Author's Note: Wow, there's so much to say about this fic. First of all, it's important to note that this story was not only written by me. It originally came from a role-play with my best friend, Rachel. An epically long one, which we've been adding onto for several months. The portrayals of each of the twins are based on my interpretation of Hikaru, and her interpretation of Kaoru (sorry in advance if anyone feels it's severely OOC). It got to the point where I thought the plot was so interesting, I had to turn it into a story.
It has crack pairings, inside jokes, pop culture references, a few original characters, some angst, some humor, and general randomness. But I still hope you enjoy reading it, and don't get too confused. :)
This fic is rated M for a reason. Cussing, violence, sexual situations (both homosexual and heterosexual), and incest. You've been warned.
Hikaru was a fucking genius.
Naturally, his schemes were always nothing short of brilliant, with no room for argument. With Kaoru there to back him up, as well, all endeavors were thoroughly entertaining. They spoke to each boy's skewed sense of humor. Today, Hikaru had triumphantly announced that he had thought up a new twist on their 'brotherly love' act. The other members of the host club had sweatdropped as he began to demonstrate what it was exactly that he had in mind.
Kaoru was seated on one of the several sofas within the third music room, his posture relaxed against the red velvet. Hikaru knelt on the floor before him, holding his twin's hand delicately as he looked into his eyes; a prince trying to woo his princess. One would be hard-pressed, however, to find a prince or princess of any caliber engaging in an activity even remotely close to the one the twins were currently involved in.
Hikaru meticulously dragged a small brush along his sibling's fingernails, coating them with polish. He paused in his actions periodically to examine his work, admiring his artistry. The slightly metallic shade of pink stood out in sharp contrast from the blue sleeve of his brother's uniform, but that didn't matter. Pink was usually a color that was associated with pretty things, and Kaoru deserved to be nothing short of gorgeous.
Not that Kaoru wasn't gorgeous already, Hikaru noted, grinning. They were identical twins, after all.
"Kaoru," Hikaru lowered his voice to the soft, husky tone that was always employed when their customers were present. "When I'm done with you, all the ladies will be jealous of your beauty."
Oh, he was way too into this.
Kaoru, for his part, had always been a willing accomplice—or perhaps a more appropriate term would be victim—to his brother's plans, even the more ridiculous ones. Especially since he never cared enough about much else other than Hikaru, to entertain the thought of ever telling him no. By the time they reached an age where they were aware of the distress their antics caused others, Kaoru had grown fond of seeing the reactions, anyway.
Tamaki, of course, was a special case. His delightful way of overreacting to every detail was probably the real reason the Hitachiin twins had been lured into the host club in the first place. Neither Hikaru nor Kaoru spared a glance at the others in the room now, but they both knew they were looking. Imagining their expressions provided the pair of identical boys a fair bit of entertainment.
As long as they had been doing these types of displays, Kaoru still found it difficult not to laugh whenever his brother looked at him with those disgustingly loving eyes, lowering his voice to sound so seductive. Usually the blushes that followed Hikaru's playful advances were not because Kaoru was embarrassed by them, but because he found them utterly hilarious.
"Hikaru..." he said softly, biting his lip and blushing prettily.
Only Hikaru would know it was because his twin was trying to keep from giggling. Hikaru was always complimenting his beauty or telling him how cute he was. It was quite narcissistic, and disturbing in a way, but Kaoru was always up for disturbing the other club members.
Despite any protests they may have kept inside, the others had come to accept this behavior as about as normal as the Hitachiins would get. Therefore, none of them really appeared all that surprised at this new turn of events. Even if each of them was slightly disconcerted that the twins were playacting when there were no customers present.
For Hikaru, their act didn't only begin when the host club opened its doors after classes ended each day. It began from the moment the pair of them set foot into the school each morning.
Kyouya approved of this. He called it advertising.
Once Hikaru had finished painting the last of his twin's fingernails, he brought the hand to his mouth to blow on the wet polish. Such a mundane thing was somehow made into something that looked positively sinful when Hikaru did it, which was, of course, the point.
He hoped Kyouya had his camera, because Hikaru was fairly confident that this scene was bound to increase the club's funds. Girls were such simple creatures, after all, and it didn't take much to get them excited about things like this. An exchanged look, held long enough so that the customers would notice. A lingering touch. Simple suggestion spoke volumes to screaming fangirls.
