Full Summary: "That's why Edward, Heaven is giving you a second chance." – Edward is given a second chance at eternity with Bella. Only he will have to make a choice that will forever change Bella's life. TWO-SHOT. Based in New Moon.
AN: Just an attempt to get rid of writers block. Please enjoy, and read my author's note at the bottom. Don't be intimidated by the length.
Third Person POV:
"I could kiss you."
He leaned forward to slowly place his lips against hers, kissing her furiously. His hands wound in her hair, his warm mouth against hers.
"You already do." She whispered in return.
His kiss became more intense, both of them gasping for air. Air they didn't want.
"You know what I meant." She did.
His hands pushed her back gently, her back flat against the car door. Every inch of him smothered against her. She felt his warmth fill her up, filling up the gaps she couldn't fill on her own.
"I'm no good for you."
She felt him smile against her, and she returned it. But not for the same reason. She smiled for the memories playing in her head. His voice so vivid and clear inside her mind. Painful memories, but the way his voice would fill her, she'd endure the pain just to hear it over and over again.
"You are everything I could ever want." She had whispered.
"Bella." He whispered against her mouth, his hot breath filling her mouth. She ran her hand through his hair, crushing herself closer. Something she was never able to do with anyone else.
"You could have children." Was the answer.
"Mommy!" Their child wailed as she bounded towards them, flashing them her toothless smile. Her husband huffed and pulled away from her reluctantly, and she gave him a small smile. Their daughter leapt into Bella's awaiting arms. Bella pulled her up, hitching her beautiful creation on her hip, the child's twinkling brown eyes meet her mother's. The father leaned down tenderly to place a kiss on his child's forehead, then a kiss on his wife's. Their perfect family.
"You could go out in the sun." Edward had whispered.
Bella's daughter squealed and tugged on her sleeve, pointing towards the endless ocean crashing against the shore. "Come on, Mommy!" Come on, Bella. Come on.
"I still can." She begged her voice painfully beautiful.
"Alright, sweetie." She whispered and kissed her cheek as she squealed in delight. She placed her down gently and instantly she bolted towards the ocean, her tiny feet making prints in the sand. Her father laughed and chased after her, his smile truly happy. Their family. The sun shone brightly above them, she closed her eyes and cherished the warmth of the sun. The heat on her skin, a feeling of peace washing over her. She watched the sun on her husband's body as he ran, she waited it for it to shimmer; she longed for it to sparkle. It didn't.
"Not with me."
With a sad smile she ran after them, she chased her dream, leaving the memory hanging on to her. Her painful memory that refused to let go. She ran into her glorious life, full speed ahead. Her daughter screamed and laughed as the cold waves met her tiny body. Twirling and dancing she was a true vision. It almost seemed impossible to have such beauty in this world, but as Bella watched her young girl dance in the water, as her husband smiled his bold smile at her, as his beautiful voice continued to whisper deep within her mind, she knew there was beauty.
"I don't want to go anywhere if it's not with you."
Bella's daughter turned and met her eyes again. She saw myself in daughter's chocolate eyes, she felt herself lost in the child's eyes, reflecting so much of herself. Her heart. Her very heart walking outside of her body.
"You could have a life, Bella."
A life. She has a daughter, she has a husband who loves her, she has a job, she has friends, but what she doesn't have, is a life. Because he is her life, but he's gone. Gone. Never to return.
"You are my life!" She screamed.
Her husband scooped their child into his strong arms and twirled her in circles. She laughed and squealed as her daddy held her. The love in this man's heart continued to amaze Bella. Piece by piece, Bella was slowly becoming whole again. But there was still that deepening gap inside of her. A piece of her that Edward took with him when he left. That part will never be whole again.
"Your memories will fade." He assured. "It will be as if I never existed."
She still remembers their days together so clearly, as if she was living it again. As if he still loved her…
"Think of all the things you could do, Bella." He urged.
She supposed she could marry someone. She could go to college, graduate, start a career, and become successful. She could have children, who love her, and cherish her as a mother. She supposed that she could walk in the sun, with her love holding her hand. So she did. She went out and did all those things. But in her heart, she knew that she'd trade all the sunny days in the world, for one last day with him.
"You could find someone who will love you, the way I can't."
"Bella?!" Her husband's voice called out. His face twisted in worry at her trance like state. She offered him a weak smile, but he saw right through it. His eyebrows scrunched together and he leaned down quickly, whispering something in his daughter's ears. She nodded enthusiastically and with a warm smile he picked her up and jogged to where Bella stood in the sand.
"Someone who could touch you without fighting the urge to kill you."
"Bella?" He whispered tenderly, cupping her cheek gently with his free hand. His thumb grazing over her lips. She leaned into his gentle touch smiling at him sadly. "What's wrong?" What's wrong? What's wrong Bella?
"Someone who has a heartbeat."
He pulled her to him gently, crushing her face against his warm chest. Bella heard his steady heartbeat in her ear; it brought pain because she wished she just heard the same steady breathing she had heard a few years ago. She wished the instead of the warmth, her cheek was pressed against the cold marble skin of her past love. Unknowingly her husband kissed the top of his wife's head and whispered comforting words in her ear. Her daughter's brown eyes clouded with worry, her bottom lip in a small pout. "Mommy?"
