Summary. . . . . . . . A botched hunt results in harsh words, but is everything as it seems?
Disclaimer. . . . . . . There once were two boys called Sam and Dean
Who chased after monsters that were vicious and mean
I tried to obtain them
But Kripkie lay claim to 'em
And left me with nothing but a dream!
A.N. . . . . . . . . Hey! Yeah it's me, The Pea! I'm so sorry that you haven't heard that much from me recently but extra long hours at work, because of a major reno, have taken up all of my time. To make up for my lack of updates, and replies to all the amazing reviews, I decided to add another chapter to Words. I had a request for a Dean POV so here it is. Thanks to everyone for sticking with me, I hope that you all enjoy it, and I promise now that all the hoopla is over and done with, I'll get back to normal. Catch you soon, Peanut x
A thick cloying blackness surrounded him, desperately trying to drag his battered, aching, tired body down into it's murky depths no matter how hard he tried to escape it's clutches. He wanted to let go, to surrender to the blissful pain free unconsciousness, yet something was holding him back. A voice. A voice that was barking out orders. Were they for him? Was he to respond? He forced his senses to open further, straining his mind in an attempt to make sense of the confusing sounds, wanting to process the jumbled litany of words into sentences he could understand; his wounds though were severe, the blood he had lost weakening him, his head injury wreaking havoc with him, allowing him to only catch brief snippets of what was being said.
"God damn it. . . . . . . . .make yourself useful. . . . . . . . .do something right. . . . . . . . . . . . .brother. . . . . . . . . . .pain." He fought even harder to awaken as he heard the words brother and pain, his mind processing those words and coming up with a multitude of scenarios that all involved Sammy being hurt, his inner big brother protectiveness kicking in full force, willing him to wake and make sure Sam was okay; that willingness faltering as he was dropped onto something soft, jostling his wounds and sending him further into the folds of darkness, the harsh voice of his father the last thing he remembered.
He clambered through the thick layers of consciousness, clawing at them as he frantically tried to drag his weary mind back to the here and now, a deep seated nagging eating away at him. Something was wrong. Something had aroused him, something that had captured his attention even in the deepest recesses of his mind. He succeeded in breaking free of the last vestiges the darkness had hold of him with, as muffled shouts and sounds drew his attention away. He struggled to open his eyes as the sounds got louder, the atmosphere around him changing from calm to panicked as the sounds gathered in strength and he felt someone enter the room with him. Finally achieving his goal, he waited for the room to stop spinning, for the blurry shapes to form, before turning his attention to the figure bent over the rooms only other bed, and the deathly still form that lay upon it.
"Dad? What happened? Where's Sam?" He groggily asked.
"Nothing Dean, you just go back to sleep, get some rest." He heard his father reply, the inner big brother churning with untold fears and growing in strength, as he heard the underlining fear his father had tried unsuccessfully to hide. Pushing aside his own aches, Dean started to rise swaying alarmingly as he did so, causing his father to look his way and speak words that sparked even more fears to pop up in Dean's mind.
"Dean, stay there! I can't afford you both to be passing out from blood loss."
"Blood loss! What the hell happened? Why's Sam bleeding?" He haltingly asked, not hearing his fathers response as he took in Sam's sickly pallor and sweat soaked face. He gasped loudly as their father finally removed the last of Sam's shirts and the wound that Sam had obviously tried to hide revealed itself. A sickness rose from his stomach as he took in the vivid, ugly gash that rent it's way up Sam's side. He struggled to prevent a return of the blackness as he took in the claw that protruded from his baby brothers body. Pushing back the sickness, and his fears Dean wordless began to move; his own wounds forgotten as he helped his father in tending to Sam, all the while wondering if they should have just packed Sam into the car and retreated to the nearest hospital.
He fought with his father once they had finished, his own Winchester stubborn streak settling in, forcing the older man into submission as he refused to back down, refused to leave Sam's side; settling himself as comfortably as possible next to his brother on the too small bed, needing the closeness, to feel Sam's chest rise, to feel his soft breaths against his skin, before he would relax and succumb to the fatigue that wanted to consume him.
He woke groggily every few hours or so, as his father forced pills into his hand; his eyes seeking out his sibling every time, hoping that maybe this time his brother's eyes would finally open, and he would be able to apologize for the hurt he had caused Sam, worry and regret replacing the hope each time though as Sam continued to sleep on. Pink hues filtered through the threadbare curtains, signaling to Dean that the day was almost over as he awoke on his own for the first time, more alive and with it then he had been previously, automatically seeking out his sibling once again, his heart aching that little bit more as he witnessed once again the closed eyes of his brother. He carefully, with his Dad's help, began to maneuver his way from under Sam's comforting weight; the fears that had been ever present since he had learned of Sam's injury returning as he took in his still and silent sibling. He turned fearful eyes his fathers way as he accepted the glass of water that was pressed into his hands, no words spoken to begin with, none needed to be as they communicated their concerns through looks alone, only after he had gratefully accepted the water that was pressed into his hands, gulping down the cool liquid rapidly to ease his parched throat, did Dean finally speak.
