A oneshot of everyone's favourite psycho, Gin and his school days. Enjoy.

PS. Apologies to the fans of my fic, Unforseen Consquences about the loooooong delay of chapter 5. Slight creative problems (ie. I lost the earlier draft...)

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Not The Nine O'Clock News. In this reality or the next.


"You wished to see me, sir?" asked the young Gin as he entered the teacher's office.

"Ichimaru", said the schoolmaster, "When you first came to this school, we took you on account of a most entertaining essay you wrote about a parrot that belonged to your friend. Do you remember?"

"Yes sir," replied the boy.

"Since then, your progress has been... disappointing. I have here your exam papers of this term", he said, holding up the papers in question before placing back on the surface of his desk, "Let's take a look at the general paper, shall we? Question one was 'Write an essay about perseverance.' ".

"Yes sir," said Gin, his trademark grin slowly creepy onto his face.

"Do you remember how you began?"

"No sir," the youth lied.

"Read this", the teacher ordered as he handed the exam, "It'll help." Gin cleared his throat before he began to read aloud.

"General paper, final exam. Ichimaru Gin. Subject: Perseverance..."

"Get on with it, boy."

"My friend, who I live with, has a parrot called Perseverance. One day..."

"Yes. And you proceed to tell the exact same story you told when you arrived."

"Yes sir," replied Gin without a hint of an apology.

"Here's a slightly different one", selecting a sheet from atop the pile and handing it to the boy, "History. Read it."

"What was the effect of Commodore Matthew Perry's arrival on Imperial Japan?"

"And your answer?" demanded the teacher. Gin, once again cleared his throat.

"My friend, who I live with, has a parrot called Commodore Matthew Perry who stood on a perch next to my goldfish, Imperial Japan. The effect of Commodore Matthew Perry..."

"Ichimaru!" interrupted the schoolmaster, "Do you think I am some sort of cretin?!"

"No sir," he lied.

"Did you think I haven't noticed the pattern forming here?!" roared the schoolmaster, going red in the face.


"It's 'with whom I live'! My friend with whom I live! Not 'who I live with'!"

"Sorry sir."

"I'm onto your little game, Ichimaru. Now get out."

"Yes sir."

Gin left the office and headed back to his dorm room. With wide sinister grin on his face.