Authoress -- Elchamp

Rated --PG-13/T? It's not really that bad in my opinion

Pairing -- Haru/Yuki && other suggestive ones

Warnings -- Yaoi, MxM; cross-dressing; ooc-ness depending on who your talking to; incest ((far far distant cousins)); sexual themes, suggestions, && content; and crack. A lot of crack. But it does have a plot! Yay plots!

Disclaimer -- All characters are owned by whoever owns Fruits Basket. Not me.

A/N -- A must read!! Enjoy. That's all I have to say right now. "…silence is golden…"

x.x

What the hell was this? Some kind of a joke? A very very very sick joke. No, it wasn't a joke, it was a punishment, Yuki concluded, a punishment for all the times he ever sniffed Tohru's hair when she wasn't looking, a punishment for all the times he called Ayame a nuisance and a no-good-brother, a punishment for all the times Kyo was a snotty little prat, for all the times Shigure had naughty thoughts about naked high school woman. A punishment. But did the Gods really hate him that much? Even though the odds were against him, surely they considered they had to be a little lenient.

"Hellooooo. Hey! Anybody in there….?"

He was blushing. Oh god he was blushing. He was going to turn into a rat, he could just feel it. His whiskey senses were tingling. He was in the middle of the lockers! Oh fuck, he was going to turn into a rat, IN SCHOOL?! Well, it wasn't the first time… but that wasn't the point!

"What the… is he blushing?! Bahaha~ He is!"

"Why won't he answer us?"

Whoever did this was going to pay. Male or female.

"Yuuuuki! Yoohoo!"

"What is he staring at anyway?"

Friend or foe. It didn't matter. Oh shit, he had to leave, he couldn't let them see this, this, THING. This abomination! He had to run. Yea this was it, he would just run away! He couldn't let everyone have a stare at it, it would ruin him forever! He would put this ugly thing someplace no one would never dare look!

"Quick, look inside before he notices! Maybe we'll be able to sneak a peak at it!"

They were coming closer. Shit shit shit! They were going to see it!

"NO!!" Yuki cried. He snatched the offending item out of his locker and dashed down the halls, out the doors. Tohru, Hana, Kyo, Momiji, and Uo were all but left to stand there and wallow in what use to be the rat prince's presence.

"Damn he's fast."

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He kept running, no matter how much the cold bit at his skin which made his lungs work harder and burn in wanting for a quick breath. It didn't matter, if he was caught with it, it would be the end of him. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? Surely not his fan girls, they liked him. Maybe the senior girls? They were notorious for this kind of prank and as of late, Yuki had become their favorite obsession. Or maybe it was Kyo? No he was too dumb to put together something THAT good. No it was someone close, someone who knew him well.

"Hey Yuki," Hastuharu called from a tree.

Yuki spared him an apologetic glance but kept on running, "Sorry Haru. Can't talk! Need home now!"

Haru blankly stared at the dust omitting from the ground and spoke to thin air, "You shouldn't run so hard. Your asthma will kick in."

Yuki never heard what he said. Not only his body, but his mind was racing as well. Trying to come to at least some sort of twisted conclusion to all of this mess. Home was in sight in just a few more moments, it took all he had to run the last few feet up the driveway and through the doors. He only paused for a quick moment of breath when he was safe behind the closed Sohma Shoji screens.

Shigure looked up from his reading, his glasses perched at the very end of his nose. He smiled up at his zodiac cousin and proceeded to give him a warm welcome, "Ah. Yuki! Nice to see you back so early from school! The others aren't with you… In a rush to get home were you? Couldn't stand being away from me that long, hm? Haha! I knew you lov-"

"Can't talk! Have to… hide!" Yuki squeezed out through short gasps. He moved his backpack closer to his chest. What was he doing? He needed to get rid of this thing NOW.

"Hmm. What is that you have there?" Shigure interrogated as he tried to peer around his cousin's concealing hands, "A surprise? Oh I do love surprises! We should tell Ayaa!"

"No!" Yuki protested and went to dash up the stairs, away from the nosy dog. The last damn thing he needed was for his brother Ayame to see what he had!

"GET HIM!!!" Came a loud outburst from behind.

