a lemon in the middle of it.
Warnings: This fic takes place after the middle of volume 2.
Wataru stirred in bed as he felt the sun touch his face, the light being less bright as it had to pass through the heavy, closed curtains. Going against his will to keep sleeping, he slowly opened his eyes and, in front of his, he saw pale, blue orbs staring at him.
"Good morning," Kazuki softly greeted, as he gave a light kiss to his lover's lips. He kept smiling and carefully watched him.
They stared at each other without saying anything. Kazuki's apartment still had the smell of sex lingering in the air, accusing their last moment together. Somehow, both of them were already used to that scent by now, but every time Wataru took his time thinking about it, he felt awkward. It was long gone from their first intimate contact, and yet whenever they did it, Wataru felt like it was his first time.
And suddenly, Wataru panicked. He knew, as Kazuki always woke up before him, that he had seen his sleeping face, but he never imagined that Kazuki watched him. He remembered the only time he woke before the older man, and because he had watched the sleeping face of his handsome boyfriend, he had gotten scolded.
"W-what are you doing?!" Wataru was still too half-asleep and shocked, so he hadn't felt the usual happiness that overtook him every time he woke up next to Yuichi.
Kazuki looked puzzled at the question. It was quite normal for him to give Wataru a good morning kiss, so what was with his reaction? "What do mean by that? It's a morning kiss," he said, with a rude tone, but a teasing smile played on his lips.
"I-I know that!" Wataru replied, with the tone he always used when Kazuki made those jokes to him, the ones that he tried to make sound arrogant, but in the end only sounded cute. "I asked, 'What are you doing staring at me while I was sleeping?'"
They stared at each other for a moment, silently, until Kazuki chuckled, his long and slim fingers running through his lover's hair. "So asks the one who has never done that," he teased, moving his fingers to stroke along the small jaw.
Wataru blushed at that, but felt an annoyance blossoming within him. Kazuki would always tease him about that incident, but it was his fault for being so gorgeous. Wataru always caught himself wondering how someone could be that perfect.
The small chuckle became a laugh and Yuichi's blue eyes sparkled as he placed another light kiss on the sweet lips of the younger man. He loved the way his boyfriend would sulk when teased, and it always made him fall in love more and more.
"Are you hungry?" Kazuki asked, as he moved his body closer to Wataru, cuddling him. "It's already past 11. You sure sleep a lot," he teased again, enjoying his lover's blushes.
"Well, it's your fault!" he said defensively. Kazuki pressed closely against him in a sudden hug and the rough material of Kazuki's pants brushed up against his sensitive skin. He tried to keep on talking, but felt too embarrassed and child-like, knowing that Kazuki had already been up, dressed, and only returning to bed to watch him. Last night, they had done it two times and, although they were used to doing it more than once, recently their love-making was changing. Silently, as he rested his face on Kazuki's chest, Wataru wondered why.
It had started a few days after Asaka had told him that he loved Kazuki too much. It puzzled Wataru, the enormous effect that Asaka's words had on him, but it didn't matter what it was that Asaka told him, Wataru believe with his whole being
Even though that conversation had happen quite some time ago, never once did Wataru stop thinking about it. And, if those words felt true before, at this moment they felt like painful burn marks against his pale skin.
And while he became more and more self-conscious whenever he was near Kazuki, the older man didn't seem to care. Wataru trembled at the slightest thought of his boyfriend not caring.
"Wataru? What's wrong?" Kazuki asked, sensing the small movement. He forced his lover to look at him.
Wataru lost himself in those clear eyes. It still amused him, the way his heart would always race whenever they looked at each other like that, especially when Kazuki looked so concerned.
"Nothing," Wataru said without hesitating. He didn't want to expose his weak side to Kazuki. He had already troubled him enough.
The older man's eyes became serious when he realized the obvious lie present in the voice and eyes of the younger man. He knew something was wrong: He had noticed Wataru's weird behavior growing over time, especially the desperate grip on his body whenever they made love, like they would lose each other if he ever let go.
"You're lying," he said with a severe tone, quickly adding, when he saw Wataru opening his mouth to say something, "And don't try to deny it. What's wrong?" The younger boy lowered his head, averting his gaze.
"You'll get mad. I know you will, Kazuki…," Wataru muttered, too afraid to face the other man. He bit his lip, still feeling eyes on him. In that instant, he knew he wouldn't be able to get away without telling what was happening. But he still couldn't bring himself to speak.
"Wataru, look at me," Kazuki asked, but hearing the tone it was said with, Wataru felt like it was more of an order. "Look me in the eyes and tell me what's going on." Kazuki's seriousness somehow managed to convince Wataru, and he slowly looked up. Kazuki saw, on those lively dark eyes, fear dominating each corner.