Even though there were no customers around at the moment, Hikaru felt it was perfectly logical to practice their act, even if it wasn't during business hours. Rehearsals, as he thought of them, were necessary for even the finest actors to polish their skills, after all. Plus, there was also something oddly satisfying about the way Kaoru's hand trembled slightly as he blew on his fingers. It was so subtle, though, that Hikaru had to question if it had really happened, or if it was just his imagination.
The only thing he could be sure of was the convincing blush tinging his twin's cheeks, but it wasn't in Hikaru's nature to dwell on things like that. Kaoru was simply amazingly good at acting in-character. This would be the part where the girls would have started swooning over Kaoru's embarrassment, or Hikaru's seductive or protective mannerisms.
Giving a devilish grin to his brother as though they were sharing a juicy secret, Hikaru held up the small case out of which he had pulled the nail polish.
"There are more colors in here, but it seems you've run out of fingers to paint... would you like to paint mine instead, Kaoru?"
When Hikaru asked his younger twin to return the favor, Kaoru gave him the most adorable and delighted smile.
Hikaru never quite understood how Kaoru managed to be so damn cute all the time. They looked exactly the same, but Hikaru could never see himself pulling off those expressions. Not to say he never tried them out... in front of a mirror, in private. Kaoru might have teased him if he knew. He briefly wondered if Kaoru ever pretended to be on the other half of their act, secretly going through the motions when his brother wasn't there.
"What color do you prefer, Hikaru? I think blue would look very handsome," Kaoru said, taking one of Hikaru's hands in his own, and bringing the fingers dangerously close to his lips.
The older twin was brought back to the present as Kaoru's breath tickled across the back of his hand. Hikaru leaned closer, so that their foreheads touched. They always came so close to kissing... always so close. The girls kept coming back, they reasoned, hoping to see the one time where it might actually happen.
"Whatever color you think would look best on me, Kaoru," he whispered, always loud enough for the others in the room to hear.
After selecting a small bottle of metallic blue polish out of the case, the younger twin switched positions with the elder. Kaoru brushed the back of Hikaru's hand against his cheek affectionately before going to work. Hikaru settled back against the sofa and watched his twin put the same care and attention to detail into painting his nails as he had done.
The twins were no strangers to cosmetics. They had made up Haruhi plenty of times, usually for their own personal amusement, much to the girl's dismay. Still, it could not be denied she looked pretty damn good when the twins were through with her each time. Perhaps they had a future as makeup artists if the fashion business ever failed, perish the thought.
"What do you want to do after this, Kaoru?" Hikaru tilted his head, observing his little brother thoughtfully.
"I suppose I can take you in the back," he continued, leaning forward, "and we can play dressup."
Kaoru looked up at him, not at all surprised by his brother's comments or actions anymore. He knew Hikaru often said or did things purely for the shock value, and understood he had a point to what sounded like casual musings.
"Although, we might have to help each other out of our uniforms... we don't want to ruin our manicures," Hikaru finished, leaning back in his seat with a sly grin.
For not having any customers, Hikaru was laying it on thick, but he didn't care. The others were watching them with half-disgusted, half-curious expressions. None of them thought to interrupt the twins, either. No doubt they were wondering just how far the two would take their little act when there was no real audience, aside from the other club members, to act for. This time, Kaoru blushed for real, unaware of exactly where Hikaru was going to go with it. Still, he stayed in-character like a true professional.
"Hikaru... you should know better by now... What always happens when you want to play dressup... It... it never ends up quite the way we plan."
Oh well. They had come this far, and Kaoru decided he might as well continue with Hikaru down the dark path of freaking their companions out.
The older boy knew that, even though the others hadn't said anything, the two of them were still getting under their skin. As Kaoru finished up with the last few fingernails, Hikaru laughed as though he and his brother were sharing some kind of inside joke... the kind that was obvious to everyone else in the room. Hikaru himself was intrigued by this new game, wondering how far they could take it.
"I'm sorry for that, Kaoru... once I undress you," his voice dropped an octave, "I can't control myself."
The innuendo was almost tangible.