The next thing the poor teenager knew, he was being body slammed to the floor as Kyo and the others burst through the door. Said Kyo landed not so very lightly on top of him, pinning him to the ground. Luckily for him though he was face down, no one could've seen the object while he fell.

"Damnit Kyo! Can't you do anything right? We said get it from him! Not pumble him into the ground!" Uo said as she stood over the two looking rather annoyed.

"Now before you destroy my house, AGAIN, mind telling me what this is all about?" Shigure said sitting at the table. He watched the scene with slight fear for his furniture and some pity for the squished boy underneath the fat cat.

"Does it matter? I finally tackled his damn ass! Wooooohoooo! Score one for me rat boy," Kyo screamed flailing his arms in triumph.

Momiji mimicked his elder cousin in the said victory dance, "Yea Kyo! That means you only need about a thousand nine hundred ninety nine more points to catch up with him!"

Kyo nearly fell off of Yuki from the remark and yelled at Momiji. Torhu waved her hand in reconcile to draw attention to herself, "Um, guys? I'm sorry but don't you think we should check on Yuki?"

"Yea, he hasn't said anything yet. Maybe you knocked him unconscious," Uo said as she peered down at the boys and everyone else turned their attention as well.

Hana looked on at them with the dead look in her eyes she always wore so well, "Or maybe he's fallen asleep. Or perhaps in shock. I could easily wake him up with an electric jolt…"

"Now now. No need for violence children," Shigure pleaded.

"Well it doesn't do a lot of good to see what he has if he's out of-"

Kyo screamed as an elbow made contact with his face and hurled him off of Yuki and into the wall. Yuki quickly jumped to his feet and proceeded his task of running up the stairs and into safety behind locked doors.

Uo and Momiji laughed at Kyo's inconvenience and Tohru ran to his side to help him up. Uo wiped the bangs from her eyes, "Pfff, ahaha! He sure as hell fooled you!"

"My house, my poor house!" cried Shigure as he noticed the fresh hole in the wall that Kyo had caused.

Kyo growled in a very cat-like manner at the laughing members of the group, "Shut up!"

Yuki only paid half attention to bantering going on downstairs from behind his bedroom door. His heart was pounding making waves of nausea flow from his brain to his stomach. He had to admit, playing dead was a good idea. Maybe he should have been a possum instead of the rat. But there were no possums in the zodiac, so the rat must have been the next best thing.

Yuki slid to the floor and let his head thud against wood as he glared at the object in his hands. He had to find someplace to hide this. He couldn't just throw it out, someone would surely start snooping around for it. He needed to find a good hiding place and then stow it away there until he could burn it. He almost felt guilty. What if this had been a true, genuine gift from the heart? He was pretty sure whoever the person or persons who had gave him this didn't want it being eaten up in a pit of fire. Wait! What the heck? Who would seriously give a guy, no less, something like this? Unless he had been mistaken for a girl. But didn't his uniform give a hint. Or maybe his FLAT CHEST??

Yuki glanced around the room for a moment. He knew exactly where to put this thing. It would never see the light of day again. He swore it.

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Yuki ate in silence as Tohru and his cousins stared at him over their chopsticks. They had tried, and failed, to get concrete information out of him. He wouldn't budge. The only one he actually trusted was Tohru but he knew the other two would somehow get her to speak.

"C'mon, seriously! Was it that bad?" Kyo said from across the table.

Yuki gave him a glossy stare and shook his head, "I'm not telling you, stupid cat. It's my business."

Kyo banged his chopsticks against the table in retaliation, "I'm not stupid ya damn rat!"

"Really, Kyo please! You already put a hole in the wall. Does the table need to be punished too?" Shigure scolded as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Kyo gawked at the accusation, "It wasn't my fault! He elbowed me in the face!"

"You deserved it," said Yuki flatly.

Tohru gave a nervous laugh at the two who were quickly ensuing a fight at the dinner table. Shigure sighed, this really did never end.

Just in time the door slid open as Kyo was hurled through it. The guest sidestepped the flying orange mass and walked inside.

"Ah! Haru! Nice to see you," Shigure greeted. Particularly thankful that Haru was excellent at timing.

Tohru and Yuki looked up. Sure enough Hastuharu the cow was standing in front of them acting like Kyo hadn't just been the "Amazing Flying Cat".

