Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.
A/N: This was for a Dare on the Jedi Council Forums. If you wish to know what the dare was, just ask. Thanks go to Trimaj for thinking of this dare, and putting my creativity to the test. :D
"Didn't I already tell the storm troopers that I didn't do anything?" The nurse glaring down at me at the moment, is really, really annoyed, let me tell you!
She just glares harder. "If you did not, then who did, young man?"
"I don't know!"
"Then, what happened?" She is really scary.
But the level of her scariness does not really concern me at the moment. She just asked the question that I have been waiting for! "I just came to see my nanna. Well, she's not really my nanna, she's my great-grandma, but she's the only family I've got. But that's not important, she seemed ok, but I don't know… she seemed a little bit bored. We sat in her room for a little while playing chess, but she wasn't enjoying it very much, so I suggested that we go for a walk. Nanna seemed to like that idea, so we walked through the gardens. They're really pretty, by the way! But there were a lot of nuts on the ground…
"After that, we went to the entertainment room. It was pretty good! There was a really big crowd in front of the holovision. They were watching the Super Bowl match and they all cheered when the Steelers scored. I would have stayed, but Nanna was wandering towards the dance area."
I glance at the nurse. She has this weird sort expression on her face. She is actually kind of pretty, when she is not glaring at me like I just came out of the refresher. She has blonde hair that is pulled up into her hat, and red lipstick covering her lips. Her face is really white, and she has blue stuff behind her eyes, which are green. My eyes are brown. Not a nice brown, just brown….
Suddenly, I realise that she is staring at me. "Uh. So we were watching them dance. Nanna had this weird look on her face, like she was about to burst into tears and scream and jump all at once. I looked to where she was staring, and had to stop my jaw from hitting the ground. There, on the stage, was Johnny Cash. He had just finished a song, and was telling us all what the next song would be, and who he'd be singing it with. I glanced at Nanna, but she was gone. She was dancing on the dance floor, with everyone else, as Frank Sinatra and Johnny Cash, two of my Nanna's favourite singers, sang Night and Day, which is, one of her favourite songs! My Nanna's a riot sometimes.
"Anyway, they finished the song, then some stringed instruments came on, along with a heap of other instruments that are usually in orchestras, and they started play Rhapsody in Blue, by Gershwin. That's my favourite song! It always has been! It ends in such a lovely cadence. But then it seemed to move into a karaoke type thing going on. It was weird. This random old man who my Nanna had been talking to, got up on the stage and sang We Did It Before, We Can Do It Again which was written during the wars. I wasn't even born then! But all of the audience seemed to enjoy it, so who am I to judge? After that, they just started playing songs at random, and organised a game of Musical Statues. That's a really good game, where you have to dance, but when the music stops, you have to become a statue!" I laugh, and the nurse almost smiles. Almost being the operative word in that sentence. The corner of her mouth lifted ever so minutely.
That will be my mission from now on, to make her smile at me, at least once before this is all over. The only way to do that, is to go on with my story. "So, we stayed there for a while, until Nanna got bored again. So we went on to the story corner, where there are quite a few rooms all with a different book being read. But we got there late, so they were all in the middle of their books. We walked past the first one, and the man reading the book said, 'And so the world spins ever onward, leaving everyone dizzy beyond belief while the wizard throws gumdrops at the sun.'
"It sounded almost like Shakespeare, but I don't think he had gumdrops back when he was alive…." I glance back up at the nurse. She has that ogre type look again. "So, we sort of walked to the next room and they were reading Charlotte's Web. I read that when I was eight, and that was two years ago! These people are much more sophisticated than that! I mean, they would probably rather Beowulf. That was a good holomovie! I loved it!" She is glaring at me again, and now she has her hands folded across her chest. I have to admit, she is kinda scary….
"Then we went to the last room. It was ok, but they were reading Twilight. I hate those books. They're horrible! I mean, what does being sexy have to do with anything? Seriously?"
"Young man, do you even know what sexy means?"
"Uh, no? And I have a name, you know!"
"Indeed? What is your name then?"
"My name's Bob." She just rolls her eyes, and glares at me more. It is not my fault that I have an overly simple name that people use in the stead of their real names! Why is it that people do not believe me when I tell them my name? Uh-oh, she is starting to tap her foot. That has to be a bad thing.
"Um. Where was I?"
"You had just finished telling me that the third reading room was reading Twilight." She sounds a little bit frustrated. I wonder why.
"Ooh! Right!" Ok, right now I am wondering if that even happened. Nothing left to do but humour her. "Well, we kept going and eventually we came out at what I think was a recreation room. There were a lot of people doing arts and craft. We stayed there for ages. Nanna and I made jewellery boxes out of paddle pop sticks, then she taught me how to knit… again. Then she taught me how to crochet… again. After that we did some painting. Mine wasn't very good. See?" Yes, I am showing the nurse my painting. It is one thing that I can definitely say we did do.
"After that, we sort of kept walking. I say sort of, because Nanna kept stopping to talk to everyone she knew. Let me tell you, she knows a lot of people. It took us ages to finally get to the cafeteria."
"And so we come, to the scene of the crime. Who was there, out of those still here, when you first walked in?"
I have been dreading this bit. This is the pit where I have to dob on everyone else who was there. It is pretty scary, because they are all bigger than me, and some of them have blasters. "Well, there was Nanna and I, obviously. Then there was the volunteer at the serving bench. He wasn't very nice. Three kids were there. I think they were about my age. They looked really confused, like they were looking for someone. I went over and asked them if they were ok, but I don't think they heard me.