"Someone who you can love."
"I'm okay." She breathed quietly, kissing her daughter's forehead gently. Sliding out of their embrace she took the basket that sat unnoticed in the sand. Spreading the blanket on the sand, she sat down, her family following after her. "I love you."
"Someone who could eat with you – I mean actually eating."
She opened the lid and prayed that her hands weren't shaking. She offered the sandwiches to her husband and daughter, before taking a bite of her own.
"Those things don't matter to me." She had whispered.
She shut her eyes tightly, trying to make the painful memory go away.
"It does to me."
"Oh, Bella." Her husband whispered and gently pulled her to him.
"Please don't cry, Bella. It's for the best." He murmured.
Reactively her head fell to his shoulder as silent tears fell down her cheek. She cried because it hurt all so much. She cried because she had two people who loved her so much, but it wasn't enough. "Please don't cry." Her husband whispered.
"I'll always love you – in a way,"
"I love you." He whispered in her ear, rubbing gentle circles on her back. He felt helpless as she cried against his shoulder, but he was used to this, but it didn't make the pain any less painful. He knew the memories haunted her, he even knew that at times she wished it was Edward rather than himself. But he loves her none the less.
"I promise this will be the last time you'll ever see us."
"I'll always be here for you, Bella." He murmured in her ear. "I swear it."
"Come on," He whispered gently. "Come on, Bella."
Silent tears fell down his face for the first time. For the first time he found it hard to breath. For the first time he felt as if his heart was being torn apart. For the first time, Edward Cullen, was human.
"How could you?!" He wailed, whipping his head around at the angel who sat behind him, staring at him with clouded eyes. "Why are you doing this to me?!"
With an impatient sigh, the angel leaned forward, staring at Edward dully. "You're just getting what you deserve – what you asked for."
The tears never stopped, they fell down his cheek furiously. He stood up pointing a shaking figure accusingly at the angel. "Then why aren't I burning in Hell?"
"Ah ah ah," He shook a figure at him. "I wouldn't say the H-word if I were you. It upsets the big guy."
Edward's face reddened with anger and he cried out in pain. "Stop!" He sobbed and fell to his knees. "Make it stop, please."
The angel raised an eyebrow, a smirk on his lips. "Why? I thought you always wanted to read Bella's mind?"
"Not this way," He sobbed, his voice torn. "Not this way at all."
"My name's Sam, by the way. If you're interested." Sam offered, and shrugged. He flicked open a bottle and gulped its contents, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Brokenly, Edward looked down again at the scene below him. The beautiful family filling his vision, her painful memories filling his head. He cried out in pain.
"Why?" He mumbled, sobbing into the feather-like ground. "What have I done to deserve this?"
Sam laughed, "I think you know what you did." Edward looked at him, his eyes pleading. "Look below you, Edward." His tone suddenly gentle. "What do you see?"
Reluctantly Edward returned his gaze to Bella and her family as they sat on the beach. He still heard her painfully beautiful voice in his head, but it was no longer of him.
"I see Bella." He whispered.
"Good," Sam grinned. "What else?"
"I see her husband." He hissed; his hands in fists.
"Oh be a sport," Sam rolled his eyes and took another gulp of what was in his bottle. "You gave her up."
More tears fell down his face. "Is that why I'm here?"
Sam stared at him dully. "Here as in Heaven? Yes, you've done well in your life. That saved you a spot in Heaven." He took another long drink. "But!" He added. "That's not the reason you're suffering."
"Why then?" He asked weakly. He stared back down at the scene. "Why am I in so much pain?"
He gave Edward a long glance before answering. "We." He stated. "We angels I mean - are simply answering your prayers. You brought this upon yourself."
"And what was that?!" Edward snarled. "Watch the love of my life being tortured by our memories? I didn't want her to be like this. Did I ask for her to be in so much pain? Did I ask to be damned into this kind of –"
"Watch your language!" Sam snapped.
Edward glared angrily at him, he stood quickly, his stance menacing, but Sam just sat there, staring up at him with quizzical eyes.
"Think carefully, Edward." He instructed. "What was you're very last prayer?"
Edward was baffled for a moment. "I don't remember. I don't pray."
"Yes," He paused to take another drink. "You do. Your very last thought, Edward. What was it?"
Painful realization hit like a million bricks. His mind drifted back to the words he had thought before he fell to the ground. He felt his body become weak as he forced the words out of his mouth. "I asked to make sure Bella was safe."
Sam beamed and tipped his bottle towards him. "Good job my boy! That is exactly it."
"So why am I here?" He begged, sobbing quietly.
"Do you not wish to be in Heaven?" Sam questioned.
Edward snapped his head up, his eyes dancing with rage. "This is no Heaven. This is Hell, you torture me with her voice inside my head, and you bring pain upon me by forcing me to watch her cry. You hold her within my reach, but I cannot touch her. This is no Heaven."
Sam sighed with frustration. He took a long gulp of the drink again, and glared at Edward. "Listen, kid. I know a lot more about you. Probably more than you do."
"I highly doubt that." Edward said a sharp tone to his voice.
"I'm an angel!"
"God must really hate me." Edward mumbled.
"Hey!" Sam yelled in a hush tone, his eyes darting upwards. "Don't talk about Him like that. He can hear you."
