I can hear Sasori coming towards me. We have no missions, and I haven't done anything to annoy him lately, so that means he's after one thing. I feel his hand touch my shoulder and glide down my torso, brushing against my thigh before running back up to my shoulder and flipping me onto my back. I stare blankly at the smirk on his face. I know that look. He wants me. Now.
He leans in and crashes his lips against my own, as if fearful I'll protest if he doesn't do this quickly enough. He'd needn't have worried; any protests I may have had died a long time ago.
His tongue invades my mouth and I weakly push against it, knowing how much he likes control in these situations. I feel him push against me and growl into the kiss; apparently I'm pushing to hard. I stop my movements and let him take over; it's not like I was focusing on this too much anyway.
He pulls away to give us air, before giving me another bruising kiss. I kiss back with false enthusiasm; if he can tell I'm not into this, he either doesn't say anything or doesn't care. More than likely he hasn't even noticed.
I feel him pin one of my arms down near my head as he pulls away from my mouth. He starts kissing down my neck, nipping and licking at my tender flesh, and I began to wonder when this started. I have no idea, just like I don't know when I stopped enjoying this. "At least I've never hated it."
It's true; I've never felt the need to protest when Sasori comes for my body, and probably never will. It's not because it'll put danna in a bad mood (although it will) or because I lust for him (although I do). It's simply because this is the easiest way for me to understand our relationship. When we're like this, it becomes blatantly clear that danna is the puppeteer, and I am his puppet.
Sasori grabs the bottom of my fishnet shirt, and my arms automatically rise above my head, making it easier to remove the clothing from my body. He starts kissing my skin as he slides the shirt off, and it takes all my willpower not to moan at the sensation. "Calm down. Puppets don't moan."
I lay limp on the bed as he strips off his own shirt, running his hands up my sides once he's free of it. He leans down and kisses me again, and I weakly kiss back. "Hurry up and finish, danna."
He reaches down and slips my pants and boxers off, moving so carefully that I don't even notice until they're down to my knees. My hands reach up, fumbling to undo his pants. I'm too distracted to focus on undoing them, so if he mistakes my lack of attention for eagerness, it's fine with me.
He sticks three fingers in my face, and I open my mouth without another thought. "Remember," I think as I wrap my tongue around his fingers, "puppets do as their masters instruct." I opened my mouth and let Sasori take his fingers out, sliding them down my body and making me shiver. I could have kicked myself. "Puppets don't shiver."
He poked in two fingers, making my body jerk. I was gritting my teeth to bite back the moans threatening to escape my throat by now. He looked down and smirked as the fingers stretched me, before a third finger entered me. Sasori held his hand still, waiting.
Hold on…Sasori was waiting?
I fidgeted and he quickly extracted his fingers, replacing them with his cock. I didn't have time to prepare myself before he harshly thrust in, making me cry out. I shut my eyes to avoid the glare he'd surely give me for my noise. "Puppets don't scream, you idiot."
It slowly dawned on me that he was waiting again. Why the hell was he waiting? He never waited. He had a routine that never deviated. His fingers go in, stay for about five seconds, slide out, cock goes in, holds still for another five seconds, and then he starts pounding into me with no restraint. In short; Sasori does not wait.
I didn't voice my question; I simply squirmed beneath him, letting him know that he should move. He slid out and thrust back in hard, making me grunt. Our routine was back in order, and minutes later I came on our stomachs. I didn't bother scolding myself for it; I had figured out a long time ago that I had little control over that when Sasori fucked me. He'd just have to deal with it.
His breathing evened out, as did mine, and he climbed off of me, heading for the shower. I'd bathe in the morning; right now, I was too worn out to care about cleaning myself off.
I crawled under the blankets and returned to the position I'd been in before Sasori came after me; lying on my side, facing the wall, back to the door and Sasori's bed. I slid one hand under the pillow beneath my head while the other rested on top of the blanket. My eyes traveled to the corner of the room, looking at a lone puppet.
It had been one of danna's better works, and he liked to use it in battle. But in the last fight, the thing had been badly damaged, and Sasori had pronounced it beyond repair. It lay in the corner, waiting for my danna to rip it apart and salvage usable parts for it. Something that he'd valued so much was now to be thrown out with the rest of the garbage because he no longer had a use for it.
"I wonder what will happen to me when he's sick of me." I never asked if, always when, because I knew Sasori would tire of me. He was eternal, I was not. End of explanation.
My body began to shake, and I cursed myself, rolling over onto my stomach and shoving both arms under the pillow my face was buried in. "Stop it! Puppets don't tremble." I heard Sasori exit from the bathroom, and tried to halt my shaking. If he thought something was wrong with me, he'd get angry, and I wanted to try and avoid that no matter what.
He stopped moving, and I waited to hear his footsteps carry him to his bed. To my shock, they walked over to my bed, and stopped along the side of it. A second later, a hand touched the small of my back, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I tensed my back, in hopes that I could stop the shaking. Great, now I was shaking and my muscles hurt.
Sasori's hand began moving in gentle circles, confusing me. I didn't look up, and didn't question his movements. I heard his voice and realized he was talking to me, but I didn't listen.
Suddenly his voice and hand stopped. I slowly realized he hadn't been talking, he'd been asking me a question. I couldn't answer him, since I had absolutely no idea what he'd been saying, so I just stayed still, praying he'd just go to bed and leave me alone.
He repeated the question, but I still couldn't hear his words clearly. His hand applied pressure to my back, and still I refused to respond. I felt the mattress sag, and realized with a shock that Sasori was lying down beside me. "Danna?"