"There was a holovision in the corner of the cafeteria, which I thought was odd. There were a lot of big kids around it, watching The Hulk. I don't know who they were, or how many of them there were. Sorry. But there was a man there that called himself Han Solo. He looked like a shady character…. I've always wanted to say that!" I can tell she does not like my of-topic comments.
"Han Solo happens to be my boyfriend!"
Uh-oh. That probably was not the best thing to say. "Sorry, I was only joking. It's just something I've always wanted to say!" Please do not kill me!
"Who else was there?"
"Well, there were a lot of the residents, and an interesting lack of nurses. I thought that was odd. But that's when it happened."
"The reason we're all here, of course! The food fight. It started, because Nanna was talking to a man about those things that old people talk about, but the old man must have misheard what Nanna said. He asked her, in a really loud voice, 'I'm sorry, did you say "food fight"?' Next thing I know, all the big kids around the holovision yell, 'FOOD FIGHT!' and that was the end of anything resembling organisation.
"I personally crawled under a table, to ride it out, but Nanna got really involved. She was throwing mashed bantha steak pudding at everyone! It was kind of funny, at the time. But she got covered with lots of food, too, which wasn't as funny. Like I said before, there were no nurses, so there was no one there to contain everything."
She is looking at me strange. "Do you know why there were no nurses, or where they were?"
I try my best to smile at her, but she replies with a grimly determined look. "Well, I didn't at the time, but now I know that it was because of a stunt show that was going on down in the yard. There were people on speeder bikes who had to jump through rings of all sorts of stuff, and one was of fire. Apparently, and I think this is the best bit, one of the riders had a Catherine Wheel on his bike, and it caught on fire, which made his bike explode. He was lucky, though, because there was a net beneath him and no one was hurt."
"Yes, that is what happened. If you weren't there, then who told you what happened?" I can tell that she is starting to soften up on me.
"It was Han Solo, Ma'am."
As soon as those words are out of my mouth, Han walks in. He is a nice fellow, but I do not know, there is something about him. Anyway, he walks in, waltzes straight up to the nurse in front of me, and says, "Hey there, snookums, how's it going?"
I just grin, and the nurse, Snookums, sighs. "I'm just asking Bob here a few questions about what happened and his involvement in it."
Han looks at me, but it looks like he is having trouble seeing. "Bob? Good kid. Why are you interrogating him?"
Snookums looks horrified. "I am not interrogating him! I am just asking him a few questions, so that we know exactly what happened. Is that ok with you?"
Han seemed to think about it for a little while. "Sure. Where are we up to?"
I decided to break in here, because it looked as though they were about to do adult stuff. "I was just about to tell her about how the storm troopers showed up because of the explosion. Of course, they didn't know where it was, so they ended up at the cafeteria. They started rounding everyone up into the corner, and they were bullying Nanna. So I stood up to the one who had golden stuff on his shoulders. That's when Han came to the cafeteria."
"Oh yeah, that was good." Snookums just looked at him, so he gestured for me to go on.
"He comes in, dancing away. I think he might have been a little bit drunk, and he says, 'What the monkey was that vodka doing with the clouds?' It was hilarious! I mean, it really truly was! But the troopers didn't think so, so they started shooting at him, but he shot them all down! It was really cool! Han was going pew pew pew! And the troopers were going 'Argh!'" At this point I fall down to copy them. "One of them said something. What was it? Oh yeah! 'A pox o' your throat, you bawling, blasphemous, incharitable dog!' But his helmet made him garble his words, so it was really hard to understand!
"After that he told me about the explosion so we all went there. It was pretty scary. There was a big fire, and we all had to be evacuated. That was interesting. I got to meet all these new people. Some were fun to talk to, but some weren't. There was a nice old man who kept giving me minties. I love minties." I grin up at both of them. Han grins back, but Snookums does not. But her mouth quirks to almost smiling. I am so close to fulfilling my mission right now! I cannot wait to see her smile. I am sure she will be beautiful.
"There was also a man there who said that he fought in the war. He told me a story about Anakin Skywalker, and how he was a great pilot, a great warrior, but an even greater friend. I'd like a friend like him." I smile again, but this time, neither of them smile back. I must have taken a step back, then. I will have to turn on the cuteness. I am so glad that I have the skill of versatility. It makes things easier a lot of the time.
"What happened?" Snookums asks. She really is not any fun at all. She just wants to know what happened. I am telling her what happened.
"Well, we watched more storm troopers come and clean up the mess. Then, someone suggested that they clean up the mess in the cafeteria. So they did that, too. Until they noticed Han. Then they started shooting again. This time, it wasn't funny. It was scary. Han didn't shoot them as good as he had the other ones. So they kept shooting him. Then they started shooting everyone. But no one was hurt. It was weird. Nanna was almost shot, but they missed her because she started coughing up fleghm. We had to call an ambulance, because she wouldn't stop.
"The storm troopers took her away. But I couldn't go with her. Please. Is my nanna ok?"
She smiles. It is a sad smile, but at least Snookums does know how to smile. "We're not sure if your nanna is going to be ok, but she's getting the best care around."
I smile, and say, "Well, so long as she has the best chance of being ok." It is at this point, that someone yells out food fight, again. You can probably imagine what happens next. Han gets even more drunk then he was before. Mashed bantha steak pudding is thrown everywhere, and I crawl under the table again. The storm troopers get involved again, and start shooting everyone again. Fortunately, the nurses are here this time. But Snookums got even more grumpy.
Edited on 12/4/09: Dare no longer included.