Edward narrowed his eyes. "Send me back."
Sam burst out laughing, grasping his stomach. "Send you back!" He exclaimed between the fits of laughter. "You want me to amazingly raise you from the dead?! Who do you think I am? Jesus Christ?"
Thunder boomed loudly over head, the clouds darkening, and Sam winced. "Sorry!" He yelled upwards. "Meant no harm!"
The thunder calmed and returned to the regular shade of white. Sam huffed.
"Listen, Edward. I know what you are. Or what you were that is. I know that you still love Bella, and that you left because you wanted her to have a life. I was there when you were born; I was there when you were dying. I was there, Edward, through every step of your life."
"That's impossible, it's insane." Edward whispered and shook his head.
"See, Edward." Sam said. "I'm your guardian angel."
"Some guarding you did!" He commented angrily. "I'm dead now."
"I didn't kill you." Sam said. "You did."
"Victoria killed me." He said bitterly.
"No…" He dragged the word. "You did."
"No I didn't." Edward argued. "She lunged at me and –"
"You made no move to protect yourself." He said softly. "You killed yourself. Though your blood – so to speak – isn't on your hands, you're the murderer here."
"Simply ended your life. But you were the one that offered it to her."
Edward silenced, and bit his lip. Something Bella always did. Bella. "I know," He said finally, looking away. "Sometimes there can be hell on earth, too."
"Listen Edward," Sam said softly. "This is more of a reward than a punishment."
Edward opened his mouth to protest but was cut off. "You asked to make sure Bella was safe. That's why you, Edward Masen, are now pronounced: Bella's guardian angel."
Tears brimmed in Edward's eyes, falling down his cheeks silently. He looked back down at Bella who was sitting silently eating her sandwich. Her husband holding her to him gently, her child sitting on her lap, playing with her hair.
"But…let's supposing it's true. That I am her guardian angel, what did I ever to deserve this…'reward'?" He flinched at the words.
Sam stared at Edward solemnly and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You allowed her to live."
Edward knew this was coming, and all he could do is to nod his head slowly.
"I could feel how much you loved – love – her, but you let her go. You put yourself through pain so she could be happy." He paused to glare meanly at Edward. "I'm not saying what you did was all that wonderful, but your heart was in the right place. You've been rewarded for that."
"I've killed people. That's a mortal sin."
"Last time I checked you were immortal. I'm not saying that killing people is a bad thing. But what you did redeemed you. Sometimes, Edward, love is a form of redemption."
Edward wiped away tears that continued to fall down his cheek. "Why am I human?" He whispered. "Why do I have a chance at this after-life, if I don't have a soul?"
Sam sighed and rubbed his face in frustration. "Listen, you very much have a soul, Edward. Geesh, sometimes you can be so self-loathing, I mean really."
"I don't have a soul." Edward said bitterly. "I lost that along with my humanity."
Sam gave him a look. "You always had your humanity. Sure, your thought of a meal was different, and you couldn't sleep. But your feelings were still intact; you could love just like any other human. And that's what matters.
"You couldn't have loved Bella the way you did if you didn't have a soul."
Edward felt his stomach turn, and he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You know," Sam said. "You could have given Bella life, even if you didn't leave."
"A horrible one, she wouldn't be happy." He mumbled into his hands.
"Oh, but she would be." Sam said, looking at the scene below them. "You could have had her forever."
Tears sprung in Edward's eyes again. "I know," He whispered. "But I couldn't – I just couldn't."
Sam pulled his hand away from his face, forcing him to stare him in the eyes. "Why?" He challenged.
"Because," Edward whispered brokenly. "She could have a chance at a human life. Like she should. I'm out of nature, I'm not right, I shouldn't have to damn her into my kind of world."
Sam let go of Edward and shook his head, leaning back casually. "You're wrong." He muttered. "So wrong." He sighed. "As angels, it is our job to be the strength, the force, in the human's intentions. You may have been the one who left her, and it may have been your intention to save her, but it was I who truly saved her. When you left that girl was just bone and flesh. No life. Took all the strength I had to get her back on her feet. None the less, you can't do anything about it now.
"That's why Edward, Heaven is giving you a second chance."
"What do you mean?" Edward whispered.
Sam cleared his throat. "I mean that you can still get forever with Bella." He paused. "Not in a way you would have expected, but you get the choice Edward."
"What do you mean?" Edward asked quietly.
"You're her guardian angel." Sam encouraged. "You figure it out. Listen closely. Listen to her thoughts. Watch her."
Edward looked down at Bella and her family. He watched the way her hair would fly in the wind, the way she would shut her eyes in the heat of her sun. He watched her more closely, and saw the dim light in her eyes. He saw the pain in her eyes, and he saw the laboured breathing of her chest. Then, her thoughts…
"I can't do this." Her voice rang inside Edward's mind. "How can I leave them?"
Bella looked at her daughter who was playing in the sand in front of her; Bella's eyes brimmed with tears.
"How can I leave my baby girl? She needs a mom, she needs me."
"What is she talking about?" Edward said hastily. "What is she purposing?"
"You can hear her thoughts. I can't." Sam grumbled and took another gulp while watching Edward.
"She's not truly happy." Edward whispered and shut his eyes painfully.
"I can't leave him either."