Hikaru had to admit, he'd never hinted quite this strongly before in their acts, but he was always willing to explore new avenues of surprising their guests when the time came. Right now, however, it seemed he was indulging in this purely for his own entertainment. It made it even more fun since Kaoru was there, playing along. His twin had always been the best playmate he ever could have asked for. Having someone close that shared the same twisted sense of humor as oneself made all games mutually fulfilling.
He caught Kaoru's eye after he put the bottle back into the case and nodded across the room to the curtained-off area where the club members usually changed into their various cosplays.
"Still... I'd love to see you in that Lolita dress that just came in."
Comments and suggestions like that were the only times Kaoru felt slightly abused as the innocent little uke, knowing full well that his brother enjoyed knowing he was in control from their act's point-of-view. Kaoru was such a good sport about everything, though, that the elder twin could get away with just about anything without provoking annoyance from his brother. At the end of the day, Kaoru ended up gaining as much amusement as his twin after a successful act or prank. That always made up for any uncomfortable situations.
"No, Hikaru! Not in front of them... it's so embarrassing..."
Somehow Kaoru's voice always rose as his brother's lowered, emphasizing the situation to a degree where it was almost ridiculous. But the girls still seemed to eat it up no matter how utterly stupid the twins thought it was. Kaoru had even developed the ability to look close to tears because of Hikaru mercilessly teasing him. Sometimes, he didn't even need to use his eyedrops.
Hikaru's eyes softened at Kaoru's 'resistance', the way they always did when his little uke feigned being hurt or embarrassed. He leaned forward, cupping Kaoru's face with one hand, gazing at him intently. Since joining the host club, Hikaru had perfected his lust-filled stare and now executed it like it was second nature. This was the time when the girls would all but stop breathing, wondering if they were going to kiss.
"Of course not, Kaoru... I admit I would selfishly keep you all to myself at that time..."
Without missing a beat, their fingers entwined. The polish may or may not have been dry, but what guy really cared about things like that?
Possibly Haruhi's father, but that was completely beside the point.
"But... for you... I'd do anything for you..." Kaoru said softly, averting his eyes. "You're so mean... taking advantage of me like that..."
It was so hard not to laugh everytime they did this.
Helping Kaoru to his feet, Hikaru tugged on his hand, urging his twin to follow him behind the blue curtains of the changing room where the club kept all of the costumes and outfits for special occasions.
"Kaoru, I do nothing to you that I would not let you reciprocate."
Hikaru actually meant that. Sometimes he wished Kaoru would mix it up with him for a change of pace, but tradition dictated their act was more believable if they kept things as they were. The girls might get suspicious if Kaoru one day decided to start acting more dominant. Not that there were any around now, of course.
Still, when the older twin's words were delivered in his seme voice, his sincerity might have been considered questionable. Kaoru knew, though. His smile was actually genuine when his brother made such a comment. Only Hikaru would know that it was real and not part of the act, but it was just as sweet as any of his fake expressions. The twins really cared about each other, even if their act was completely over the top at times.
Once they were behind the curtain, Kaoru let some of his amusement show, cupping one hand over his mouth as he laughed as silently as possible. Hikaru flashed an impish grin at his twin, punching him in the arm playfully.
"I think they almost wet their pants, good work," Hikaru's voice quavered as he tried to hold in his laughter, hushed to a degree so that no one else would overhear it.
"Did you see their faces? I think Tono was about to cry. Sometimes I wonder if it's because he's scared, or because he's not involved," Kaoru whispered to his brother while still trying to contain most of his chuckles.
Coughing once, Hikaru assumed an oh-so-serious expression and shrugged.
"Tono is jealous that he can't get in on it, obviously."
Immediately after saying it, Hikaru's amber eyes widened and he clapped a hand over his mouth as he snorted a laugh that dared try to escape. Ducking his head, he looked furtively towards the curtain, but didn't hear anyone close by enough to have heard it. They were still safe.
Hikaru then looked around the dressing room and began to rummage through a trunk. Spying something extremely interesting, he lifted his hands to dangle the prize he had found—a lacy, red brassiere.
"This must be Tono's." Hikaru bit his lip to keep from laughing as he held it up to himself. "What do you think? Is it me?"
Kaoru nearly snorted but caught himself just in time. The two would often wander off like this and recall with much amusement the torture they inflicted daily upon their companions or random classmates when they were bored during school hours.
"Totally, Hikaru. Here, wait—I'll find something to match!"