Kazuki felt panic growing inside him. What could have possibly happened that brought Wataru to this state? He thought of all the possible explanations. Did Shohei do something? Did Asaka do something? Or did someone else find out about them? He saw Wataru's ring and he looked at his own hand too. They were careful, but what if something went wrong?
"Kazuki…," Wataru started then stopped, choosing his words carefully. "I love you. I love you so much, Kazuki…," he said in a faint voice. Kazuki felt a rush of relief. "Sometimes this is my only truth. I love you, Kazuki, but…"
Kazuki's world froze at those words. What was Wataru saying? Little by little, a fear he had never experienced before started taking control over him. He was curious to see what Wataru was going to say after the 'but,' although it was a morbid curiosity, mixed with fear and longing.
"Do you remember when I told you that Asaka-san said I love you too much?" Wataru hesitantly asked. It was never a good thing to bring the topic of Asaka up, and it was worse in this kind of situation, but he wouldn't be able to explain himself unless he did.
"What does he have to do with what we're talking about?" Kazuki frowned, his voice turning angry. Whenever both of them started talking about Asaka, they would always argue.
"He was right about that, Kazuki. I really love you. I know I told you this before, but I love you many times over…" The last sentence was said in a whisper. Wataru couldn't bring himself to stare at Kazuki anymore, so he buried his face on his lover's chest. "I love you so much. I love you more as each day passes, Kazuki. It's taking control of me. I think about you every day, all the time, no matter what I'm doing. I even dream about you, Kazuki." Wataru forced himself to laugh. "I can't run away from you anymore. I feel that wherever I go, you're there."
The room fell silent for a while. Through Wataru's touch, Kazuki could feel how fast his heart was beating, and he wondered if his lover was okay. He tried pushing Wataru away to force them to look at each other, but the younger boy pressed his fingers deeper into Kazuki's back, not letting go.
"What are you saying, Wataru?" Though relieved, he was still very worried. "I know what's going on with you because I'm the same. I think about you every day since I saw your smile for the first time." He tightly hugged his boyfriend, placing a long kiss on his forehead. "I love you so much, Wataru."
Although Kazuki's declaration was meant to make Wataru feel better, it had the opposite effect, and he felt more miserable as each second passed. Suddenly, he felt his eyes fill with tears, and soon Kazuki notice a drop on his chest.
"Wataru?" Again he tried to raise his boyfriend's face, but again it was in vain. "Are you crying?" His voice clearly showed he was worried, but Wataru still would not look up.
"I'm not." He pressed his face even more against Kazuki chest, his tears touching the bare skin.
"Yes, you are. I can feel the tears. What is it, Wataru?" Kazuki was getting frustrated, yet he could not express it. He could feel how fragile Wataru was at this moment and he didn't want to make things worse.
He could see Wataru hesitating, opening his mouth as if to say something but then closing it as soon as he took a deep breath. Yuichi became mad at that. Why was Wataru so insecure?
"Wataru, it's me." He hugged the small boy even tighter, almost breaking him. "It's me! What's wrong? Why won't you tell me?" Beyond being mad, he was worried. He had never seen Wataru like this, so weak.
"You don't understand, Kazuki," Wataru suddenly said, surprising even himself. "You just don't understand. I love you and it pains me. I feel tired; I can't stand thinking about you anymore. I try to think about other things, but I can't. And I miss you so much, even if we have just said goodbye, I miss you. Even now, while I'm here with you, I miss you, Kazuki."
Little by little, Wataru broke in front of Kazuki and now, even though he didn't want to, he was crying freely. The moment Yuichi felt Wataru lower his guard, he caught his face between his hands, lifting it up. Wataru's desperate eyes met Kazuki's pained ones. It was the first time both of them had seen that expression on their faces.
"Are you trying to say your love for me is causing you pain, Wataru?" Kazuki was more serious than ever when he asked that question. Slowly, he wiped Wataru's face with his hand. "Is this why you've been acting weird lately?"
Wataru couldn't bring himself to answer, so he just nodded his head in agreement. He had been thinking about that for some days, and the reality of it felt more and more terrible and real.
He remembered Asaka and Yuina, how they had loved each other, how Asaka still loved her, and why they broke up. And he cried even more, as he could clearly see him and Kazuki in that situation. Wataru felt miserable, sad and defeated.