Bella looked up at her husband who was sitting next to her, watching her lovingly. The pain over took her, it was so intense it brought pain to her eyes. She shut them tightly, praying that he couldn't see them.
"NO!" Edward roared loudly in realization. "She wouldn't!"
"She would." It was but a whisper.
"I'm going to go for a walk." Bella said quietly, and stood up. Shaking the sand of her clothes, she forced them a last smile. A smile of goodbye. "I'll be right back." Lies.
"Do you want us to come with you?" Her husband asked, watching her with concern. With love. Love she didn't deserve. They'd be better off without her. She's just holding them back from a life they could have. She shook her head. "No, I need some time to think."
She began to walk away, the pain developing with every step. She stopped suddenly and returned to them to kiss her husband chastely on the lips. "I love you, okay?"
He beamed. "I know." He kissed her again. "I love you too."
Bella looked down at her child, playing cheerfully in the sand. The way the sun shone off her wavy brown hair, and off her chocolate eyes, she looked like Bella more than anything.
"Hey there, sweetie." She whispered and brushed her brown locks out of her eyes. "Having fun?"
Her daughter giggled and nodded enthusiastically. "I like the sun." She said thoughtfully.
"I like the sun, too." Bella replied softly and kissed her daughter's cheek. "I love you."
She giggled and launched herself into Bella's surprised arms. Causing them to both tumble backwards due to their clumsiness. A trait her daughter so sadly inherited. "I love you, too, mommy."
Bella held her daughter close, tears leaking through her eyes. "I want you to promise mommy something, okay?"
She slowly reached out, and caught Bella's tear, her eyebrows furrowing with confusion. "Okay, mommy."
Bella kissed her child's head, the tears never creasing to stop. "I want you to take care of daddy, okay?" She whispered, and didn't continue until she felt a nod. "I want you to grow up and be a strong girl, understand?"
"I understand." Her little girl whispered, as if they shared a secret. And in a way, they did.
"And no matter what," Bella continued, her voice cracking. "I want you to remember that I love you, so, so much. Can you do that?"
She nodded frantically. "Yes."
"Good," Bella whispered and held her tighter, "I want to give you something."
She reached behind her and unclasped a necklace that hung around her neck. She gently put it around her daughter. The young girl stared wide eyed and held the heart-shaped diamond in her hand. She held it delicately, and stared up at her mother in shock.
"But it's yours!"
Bella smiled sadly. "Now it's yours."
Bella watched as she turned it over in her tiny hands, the diamond shooting sparkles. Bella had never taken it off. She had bought it four years ago, about a few months after Edward had left. She bought it because it reminded her of Edward. It sparkled under light, it was hard and cold, it was beautiful, but everyday as she wore it; she knew the true resemblance was that both were close to her heart. So even though she refused to think of the one who had broken her heart, resenting every mention of him, he was always there. Possessing that same power he had over her four years ago.
"Always wear it close to your heart." Bella whispered. "It's big now, but you'll grow into it."
"Okay, mommy." She whispered. "I won't let nobody touch it."
"That's my girl." Bella whispered. She looked behind her and saw her husband watching them.
To his eyes, he saw the transformation; he thought this was the start. To Bella finally letting go. He didn't know how wrong he was. He gained hope.
To the child's eyes, she saw her mother, her beautiful mother who she loved so dearly. And as she looked down, she saw the diamond heart that was now hers. She gained love.
But to Bella's eyes, she saw everything she was losing. Giving up. She cherished this moment, she committed their faces to memory and with that, and she walked away. Leaving shattered pieces of herself along the way.
She knew where she was going. She followed a path she had walked upon many times. She felt hopeless, so empty. That horrifying feeling of destruction was following behind her. Breathing on her neck with every step she took closer to her destination. Each sound like a scream inside her ear.
"Don't do this." A voice whispered. "Go back to your family."
She shook her head, and picked up her pace. Thirsting for the feeling of numbness. To escape this pain that haunted her. This pain that first started out small, the pain of a paper cut. But as time passed by, her hopes of him ever returning, slowly falling, the pain was all she knew. It grew and grew until she knew no other. It towered over her every move, waiting for her weakest moment so it could strike. Waiting for that final break down.
It was that type of pain that can never go away. At first, you accept it, you know when it comes, and you expect it. It holds you back from living. Then, as time and time goes by, you find it harder to let go. Soon enough it becomes a part of you. You world is filled with this pain, you don't remember what it's like to be happy.
But Bella's had her share of happy moments. She was happy, up to a point. When you've been broken so badly, to the extent that you shatter into tiny pieces. You can always be put back together again. But the pieces won't fit the same. There'll always be those tiny cracks that can never be filled.
She stopped abruptly. She reached her end. She took a hesitant step forward, her hands shaking. There, sitting so innocently in front of her, was where the world ended. Where land suddenly cuts off, and waiting below is the crashing waters.
Cold wind blew against her face, and she drew in a breath.
This is it.
She took another step and looked down at the ocean under her. Tears gathered in her eyes and a frail cry escaped from her mouth. She glanced back and wondered what her family would do after her death. She wondered how her daughter would grow up without a mother, or how her husband would feel about being a widower.
She didn't deserve any of their love. She was unworthy. Just like she was four years ago, just like Edward had said. She wasn't good enough. Never was.