They couldn't go around wearing completely different sets of clothing, after all. It would be easier to tell them apart and neither of them were comfortable enough to let others invade their little world. Not yet, anyway.
Kaoru went sifting through the maze of costumes as well until he was able to find something suitable. Neither of them planned on necessarily going out there like this, but it was fun with just the two of them. The twins could turn practically anything into a game together.
"How about this? This is what you wanted, right? ...Hikaru..." His voice elevated just a bit when he spoke his brother's name, repeating their earlier acts when he was the less dominant of the brothers.
In his hands Kaoru held a dress; copious amounts of pink satin trimmed with black lace and ribbons. He examined it once before holding it up to himself and posing ever so retardedly, just for Hikaru.
"I don't know. I think it makes my butt look too big... I told you not to buy those brownies!" Kaoru burst into a fit of extremely fake tears.
Hikaru was just crazy enough to put on pretty much anything in this room, and the fact that he was already out of his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt beneath it punctuated the fact. These were stunts he couldn't imagine pulling with anyone other than Kaoru. They'd cross-dressed before for the sake of the club, but he would never have done it if Kaoru hadn't. Together, they could do anything.
Even make incredibly hot women.
Shrugging out of his shirt, Hikaru smirked at his brother's display.
"I told you not to eat too many of them, Kaoru... you're almost like a woman with your cravings for chocolate."
Walking over to his twin, Hikaru swatted his brother's behind with the bra he had held up previously, before he actually slipped it on. The lacy texture felt odd, and he made a face at it.
"Anyway, shut up, Kaoru. Your ass is hot. After all, it's the same as mine."
Looking down at the frilly dress his twin was still holding, he arched an eyebrow.
"But, it would match your nails and everything," Hikaru murmured his approval in a mischievous way. "I always thought pink suited you, Kaoru."
Kaoru was just as particular about his cravings and his ass as a woman, as well. His eyes narrowed upon his brother, and with a very minor pout he huffed, throwing the dress at Hikaru's face.
"Yeah, it's a shame you shutting up doesn't suit you just as well."
Wincing as the ruffly article of clothing came into contact with his head, Hikaru eyed his twin warily.
"What did I say?" Hikaru scowled half-heartedly.
After the dress had been lobbed at Hikaru, Kaoru immediately took it back. Of course he planned on changing into it, just for curiosity's sake. Kaoru, too, undressed, and with a bit of effort was able to slip the garment on. They were both incredibly skinny, or wouldn't be able to wear half of these costumes that were originally meant for girls.
Hikaru watched with amusement as Kaoru pulled on the dress, which looked... surprisingly good on him. The boys were tall, lean, and had pretty faces; had they changed their hair, they could probably easily pass for women.
"I hope someone heard your ass comment." Kaoru snickered at his brother as he checked himself out in the mirror.
With that attitude, Kaoru could definitely pass for a woman.
"I hope they did, too," Hikaru hissed. "The world should know how hot my ass is."
"Hmm... are you sure it wouldn't look better on you, Hikaru? We could always ask them... if they haven't run off to change their pants after the last act..."
"Maybe it would look better on me, you're the one who thinks your butt is too big." Hikaru childishly stuck his tongue out at his sibling.
Walking up behind Kaoru, Hikaru rested his chin on his brother's shoulder, eyeing his reflection in the mirror. He brought a hand up and combed through his sibling's hair, brushing his bangs this way and that, visually experimenting with alternate hairstyles.
"You know, you wouldn't want them to see you like this right now," Hikaru whispered, his breath tickling Kaoru's ear.
For what it was worth, the other club members were probably trying to pretend the twins didn't exist right now. Nightmares for months were bound to ensue. This kind of banter was never too serious between them, though, as riling things up a bit always did prove to be more entertaining.
The two usually had close physical contact with each other regardless of their act, so Kaoru didn't even flinch when his brother settled his chin against his shoulder. The two slept in the same bed, after all. It was hard to invade someone's personal bubble after years of doing that. Hikaru's warm breath against his ear made him shudder involuntarily, though, and he swatted at him with a half-hearted growl.
"It wouldn't be that big of a deal. What other weird stuff have they seen us wear or do? A dress is hardly a step up from pretending we get naked together every night." Kaoru rolled his eyes.