"Hello Yuki, Tohru," Haru said in a calm fashion. Shigure sighed when he was once again ignored.

"Oh hi Haru! Nice to see you," cheered Tohru, a look of concern flitted through her features, "Uh, I didn't seem to make enough for five people, but if you'd like I can go make some more! My mom always said to be ready for the unexpected! Silly me!"

"No it's fine, I just came to spend some time with Yuki," said Haru dismissively. He hadn't wanted Honda-san to go through such trouble for him.

"Haru we see each other everyday at school. Why in the world would you need to spend time with me otherwise?" Yuki scolded him like a child. His cousin's odd behavior towards the rat never ceased to exasperate him.

"Nonsense! We love guests! You can finish Kyo's plate," Shigure sung as he pushed the half eaten dish towards Haru.

"Hey! Don't I get a say in this?!" Kyo ranted, still outside in the bushes where he had landed.

"No really it's okay. I'll just sit right here," Haru insisted.

He slumped down right next to Yuki, far beyond invading his personal bubble and clung to his sleeve. Yuki didn't bother to push him away, he never had. He'd gotten use to it a long time ago. He just kept eating like nothing was even out of the ordinary, even so when Kyo stormed back into the house looking like he had Jungle Fever with all those parts of a bush stuck to his orange head.

Kyo extended a finger at his arch-nemesis and proceeded to rant, "Just because you got all prissy in school doesn't mean you can act like an ass!"

"I did NOT get PRISSY!" Yuki screamed.

"Yea right! You were blushing like a school girl!" the cat retorted.

"School girls?" Shigure asked, not at all paying attention to what they were really arguing about.

"Blushing?" Haru inquired, a bit less excited than 'Gure but nonetheless noticed.

Kyo gave a toothy grin and responded, "Yea! He was all red and stuff. Something in his locker I guess but he won't let us see it."

"Is that what this is all about?" Shigure said contently, he smiled at the little rat, "A present from a secret admirer?"

Yuki glared daggers at Kyo and scoffed at Shigure's questions, "Hardly. More like a prank of some kind, I'm sure."

Haru stared at Yuki for a moment as realization passed through his eyes. He tugged on the satin fabric to get his attention, "You didn't like my present koi?"

Yuki choked on his water snapped his gaze to look at Hatsu in disbelief, the other three looked confused.

"A p-p-present? Y-YOU put that thing in my locker?" Yuki asked, his voice rising with each syllable.

"Of course," said the cow and shrugged, "It matched your eyes."

"My ey-- MY EYES?! Are you joking?" Yuki sputtered. It had actually been a present, not a joke or a punishment, but a present. Something that he was suppose to actually use. The Gods must have been laughing their asses off at his misfortunes by now.

"Of course not," Haru said seriously, "The exact same color if I remember correctly."

"Hastuharu Sohma," Yuki started, "Where in the WORLD did you get such a thing!?"

"Who else other than Ayame?" Haru explained, "I was at his shop and he said he tried it but it didn't fit. He handed it to me and told me to put it to good use, whatever that means."

Yuki paled, he was suppose to use that thing after Ayame used it! Was this guy serious?! What if he caught a disease from the snake bastard! The world was ending, it really was, he could feel it in the pit of his stomach. Either that or he was about to puke his dinner back out.

"So I had no use for it but I immediately thought of you. I really did hope you would like it," Haru said sorrowfully as he downcast his gaze, "But you obviously don't. I'm sorry Yuki, I never meant to upset you, koibito."

Yuki couldn't explain why but he felt an irritating sting in his heart from the look on Haru's face. He never meant to hurt the ox, he had just been so taken aback by the appearance of the object in question that he hadn't really thought it had meant anything more than a joke. A sick, twisted joke, but just a joke.

"Haru," Yuki called softly out to the other boy, "I… Look, I really didn't mean to be so harsh, it's just… never something I expected to actually get as… a present. That's all."

Haru lifted his eyes to meet Yuki's and spoke almost in a monotone, "So… You're not mad? Do you actually like it Yuki?"

Yuki swallowed his pride for once and smiled, "Yea, I like the thought of it I suppose. But, Haru, why would you get me a gift? You've never given me a gift before."