With no hope she allowed to replay one last memory of Edward inside her head. Their meadow. She remembered the way he held her, the way he whispered that he loved her, all a pitiful act she fell for. She fell for it, but no one was there to help her up once she reached the ground. An act she'll gladly fall for again, only to be held in his arms once more.
She wondered where he could possibly be now. Probably off somewhere half way across the world, enjoying what the immortal life had to offer. Without being held back by some frail human like herself. She knew he was happy, and that's all she could want.
Lastly, she allowed herself to think of what could have become of them. If he had loved her, what her life would be like as a vampire. An eternity with Edward. The sound of it pleased her. She found herself smiling. Forever, with Edward. She wanted it so badly. To spend every single moment, every second, every breath, by his side. Forever.
But then the sharp pain in her heart reminded her of what she was doing, and her smile faded. She no longer saw her and Edward; she saw the deadly waves below her.
The tears fell faster. "I'm so sorry." She whispered.
She took a final step forward.
"What is she doing?!" Edward yelled, watching as Bella made her way to the top of the cliff.
"I think we know what she's doing." Sam answered.
"She can't!" Edward wailed. He watched as her steps brought her closer and closer towards the edge. He knew what she was going to do. He could hear her thoughts. She could hear her questioning her family, wondering what would become of them. He heard her think of him. How he had loved her. Edward yearned to tell her he always did. But he was imprisoned. Imprisoned inside of Heaven.
"Do something!" Edward shouted, and grabbed Sam by the collar. "You're an angel! Do something!"
Sam didn't react; he just stared at Edward with blank eyes. "You're an angel too."
Edward didn't need any more convincing. He threw himself from the safety of Heaven down to the earth below him. He waited for the deadly impact; he waited to feel the pain. But was surprised as he landed gracefully on the cliff before Bella was anywhere near it.
"Make the choice, Edward." Sam spoke out, suddenly appearing behind him. "This is your chance."
"What do you mean?" Edward said frantically.
"I said Heaven was giving you a second chance." Sam spoke quietly. "Here it is."
"I don't understand!" Edward cried. Sobbing loudly.
"You have a chance at forever with Bella." Sam said again.
"How?" Edward whispered.
Sam gestured towards the cliff. "She jumps, she'll spend eternity with you in Heaven, and if she doesn't…well…" He shrugged. "She'll go back to her family."
"No," Edward whispered. "Why?"
He cried loudly, his loud sobs echoing throughout the area, he was amazing Bella didn't hear him. Of course she didn't hear him, he's dead.
"A forever with, Edward." Her voice whispered inside his head. "Forever."
Forever. Forever with Bella. No one could touch them, no one would hurt them. It would be just them two till the end of time.
But then Edward remembered the family waiting for her back at the beach. The people who loved her, and cared for her. How could he ever take Bella away from that?
Sometimes when you love someone so much, it makes the choice harder. When you have to choose between your own happiness and what is best. Sometimes risks are taken in order to love, territories are crossed. Sometimes the risks we take twist into beautiful creations of life. But other times, we fail. We tumble to the ground, broken, and shattered. Edward had to take the risk, fail or prevail, all to his willingness. Or, not take the risk and allow her to return to her family, where he knew she'd be loved.
"I CAN'T DO THIS!" Edwards yelled. "I won't! I won't make the choice!"
"You're already making the choice by standing there." Sam whispered. "You let her jump, she's yours forever. But if you talk to her, maybe convince her –"
"I can talk to her?" Edward whispered. "She can hear me?"
"Usually all an angel can do is watch. Guard. But you are different. You're in the midsts of a miracle. Talk to her. You have to." He explained.
"H-How do I do it?" Edward asked.
"Grasp your love for her. Feel it inside of you, let it grow, expand, fill you up."
Edward did as he was told, he allowed their love to rule over him, and cover every inch of his body. "Now what?" He whispered.
"Talk to her."
Edward watched as Bella stood at the edge of the cliff. The wind danced with her hair, and she shut her eyes. She looked so beautiful.
"Are you sure this is what you want, Edward?" Sam asked. "You could have her again. You could love her again. Forever and human. It's all you've ever wanted."
Edward fell silent. Human. With Bella. Forever. Sam was right. It was all he ever wanted. He longed, yearned to hold her again, to love her, to tell her it was all lies. That he loved her. They could spend eternity in Heaven. This was their second chance.
"I'm so sorry." Bella whispered and braced herself.
"Make the choice, Edward!" Sam yelled frantically.
This was it. This moment. Bella shut her eyes tightly, and with that, she threw herself off the cliff.
Eternity with Bella. Forever with Bella. Just us two. Forever.
Edward's eyes widened. His heart felt as if it was leaping off with her. "Bella!" He screamed and lunged at her.
The choice was made.
Her eyes snapped opened just as his arms wrapped around her from behind and threw them both backwards. They both landed on the ground, Bella panting on top of Edward. Edward's eyes filled with tears as he held Bella to him. He tried to ignore that stabbing feeling in his heart, the feeling of completion, of love. The feeling he was separated from for such a long time.
He rolled so he was hovering above her, tears still racing down his face. She was so beautiful. As she stared up at him in awe he was mesmerized by her beauty.
Nothing can compare to her, he thought, nothing, and no one.