The younger twin had been slightly moodier than usual when they talked to one another lately, but it never seemed like anything too serious. Hikaru couldn't even really tell if anything was actually wrong with his brother. Just... a bit off. He seemed slightly frustrated about something, but if anything was truly bothering him, he had not revealed it to Hikaru yet.
As much as Hikaru wanted to ask, he knew Kaoru would withdraw into himself if he was aware of his twin's concern. The best way to find out any amount of information about Kaoru's feelings was always to feign ignorance until enough clues had been given away. Because he always gave them sooner or later, even if he didn't mean to.
"Tsk." Hikaru leaned closer to press his cheek to the side of Kaoru's neck.
After all of their acts, this was something that felt natural and the lines of brotherhood became even more blurred.
"Maybe I don't want anyone else to see it but me," the elder Hitachiin huffed.
One might almost think this was yet another act, but this was said with Hikaru's normal voice, which usually held notes of mischief, not the tone he usually used on his brother when they were participating in club activities. They continued to gaze at their reflections silently. Kaoru looked as though he was trying to determine how he looked. He decided that actually did look pretty good.
"I like the draft," Kaoru announced randomly.
Hikaru blinked. He chuckled at his brother's comment, curling one arm around Kaoru's waist. Leaning closer, his chest pressed to Kaoru's back as his other hand skimmed the ruffles of the skirt.
"You do, do you? Did you put on some matching panties for me?" Hikaru teased, grinning at their reflections. "You know, Kaoru... I bet they'd pay top dollar to watch me molest you in drag."
Kaoru tensed slightly as Hikaru's hand groped and toyed with the hem of the dress. Hikaru was always pushing to get the biggest reaction, and today Kaoru happened to be the one he was testing. After all, there were no girls around, so he didn't really have to do this. A part of Hikaru was intrigued by what his brother would do, however.
Surely, this was practice for new angles of their act. Surely.
Kaoru occasionally made a half-assed effort to shoo his brother away, but Hikaru wasn't budging. Eventually Kaoru gave in, one hand coming to rest upon his hip. Hikaru usually stopped whatever he was doing on the rare occasion that Kaoru seemed uncomfortable with some of his more harebrained ideas. This time, however, Hikaru was quite surprised that Kaoru's resistance was half-hearted; it didn't really seem like a sincere attempt to foil him.
It wasn't necessarily because Kaoru was comfortable with the scenario that he didn't shrug his brother off, but once in a great while, the idea that Hikaru felt he could get the better of anyone, including his younger twin, got on Kaoru's nerves. It was almost as if he was daring Hikaru to continue, knowing that eventually he would have to stop, and consent to defeat.
Hikaru had honestly expected Kaoru to forcefully push him away, but when he didn't, Hikaru hesitated briefly. Carefully watching his brother's face in the mirror, he experimentally slipped his hand under the edge of the dress. Sliding his palm against Kaoru's leg, he'd never really noticed how soft his brother's skin was. It somehow only added to the cross-dressing illusion.
Kaoru was not at all worried—not until his brother's hand started exploring regions of his lower body no one other than a lover should go. His golden eyes widened just enough to catch Hikaru's attention, but Kaoru still didn't budge. For a long time after Hikaru's bold comments, Kaoru said nothing, but eventually his cheeks became a slightly different color than his brother's. Over the years, the twins had developed countless ways to get under the skin of others, but with that also came the ability to know each other well enough to push each other's buttons, too.
The two boys stared each other down in the mirror as Hikaru's hand slowly moved up the smooth expanse of Kaoru's leg. They were gauging one another's reaction, and intently watching for when the other would back down. Eventually Hikaru's fingers met with the edge of Kaoru's boxer shorts... and the older boy inexplicably found himself not knowing whether to be relieved or disappointed.
This action appeared to break them both from their daze, and Kaoru scowled at his brother.
"Yes, Hikaru. I wake up every morning after a long night of trying to decide which designer pair of panties I want to parade around in while we're alone," Kaoru snapped. "Isn't that every strapping young lad's dream?"
Hikaru was now startled back into his usual self as his brother took a shot at his previous comment. Two could play at this game.
"Really, I thought you spent the nights calling my name in your sleep. Whatever could you be dreaming about, Kaoru?"
Hikaru looked challengingly at the reflection, and he retaliated further by closing his teeth around the edge of Kaoru's ear.