He slipped under the covers and grabbed my shoulder, forcing me to roll over and face him. My eyes couldn't meet his, not even when he grabbed my chin and yanked it to face him. He began to speak again, and since my ears obviously weren't going to work, I settled for watching his mouth and lip reading.
He was asking me if I was ok, why I was being so silent…my eyes drifted away now and again. There was no point in paying attention to his questions if I had no intention of answering, right?
My eyes drifted back, watching him speak again-his mouth formed three words that made me jump. Sasori stopped talking for a moment. He'd noticed my reaction. I wanted him to say it again, just so I could be sure my eyes hadn't played tricks again. He seemed to realize this and repeated those three words. I love you.
And now we had a problem.
Sasori was not supposed to say that. My shaking grew worse and my arms shot forward, shoving him away as I sat up and scrambled to the other side of the bed. He sat up and stared, clearly shocked by my reaction. Could you blame him? Puppets don't shove away their masters.
He slowly extended a hand. As soon as it touched my arm I recoiled, as if it were acid. His arm came toward me again and I pulled away before he even grazed my skin. I knew danna was pissed now; I expected to get slapped or yelled at, or more than likely a combination of the both.
What I didn't expect was to be tackled by Sasori, sending us both to the floor.
My body immediately betrayed me, struggling against Sasori's arms to break free. Only my lips remained in my control; not a sound had escaped from them yet.
I pulled and squirmed, legs kicking as I tried to break free of my danna's iron grip. Meanwhile, my mind was trying to regain control. "Stop it! PUPPETS DO NOT FIGHT AGAINST THEIR MASTERS!" This one thought coursed through my body, and soon I went limp in Sasori's arms, gaze averted, eyes glassy, face as stoic as Itachi's.
Sasori was panting; obviously I'd been putting up more of I fight than I'd realized. I could feel his eyes on my body even if I couldn't see them. He sat up, pulling me with him. I wasn't aware of what he was doing until I heard the steady thumping of Sasori's heart in my ear. Sasori danna was holding me on his lap.
Sasori never, EVER holds me.
I looked up and saw Sasori danna staring at the wall, deep in thought. I lay my head in the crook of his neck, not sure what to do. He hesitantly began stroking my hair, still trying to figure out what to do. It seemed like we were going to sit there for all eternity, when he suddenly placed a finger under my chin and tilted my head up. He was speaking again.
Something about being confused, and worried about me, and how he was scared because he loved me-
At those words my body moved of its own accord, and I felt myself shake my head.
The next words froze on his lips, and he asked me if I really felt like that. My lips remained silent, but my head began moving up and down, nodding.
He began to shake and tightly gripped my arm. The words were flying out so quickly I barely had time to register what he was saying. How can you think like that what makes you think I don't care about you if that's true why don't you stop me why don't you say anything-
Because I'm your puppet.
He stares at me, eyes wide, and I vow that if I survive the night I'm going to find a knife and chop off my treacherous tongue. Little traitor.
Apparently my ears have decided to become my ally once more, because I suddenly hear danna's voice. "Do you really think that?" I refuse to look at him, because I'm not sure what he'll see in my eyes right now. "Oh Dei…"
A sickening feeling develops in my stomach, and I want to push Sasori away. But I don't. I stay there, limp like a rag doll, as danna picks me up and carries me to a bed; I can't tell if it's his or mine. I'm tucked under the blankets, wrapped in the warmth of Sasori. I try to ignore him and go to sleep, praying that I'll miraculously die before sunrise. "Deidara, you're not my puppet. And I don't want you to be."
…Ok, Sasori danna now had my attention.
"If I wanted a puppet, I'd go play with one of the ones I already have. I wanted you because you're not just some puppet." His hand caresses my cheek, and I see a rare tenderness in his eyes. He keeps talking, telling me why he loves me, but my mind is hard at work trying to figure this whole mess out.
Sasori couldn't love me. I was just another plaything. He thought he loved me, but eventually he'd get tired of me and realize it was a mistake.
But the way he was holding me, and how he talked…
Done purely on an impulse.
Danna isn't impulsive.
There's a first time for everything.
Sasori gently kissed my forehead, breaking my train of thought. I looked up at him, a blank look on my face. It's true, Sasori didn't love. But maybe…
I was an exception.
For the first time, I allowed that possibility to enter my mind. My body was shaking again, and my vision went blurry. I couldn't help but think, "Puppets don't cry."
That did it.
The next second I was sobbing (not crying, sobbing) in Sasori's arms, face pressed into his shoulder as tears streamed down my face. Sasori didn't bother to tell me to hush; I think he knew how futile that demand was.
It seemed like ages before I finally got my body back under control, and there were only a few stray tears running down my cheeks. Sasori gently brushed them away, kissing me as he did so. I sniffed and thought about how I must look right about now. "Like a complete wreck." I smirked and looked up at the thought.
As if he could read my mind, he whispered, "You're beautiful, Dei-chan." Sasori gently kissed my eyes, my cheeks, and finally my mouth. I couldn't control my lips, and they curled up into a small smile.
Exhaustion swept over me, and my number one priority was now sleep. I nuzzled my face into Sasori's neck, smiling wider as his arms pulled me closer. My own arms snaked their way around his torso, and when we finally stopped moving there wasn't an inch of space between us.
Sasori's fingers reached up and buried themselves in my hair. He gently ran the digits through my locks, and I wondered how long he'd wanted to do this.
I wanted to open my mouth and say something, but I realized how pointless that would be. The way we were holding each other, how he was playing with my hair, and how gently I pressed my lips to his cheek…
Puppets don't love. Yeah Right.