They did not speak, they did not move, nor did they want to. They both knew, they both understood. Silence: is the most deafening sound in the word. Bella heard the frantic breathing in her air, then following afterwards, the faint heartbeat.
This moment was it. This very moment was the choice. Bella reached up to Edward in amazement, with shaking hands, she wiped a single tear from his cheek. Staring at it as if it was poison. Her hand slowly fell down to his chest, resting above his heart. She felt the thumping underneath her hands, his heart sputtering faster at her touch.
She felt the warmth of his body pressed against her. She grinned with happiness. Her eyes lit with the feeling for the first in many years. She knew, at that instant she must be in Heaven.
"This must be Heaven." Bella whispered in awe. She shut her eyes tightly, tears leaking from the edges. "I wonder what I've done to deserve this."
Edward felt a pang of anger fill him. "This isn't Heaven, Bella." He whispered. Her name burning his tongue like fire. "Heaven isn't so great."
"Heaven is beautiful." She whispered.
"Listen to me, Bella." Edward's voice cracked with emotion. "I want you to go back to your family. I want you to be a mother for your child," He imagined the tiny Bella in her mother's arms. He couldn't take Bella away from that, he just couldn't. "And a wife to your husband." Now he imagined Bella wrapped in the arms of her truly beloved. Love gleaming in their eyes. He imagined the things he could give her, experiences they could create. But Edward realized that he too, was like that man. Fore, he too, was human. He breathes, he has a heart. The humanity he desired finally arrived, yet he is still not good enough. It seemed that fate keeps stacking against them. "I want you to live."
"I don't understand."
He ignored her and sobbed quietly into her hair and then murmured. "You can't do this to yourself."
"This is Heaven." She insisted, her eyes wide.
Edward wiped his tears and sat up slowly, placing Bella in his lap, hugging her close to him.
"This is Hell, Bella." He whimpered. "It's Hell."
"I'm…" She trailed off, her eyebrows furrowing. "Okay. Why are you here then?"
He only stared at her, his green tear filled eyes blazing into her chocolate brown. "If this is Hell," She said in a tiny voice. "You wouldn't be here."
He felt pain deep inside his chest at her words. So much faith for him. She truly believed he was the better person? How could she possible consider such a thing?
"I don't know what I did to deserve to be in Hell." She continued, her forehead wrinkling in thought. "It doesn't feel like Hell. But I'll take what I can get, I get you."
"Bella," He whispered. "I'm in my Hell."
"You're not in Hell, Edward." Sam huffed from behind them.
Edward snapped his head around and glared at him. "Why are you still here?"
He shrugged. "I'm your guardian angel, Edward. I've been following you around for years. Get used to it."
"Who are you talking to?" Bella whispered, touching his face.
"She can't hear me." Sam explained. "Humans can only hear their angels. I'm not her angel."
"Privacy would be nice." Edward muttered. Sam sighed and rolled his eyes.
"I enjoy being here just as much as you enjoy having me. Listen – you've made the choice. You've denied eternal life with Bella." Edward felt his gut twist at the words. "Once she goes back to her family, you won't be able to contact her again."
"What?" Edward breathed. His heart pounding.
"This was your chance, Edward. Most don't have this opportunity. You have chosen for Bella to remain human and alive. Your chance will be gone as soon as she steps off this cliff."
"That's not fair." Edward argued weakly. His insides screamed in pain at the thought of releasing her from his arms. To have her walk away from him, and to never hold her again.
"Edward, you're scaring me." Bella said. Her eyes confused.
"Life isn't fair, Edward." Sam turned away. "Don't expect Heaven to be either."
"You can't do this!" He yelled and Sam stood motionless. "You are no angel! This is no Heaven! Who are you to say I cannot love her? Who are you to say that I cannot be with her?"
"You were given a second chance." Sam repeated. "You rejected it."
"What was I supposed to do?!" He roared. "Let her die? Allow her to kill herself?"
"Sometimes, Edward." He whispered, tears rolling down Sam's cheeks, but his back was turned, and his tears remained oblivious. "Sometimes we do things that hurt us. We do things that kill our very soul, but we do those things in order to give life to those we care about. I would want nothing more than allow you two to be together, but it is physically and logically impossible. You are dead, Edward. She is living. You must let her go.
"I didn't do this, Edward." Sam said quietly, pain evidential in his voice. "I didn't condemn you to this. I am merely the messenger. I was in your position once before; do not think me heartless."
"God must really hate me." Edward whispered.
With those words Sam whirled around to stare at Edward. Edward was bewildered at the emotion in his eyes.
"God loves you," Sam whispered fiercely. "If He did not He would not have given you this chance."
"All He has done is allowed me to hold the one thing in my life I cannot have. He allowed me to realize what I am giving up. He wishes to torture me."
"And if He did not?!" Sam yelled. "If he had just locked you in Heaven's Gates, wondering 'what if?' He saved you from that pain. He has saved you from the pain that was soon to follow. He answered your question to 'what if?' because you are assured that Bella is happy. He assigned you as her guardian angel for reasons that are beyond your understanding. So that you can continue the task you took on when you were living. Bella's protector." He looked away. "We are all made for a purpose, Edward. This is yours."
Then with a snap of his figure, he disappeared, leaving only a shimmer in his place.