Kaoru wasn't about to let him win so easily, but his resolve was temporarily broken when his twin bit him. He frowned at Hikaru then, immediately denying the claim.
"That's a lie! If I do call out to you, it's to try to shut you up for that horrible snoring. When you sleep, you sound like Jabba the Hutt when the princess was strangling him!"
Hikaru knew the nuances of his brother's behavior enough to know he was getting to him the farther he pushed. He couldn't give in now. Not after that Jabba the Hutt comment. The sound his twin was likening his snoring to was one he could easily picture, and Hikaru wrinkled his nose in distaste at the association.
He knew they should never have watched Return of the Jedi like a billion times.
Hikaru moved in front of Kaoru then, stepping between his brother and the mirror. The view was basically the same when they looked at each other, anyway. He simply couldn't take this lying down. Hikaru was stubborn to a fault, after all.
Leaning closer, he held Kaoru's chin between his thumb and forefinger, like he had done so many times for their guests. The scenario was nothing new... and yet it was completely different. They were alone, no one was watching them, and Hikaru used this to his advantage, hoping Kaoru would notice the difference.
Kaoru flinched, but didn't give his brother the satisfaction of watching him jerk away from the touch.
"It's not a lie," Hikaru insisted. "You moan my name half the night and then wake up with morning wood!"
He smirked triumphantly.
Kaoru glared into the mirror image of his brother's amber eyes and didn't miss a beat responding to more accusations.
"Well, I'm sorry, Hikaru. I can't help it when you're constantly using me as practice so you don't fail miserably at giving Tono a boner when you finally gather the balls to try and get into his pants!"
It was such a funny scene. The two of them were wearing women's clothing, glaring at each other, and throwing insults like they were... well, freshmen in high school.
Kaoru was gradually becoming more flustered. When he wasn't the target of his brother's horrible taunting, he was usually fairly calm and collected. Hikaru... well, his psychotic nature just took a turn for the worse when he and Kaoru argued playfully. This was quickly turning into a full-blown verbal brawl, though.
"Hey, I only use you as practice because it looks like you want it," Hikaru growled, his nose an inch away from Kaoru's.
They were staring each other down defiantly and the scene might have looked pretty hilarious to some people, and arousing to others.
"I don't think you could give this chair morning wood, Hikaru, let alone me... Tono, maybe. Seems to me like he'd be one of those... three-second people..."
Even in the midst of all this verbal mayhem, old habits died hard. Taking cheap shots at the host club king was something the two of them did without giving it much thought these days.
"I don't know why you keep talking about Tono, are you afraid he might be a better bitch than you are?"
Oh, now they were pulling low blows.
"So how much of everything is an act, Kaoru? Don't think I can't see you making those longing eyes at me when you think I'm not looking."
Hikaru was making it up as he went along, really, but it sounded good.
"I bet you wish I'd take care of that morning wood for you, too," he continued as though Kaoru hadn't denied anything. "Maybe if you asked me nicely..."
His voice oozed with sarcasm, but both twins were deeply engaged in this contest, regardless of how completely wrong it might sound to anyone else.
Kaoru's lips pursed together angrily as he continued to glower at his brother. Something Hikaru had said actually appeared to strike a nasty note for Kaoru, though. The younger twin jerked away, silently changing back into his uniform without saying a single word.
"...Kaoru?" Hikaru's barrage of insults and accusations had abruptly come to a stop when his sibling stopped playing their game.
The dress was thrown at Hikaru once more, only this time it was out of real anger. One of the twins had to give in, eventually. This time it had been Kaoru, only it looked like Hikaru had somehow genuinely hurt his twin's feelings.
Oh, the angst.
Hikaru stared blankly at Kaoru after the dress hit him in the face a second time.
"Hey... Kaoru..." Hikaru's voice began to rise in pitch as his brother continued to ignore him.
Kaoru stormed out of the third music room without another word, ignoring the other club members who were staring at him on his way out. The rest of them exchanged glances, not knowing what exactly was going on.
Hikaru was now left behind, still wearing the brassiere... holding a pink and black dress and wondering what the hell had just gone wrong.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No, really. I own nothing. Ouran and all corresponding characters belong to Bisco Hatori. Star Wars belongs, of course, to the great George Lucas. :)