"I just wanted to show you how much I loved you," said the two-toned boy and shrugged again, " that's all. You never seem to believe me."

"Of course I believe you!" Yuki snapped, "I love you too but that doesn't mean I need to get you a present every time I say it!"

"Not like that," Haru said.

Yuki stopped in mid-rant, "What?"

"I don't mean I love you like that idiot mouse," Haru said a bit louder as if Yuki was hard of hearing.

"Wait…" Yuki whispered, his face was contorted in confusion, "Haru… Wait… Sh-- You mean like…? Hastuharu you actually mean LOVE me?"

"In love with you," Haru corrected.

Yuki moved his mouth for something to say but words didn't want to come out passed his throat. Of course Haru had told him he loved him before, but he blew it off. Infatuation at the most, Yuki would think. And if anything else he was just confused by cousinly love or a love for a good friend. But now Yuki had a testament of this profound 'love' squeezed between his mattresses, vowed never to be acknowledged by the rat again.

"Yuki. Um, is he okay?" Tohru asked quietly, speaking for the first time since they had started bickering.

"I don't know," Haru replied as he snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"Aw! Shocked speechless!" Shigure declared.

Kyo just laughed at the wordless rat. As Yuki fought for something intelligent to spit out Haru quit snapping his fingers to look him in the eye.

"I'm going to try something, but he might get upset," Haru warned, "I wouldn't stand too close."

Everyone present besides the two nodded and scooted a ways back, awaiting eagerly to see what the boy might do to shake him out of his trance. Haru lifted a single finger to trace across his cheekbone and down his face where it continued to trace the side of his neck. Yuki couldn't move away as he did this, he couldn't do anything but let little whines and mewls escape through his teeth as he stilled tried to protest. Haru watched his finger's trail for a moment then snapped his attention back to his cousin.

Yuki didn't want to guess what he was going to do, he wouldn't think of it, no. It was wrong, it wasn't suppose to be like this. Not ever. He didn't want Haru to love him like this. But that fire. The emotion in his eyes spoke everything, screamed every consonant and vowel of truth and he couldn't deny it. Haru grabbed the back of his head and brought his speechless lips to his. Yuki squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to break the trance so he could pull away, but even that didn't help. His breath hitched as Haru pushed a little harder to get a reaction out of him. What should his reaction be? How could Haru expect this from him? He should still be mad about the so called 'gift'. He moved to push himself away but he ended up going forward instead. Why wasn't he listening to himself?! Wasn't there any logic to his reasoning at all??!! Damn his body to hell!! Being him sucked.

Haru gasped at the response. He supposed he hadn't expect him to do that either. Well wasn't Love just a fucking miracle worker. Why was he so against this in the first place? It felt good and it wasn't like Haru was ugly, a cat, or a female who wasn't kin anyways. But that's the problem wasn't it? He wasn't a FEMALE, and if Yuki was going to be gay couldn't he do it outside of the family. No need to add salt to the wound.

Yuki reached to grab Haru's face and pull him closer. It was obvious that he had no objections, while Yuki's mind twisted itself with them. Then Haru wiped away a tear with his thumb that Yuki didn't even notice had been there. His heart melted at the notion. Haru had always wanted to take care of him, to protect him, to nurture him and every time, for some reason, he let him. He never verbally gave his consent of course, but he let him no less. Besides, the thought of Haru loving him made his heart soar and he particularly liked that feeling. It made him tingly all over and NOT in a perverted way.

"Okay if you two are done playing lip-lock now, can we eat?" Kyo complained, ruining the moment, "I shouldn't have to watch you guys make out while I'm trying to chow down."

"Kyo! Shh! It's just getting good!" Shigure whined.

"Wha- You pervert!"

Haru laughed against his lips and let him go to give him a peck on his button nose. He grinned wickedly at the cat and told him to shut up and ignore them if it was that bothersome. Yuki was still shocked of course but he had enough sense in him to move a little and give his posture a break from the awkward position. He ignored Kyo as he started yelling about something else.

Tohru clasped her hands together and exclaimed cheerily, "Oh! I'm so happy for you! That was so romantic!"