Edward felt rage pour into him. His hatred at Sam, his hatred at Heaven. His hatred towards whoever damned him into this. His eyes flashed to Bella's confused face and the rage melted.
You must let her go.
The words rang in his head. He stared at her, he watched the way her eyebrows would scrunch together in confusion, the way her lips would frown, and the way her eyes were able to penetrate him.
Edward knew that he would have to leave Bella for the second time.
"Who were you talking to?" Edward couldn't hear her, her words didn't register in his ears.
As angels, it is our job to be the strength, the force, in the human's intentions.
Edward knew that it was his turn to be that force. He had to fulfil the mission he made four years ago in the forest of Forks. He knew, deep inside, that Sam was right.
Bella stared at him curiously, her eyes wide. He remembered that she had asked him a question.
"I was talking to another angel." Edward explained.
Bella glared at him. As if waiting for him to say the catch line, but there was none.
"You probably don't believe me," He whispered, a sad smile on his lips. "But you're not dead, Bella."
"Then why are you here?" She persisted. "Why are you human?"
She broke into hysterics, sobbing into her hand. "I'm going crazy. I'm crazy."
Edward stared at her, bewildered. He hesitantly took her face in his hands. "You're not crazy."
"I am!" She wailed. "You're here for one, and I'm probably talking to an illusion. And you human. That's not possible."
"Bella," He whispered. "You're not dead; I'm human because I am."
Her cries stopped abruptly, and she lifted her head to stare at him.
"You're not dead, I am." He repeated quietly.
"How?" She breathed, tears never reaching an end.
"Victoria." He answered bitterly.
"No," She covered her mouth to muffle the wrenching sobs escaping her, tears tumbling over her hand.
"W-Why?" She asked.
He stared at her, wondering how far he could go. "Revenge." Was all he could offer.
She shook her head slowly. "No."
"It's okay." He whispered.
A thought danced viciously through her head, Edward having a front row seat. She imagined him on the floor, his body twisted in ways that shouldn't be possible. His eyes open, wide with terror, staring off into nothing. The bitter laugh of the executioner as she stood above the motionless figure. Her gleaming red eyes dancing with victory.
Edward was speechless. He had no words to the thoughts that played in Bella's mind. Tears rushed down her face as they both dwelled in their despair.
"I…if you're…d-dead." The word brought pain upon her heart. "Then w-why are you here?"
He smiled sadly and tears bubbled in his eyes. "Heaven gave me another chance."
"I don't understand." She said weakly.
"Nor do I." He commented. "All I know is that I'm here with you. And that's all I could want. You see, Bella. I'm your angel." He paused. "Your guardian angel."
"My angel." She whispered in amazement.
She inhaled sharply and buried her head in his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him, instead of feeling the cold marble skin she felt the warmth radiating off of him. She felt his arms wrap around her too, and she realized, her prayers were answered.
"You pray for me?" Edward asked suddenly.
"Yes. I shouldn't be surprised that you know that."
"You've never been one for prayer." He answered.
"When the very life is stripped out of you, you hold on to the only thing you have." She explained. "Faith."
Edward dropped his eyes, not able to meet the accusing eyes the boar into him.
"Why Edward?" She whispered, and he knew this was coming. The dreadful question that also haunted his own mind.
"It was what best." He whispered. "I wanted you to have a life I couldn't offer you."
"Did you even love me?" Her voice cracked. "All those times, did you even care?"
Tears bubbled in Edward eyes. "I've never loved anyone more. I loved you before, I love you now. I'll love you forever."
"Then why did you leave me?" She cried, her tears ruining Edward's shirt.
He pulled away from her to stare into her brown eyes. She gazed into his eyes desperately, searching for something she didn't understand.
"I was blind. So foolish. I just wanted you to live Bella."
"Was living with you not good enough?" She asked.
"It was more than enough." He said quickly. "Please, Bella. Out of the small amount of time we have I do not wish to speak of my mistakes."
"What do you mean? I have you back. Forever. You're not leaving me!"
This was the part Edward was dreading.
"I can't." He cried into her hair. "I have to go."
"I have to go back to Heaven. My chance is soon over."
"No!" She repeated.
"You have a husband, Bella." He said and she looked away to glare at the ground.
"I can never love him." She whispered, her heart ripping to shreds. "I can never love anyone the way I love you."
"You have a daughter." Edward persisted. "They need you. Both of them."
"I need you."
"You need them too."
"Not as much."
"We both know the truth."
She remained silent after that. "Please, Edward." She begged. "Please stay with me."
"Bella," He whispered and hugged her tighter. "I will forever stay with you."
"Then why do you act is if this is goodbye?" Memories of the forest filled her mind and Edward winced.
"I swear on my soul. On our love. I will never leave you again." He promised. "I will always be with you, if not physically, I will be there."
"What are you saying?" She felt that terrible fear of separation catching up with her. Her breathing became laboured at the thought of him leaving again. "You can't leave me, I can't live without you."
"They may be able to take me away from you. They may never allow me to speak to you, allow you to see me. But I'll always be there.
"You won't have to live without me. Live with me. I'll be there, Bella. I swear it. I'll be there when your daughter grows; I'll be there to dry your tears when you cry. I'll be there to sit next to you as your daughter gets married, and I'll be there to hold you when she moves away. I'll be there when you have your fights with your husband and smile when you are happy. You will never live your life alone."