"I'm afraid of the way things are happening, Kazuki!" Wataru tasted his salty tears as he spoke, and his heart ached more with every minute. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be like Asaka-san and Yuina-san. I don't want to break up with you because I love you too much, but it hurts so much I don't know what to do! I don't know how much longer I can keep up with this…," he admitted, then waited for Yuichi's reaction with eyes closed, too afraid to see it. Never once did one of them mention 'breaking up', but now that Wataru had, it felt like a real possibility not so far in the future, and that scared him.
Suddenly, Kazuki kissed him. It was a hot kiss, wet from Wataru's tears. When Kazuki pushed his tongue inside Wataru's mouth, both of them closed their eyes. Yuichi gently caressed Wataru's tongue with his, burying his fingers into dark, soft hair. Wataru felt surprised and overwhelmed by the sweet kiss, and somehow, that calmed him. The only thing that mattered was that Kazuki was there and that they loved each other.
"I won't let that happen," Kazuki assured him in a whisper when he broke off the kiss, but he still could feel Wataru's lips next to his. "I won't let you feel pain anymore, Wataru. Don't you know? We are different from Asaka and Yuina. If you love me, and I love you, then why would we break up?"
Kazuki moved on top of Wataru, placing his hands and knees on each side of his young lover. He smiled at the sight of the red nose and swollen eyes, and gently wiped the tears that were still falling. He leaned in and licked the sides of Wataru's eyes lovingly, and Wataru sobbed.
"I feel pain too, Wataru," the older man confessed. He wouldn't have done so unless the situation was extremely necessary, which it was. "But I have never regretted the way things turned out. I love you. I don't need anyone like Asaka telling me or you that we love each other too much: It doesn't change anything."
He kissed Wataru again, this time with more passion, as he caressed the small face with one of his hands and with the other, entwined their fingers. He repeated, 'I love you,' all over again.
Wataru kept crying, but neither of them seemed to notice. They were too lost in the kiss and in their love.
"And if you love me too much, Wataru, I'll take it. I'll take everything from you. I won't let you waste this love. Whatever you have to offer me, I'll take it," he whispered in Wataru's ear after the kiss, then starring at his boyfriend with a small smile that expressed nothing but love. It made Wataru want to cry even more. "Geez, you sure are a cry-baby, Wataru," he teased when he felt that it wouldn't hurt the boy, and was extremely relieved when he heard the answer, "I'm not!"
Kazuki chuckled and descended on Wataru again, nibbling at his neck while his hands took care of getting his own pants and underwear off. He wanted to make love to Wataru at that exact moment, otherwise he felt they would lose each other.
After he undressed, his hands went back to Wataru's body, touching every possible place, making goose bumps rise on his flushed skin. Their rings felt cold against their hot bodies, but it also felt real, reminding them that they were real too, and that everything would be fine.
"It'll be alright, Wataru," Kazuki assured him, touching him further down.
"…Nn…!" Wataru moaned, without restraining himself. His arms tightened around Yuichi's neck.
"It's all right if you love me too much, Wataru, because I love you too. Our punishment is to be together forever. I'll never let you go, Wataru. You have to stay with me forever," he whispered, spreading his lover's legs.
As they connected, Kazuki growled and Wataru moaned, but both of them sighed each other's name, like they always did, trying to get closer than they already were.
"And I'll stay with you forever, Wataru."
Kazuki gently rocked his hips. This time, their love-making was different. They weren't searching for pleasure, they were searching for themselves, to find one another and never let go. They didn't care about the pain anymore, or the troubles, or the obstacles.
"Ka… Kazuki…," Wataru called, as he felt waves of pleasure inside him. He clasped their hands together and Kazuki kissed him, as he intensified their connection."
"Wataru," Kazuki called his lover's name too, as he tightened the grip of their hands, the cold rings turning hot together with their heat.
And nothing else mattered. At that moment they knew that it was all right, no matter how much they loved each other or how much it hurt.
They would always be together.
So, this is my first OTRFK fanfic, and it'll probably be the last.
Although this is a very short one-shot, it took me a lot of time to write it. For me, it's really tiresome to write about these two boys, especially about Kazuki. I don't know if I worked properly with their right personalities, but I tried my best.
The idea for this fic was born when I was watching a Serial Killer documentary (yeah, I'm eccentric, I know xD), and that explains the title and the summary.
Don't misunderstand. Even though the fic itself is kind of dark and angst, it's still a happy one. Kazuki and Wataru ended up together and happy, I just wanted to show their weakness related to their love.
As you can see, English is not my first language. I'd like to thank Mighty for helping me with my grammar and ideas and some other things. She is awesome; I just can't thank her enough!
Anyway, tell me what you think!
This was a very short story, but I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope you also had fun reading it.
So, thanks for reading!