"Has he woken at all yet." Dean asked, yet already knowing the answer, there was after all no way Sam would have woken without his knowledge, at getting his fears answered he asked. "Do you think we should take him to the hospital?"
"You know we can't do that Dean. What about child services?"
"I know, but he's been asleep so long, what if he's. . . . . . . ."
"He'll be fine Dean." John replied to Dean's unspoken words. "His body is just mending itself. He'll wake up when he's ready." His heart broke as he listened to Dean's next whispered words, the mumbling barely audible.
"I just want to tell him I'm sorry."
"Me too son, me too." Dean turned away from his fathers gaze then, not wanting the older man to see the tears that threatened to fall from his stinging eyes. He coughed to clear his throat before slowly clambering to his feet. "I'm gonna take a shower." Not expecting an answer he continued on towards the bathroom, accepting the plastic bag that was thrust his way.
Striped bare, the bag taped securely in place, he turned on the water and waited for it to heat up, his gaze wandering towards the mottled glass of the small mirror where his own guilt filled features stared harshly back at him. He shook his head to clear away all the negative thoughts, turning his gaze back towards the shower and the steam that now billowed out from behind the curtain. Stepping into the tub he leaned his hands against the cool tiles, allowing his head to drop to his chest, the hot spray easing the knots that had congregated in his shoulders, his thoughts drifting back to the previous nights hunt, to his Dad and brother arguing, to the vicious words he himself had shot at his brother, the fight one too many for him to take. He closed his eyes, as he remembered the hurt that shone from his brothers gaze as he spoke the words, but it was no use Sam's doe like blue greens still attacked him, cutting deep into his heart. How could he have done what he did? How could he have turned against Sam like that? As he allowed the tears to mingle with the water that ran down his face, Dean could only hope that somehow he could get Sam to forgive him.
He toweled carefully, all too aware of the pain that would ignite if he caught any of his wounds. He paused as he thought he heard voices coming from the other room, his heart soaring as Sam's tired and groggy voice made it's way through the thin walls, making his toweling off all the more hurried as he rushed to see his sibling awake. He stopped on the threshold between the two rooms as he listened to his Dad's words, thankful that for once his father had put aside his stoic front and given Sam what he needed; he wanted so desperately to rush over and add his own apology, after hearing his fathers, stopping only as he watched Sam's eyes drift tiredly closed, and heard his siblings whispered out question. "Is D'n 'kay?"
Dean stood rooted to the spot, his eyes brimming with tears. He couldn't believe it, how could Sam even think about him after he had treated his brother so badly? He had to put things right. None of this was Sam's fault, and he had to somehow let him know. He managed to move his leaden feet, forcing them to walk him over to the bed. Sitting down on the opposite side to his father, he took Sam's lax hand in his own and started to gently stroke the back. "I'm so sorry Sam." He whispered, thankful that their Dad rose and made an excuse to leave allowing him the time to apologize in private. "I didn't mean the things I said, I just got tired of all the fighting and bickering, but I shouldn't have said what I said, or hurt you that way. You didn't deserve that." Dean stiffened slightly as he felt, sensed, Sam awaken once more although his brother's eyes remained closed, knowing that he needed to finish though he added. "I hurt you Sam with what I said, I could see it in your eyes but I walked away from you. I shouldn't have done that. I should have made things right there and then, if I had maybe all this wouldn't have happened. God, I could have lost you Sam. I could have lost you and you would have gone thinking I hated you." He rubbed at the tears that spilled from Sam's eyes, and choked back a sob of his own as he added. "I love you Sammy, always remember that."
Brushing errant brown strands from Sam's still too warm forehead, his hand moved to cup Sam's cheek resting there for a while before moving to his shoulder, clasping it reassuringly, Dean spoke once again. "Go back to sleep Sam, we'll talk more later." He knew that they probably wouldn't, that once Sam was well enough they would no doubt move on straight away, the whole incident pushed aside in the haste to reach the next hunt, but Dean knew it was what Sam needed to hear. As he rose to get dressed he stilled as Sam's hand grasped his, his brother's tired voice barely a whisper as he spoke. "I love you too Dean. . . . . . . . . It's okay. . . . . . . .I'm okay. . . . . . . . . We're okay." He watched as Sam, turned as best he could so that he rested facing Dean's bed, watched as Sam's hand dropped to the sheets, his breathing evening out, sleep consuming him once again, and he knew Sam was right, they would be okay. They may fight, disagree, argue even, but they would always find a way to get back the bond that grew strong between them.
A.N. . . . . . . . . . Thanks again for reading, I hope that you enjoyed the little add on. For those of you reading Hidden, I will be back soon with an update. Peanut x