"It's not the same!" She wailed and clutched onto him.
"It is." He murmured. "Our love will never change. No matter what, know that I love you. Even when you give your heart to another. I'll still love you. And when the time comes Bella, when it comes naturally, I will wait for you in Heaven. I will be the first to wrap my arms around you."
"I won't be able to see you, I won't hear you, I can't talk to you." She sobbed loudly into his chest. She wondered how it was possible to have him return, yet have him ripped away so quickly.
"You can still talk to me."
"No I can't. You won't answer, you-"
"I'll be listening, Bella." He wiped the tears from her eyes. "I may not be able to answer, but I'll always listen."
"I won't be able to feel you." She whispered, holding his face in her hands.
"You'll always feel me." He forced a sad smile. "You and I are one being now. My presence is always with you."
She cried loudly into his chest, she clutched onto him. Allowing that luscious smell fill her nose. She cried, heartbreaking, cries. But somehow she too, knew that this wasn't goodbye, but simply, see you later.
Edward pulled away slowly, tears burning his eyes. He treasured the warmth of her skin against his. He knew what he needed, so without a second of hesitation he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against hers. He tasted the salt from their tears; they held each other knowing that they would not get another chance for a long time. Each second was a gift they both cherished because they knew their time was limited.
"I love you." Bella cried, tears streaming down her face. "Wait for me."
"I've waited for you my whole life."
A thirty-two year old woman with brown hair and dark eyes walked among the streets towards her home. Her eyes were filled with wisdom in which she had learned throughout her life. A mother, a wife, a writer; many roles she played in her life. She walked with a real smile on her face, her eyes shining with glee that could not be mistaken for a counterfeit. She learned to love, and she learned to live.
Her mind went towards her distant love, the one she knew that was waiting for her this moment. The one who watched her now, smiling. She knew he was always with her – just as he had promised. It was unmistakable. She felt the warmth of his presence every time he stood next to her, and sometimes she swore the wind carried the melody of his voice.
Some would think themselves crazy. She thought herself lucky. Her heart still belonged to him. His to hold, and his to love. But she still found herself loving others. She loved the husband that waited for her at home, and she loved the children that filled her life with laughter. She lived knowing that when the time came, she'd be with her true love once more. But she did not rush it, she did not yearn for the end to come.
Instead she lived so she could tell him about it once they were reunited. So that he could see her success, and be proud. Love weaves its way into lives strangely. Bella and Edward's love especially.
Their love for each other was never normal. They dared to push all boundaries that separated them. Because they weren't afraid. As a vampire, as a human, but most importantly, as an angel, Edward's love never creased. Their love ignored the logic. Because that's what love is. The risk that has to be taken.
Bella reached her home and twisted the key. She was greeted with the smiles of her family. Embraced with the love that flowed within her home. She knew then, that longing for Edward was foolish.
Because he was already there.
Waiting. Guarding. Loving. He was there. Just like a shadow, it follows you everywhere, but you can never touch it.
As Bella went to bed that night she smiled. She replayed all their memories together. First, when they first met. She remembered so vividly the way she thought he hated her. She laughed at herself, at her young, deceived self. Then she remembered when he took her to meet his family, she remembered being frightened. And she couldn't help but wonder what has become of them now.
She remembered when he took her to his meadow. Where he exposed himself for what he was. She remembered when he saved her from James. She knew that he had saved her many times more. She remembered when he left her in the woods, the ways she stumbled after him, and came up with nothing. The way she believed that he did not love her. Oh how wrong she was. Following soon after came the memory of when she stood at the edge of the world. And how her guardian angel saved her. Her guardian angel.
Tears silently fell down her cheek. Her own guardian angel. She always thought of him as an angel, and now he was. She replayed the way he held her, the way he kissed her. Then she replayed the words he said to her before she left.
He had said. And she did. She was.
She ran her hand across the bed, and shut her eyes. Feeling warmth atop of it. That tingling sensation. She smiled widely because she knew what it was. Then she felt a small sensation on her cheek and she sighed. She stared at the wall, only seeing the blue painting. But she knew what was really there. Wind chimes blew outside, and she imagined it her lullaby.
AN: Whooaaa…I'm like, very emotion right now. Haha! Alright my little fanfictioners, I have a question to ask you. I am giving you an option for the upcoming chapter. This is a TWO-SHOT.So yes, I'm writing one more after this. HOLY CRAP THIS IS SO LONG! It's 19 pages just to tell you. I mean I never wanted it this long; I already cut like half the length. Either way here's the choice for the next chapter:
When Bella dies and finally reunites with Edward in Heaven.
If Bella actually jumped. So she would spend eternity in Heaven with Edward.
So those are your options. Bella is going to Heaven either way. You guys can choose HOW.
I'm Catholic, so yeah, I believe in Heaven and God and such. Sometimes. Anyways, please review. If I don't get a feed back on which one to write for the last chapter, I'm just going to end it here. Heheh, notice how I didn't say who the husband was? Or the child? I'm going to let you guys use your imagination for that. Could be Mike, could be Jacob, could be the smexy Taylor Lautner. Your choice.
Thanks for reading. Remember to review?