Yuki visibly blushed and gave a curt nod. He let Haru's fingers entwine with his under the able and out of sight for the first time since they were small children.

"While romantic that may have been," Shigure intervened, "I'm still curious as to know exactly what the present is."

"No," reclined Yuki as he found his voice at long last.

"Pffft. And why not?" Kyo said, "It's not like it'll hurt anybody."

"Yes, love," agreed Haru, "You should show them."

"No," Yuki repeated again, giving each of the male occupants a hard look, "I refuse."

"Please," Haru pleaded, "Just try it out once, that's all."

"Haru! I'm not using that thing in front of that stupid cat and the perverted dog!" Yuki argued. He didn't need Shigure dedicating a novel to him.

Yuki nearly obtained whiplash when he snapped his head over to Miss Honda's direction when she spoke up quietly but firmly. She smiled at him as she said, "But Yuki-kun, I'd really like to see what it is."

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The Prince glared at the 'gift' in his hands once again when he recovered it from in between the bed. So much for not having to see it ever again. He examined it over. He could just throw it outside and say he'd lost it, but indeed a certain someone would help him look for it. All in-unfairly all, he was left to do their bidding unwillingly.

A stroke of fear hit his chest and made him gasp. It looked a little dangerous. What if it was too tight? It would definitely hurt to make it fit. A lot of hard breathing and puffing and he was sure there would be blood. He might have to call for Haru to come help him with it. But seeing Yuki naked in that kind of state was positively going to be enough to throw him into Black mode. He didn't want that at the moment. He was going to be sore for weeks! Damn Hastuharu and his damn proclamations of love. And oil. He was going to need lots of oil of some kind.

Yuki reminded himself to breathe as he stripped. He held the item once more and forcefully GULPED his pride this time. It was then that Yuki, for the first and final time, started to put 'The Thing' to good use.

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Yuki crept down the stairs, trying not make the wood creak. He didn't want to be made to come out until he was ready, if he was ever ready. To his luck the stupid thing fit perfectly. Not one tear was shed except for that of utter shame and humiliation.

"What's taking him so long!"

"Patience Ayaa, he's probably just has the jitters."

"Pish posh! I had no problem with it!"

Yuki scowled. Kuso! Who invited him here?

"Ah… Calm down you guys. Yuki wouldn't like it if you started arguing."

"It's not my fault that he has a twisted rat fetish."

"Stop it. The last thing we need is Black Haru to prolong his fit."

"Feh!"

And damnit! Who was stupid enough to go and make Hatsu go Black?

"SHUT UP KYO!"

Ah.

"Well if he isn't down here within the next couple of minutes I'll just have to go and get him myself."

Yuki gulped as he stepped onto the final stair. It took all he could muster to poke his head around the corner and see if anyone was paying attention. As if it were some kind of twisted plotline on some weird but obscenely addicting website called '' where authors' and authoresses' imaginations were aloud to frolic and run freely in LaLa Heaven and take advantage of poor defenseless uke-ish bishounens such as himself --cough-- the whole crew looked up just in time. Wait… He was definitely NOT an UKE! (( x'D ))

"Yuki," Haru whispered as he locked eye contact with him. He knew somehow he tried to telepathically send him strength and courage, but alas, he felt none.

"Little brother!" Ayame cheered from behind as he outstretched his arms in greeting.

Hatori smirked at the blushing mouse and Shigure gave him a reassuring grin, "Come come! We want to see Yuki!"

Yuki gulped as he felt an unyielding urge to turn around and go right back to the enclosure of his room.

"Jeez, about time. You took forever up there," Kyo whined from his sitting position. Tohru smiled up at him from within the circle.

"I don't want to come down," Yuki pleaded, "I change my mind."

"You can't do that!" Momiji piped in, "Everyone's waiting to see Yuki!"

Jehovah, why had they all come?!

Haru stepped out of the circle and towards his prince to outstretch his hand towards him. Yuki stared at his palm then back up at him. Haru just smiled and made a motion to beckon him out of his hiding place and grab his hand. Yuki shut his eyes and grasped his hand around the other's and let himself be led out slowly, his bare feet met the cold surface of the wooden floor. He didn't open them afterwards.

There were a bit of loud gasps and cheerful cries and shocked squeals from the group of Sohmas and Plus. He didn't dare open his eyes because he knew what they saw.

There, in the middle of Shigure's house, was Yuki in a frilly one piece amethyst-colored corset showing off all if his *ahem* well-toned areas. For once, finally, everyone was silent for a long while. Yuki was forced to crack one eye open when he wasn't sure if they were all still breathing or not.

"Oh. My. DAMN!!!" Haru exclaimed, grabbing a fistful of white and black hair.

"How lovely! It fits you perfectly!!!" shouted Ayame as he admired the fabric rather than his little brother within it.

Shigure took out a pen and paper and started to scratch something down, "Well, this one is going down in the books. 'Note to self: Buy Yuki lingerie for White Day.'"

"DO NOT get me lingerie Shigure!"

Hatori coughed something into his hand that sounded something like 'holy shit' and said, "Hm. Now I've seen everything."

"Wow Yuki! It really does match your eyes!" Momiji exclaimed.

Haru admired the lithe form. Every curve the girlish boy possessed was now accentuated about ten times more by the dirty piece of clothing than any of the dresses or outfits he had ever seen Yuki wear in his entire life. And the hind quarters, oh lets just say they were lovely.

Haru beamed at the German lad, "See? I told you it would."

Poor Tohru's cheeks turned crimson at the site, she turned around at a 180 degree angle and spewed out apologies, "I'm s-s-sorry Yuki! But I guess seeing you wear something l-like that isn't really appropriate…"

The statement made Yuki want to go and crawl into a dark and very very deep hole and never come out. What a rat thing to do, ne?

"But Tohru, didn't you ask to see what the gift was in the first place?" Momiji inquired.

"If it counts for anything little brother I absolutely adore my little creation on you," soothed Ayame, "I never dreamed of you wearing such a naughty thing, what a pleasant surprise! Ahaha!"

Shigure gave a nervous laugh as Yuki clenched his fists, "Ayaa, dear, I don't think your helping."

"And you," Yuki snapped his head over to a certain carrot-top and uttered through gritted teeth, "You haven't said anything yet. Anything you want to add? I dare you, cat. Just. Make. My. Night."

Kyo stayed quiet, just staring at the Ice Prince with an unnamable expression on his face. His eyes unglazed as he spoke with a tone that sounded like it was almost forced and dripping with desire, "Wow…"

The statement shocked Yuki into silence. Was that cat actually… FAWNING over him? It was official everyone! Hell had frozen over! Yuki didn't get to stay on his theory for long, because Kyo's whole face had turned an alarming shade of red and then eventually purple as his cheeks puffed out, seemingly trying to detach themselves from his head. Yuki faintly wondered if he should be concerned just as everyone else seemed to be but a rather loud, obnoxious burst of laughter came out of the feline Sohma and all thoughts of kindness were quickly dissuaded.

"Mind telling me what the hell is so funny?" Yuki grumbled, bawling his fists once more to strike any unneeded family attendee.

Kyo had to hold his stomach as his laughter grew in volume at the look on Yuki's face, "Pff-f-ff, aha, th-the l-l-look on yo-aha-your face! Priceless! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"You shouldn't be laughing Kyo. It's only going to piss him off more," Haru smacked the back of Kyo's head but it only seemed to encourage him.

"And th-that DRESS! BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Kyo said pointing to the corset, his laughter made him topple over.

Poor Kyo, how unfortunate he is -- even more so then our dear forced-cross-dressing rat friend, wasn't able to finish his fit before Yuki decidedly knocked him unconscious. But even in his sleep the cat did giggle like a senile old man.

"I told him so," stated Haru.

"Really! Is there any need for such violence?" Shigure whined, "Peace, my good fellow, peace!"

"Shut up before I knock you out," Yuki threatened, his head bowed in what looked like reverence but was most likely concealed embarrassment.

"Aw. Don't be so glum Yuki! It really does look terrific on you. Probably better than it would on a girl!" said the yellow haired Rabbit when he took him by the hand and gave it a squeeze. Great, how was that supposed to make him feel better?

Hatori stifled a laugh with another fake cough behind his hand as he approached the moody rodent.

"Well I think it's time to be going. I'm sure Yuki is sick of you all by now, I would be," Hatori commented, walking over to Yuki and put a reassuring hand on the small of his back, going a little lower than need be. What now?! Dr. House wannabe was getting a sick kick out of this too?!

"Aw, so soon?" Yes, get out.

"But I wanna stay and dress Yuki up some more!" Oh god no you evil little wretch!!

"We can all have a slumber party! I'LL GET THE S'MORES!!!" No! I Hate S'mores!!

"Gure, my love! I'll go with you!" Don't go ANYWHERE with him alone!

"He-- What!? Are we hosting a slumber party?!" Damnit, he woke up.

"No, we're leaving." Yes! Go Dr. House-Sohma Man!

"Oh, I love S'mores!" "Hey guys I don't think that's such a good idea--" YOU!! You got me into this mess, GET ME OUT NAOH!

BANG!!!

"Told you so…" Out. NAOH!

"No! My lava lamp! *snivel*" Why did everyone continue to ignore him?!?!?!?

Oh. Right. He wasn't really talking.

Yuki cleared his throat but before he could utter a word, or screech of annoyance, Haru cupped his cheek and adverted his attention to the lips on lips contact. Well… that was unexpected…

As figured, everyone redirected their train of thought on the two boys making out in the middle of the dining room. Gaping once again, at the fact that the rat and the ox were officially a 'thing' now. Not 'The Thing' but 'a thing' at least. Or maybe it was just the new 'Thing' but not really since everyone already knew it would come to this, but probably some kind of 'Thing' to him because he was blind to the obvious affection, and perhaps 'a Thing' of testament of some sort of truth that you could find blind-sighted love anywhere even in the weirdest 'things' and etcetera. But etceteras just came right back down to 'things' didn't they so there was no "and" necessary in that last sentence since 'things' and etceteras were the same thing? Wow, his brain hurt.

Hatori coughed for the umpteenth time that night and proceeded to usher everyone out the door, "Right. Leaving. Let's go."

With no choice Momiji and Ayame turned and waved goodbye to everyone, "Tell me how the outfit works out!"

Shigure beamed and waved retreat, "Yes, of course! I'll take tons of pictures!"

"In the car now!" Hatori yelled, temper wearing thin.

Haru finally let go of Yuki who was in need of some oxygen. He slung an arm around his hip lazily and watched everyone go.

Hatori turned around in a last minute thought, getting Haru's and Yuki's attention and said, "Oh yea. Almost forgot. What do mice like to eat?"

"Cheese," they said in unison and blinked a few times when a bright light had blinded their vision along with a click of a button.

Hatori waved the disposable camera he had obtained out of thin air in triumph, "Blackmail."

They didn't have a chance to protest before Hatori was in his car and driving a safe distance a way. Leaving behind a very infuriated mouse and a bemused cow. Shigure hooted and strode into his studies. Meanwhile, everyone else began to calm down from the night's mischievous activities.

"Hmph! That litte… Wait," Yuki said as he turned towards Haru, "Why didn't you go with them?"

Haru just bared his teeth to his older cousin and picked him up by the thighs so that he was forced to wrap his legs around his waste or fall. This agitated Kyo and the cat stormed out of the room. Tohru was left off in her own little rice ball filled world where cats and mice got along and cows could feel no bizarre emotions towards rats who had pretty purple eyes. Hater.

"Where do you think your going?" Yuki chastised as Haru started to make his way towards the stairs.

"Your bed," Haru said in a frisky tone, "I'm spending the night."

Shigure mumbled something about not breaking said bed and no one heard from them for the rest of the night.

Owari.

Almost…

"Well, Ayaa. I must say that went most splendidly!" Shigure said, a blue mittened hand pouring tear for his best friend, "Three lumps or two?"

"Two please," praised Ayame as he covered a giggle with a pink gloved hand, "Yes 'Gure-kun! Plan 'Make-Haru-Make-Yuki-Fall-In-Love-With-Him-By-Frilly-Purple-Corset-Attempt-529' complete success!"

"This one goes down in history!" Shigure exclaimed. He waved a miniscule spoon in the air to accentuate his point.

Ayame was forced to fix the panties that were riding up his private parts, "Or perhaps even Youtube!"

Shigure gasped and clanked the spoon down on the table… hard, "And to think, only one more try at it and it would have been… even!"

Ayame took a sip out of a plastic tea cup with smudged lipstick on it and uttered words of some kind of condolence to his BFF, "Now now, it was bound to happen sooner or later, 'Gure-kun."

"And Hatori said we were mad! Hahahaha!!" laughed the two friends as they wore pink and blue dresses sipping make-believe tea out of pretend teacups with their close friend Ted the Teddybear. Mine refused to come to work that day. Hmm… Odd.

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A/N: Wonderful isn't it? How after 528 tries you FINALLY get it right. XD So this has been done for a couple days now and I've just been way too lazy to put it up. Bother. No actually that's not true. I was just too lazy to write this note. But now I'm writing it so LE BAM! I can post :]

A few things. One, I just wanted to let you know, writing this story meant I got to procrastinate on my multi-chapter fics. But now that this is done and over with I can't continue to do that anymore. I'll have to find something else…. TWO! I refused to make this a multi-chapter. Yes I know it's long buuuut it's just too much work and not enough will-power. You readers are just going to have to suffer and break it up if you're that incapable! Three, well my friend and I were just browsing through FF, well the Furuba fandom in general, for a few days and we found hardly ANY good Haru/Yuki stories! *le gasp!* Which is why I wrote this. Aslfjkls… CONTRIBUTE PEOPLE! After much heated discussion and late night texting added with Facebook IM-ing we are deciding to open up a Haru x Yuki support group! *applause* Which… right now… consists of two people… But we won't let that deter us! Now not that I'm implying I dislike Kyo x Yuki, I'm rather fond of it, but this pairing isn't mentioned in the anime or manga for crying out loud. And I was shocked to see that it had NUMEROUS more stories and other works dedicated to it than to Haru x Yuki. Just sad! Step it up fan girls… and boys. Phew, I'm done ranting. Fourth and finale, I don't dislike Kyo nor Tohru. I promise, lmao. Or Shigure. I luff him the mostest, honestly! I just wanted to say this because I treat them all quite unfairly in my writing. Well, besides for Yuki but I mean to cause him shame and embarrassment… because quite frankly… it's really funny. Na! Na! Na! I love him too! He'll have awesome Haru secks tonight, I promise. So all debts are paid. Well it's late over here so I better be getting to bed. Time to say goodnight!

Yuki: Wait a minute!

: …. Eep?

Yuki: Tell them I am NOT an UKE!

: Come now! That would be an utter lie my rat transforming friend! And I… Do not lie.

Yuki: Pfft! Yes you do, you said it yourself.

: When.

Yuki: A/N, paragraph one, sentence five. You said what you wrote wasn't true which means you lied!

: Horrible. Putting words into my mouth. And they said you didn't live up to your devious nature! *wallows in a corner*

Yuki: Ha! Told you so-- Wait what?! I did not! Read it for yourself!

: Yuki-dearest, I should know what I wrote and I tell you I wrote no such thing! You must be mistaken. Tsk, tsk.

Yuki: Grrrr… Just tell them I don't bottom!

: =.= Mice do not "Grr", they squeak. Rather obnoxiously.

Yuki: Tell them!

: Really, haven't you ever met Old McDonald and his farm of animals? The mice there squeak.

Yuki: TELL THEM!!

: Fine, Mr. Pushy-Pants, I'll spill I'll spill. *ahem* Yuki Sohma is like a total bottom, or uke much more commonly preferred, and he will continue to be so in all of my stories about him, containing him, && especially ones with Hastuharu involved. ::Nudge Nudge Wink Wink:: -----------Perrrrrrrrverrrrrrrrt.

Yuki: Ty… Wait… That's not what I told you to say at all!

:Yuki, I suggest help with your coping process, readers I demand baskets of chocolate Momiji's for Easter.

Yuki: What coping process?!

: And IRL some more Haru on Yuki action would be nice!

Yuki: Are you listening to me??!!

: And if not, feedbacks good too.

Yuki: Tell her not to make me uke!

: And since this A/N is already a mile long like usual, I shall skiddadle! You too, Yuki.

Yuki: You do not have permission to leave until this issue is established properly!!!

:Heh. Heh. Heh. Xo CIOA!